"I haven"t stolen any money since then, but there are some things worth fighting for. Travis wasn"t the only kid who died in those drug trials-and I"m going to prove it. I"m not a saint, but everything I"ve done has been to right wrongs. PBM used these kids as a way to get more government money. I"m going to prove it, and the only way I can do it is to go inside. I need to know the truth, the extent of their cover-up."
"That"s why I agreed to help you."
"And..." Colton paused. "I haven"t told anyone, not even Carol."
"Trust me," Sean said, though his stomach burned that he was the least trustworthy person here.
"I"m going to expose this all to the media. It"s the only way that I can protect everyone. I"ll have proof, but the higher-ups in government will try to keep it quiet."
"You sound like Hunter."
"He may have been paranoid, but with good reason. And I don"t want anyone else to get hurt. The only way to protect us is to make sure that the media has everything I have. Right?"
Sean wasn"t so sure about that, but he only said, "It"s never that simple."
"Maybe not, but it"s the best plan I can come up with, and I think it"ll work." Colton stared at him. "I need you, Sean. You don"t know what it means to me that you are here to help me avenge Travis"s death."
"I think I do," he said.
Sean stood up and walked across the roof. He stared into the night.
"I need to go," Sean said.
"Stay here tonight-"
"I can"t." He faced his friend. "I have a bad feeling about this job, and I need to see someone before we go dark."
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN.
Wednesday
Lucy was studying into the wee hours of Wednesday morning when someone knocked on her door. It wasn"t unusual for the new agents to be up late studying, so she a.s.sumed someone had a question.
She opened the door and stared, speechless.
Sean.
He smiled, but his eyes were tired and worried and he looked pale, like he hadn"t slept or ate.
She took his hand, pulled him into her room, and closed the door.
"Sean-"
He stepped forward and kissed her.
He kissed her with such intensity that it stole her breath away. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he held her tight, his kiss turning into a tight hug, and he didn"t let go.
"I"ve missed you so much," he whispered. His voice caught on the last word.
"What"s wrong?"
He averted his eyes. "It"s complicated."
"It"s about the job in New York," she said. "And Deanna Brighton."
He nodded. "There"s so much more."
Lucy took his hand and led him to her bed. They sat down and he rested his forehead on hers. She"d never seen Sean look so defeated.
"Sean, what"s happened?"
"I needed to see you."
In the ten months that Lucy had known Sean, he"d never looked so vulnerable. In fact, vulnerable was the last word she"d ever have used to describe him, until now.
"I"m glad you came," she said. He relaxed perceptibly and started playing with her hair, twirling the ends around his finger.
She wanted to ask him about the photo and what Brighton was up to and what he"d been working on in New York. Who"d hired him and was he in trouble? But before she could say anything, he asked, "Why do you love me?"
"What?" She blinked. "Why are you asking me that?"
"I know why I love you. You"re beautiful." He smiled, tried to make it casual, but his eyes were too serious and he was a.s.sessing her every reaction, as if he doubted she could care for him. "Guys care about looks, you know."
"I"ve heard." She tried to make her voice light but couldn"t pull it off. These were uncharted waters for her. It reminded her uncomfortably of the conversation they"d had months ago about Skye Jansen. It reminded Lucy about the photo and the secrets Sean had.
"You"re smart, too. Some guys don"t care about brains, but I do. Very much."
"I"m glad," she said. "Looks are temporary; brains are forever."
"You"ll be just as beautiful when you"re eighty as you are right now."
"I don"t know about that," she said. She couldn"t smile. Sean was in pain. Her chest ached with the need to help him, but she didn"t know what to do.
He ran his finger down her neck. "With you, I feel like tomorrow matters. There hasn"t been a moment while I"ve been in New York that you haven"t been on my mind. Thinking about you gives me peace. You make me whole, something I"ve never had before. Wherever the FBI sends you, I"ll follow. I know I"ve said we"ll make it work with me in D.C. and you wherever you go, but I need to see you every day. It"s been nearly four weeks since I touched you, Lucy. I"m lost without you."
She put her hand over his heart. "I"m right here." She took his hand and put it over her heart. "You"re here."
Sean stared at her. He wanted an answer to his question. She didn"t know what to say-how to put her feelings into words.
"Sean, you gave me my freedom."
"Freedom?"
"I don"t know how else to explain it." She closed her eyes, collecting her thoughts, then opened them and said with pa.s.sion, "Until you, I had been in a prison of my own making. Every decision I made was for one purpose: to be a cop. An FBI agent. I never did anything for me that wasn"t directly related to my goal. I never had fun. I don"t think I saw a movie in years until you took me to see that Pixar movie in February. Remember when we went ice-skating? You make me laugh. You make me want to do more than this." She waved her arm around her sterile room. "This is important to me, but I realize now that my goals held me captive. I can achieve my dreams, but they mean so much more to me because I have you to share them with. You help me put everything in perspective. I don"t know how, or why, but I don"t want to a.n.a.lyze it. It scares me to shine light on it, as if it"ll disappear and I"ll be left with nothing."
She put her hands on his face. "Until you, I was half-dead inside. You found the part of me I thought was gone forever. I don"t lie to myself-I know there"s always going to be situations and reactions because of my past, because of what happened, but I process them differently because you freed me. I love you because you make me a better me."
"Princess-"
She kissed him until he was lying down, her on top of him. "Shh," she said. "No more talking."
Sean wanted nothing more than to lose himself in Lucy for the next hour. To spend the night with her, hold her, her love and trust strengthening him.
But he had to tell her the truth. And he didn"t have any more time.
"Lucy." Sean sat up, pulling himself from her arms. He grabbed her hands, needing to touch her, craving the physical contact while knowing he was going to have to leave. He wanted to feel her reaction as well as watch her expression.
"It"s okay," she said. She smiled slyly. "I can sneak you out later."
"You may have to sooner."
Her smile faltered. "Sean-what"s wrong? Please trust me."
"I do. More than anyone in the world. There"s nothing I want more than to make love to you, but I have to go."
His tone, his expression, made her stomach drop. "You drove five hours to leave after twenty minutes?" She stared at him, perplexed.
"Well, it only took me three hours. I flew," he said with a half smile that didn"t reach his blue, blue eyes. "I had a friend from the base pick me up at the airstrip, and I need to get back to New York before dawn. But I have to tell you in person. It"s important."
He could see her mind running through every possible bad scenario. "You could have called," she said, her voice catching.
"I had to see you." Touch you, hold you, kiss you.
He took a deep breath, stared her in the eyes, and said, "I"ve been in New York this past month working undercover with Noah."
She blinked, her face frozen in surprise. "With Noah? Noah Armstrong? The FBI?"
He almost laughed at her stunned reaction. "Yeah. Me and Noah, partners. I have some stories for you...." His voice trailed off. "Stories for later. I didn"t tell you because I didn"t want you to worry. You have so much on your mind right here"-he gestured around him-"getting your badge and gun, I didn"t want you to be divided. And I promised Rick I wouldn"t tell anyone."
"Rick Stockton? a.s.sistant Director Rick Stockton?"
"There"s so much to the story, but I"ll give you the highlights. Right after you left for the Academy, Rick and Noah came to see me. Noah has been investigating Jonathan Paxton."
Lucy didn"t look surprised. In a clipped voice she said, "Why? Because of the vigilantes?"
"Partly." How could he explain? "Paxton found out information about me, about something I did a long time ago. Paxton blackmailed me over the summer to steal something for him, and I did it."
"Why would you give him that kind of leverage?"
"He lied. He said you knew about the vigilante group from the beginning, and I remembered when you went to see him and gave him the locket from his daughter-I was trying to protect you. But he lied; you didn"t know."
She shook her head. "I suspected," she whispered. "But I couldn"t prove anything."
"Babe, I didn"t know what his game was, and I didn"t want anything to come back on you. I did what he wanted, found the locket, but I kept what was inside. A microchip. So I had his microchip and he had information on me and I was going to hold on to it until the statute of limitations was up." Sean sighed. "It was stupid of me, I know, but-"
"Shh. It wasn"t stupid. I know how Jonathan operates. I just wish you had told me."
"So do I. I don"t want secrets between us, Lucy."
She kissed him. "It"s okay, I understand."
"You"re not going to ask what I did?"
"You"ll tell me when you"re ready."
Her love and trust turned his heart inside out. "I don"t deserve you."
"Shh. You"d never let me say that to you." She c.o.c.ked her head. "Okay, what did you do that Jonathan was holding over you?"
"Nine and a half years ago I hacked into a bank and rerouted money a con artist had stolen from pensions." Sean explained about Robert Martin and his scam.
Lucy stared at him blankly. His heart fell. "Don"t hate me."
"I don"t hate you. But why didn"t you go to the FBI?"
He shrugged. "At the time, I didn"t trust them. Not after what happened at Stanford, and the way I found out about the scam was illegal."
"But Jonathan found out. Who else knew?"
"That"s what I"m trying to find out."
"But I don"t understand why you"ve been in New York."
"Noah uncovered a connection between Paxton and my old friend from MIT, Colton Thayer. Colton has always been trying to get me back into his group. That was my past, and with RCK I couldn"t-well, it just wasn"t going to work out. But-Noah convinced me to accept his offer."
"What does Jonathan have to do with your friend?"
"He hired Colton. I needed to find out why. Noah needed me, my skills and connections, to pull off the sting. And Thursday night it all comes down. I know Paxton hired Colton to steal something from a pharmaceutical company, but I don"t know what or why. I"m not sure Colton"s telling me the whole story."
"Did he tell Jonathan about the scam?"
"He says he didn"t."
"You believe him?"