"Setebos! Setebos! and Setebos!
Thinketh he liveth in the cold of the moon."
"He"s just come in from dinner," said d.i.c.k Four, looking through the window. "Manders minor is with him."
""Safest place for Manders minor just now," said Beetle.
"Then you chaps had better clear out," said Stalky politely to the visitors. ""Tisn"t fair to mix you up in a study row. Besides, we can"t afford to have evidence."
"Are you going to begin at once?" said Aladdin.
"Immediately, if not sooner," said Stalky, and turned out the gas.
"Strong, perseverin" man--King. Make him cry "Capivi." G"way, Binjimin."
The company retreated to their own neat and s.p.a.cious study with expectant souls.
"When Stalky blows out his nostrils like a horse," said Aladdin to the Emperor of China, "he"s on the war-path. "Wonder what King will get."
"Beans," said the Emperor. "Number Five generally pays in full."
"Wonder if I ought to take any notice of it officially," said Abanazar, who had just remembered he was a prefect.
"It"s none of your business, p.u.s.s.y. Besides, if you did, we"d have them hostile to us; and we shouldn"t be able to do any work," said Aladdin.
"They"ve begun already."
Now that West-African war-drum had been made to signal across estuaries and deltas. Number Five was forbidden to wake the engine within earshot of the school. But a deep, devastating drone filled the pa.s.sages as McTurk and Beetle scientifically rubbed its top. Anon it changed to the blare of trumpets--of savage pursuing trumpets. Then, as McTurk slapped one side, smooth with the blood of ancient sacrifice, the roar broke into short coughing howls such as the wounded gorilla throws in his native forest. These were followed by the wrath of King--three steps at a time, up the staircase, with a dry whir of the gown. Aladdin and company, listening, squeaked with excitement as the door crashed open.
King stumbled into the darkness, and cursed those performers by the G.o.ds of Balliol and quiet repose.
"Turned out for a week," said Aladdin, holding the study door on the crack. "Key to be brought down to his study in five minutes. "Brutes!
Barbarians! Savages! Children!" He"s rather agitated. "Arrah, Patsy, mind the baby,"" he sang in a whisper as he clung to the door-k.n.o.b, dancing a noiseless war-dance.
King went down-stairs again, and Beetle and McTurk lit the gas to confer with Stalky. But Stalky had vanished.
"Looks like no end of a mess," said Beetle, collecting his books and mathematical instrument case. "A week in the form-rooms isn"t any advantage to us."
"Yes, but don"t you see that Stalky isn"t here, you owl!" said McTurk.
"Take down the key, and look sorrowful. King"ll only jaw you for half an hour. I"m going to read in the lower form-room."
"But it"s always me," mourned Beetle.
"Wait till we see," said McTurk, hopefully. "I don"t know any more than you do what Stalky means, but it"s something. Go down and draw King"s fire. You"re used to it."
No sooner had the key turned in the door than the lid of the coal-box, which was also the window-seat, lifted cautiously. It had been a tight fit, even for the lithe Stalky, his head between his knees, and his stomach under his right ear. From a drawer in the table he took a well-worn catapult, a handful of buckshot, and a duplicate key of the study; noiselessly he raised the window and kneeled by it, his face turned to the road, the wind-sloped trees, the dark levels of the Burrows, and the white line of breakers falling nine-deep along the Pebbleridge. Far down the steep-banked Devonshire lane he heard the husky hoot of the carrier"s horn. There was a ghost of melody in it, as it might have been the wind in a gin-bottle essaying to sing, "It"s a way we have in the Army."
Stalky smiled a tight-lipped smile, and at extreme range opened fire: the old horse half wheeled in the shafts.
"Where he gwaine tu?" hiccoughed Rabbits-Eggs. Another buckshot tore through the rotten canvas tilt with a vicious zipp.
"_Habet_!" murmured Stalky, as Rabbits-Eggs swore into the patient night, protesting that he saw the "dommed colleger" who was a.s.saulting him.
"And so," King was saying in a high head voice to Beetle, whom he had kept to play with before Manders minor, well knowing that it hurts a Fifth-form boy to be held up to a f.a.g"s derision, "and so, Master Beetle, in spite of all our verses, which we are so proud of, when we presume to come into direct conflict with even so humble a representative of authority as myself, for instance, we are turned out of our studies, are we not?"
"Yes, sir," said Beetle, with a sheepish grin on his lips and murder in his heart. Hope had nearly left him, but he clung to a well-established faith that never was Stalky so dangerous as when he was invisible.
"You are _not_ required to criticise, thank you. Turned out of our studies, we are, just as if we were no better than little Manders minor.
Only inky schoolboys we are, and must be treated as such."
Beetle p.r.i.c.ked up his ears, for Rabbits-Eggs was swearing savagely on the road, and some of the language entered at the upper sash. King believed in ventilation. He strode to the window gowned and majestic, very visible in the gaslight.
"I zee "un! I zee "un!" roared Rabbits-Eggs, now that he had found a visible foe--another shot from the darkness above. "Yiss, yeou, yeou long-nosed, fower-eyed, gingy-whiskered beggar! Yeu"m tu old for such goin"s on. Aie! Poultice yeour nose, I tall "ee! Poultice yeour long nose!"
Beetle"s heart leaped up within him. Somewhere, somehow, he knew, Stalky moved behind these manifestations. There were hope and the prospect of revenge. He would embody the suggestion about the nose in deathless verse. King threw up the window, and sternly rebuked Rabbits-Eggs. But the carrier was beyond fear or fawning. He had descended from the cart, and was stooping by the roadside.
It all fell swiftly as a dream. Manders minor raised his hand to his head with a cry, as a jagged flint cannoned on to some rich tree-calf bindings in the book-shelf. Another quoited along the writing-table.
Beetle made zealous feint to stop it, and in that endeavor overturned a student"s lamp, which dripped, _via_ King"s papers and some choice books, greasily on to a Persian rug. There was much broken gla.s.s on the window-seat; the china basket--McTurk"s aversion--cracked to flinders, had dropped her musk plant and its earth over the red rep cushions; Manders minor was bleeding profusely from a cut on the cheek-bone; and King, using strange words, every one of which Beetle treasured, ran forth to find the school-sergeant, that Rabbits-Eggs might be instantly cast into jail.
"Poor chap!" said Beetle, with a false, feigned sympathy. "Let it bleed a little. That"ll prevent apoplexy," and he held the blind head skilfully over the table, and the papers on the table, as he guided the howling Manders to the door.
Then did Beetle, alone with the wreckage, return good for evil. How, in that office, a complete set of "Gibbon" was scarred all along the back as by a flint; how so much black and copying ink came to be mingled with Manders"s gore on the table-cloth; why the big gum-bottle, unstoppered, had rolled semicircularly across the floor; and in what manner the white china door-k.n.o.b grew to be painted with yet more of Manders"s young blood, were matters which Beetle did not explain when the rabid King returned to find him standing politely over the reeking hearth-rug.
"You never told me to go, sir," he said, with the air of Casabianca, and King consigned him to the outer darkness.
But it was to a boot-cupboard under the staircase on the ground floor that he hastened, to loose the mirth that was destroying him. He had not drawn breath for a first whoop of triumph when two hands choked him dumb.
"Go to the dormitory and get me my things. Bring "em to Number Five lavatory. I"m still in tights," hissed Stalky, sitting on his head.
"Don"t run. Walk."
But Beetle staggered into the form-room next door, and delegated his duty to the yet unenlightened McTurk, with an hysterical precis of the campaign thus far. So it was McTurk, of the wooden visage, who brought the clothes from the dormitory while Beetle panted on a form. Then the three buried themselves in Number Five lavatory, turned on all the taps, filled the place with steam, and dropped weeping into the baths, where they pieced out the war.
"_Moi_! _Je_! _Ich_! _Ego_!" gasped Stalky. "I waited till I couldn"t hear myself think, while you played the drum! Hid in the coal-locker--and tweaked Rabbits-Eggs--and Rabbits-Eggs rocked King.
Wasn"t it beautiful? Did you hear the gla.s.s?"
"Why, he--he--he," shrieked McTurk, one trembling finger pointed at Beetle.
"Why, I--I--I was through it all," Beetle howled; "in his study, being jawed."
"Oh, my soul!" said Stalky with a yell, disappearing under water.
"The--the gla.s.s was nothing. Manders minor"s head"s cut open.
La--la--lamp upset all over the rug. Blood on the books and papers. The gum! The gum! The gum! The ink! The ink! The ink! Oh, Lord!"
Then Stalky leaped out, all pink as he was, and shook Beetle into some sort of coherence; but his tale prostrated them afresh.
"I bunked for the boot-cupboard the second I heard King go down-stairs.
Beetle tumbled in on top of me. The spare key"s hid behind the loose board. There isn"t a shadow of evidence," said Stalky. They were all chanting together.
"And he turned us out himself--himself--himself!" This from McTurk. "He can"t begin to suspect us. Oh, Stalky, it"s the loveliest thing we"ve ever done."
"Gum! Gum! Dollops of gum!" shouted Beetle, his spectacles gleaming through a sea of lather. "Ink and blood all mixed. I held the little beast"s head all over the Latin proses for Monday. Golly, how the oil stunk! And Rabbits-Eggs told King to poultice his nose! Did you hit Rabbits-Eggs, Stalky?"