Chapter 79 - The Spectator Sees More Than the Player in the Heat of the Game
Translated by Eve
Edited by Serefina
10. The Spectator Sees More Than the Player in the Heat of the Game
Xie He buried his face into the bed sheets, with no strength left in his body…Tears flowed out of his eyes involuntarily.
This person…has never held any respect for him.
He didn’t want to continue doing this. He couldn’t love him anymore like this. He just wanted to leave. Why was he not allowed to do this either..?
It couldn’t be that he had to sell his body again? It couldn’t be that he wasn’t even allowed the chance to start anew? This world was really unjust…he had already worked so hard.
Yi Ze hugged the person in his arms, caressing his face. Yes…just like this—this is what he wanted. This person was his, from his body to his heart. Thus, he shouldn’t think about ever leaving him!
【Ding, the target Yi Ze’s Favourability Value +5. The current Favourability Value is 85.】
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Yi Ze gently cupped Xie He’s face and discovered that he was crying. Before, what he hated the most was when his bed partners did this kind of thing. Only, he didn’t get angry this time. He only felt a bit of pity. After all, he had indeed gone a little overboard….
Therefore, Yi Ze kissed Xie He on the lips and said gently, “Don’t cry. As long as you obediently stay by my side, I won’t treat you unfairly.”
Yi Ze thought for a moment and then spoke again, “However, there’s no need for you to continue your career as an entertainer. In any case, I’ll give you money.”
He couldn’t stand to see Xie He be affectionate with any other person.
Xie He’s eyelashes fluttered and he slowly looked up. He stared at Yi Ze with a cold and estranged look.
When Yi Ze met with such a gaze, he was startled. He was suddenly unhappy. However, he bore with it for once and didn’t flare out. He said, “If you have any requests, tell me. I’ll satisfy you.”
Xie He slowly spoke, “I want to leave.”
Yi Ze’s expression immediately froze completely. He threw Xie He down and left.
Once Yi Ze left, Xie He struggled to put his clothes on and descended from the bed. In the end, he discovered that the main door was blocked. The bodyguards had received Yi Ze’s orders: If Yi Ze was not with him, Xie He was not allowed to leave by himself. Xie He had no choice but to go back.
He was very familiar with the Yi residence. After walking around, he came up with the idea of escaping through the kitchen’s backdoor. However, he was soon discovered by the bodyguards and captured back!
This time, the bodyguards did not dare to be careless or slack off. They directly stood guard in front of the door to his room and did not move an inch.
When Yi Ze came back from his company, he received a report that Xie He had tried to run. He frowned and quickly headed towards the room.
Xie He sat on the bed, silent. When he saw that Yi Ze was back, he only looked up indifferently.
Yi Ze, however, was provoked by his gaze. He took large strides until he stood before Xie He. His voice carried a suppressed anger. “You want to escape?”
Xie He didn’t reply. He was completely silent.
Yi Ze clenched his fists. This person actually wanted to run from his side! When did his courage grow to this size? Wasn’t he the most well-behaved one? Why wasn’t he continuing to be well-behaved? If he wasn’t willing to be obedient…then he’ll put him in place until he was obedient.
He raised Xie He’s chin, gaze cold. “I’ve said it before. Don’t provoke me.”
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Xie He’s hands were shackled to the headboard. He couldn’t go anywhere and was helpless. He stared up at the white ceiling, at a loss.
He felt empty, like his soul had left his body. This was the person he loved…why….
Why did he have to continue to shatter the remaining beauty he had left, ne?
Why wouldn’t he let him take what was left and leave, ne?
From that day on, Xie He did not leave that bed again.
After sating himself once more, Yi Ze undid Xie He’s shackles and carried him into the bathroom. Before, he would never personally do such a thing—he had always thrown his other bed partners away after using them. However, he just discovered that he didn’t feel fed up with waiting upon someone like this.
Xie He had resisted in the beginning, but stopped afterwards. He was like a wooden doll that could be manipulated as one wished. It seemed as if he had already accepted his fate.
After was.h.i.+ng up, Yi Ze helped wipe Xie He clean. He then carried him back onto his bed and stroked Xie He’s forehead. “There’s no benefit to being surly with me. Just promise me that you won’t try to escape again and I’ll let you go, OK?”
Xie He lowered his head, not making a sound.
Yi Ze had already grown accustomed to Xie He’s silence. He said, “If there’s anything you want to eat, just ask Auntie Zhang. Have her make it for you.”
Originally, he wanted to have Xie He’s favourites made. However, he suddenly realized that he didn’t know any of Xie He’s preferences.
Xie He still did not respond. If it was in the past, Yi Ze would be angered. Yet he didn’t know why, but he couldn’t conjure up any fury this time around. He only felt helpless. He pulled Xie He into his arms and fell asleep. Having Xie He by his side made him feel extremely at ease.
In any case, it was fine so long as this person was by his side. He wouldn’t bicker with him over a small matter like this.
The next day, Yi Ze was just getting ready to leave when he received news that Fu Yuan had come.
Fu Yuan had actually come to his home! It was certainly about Xie He. Yi Ze’s eyes were cold and he was silent for a while. He then smiled, carrying Xie He out.
As soon as Fu Yuan came in, he saw Xie He sitting on Yi Ze’s lap. He only wore a simple robe and there were many marks scattered all over his neck. He had on a blank expression and was motionless. Even when he saw Fu Yuan come over, his expression didn’t change. Instantly, Fu Yuan’s heart was full of distress for him! He glared at Yi Ze with hate, forcing down his impulse to charge over! This was Yi Ze’s home. It would be useless for him to act rashly. In any case, that would only make Yi Ze continue to vent his rage onto Xie He!
Up till now, he had been busy fighting Yi Ze and hadn’t had the time to go see Xie He. When he was able to go over, he discovered that no one was there….He really regretted having left like that back then. Who would have expected that Yi Ze would actually use such an underhanded tactic!
If he had known…he would absolutely not have left like that! This scoundrel!
Yi Ze looked at him with contempt and raised an eyebrow in a smile. “How does President Fu have the time to come over?”
Fu Yuan sucked in a deep breath. His chest heaved up and down. “You shouldn’t do this.”
Yi Ze smiled indifferently. “What shouldn’t I do?”
“You scoundrel!” Fu Yuan gnashed his teeth.
Yi Ze’s face turned cold. He laughed, “Since he dare to fool around with you, he naturally has to be ready to bear the consequences. Anyway, President Fu, don’t you…think that you’re meddling a little bit too much?”
Fu Yuan’s eyes were full of rage! He struggled for a moment before finally saying, “He didn’t fool around with me. It has always been me taking courting him of my own accord. Even so, he had never accepted me. Even faced with this kind of crisis, he rejected me when I said I was willing to help him, free of cost! He has never betrayed you. Are you satisfied now? Let go of him. Don’t do something that you’ll regret!”
Yi Ze looked at Fu Yuan icily, the expression in his eyes fluctuating.
Fu Yuan really couldn’t bear to see Xie He continue to be treated like this. He said, “The one he loves has always been….”
However, before he could finish, he was interrupted!
Xie He, who had been silent this whole time, turned to look at him. The expression in his eyes was complicated. He softly said, “President Fu, thank you for your concern. However, you should go, ba.”
Fu Yuan looked at Xie He, pain in his eyes. He was wrong. He shouldn’t have been so scheming towards the person he loved. If it wasn’t because of his selfish schemes, Yi Ze wouldn’t have hurt Xie He. Actually, he was the one who regretted the most.
【Ding, Fu Yuan’s Favourability Value +5. The current Favourability Value is 95.】
Yi Ze looked at the two of them, who seemed to be sharing a look of deep affection. His fists clenched tighter. He suddenly felt that this was childish and boring! He said coldly, “See him out.”
The bodyguards at the side immediately dragged Fu Yuan out.
Fu Yuan gave Xie He a profound look. “I will definitely save you!”
After saying this, he threw the bodyguards off and steadily walked out!
Yi Ze watched Fu Yuan leave with frosty eyes. He then turned and raised Xie He’s chin. He stared at Xie He’s indifferent gaze and suddenly felt depressed….
At that time, he had been waiting for Xie He to come beg him but Xie He never came….He had thought that Xie He had gone to beg Fu Yuan. However, Fu Yuan gave him a completely different answer. He could see that Fu Yuan was telling the truth. Honestly, when he heard this, he didn’t feel all that surprised. It felt like this was only right. This meant that he had only been blinded by jealousy and anger before. What he minded was that Xie He actually wanted to leave him….
Why didn’t Xie He beg Fu Yuan? It couldn’t be that he didn’t care about any of this?
Jian Zihan had said that Xie He loved him. Fu Yuan also said that Xie He loved him…it seemed like everyone knew this but him.
No…actually, Xie He had told him before. But at that time, he only gave him a disdaining, ridiculing sneer. Why was it that now that he heard this again, what was in his heart wasn’t disdain but antic.i.p.ation?
What if this was true? Yi Ze didn’t know why but his heart sped up.
Before, he never believed in this. He thought that someone like this, who could sell his everything for the sake of money, was only dishonouring the word ‘love’ by saying it. However, did Xie He really sell his everything for the sake of money? If so, why didn’t he come bed him? Why did he refuse Fu Yuan? He could easily have everything, but he chose to give it all up…was it because he loved him?
Could it be that he had never truly known this person?
If this kind of unconditional love was really true, then how good would that be? Furthermore, the person who loved him was also the person he wanted….
Yi Ze’s expression softened. Actually, so long as you are willing to be obedient, I’m willing to treat you better.
【Ding, the target Yi Ze’s Favourability Value +3. The current Favourability Value is 88.】
Yi Ze was only angry because of Fu Yuan. Towards Xie He, he was willing to put down his pomposity. “Don’t say you want to leave me from now on, OK? So long as you’re obedient, I can treat you very well. You don’t have to mind someone like Fu Yuan…he just plans to play with you, that’s all. If you really like acting, that’s fine. But you’re not allowed to act out any intimate scenes.”
He thought that he had already made huge concessions. After all, he didn’t bicker about the matter of Fu Yuan coveting Xie He and had even agreed to let him continue his career in the entertainment industry.
However, Xie He remained unmoved. He only stared at Yi Ze before slowly parting his lips and asking, “Why do you have to have me?”
Yi Ze paused. Why?
The first time Xie He asked this question, he didn’t have an answer. Now though…there was something trying to escape from his lips. However, he couldn’t say it. He just wanted him. Did he have to have a reason?
Therefore, Yi Ze didn’t answer the question. He only planted a soft kiss on Xie He. “Don’t think too much. Just be obedient.”
He didn’t want to let this person go…tenderness emerged in Yi Ze’s eyes. He couldn’t hold himself back and directly did Xie He again on the sofa. So long as he thought about how this person might love him…a curious happiness bubbled within Yi Ze for the first time.
His actions were also much more gentle.
Xie He looked at Yi Ze. The remaining weak light in his eyes gradually dissipated….
Although he warned himself time and time again not to hold any wild hopes, he couldn’t help but fantasize that perhaps it was because Yi Ze loved him that he wanted to possess him….Humans really liked to fall over and over again in the same place. Only, this would probably be the last time.
He suddenly felt a little sympathy for Yi Ze. Actually, they were the same: they wanted someone they couldn’t have. Since Yi Ze wanted a subst.i.tute, then he would act as a good subst.i.tute. He would throw away his unwillingness and lower his head, accept his fate. He would admit that he had been powerless from the start.
Xie He’s lips moved and he moaned weakly, “s.h.i.+xiong….”
Yi Ze’s actions suddenly paused. He looked up and met with Xie He’s eyes that were silent like ash. When he heard that voice that carried an indistinct sadness, it felt like his heart was being squeezed. An ineffable pain engulfed his entire body.
“What did you call me?” A long time later, Yi Ze spoke.
Xie He’s eyelashes fluttered and he said, “s.h.i.+xiong.”
Wasn’t this what you wanted? What you wanted, through fair or foul means…I’ll give it to you.
【444：Yi? Why are you calling him s.h.i.+xiong?】
【Xie He：Oh. ZeZe is too slow. I’m just giving him a kind reminder. Smile.JPG】
【444：(⊙o⊙) Oh!】So it turns out Host dada was this considerate! He had misjudged him!
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These words were like a curse, causing Yi Ze to become fixed in place.
Yi Ze was silent for a long time and then forced out a smile. “You don’t have to call me that….”
Don’t call me that, don’t look at me like that. As long as you behave a bit better, so long as you don’t leave me, that’s enough….
Xie He didn’t say anything. He only stared at him quietly.
It was clearly just a peaceful gaze, but it made Yi Ze feel like his heart had been pierced. For a moment, he didn’t even understand why he felt so terrible. He stared at the person beneath him. Although he looked like Jian Zihan…they were not at all alike. No matter if it was their bearing or actions, or their smiles and expressions—nothing about them was the same. You could not mistake one for the other.
It was the first time Yi Ze couldn’t finish. He got up and left.
He suddenly felt that he couldn’t face it all.
These few days, Yi Ze had practically forgotten that there was someone that he had liked for a long time. He had nearly forgotten the reason he had kept Xie He at the start.
He didn’t know when it began, but this person was no longer just Jian Zihan’s subst.i.tute. He was a living, breathing person with emotions—he was someone who could stir up his emotions. And the one he wanted right now was this person and this person only.
Although Jian Zihan had come back, his image of the other had gradually faded. He was like a toy he had wanted for a long, long time since he was young. After many years, he suddenly saw it again and discovered that it wasn’t like what he had thought. It wasn’t as good as he thought. He didn’t…yearn for it as much as he had thought he did.
All this time, he had something he thought wasn’t important to him. Now that he was about to lose it, he discovered that he couldn’t lose it. It was extremely important to him. It was so important that just thinking about losing it would make him go mad….
Yi Ze shut his eyes. Even so, the image of Xie He’s cold and desolate eyes continued to be on his mind.
Before, he never thought that he had been too cruel towards him. He thought that he had given the other everything he wanted, so he had the right to do whatever he wanted to him. Moreover, this person had never resisted him. He had never thought about whether he had wanted to do this, whether he was willing, whether he would feel pain and sadness.
He had never thought about seeing him as his equal.
He had subconsciously ignored all of this. That is, until Xie He called him s.h.i.+xiong. At that moment, he could no longer continue running away….
He had no choice but to face just how cruel he had been.
If someone loved him but was forced beneath him as a subst.i.tute for someone else, it must be because the situation forced them into it. Just thinking about it made his heart hurt terribly….Just how selfish must he had been at that time to make someone who loved him do such a thing?
Therefore, he only had himself to blame over the fact that Xie He thought that this was what he wanted. It was because he himself hadn’t even known what it was that he wanted until now.
Yi Ze didn’t dare to continue down this line of thought. He realized that the deeper he went, the more he abhorred himself. He couldn’t face Xie He.
Before, he had never experienced such pain. He had never cared about someone like this before.
Yi Ze pulled out a cigarette from the drawer. He didn’t usually smoke. It was only in the rare moment when he really needed to calm himself down that he would smoke….It was probably because his state of mind was not steady, but it wasn’t until the cigarette burnt to the b.u.t.t that he came back to himself….Yi Ze’s eyes darkened and then he went back into the bedroom.
Xie He laid on the bed, seeming to have completely given up on running. When he saw Yi Ze come back, his expression didn’t change.
Yi Ze walked over and pulled him into his arms. He lowered his head and whispered into his ear, “Call me Yi ge. I prefer when you call me that.”
When Yi Ze said this, he couldn’t felt but feel a longing in his heart. He realized that it had been a long time since he last heard Xie He call him Yi ge. When he thought about how it would sound when ‘Yi ge’ came out of this person’s mouth, he felt that it would be very pleasant to hear.
However, Xie He didn’t call out his name. His eyes s.h.i.+fted, “Why?”
Yi Ze felt his heart tighten. Right now, he was especially afraid of hearing Xie He ask him ‘Why?’ Xie He had never asked for the reason behind his actions before. Now, however, his every question made it difficult for him to hold his own against him. Yi Ze looked at him and said seriously, “You are you. You don’t have to copy others.”
Xie He nodded and said, “I understand.”
Yi Ze was very happy that Xie He was finally willing to be good. He was just about to comfort him a bit but before he could speak, he heard Xie He continue, “It’s because I’m not worthy.”
Yi Ze’s expression stiffened.
Xie He raised the corner of his lips into a self-mocking smile, “Because I don’t deserve to copy him.”
Yi Ze’s face was rigid. His lips trembled. “That’s not it….”
Xie He looked at him fixedly, “A lowly plaything like me… if I pretend to be him, you’d probably think that it was blasphemy towards him, ba.”
For the first time, Yi Ze averted his gaze. He didn’t dare directly meet with Xie He’s eyes.
Before, in getting someone, Yi Ze thought that it was enough to possess them. Now, however, he wasn’t sure. This was because even if he held this person in his arms, he still felt that he had merely lost him. No matter how much he exerted himself, it was useless….Yi Ze forced himself to speak, “I didn’t say that….Do you still blame me for teasing you in front of Fu Yuan? Are you angry? I just couldn’t bear seeing him eye you….”
Xie He said indifferently, “I don’t blame you. I am your belonging. You can do whatever you want.”
Yi Ze said, “I didn’t mean that….”
Xie He suddenly laughed. In his eyes, one could only see that he had given up and was resigning himself to his fate. “It’s fine. In any case, you bought me. You can do whatever you want to me. Before, I overestimated myself. From now on, I won’t.”
Yi Ze finally could no longer continue. He slowly let go and said, “Rest well.”
After saying this, he gave Xie He a profound look and then left.
He would rather that Xie He continued to fight him. He was unwilling to hear the other speak of himself in such a degrading way. However, he couldn’t say anything because what Xie He said were all things he had asked of Xie He in the past. Xie He was as he had been in the past. The one who had changed was Yi Ze.
【Xie He：What’s wrong, Baby?】
【444：Oh…nothing much. I just wanted to ask you if you needed anything? President Yi has left. Do you want to watch a movie or eat something good?O(∩_∩)O~】How frightening. With just a few words, Yi Ze ended up leaving with his tail between his legs from being spoken to like that. He almost couldn’t stop himself from accidentally typing out an ellipsis!
【Xie He：It’s almost time to advance to the next step.】
【444：(⊙o⊙) Oh?】
【Xie He：HanHan ought to be here soon. YuanYuan has no way to take me from ZeZe’s hands for now so he’ll ask HanHan for help. I have to prepare to welcome them with a pleasant surprise. Smile.JPG】
The author has something to say:
It’s the last day of 2016. Giving everyone a kiss. Thank you my dears for supporting me all the way~~ It’s you all that fills this silly author with the motivation to keep fighting~~(づ￣3￣)づ I wish everyone a Happy New Year’s Day~ I hope you happiness with this new year. Best wishes and I hope that you all smoothly reach the peak of your lives, lalala~~(≧▽≦)/
Heehee, President Xie is about to make trouble. After tomorrow’s long chapter, we’ll enter the prelude to gong abuse, la~~(*￣3￣)╭
Eve: Xie He’s nicknames for the love interests really…amuse me. So much love hahaha. Also, bring on the angst pleaseeeeee~ ZeZe deserves all the pain >:( And stay safe everyone! I’m spending my time indoors by translating more. Which is good news despite everything I guess? Haha.
sere: bro…. Love may be unconditional but patience and expectations definitely aren’t… why is he such an a.s.s… also this is super late but keep yourselves safe (from virus)! Stay at home. America’s gone over 100,000 cases, and in NY the tested positive is 0.2%!! yikes.