Chapter 195 - On the Meaning of Our Existence
Translated by Eve
Edited by Serefina
3. On the Meaning of Our Existence
【666：Although I really want to stop talking, you should have also realized that you’ve been played. This means that, at the very least, he has already figured out who you were in the previous world. This is an extremely important matter. How did he find out? And what explanation will you give to him? Telling him the truth would be counter-intuitive to your goal.】
【Lu Ting：Then I’ll just continue to deceive him.】
【666：Excuse my frankness…but you may not necessarily be able to deceive him.】
【Lu Ting：Maybe I can’t. But don’t you forget that the amount of information we have is not the same. It was probably difficult for him to guess this much….He only knows that those people had been me. He doesn’t know why. He probably just hates me all the more because of this.】
【Lu Ting：This is the last round. He has to win.】
Lu Ting let go of Xie He, his expression turning cold once more. He nearly threw Xie He onto the ground.
Xie He sighed helplessly. He squinted his eyes at the other man. “You’re still pretending? Isn’t it a little late?”
Lu Ting pressed his lips into a straight line. “Pretending about what?”
Xie He stood before him, his lips curled up. His voice was quiet and full of meaning. “Uncle Liang? Prince Su? And all those before them…they had all been you, right?”
Lu Ting stared at Xie He. A long time later, he smiled, unfl.u.s.tered. He c.o.c.ked a brow. “Yes.”
Xie He nodded. “I hadn’t been sure. Didn’t think you’d admit to it so easily.”
Lu Ting shrugged and looked indifferent. There was ridicule in his eyes. “There’s no reason not to admit to it. It’s just a game to me. You should have known that.”
Xie He said, “But you told me you loved me in every world.”
Lu Ting’s voice was frosty. “I don’t love you. It was all pretend. Didn’t you already know that?”
Xie He smiled. “Then why aren’t you pretending to be head-over-heels for me now? Wouldn’t it be easier to increase my Favourability Value like that?”
Lu Ting sneered. “Because I’m tired of playing. I don’t need your Favourability points. Don’t think so highly of yourself.”
After saying this, he left, as if he didn’t want to spend another second with Xie He.
Lu Ting hadn’t gone very far when he heard the system’s notification. He paused.
【Ding, the target Xie He’s Favourability Value +20. The current Favourability Value is 40.】
【666：Boss, he’s purposely doing the opposite of what you want…. 】
【Lu Ting：It’s fine. He won’t fall in love with me anyway.】
Xie He’s mocking laughter echoed behind him. “This is a reward for you putting on an act and saying the opposite of how you truly feel. Take it.”
Lu Ting didn’t look back. He returned to the hall.
Shortly after, Lu Ting heard 666 tell him that Xie He had left so he wouldn’t b.u.mp into Xie He again. Only then did Lu Ting leave the hotel and return home.
【666：Boss, according to the information Xie He leaked today, he must have suspected you for a long time now. He knew who you were but he still chose to use such extreme measures. Excuse my frankness, but he’s been purposely doing things to upset you. 】666 was extremely angry at Xie He, who knew the truth but had still intentionally stabbed at his host’s heart. 666 had watched helplessly throughout all those worlds. His heart had hurt badly.
【Lu Ting：It’s my fault. I left him first.】
【Lu Ting：It’s only expected that he’s furious.】
Actually, Lu Ting wasn’t completely ignorant of this fact. From the third world onwards, he had begun to feel like Xie He was aiming at him. But it wasn’t until today that his suspicions had been confirmed.
666 was still very unhappy. He was about to continue speaking when he saw Lu Ting’s expression morph into one of restrained pain. The veins in his forehead throbbed violently and he clutched at the marble dining table with both hands, turning one of the sides into powder!
【666 said with concern：It’s been happening more frequently.】
【Lu Ting：It’s fine. I’ll be okay in a minute.】
【666：The system stipulates that for every ten worlds transmigrated, hosts can choose one world as a vacation to recuperate. This is a regulated benefit that had been implemented after a considerable amount of strict scientific evidence had been a.n.a.lyzed. It’s a protection mechanism for hosts…but you’ve already transmigrated through ninety-eight high-level worlds without rest.】
Lu Ting pursed his lips tightly, his eyes bloodshot. He didn’t even reply to 666 with his thoughts. It took a whole minute before he could speak. With a hoa.r.s.e voice he said, “I was afraid. That I wouldn’t make it in time.”
He then shut his eyes and fell over.
666 looked at Lu Ting, who now laid on the ground. He regretted not having hands, which meant that he had no way of dragging his show-off host to the bed.
Lu Ting looked like he was only sleeping, but 666 knew that that wasn’t the case. This was a self-defense mechanism that occurred after one’s soul was pushed to the limit.
His host had never taken a break since leaving this world thirteen years ago. He had transmigrated to ninety-eight worlds for the sake of being able to acc.u.mulate enough experience points to upgrade his system. It was all so that he could obtain the greatest leverage for his negotiations with the main system in the shortest time possible.
These ninety-eight worlds were not mere E-ranked love conquest worlds like the one Xie He resided in. According to the system’s ranking, E-ranked worlds were extremely simple and there was no risk to one’s life. It was considered a relaxing world. But worlds with a ranking of B or higher meant that there would be a risk of death.
However, the lowest rank Lu Ting had ever chosen was B. After gaining some strength, he had then begun to only choose A-ranked worlds. He had also taken on eighteen SS-ranked nightmare-mode worlds and nine SSS-ranked h.e.l.l-mode worlds. Countless hosts had been frightened out of those worlds but Lu Ting had persevered….He had received many missions, including ones related to cultivation, xuanhuan, suspense, power struggles, ma.s.sacres, escaping for one’s life, etc. But he had never again taken on a love conquest mission.
666 had personally watched as Lu Ting had walked along the edge of death countless timesk2026;.It was just a trifling thirteen years for Xie He, but Lu Ting had experienced 874 years.
666 had risen from an ordinary level five system to the highest level 12 system. In the beginning, his pride had swelled a bit from how quickly he had advanced. But later, he became more reticent. He didn’t like to show off anymore. This was because he thought that there was no need to advance so quickly.
The systems that envied him or admired him didn’t know how serious things really were.
Even though 666 was a level 12 system, he couldn’t lessen Lu Ting’s pain.
Although the system’s protection mechanisms were perfect, there was a limit to them….The grave consequences of the pressure Lu Ting’s soul had borne while completing ninety-eight A-ranked and higher worlds vastly exceeded what the system protection mechanisms covered. Lu Ting had to bear with it on his own. Furthermore, while transmigrating with Xie He through those worlds, Lu Ting had incessantly split his soul and implanted chips of it into the other capturable targets so that he could help Xie He obtain more experience points while evading the main system’s surveillance. This caused even greater harm to his soul.
After so much painstaking effort, he was finally able to come back here. 666 had originally thought that Lu Ting could relax during the last twelve worlds. If he could be with the person he loved, it wouldn’t be so painful, right?
These worlds were simple love conquest worlds…they were way more relaxed and happy compared to the previous worlds Lu Ting had experienced. Although he had to execute his mission perfectly under the main system’s surveillance and could not OOC, at least there was no need to put his life on the line. He didn’t have to face hards.h.i.+ps or experience extreme danger. There were no b.l.o.o.d.y ma.s.sacres or terrifying killing scenes…they could relax a bit….
But in reality, Lu Ting’s mental state worsened even more quickly than it had in the past. The pressure and psychological pain was worse than before.
Starting from the third world…the main system had started to suspect that Lu Ting was losing on purpose, so it upped the world’s difficulty and sealed his memories….He was with the person he loved, but he was constantly tortured by the pain that came from having to hurt his beloved and being hurt in return….
Over and over again, he had to suffer losing the person he loved.
Even though he used expensive psychosuppressants the entire time…there were still signs of him losing control of his mind.
666 didn’t understand why Lu Ting was doing this. He thought that systems could not understand human emotions….Even he could not make accurate calculations. In his opinion, how was that love that lasted a mere seven years worth what Lu Ting had to go through?
Why did he have to go so far? He risked his life, split his soul, did everything he could…all for someone who would never love him back.
666 had once said to Lu Ting indignantly: Why must you go back? Maybe Xie He has already forgotten about you. He’s probably not waiting for you at all. He’s been getting it on with all those other hosts after all.
Lu Ting said: This is an obsession.
What’s an obsession? 666 hadn’t understood. These emotions were too complicated. He had added ‘obsession’ to his manual on a.n.a.lyzing human emotions and had decided to improve his manual to make it more comprehensive.
In any case, 666 didn’t like Xie He.
Although he was a system, he had been amongst humans for a long time. He had learned another word: “Biased.”
He just wanted his host to be able to relax, even if it was just a bit.
…………………………
Xie He returned home, his expression gradually sinking as he walked in.
【444 began to make a fuss：Host dada, ah ah ah ah. Oh my gosh, ah ah ah. The capture targets of the previous worlds were all him? Σ( °△°|||)︴】How was that possible? 444 didn’t understand at all. How could such weird worlds exist? It was impossible. How could the main system let Host dada capture another host?! Hosts couldn’t be captured, ah! 444 was dumbfounded.
【Xie He：Baby, didn’t I already tell you? That someone’s been capturing me all along? Smile.JPG】
【444：What?! 】He had thought Host dada had meant before he had been bound to a system….
【Xie He：Baby, have you ever thought about the meaning of your existence? Where you come from and to where you’ll go?】
【444：…I’m a system. I’m just a bunch of data.】
【Xie He：I’ve thought about it.】
【444 cautiously said：If it’s humans…then you came from your parents, right…?】That should be correct, right?
Xie He laughed. His laughter sounded very relaxed and happy.
【Xie He：That’s right, Baby. I like you so much. You’re truly a little cutie who makes people happy.】
【444：……】He never feels happy when Host dada says something like this. He always wonders if he’s said something ridiculous…._(:зゝ∠)_
Xie He laughed for a while before saying, “Every day, I wonder where my world came from and what kind of existence I have. Why is my love different from the love of everyone else? Why doesn’t the main system send hosts to capture the love of Xie Xi or someone else? Why…must it be me?
“I had pondered over this problem for many years. In the end, you were the one to give me the answer.”
【444：Me? Σ( °△°|||)︴】Shocked. When did he ever answer such a profound question?
Xie He’s lips pulled into a smile. “When you bonded with me, I had asked you a question. You responded like this: A Host is a transmigrator from the main world that has been bound to a system. They transmigrate to different, secondary worlds and obtain experience points by capturing different targets. The capture targets are people of fate in their respective worlds. They are typically called the protagonists or bosses. As long as you max their Favourability Value, you can obtain experience points.”
【444：This is from the《The Manual for Love Conquest Worlds》…._(:зゝ∠)_】
Xie He’s eyes darkened. His voice grew quiet, as if he was sighing powerlessly. “Yes. This is the official phrasing you systems use. But it answered my question.”
“The main world, transmigrator, secondary worlds, people of fate, experience points.”
【444：I-is there a problem…? Stupefied.JPG】
“Why does this world exist? The relations.h.i.+p between the main world and the secondary worlds; the effect people of fate have on secondary worlds; experience points—what does they all mean? Is this another method of comparing things using a different kind of known currency? Why does the system store have everything? Why is the difference in buying price and selling price so big? And…why does all of this exist?” Xie He tapped his fingers against the table a few times and flashed a self-deprecating smile. A long while later, he said in a cool tone, “Forget it….You don’t need to understand this. Come look at my treasures.”
After saying this, he opened the safe in his study and pulled out two alb.u.ms.
444 felt his data tremble when he saw Xie He pull out the alb.u.ms. He really didn’t have any interest in Host dada’s exes….Contrary to his wishes, Xie He still flipped them open.
There was a faint smile on Xie He’s lips. “He…after he left, hosts didn’t appear all that frequently at first. But when I had seen how the people who told me they loved me all left me so ruthlessly…I had thought that I was cursed. Of course, over time…I started to realize that something was wrong. Rather than believe in an illusory curse, I thought that this was more likely a premeditated scheme.”
“I started to wonder, ‘why was this happening?’ I carefully collected data and a.n.a.lyzed the hosts’ actions, appearances and habits. Slowly…even though they couldn’t OOC, I gained the ability to easily differentiate them from the ma.s.ses.”
“No one can trick me. None of them could….No matter what kind of scheme it was, I would never allow anyone to control my fate. There had been a time where I had thought that I had done all the preparations that I could, that I found a way to break free of my imprisonment. I had thought that I could choose to be with an original inhabitant of this world—someone who didn’t have any other motives. I had thought that by staying away from the hosts that wanted to capture me, I could have a genuine long-term relations.h.i.+p with someone….That only lasted until I met Host 23.”
【444：What did Host 23 do?】In the beginning, 444 hadn’t wanted to listen, but he was now curious upon hearing Host dada speak. _(:зゝ∠)_
“Number 23, ah…” Xie He flipped open the fourth alb.u.m and stroked the picture beneath his hand. There was a strange smile on his lips. “This was a really devious person. When he arrived, I had already been dating an original inhabitant. He had been a really cute kid. I really liked him…. So 23 had no way of approaching me. He had tried to get me to fall for him but how could I possibly fall for him? His acting was so botched. Therefore, I rejected him ruthlessly.”
【444：And then? 】Curious.JPG
“And then, my boyfriend died.” Xie He’s smile slowly turned cold. “He set up an accident and killed my boyfriend. He then tried to come comfort me, who had just lost my boyfriend, pretending to care.”
【444：……】Oh my G.o.d. He had only wanted to hear a melodramatic romance. Why did it suddenly turn into a homicide drama…? QAQ
【444：Then…did you kill him?】He felt like Host dada seemed very unhappy right now….
The corner of Xie He’s lips curled up. A bark of laughter echoed in the room. “No. I have no interest in such a crude thing like killing people.”
【444：(⊙o⊙) Oh!】He didn’t expect Host dada to be such a saint. Even he had been angry at what Host 23 had done….
Xie He continued, “I just played a game of love and pain with him, just like he wanted. He then failed to live up to my expectations and chose to end the game by himself. How regretful. I hadn’t played enough.”
【444：……】
Xie He seemed to not be very interested in number 23. He continued to flip to the back of the alb.u.m. A smile emerged on his lips. “This was host number 36. He was really interesting.”
【444：How so…?】He had a bad feeling about htis….He was already scarred.
Xie He said, “Things were getting heated between a little celebrity with whom I had been friends with benefits. I fell for him a bit and had thought about dating him….But one morning, when I woke up, I discovered that the gaze of the person sleeping next to me had changed.”
【444：……】Why did he feel like his blood had turned cold? It was like he was listening to a scary story! He didn’t want to listen! Scared.JPG
Xie He said in a relaxed tone, “I sounded him out a bit and knew at once that someone had transmigrated into his body. From that day on, I stopped dating original inhabitants of this world.”
“Right, there was also my previous a.s.sistant. Originally, he had been a very capable middle-aged man. I had really appreciated him and had thought that his future prospects were boundless. He had a beautiful family. But one day, he got a divorce all of a sudden and tried to seduce me….When he failed, he tried to sell out company secrets to attack me. He probably thought that he’d be able to get my attention like this. After that failed, he died in a car accident.”
“But I pitied his poor wife and daughter. Although I gave them a large sum of money, I could never make up for all the other harm they suffered.”
“For some time, I didn’t let anyone get close to me. I just wanted some peace…but hosts would always find a way to turn my world upside down with their systems’ cheats.”
【444：Host dada. QAQ】
【Xie He：Baby, do you think this is fun?】
【444：…Not fun, not fun, it’s not fun at all!!!】
【Xie He：When I finally accepted my situation, I actually found it pretty fun….Every day was full of surprises. Later on, the rate the hosts came increased and they used a larger variety of tricks. They never disappointed me. ? 】
【Xie He：Since it’s a game and I won’t be able to have the peaceful life I want no matter what I do, I might as well play along with them. It’s also a way to pa.s.s the time.】
【444：QAQ】
【Xie He：Baby, do you know why I think you’re cute? I truly mean it as a compliment. Sometimes, being able to be deceived is a blessing.】
【444：……】
Xie He shut his eyes. No one had ever managed to trick him. It was a bit of a pity.
After a while, Xie He slowly stood up and closed the alb.u.m, locking it back up in the safe. Every once in a while, he flipped through these alb.u.ms, reminding himself that these things had yet to end..
Fate? No, he didn’t believe in fate. His fate was in his own hands.
If his world was nothing more than a game and this game was never completed by anyone, how would it affect the world? If a tiny ant, an unremarkable BUG, could become an uncapturable hole in the system…what consequences would that bring?
He had really wanted to see it….He had waited and waited until he had been given the accomplishment for rejecting a hundred hosts. That was when the main system appeared. It could not tolerate Xie He anymore, so it proposed a deal.
Escape medicine…the only chance he had to break free of his fate….That was a tempting offer he could not refuse.
Therefore, even though he knew he was walking into a trap, he had gladly agreed.
He could not lose. Not even once.
…………………………
Xie He fell asleep and woke up refreshed the next morning. He then went to work as if nothing had happened last night. But 444 still felt upset. Although Host dada had spoken very cheerfully and had acted unaffected, why did he feel like Host dada was actually very unhappy….
444 was gloomy all day. He didn’t go out to play. He didn’t even respond to the messages 666 and the others had sent him.
Aside from working, Xie He also read over the doc.u.ments Fang Nan had given him regarding Lu Ting. He still had people monitor Lu Ting, but he didn’t do anything else. 444 didn’t understand. Host dada was obviously the capture target this time but…why did it feel the same as it had been in the past?
This was truly a strange world. The host was acting pa.s.sive, slacking off and not doing anything, whereas the capture target was working very enthusiastically. It was a complete reversal….
Even though he was being captured, Host dada still wanted everything to be in his control. This had indeed always been his style….
Although neither party intentionally planned to see each other again, since Lu Ting had come back and re-joined the upper social circles, they would occasionally meet. One month later, Xie He once again encountered Lu Ting at a club.
Xie He had never been single for this long. His friends all thought it was strange, so they decided to introduce him to a few beautiful men. As long as they didn’t date…the other’s life wouldn’t be in danger…right?
Xie He went along with this happily. He hadn’t expected for Lu Ting to be here. Lu Ting had come here at the invitation of someone else. That person also hadn’t expected for Xie He to come. As soon as this person had realized that they had let these two exes accidentally meet, he felt awkward. But it wasn’t like they could tell one of them to leave.
That person thought that, in any case, the person Lu Ting liked was Xie Xi. Furthermore, Xie He has had so many boyfriends since their breakup. Therefore, there was no need to worry about this..
Very quickly, people brought over a few guys they wanted to introduce to Xie He.
Xie He didn’t even glance at Lu Ting. He looked at the men who were brought in, very interested. He chose one who fit his tastes and pulled that person in his arms. He teased, “What’s your name?”
The man weakly said, “I’m Xiao Han.”
Obviously it wasn’t his real name. Xie He didn’t mind. He had no interest staying here so he wrapped an arm around the younger man and left.
Lu Ting, who was drinking wine, had to use all his mental energy to control his strength. Only then was he able to prevent himself from pinching the gla.s.s to pieces!
【Lu Ting：Ah? And he says that I have bad taste? As if his taste is that great, huh? He’s even interested in trash like that?! He’s already slept with a lot of that type when I hadn’t been around!!!】
【666：Calm down! …At least you can comfort yourself with the fact that he’s never really fallen in love with any of them.】
Lu Ting stood up suddenly and followed Xie He out.
The people inside the private room all exchanged glances….Did…they have to keep this in mind in the future? Would it be best to make sure they didn’t meet again…?
Xie He took his time, leading the younger man to the prepared guest room. He had just turned the corner when he felt a hand press down on his shoulder. He turned to look past his shoulder and flashed a courteous smile. “President Lu, what’s the matter?”
Lu Ting felt stifled. He couldn’t say that he was jealous, could he? His gaze s.h.i.+fted and he looked at the boy. “I also like him.”
Xie He: “….”
Lu Ting loosened his tie and said in a frigid tone, “What? Can’t bear to part with him?”
Xie He coughed quietly. “You purposely came over here to make things difficult for me, didn’t you?”
The younger man watched as these two important figures—neither of whom he could offend—got up into arms over him. He was so frightened he started to tremble. It felt like he was the Gary Stu protagonist of an idol drama…but why did it feel so scary…? Was he really so charming?
Xie He noticed his. He smiled gently at the younger man. “You can leave first. I’ll come find you later.”
The younger man looked like he had been granted amnesty. He didn’t dare look at Lu Ting and simply ran away.
Lu Ting watched as the younger man left and was about to follow when Xie He suddenly pulled him by the tie and pushed him against the wall. Immediately after, Xie He pressed in close, his lips nearly touching Lu Ting’s ears. His voice was low and his warm breath grazed Lu Ting’s ears. “Why don’t you play with me instead?”
Xie He smiled, a hand stroking Lu Ting’s neck. He dug his fingernails into the other’s flesh.
Lu Ting’s eyes darkened at once. A dangerous expression appeared in his eyes. “You want to top me?”
【Lu Ting：This scoundrel! Does he only ever think about s.e.x?!】
【666：I agree! I also really hate this scoundrel! He taught the naive and adorable 444 bad things! He’s always talking about s.e.x or preaching about cynicism! But Boss, you have to calm down! Don’t fall into his trap! According to what I’ve seen in the previous worlds, every time you sleep with him, his Favourability Value will rise!】
【Lu Ting：…Hey, there’s something wrong with what you just said. I don’t hate him.】
【666：……】Calm down, calm down! A system will also be censored if he swears!
The author has something to say:
Huu~ Finally reached the top of the iceberg. It’s starting to converge with the foreshadowing from the beginning. The world will slowly be revealed~
No character in this novel is perfect. Whether it’s the gong or the shou, both of them have their own selfish and dark sides. However, they also have their good points. Life as a human struggling to survive against fate is complicated. This author knows that there will inevitably be some angels that can’t accept the gong or the shou. However, I still want to write the things I’ve envisioned. Although Lu Ting is ‘sc.u.mmy’, he is the only person who is both willing and able to help President Xie. 444 can’t help President Xie because he’s still a child. Don’t make him carry too heavy a burden 23333. Let him be the only sweet naive child in this novel who will be pampered to the end.
There is no one in the world that can be liked by everyone. Furthermore, our gong isn’t your typical mainstream sweet doting gong. This novel isn’t a very carefree novel. But it’s about being helpless in the shadows, only to choose to eliminate the darkness and walk towards the light. This author took a risk and went against what was popular to write an angsty novel. I was mentally prepared to set such settings. There’s no helping it. It’s not like I don’t want to write a silly, cute, naive story, but it’s not my taste so I can’t write it out~ I prefer stories where we find rainbows at the end of a storm. When people become better because of love. Although this is still a brainless story for people to relish in sc.u.m abuse, I still want to express what I want to express.
Lastly, thank you to all the darlings that understand me and support me. I’m grateful. Thumb heart~
Eve: If my math is correct…Xie He is 33 years old. Interesting tidbit. Anyway, just because someone seems strong, doesn’t mean they can’t hurt. The dialogue between Xie He and 444 about the hosts hurt me so badly. Also, the author and I have the same taste. I can go through almost anything for a happy ending. And definitely prefer to have pain before sweetness hahahaha. I rarely read straight fluff. Why am I like this.
sere: d.a.m.n wow the author’s note made the book a lot deeper than just sc.u.m abuse XD (but im ok with straight fluff :333 this story is an exception for when im angsty ok it satisfies a dark urge within me) anyway big sad for LT and is big angst.