A few examples of the influences of such a.s.sociation may here be given, referring miscellaneously to various forms of erotic symbolism. Magnan has recorded the case of a hair-fetichist, living in a district where the women wore their hair done up, who at the age of 15 experienced pleasurable feelings with erection at the sight of a village beauty combing her hair; from that time flowing hair became his fetich, and he could not resist the temptation to touch it and if possible sever it, thus becoming a hair-despoiler, for which he was arrested but not sentenced. (Archives de l"Anthropologie Criminelle, vol. v, No. 28.)
I have elsewhere recorded the history of a boy of 14, having already had imperfect connection with a grown-up woman, who a.s.sociated much with a young married lady; he had no s.e.xual relations with her, but one day she urinated in his presence, and he saw that her mons veneris was covered by very thick hair; from that time he worshiped this woman in secret and acquired a life-long fetichistic attraction to women whose pubic hair was similarly abundant (Studies in the Psychology of s.e.x, vol. iii, Appendix B, History V).
Roubaud reported the case of a general"s son, s.e.xually initiated at the age of 14 by a blonde young lady of 21 who, in order to avoid detection, always retained her clothing: gaiters, a corset and a silk dress; when the boy"s studies were completed and he was sent to a garrison where he could enjoy freedom he found that his s.e.xual desires could only be aroused by blonde women dressed like the lady who had first aroused his s.e.xual desires; consequently he gave up all thoughts of matrimony, as a woman in nightclothes produced impotence (Traite de l"Impuissance, p. 439). Krafft-Ebing records the somewhat similar case of a nervous Polish boy of old family seduced at the age of 17 by a French governess, who during several months practiced mutual masturbation with him; in this way his attention became attracted by her very elegant boots, and in the end he became a confirmed boot-fetichist (Psychopathia s.e.xualis, English translation, p. 249).
A boy of 7, of bad heredity, was taught to m.a.s.t.u.r.b.a.t.e by a servant girl; on one occasion she practiced this on him with her foot without taking off her shoe; it was the first time the manuvre gave him any pleasure, and an a.s.sociation was thus established which led to shoe-fetichism (Hammond, s.e.xual Impotence, p. 44). A government official whose first coitus in youth took place on a staircase; the sound of his partner"s creaking shoes against the stairs, produced by her efforts to accelerate o.r.g.a.s.m, formed an a.s.sociation which developed into an auditory shoe-fetichism; in the streets he was compelled to follow ladies whose shoes creaked, e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.i.o.n being thus produced, while to obtain complete satisfaction he would make a prost.i.tute, otherwise naked, sit in front of him in her shoes, moving her feet so that the shoes creaked. (Moraglia, Archivio di Psichiatria, vol. xiii, p. 568.)
Bechterew, in St. Petersburg, has recorded the case of a man who when a child used to fall asleep at the knees of his nurse with his head buried in the folds of her ap.r.o.n; in this position he first experienced erection and voluptuous sensations; when a youth he had no attraction to naked women, and in real life and in dreams was only excited s.e.xually under conditions recalling his early experience; in his relations with women he preferred them dressed, and was excited by the rustling sound of their skirts; in this case there was no traceable neuropathic taint nor any other personal peculiarity. (Summarized in Journal de Psychologie Normale et Pathologique, January-February, 1904, p. 72.)
In a curious case recorded in detail by Moll, a philologist of sensitive temperament but sound heredity, who had always been fond of flowers, at the age of 21 became engaged to a young lady who wore large roses fastened in her jacket; from this time roses became to him a s.e.xual fetich, to kiss them caused erection, and his erotic dreams were accompanied by visions of roses and the hallucination of their odor; the engagement was finally broken off and the rose-fetichism disappeared (Untersuchungen uber Libido s.e.xualis, bd. i, p. 540).
Such a.s.sociations may naturally occur in the early experiences of even the most normal persons. The degree to which they will influence the subsequent life and thought and feeling depends on the degree of the individual"s morbid emotional receptivity, on the extent to which he is hereditarily susceptible of abnormal deviation. Precocity is undoubtedly a condition which favors such deviation; a child who is precociously and abnormally sensitive to persons of the opposite s.e.x before p.u.b.erty has established the normal channels of s.e.xual desire, is peculiarly liable to become the prey of a chance symbolism. All degrees of such symbolism are possible. While the average insensitive person may fail to perceive them at all, for the more alert and imaginative lover they are a fascinating part of the highly charged crystallization of pa.s.sion. A more nervously exceptional person, when once such a symbolism has become firmly implanted, may find it an absolutely essential element in the charm of a beloved and charming person. Finally, for the individual who is thoroughly unsound the symbol becomes generalized; a person is no longer desired at all, being merely regarded as an appendage of the symbol, or being dispensed with altogether; the symbol is alone desired, and is fully adequate to impart by itself complete s.e.xual gratification. While it must be considered a morbid state to demand a symbol as an almost essential part of the charm of a desired person, it is only in the final condition, in which the symbol becomes all-sufficing, that we have a true and complete perversion. In the less complete forms of symbolism it is still the woman who is desired, and the ends of procreation may be served; when the woman is ignored and the mere symbol is an adequate and even preferred stimulus to detumescence the pathological condition becomes complete.
Krafft-Ebing regarded shoe-fetichism as, in large measure, a more or less latent form of masochism, the foot or the shoe being the symbol of the subjection and humiliation which the m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.t feels in the presence of the beloved object. Moll is also inclined to accept such a connection.
"The very numerous cla.s.s of boot-and-shoe-fetichists," Krafft-Ebing wrote, "forms the transition to the manifestations of another independent perversion, i.e., fetichism itself; but it stands in closer relationship to the former.... It is highly probable, and shown by a correct cla.s.sification of the observed cases, that the majority, and perhaps all of the cases of shoe-fetichism, rest upon a basis of more or less conscious m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.tic desire for self-humiliation.... The majority or all may be looked upon as instances of latent masochism (the motive remaining unconscious) in which the female foot or shoe, as the m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.t"s fetich, has acquired an independent significance." (Psychopathia s.e.xualis, English translation of tenth edition, pp. 159, et seq.) "Though Krafft-Ebing may not have cleared up the whole matter," Moll remarks, "I regard his deductions concerning the connection of foot-and-shoe fetichism to masochism as the most important progress that has been made in the theoretic study of s.e.xual perversions.... In any case, the connection is very frequent." (Kontrare s.e.xualempfindung, third edition, p. 306.)
It is quite easy to see that this supposed ident.i.ty of masochism and foot-fetichism forms a seductive theory. It is also undoubtedly true that a m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.t may very easily be inclined to find in his mistress"s foot an aid to the ecstatic self-abnegation which he desires to attain.[20] But only confusion is attained by any general attempt to amalgamate masochism and foot-fetichism. In the broad sense in which erotic symbolism is here understood, both masochism and foot-fetichism may be coordinated as symbolisms; for the m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.t his self-humiliating impulses are the symbol of ecstatic adoration; for the foot-fetichist his mistress"s foot or shoe is the concentrated symbol of all that is most beautiful and elegant and feminine in her personality. But if in this sense they are coordinated, they remain entirely distinct and have not even any necessary tendency to become merged. Masochism merely simulates foot-fetichism; for the m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.t the boot is not strictly a symbol, it is only an instrument which enables him to carry out his impulse; the true s.e.xual symbol for him is not the boot, but the emotion of self-subjection. For the foot-fetichist, on the other hand, the foot or the shoe is not a mere instrument, but a true symbol; the focus of his worship, an idealized object which he is content to contemplate or reverently touch. He has no necessary impulse to any self-degrading action, nor any constant emotion of subjection. It may be noted that in the very typical case of foot-fetichism which is presented to us in the person of Restif de la Bretonne (ante, p. 18), he repeatedly speaks of "subjecting" the woman for whom he feels this fetichistic adoration, and mentions that even when still a child he especially admired a delicate and fairy-like girl in this respect because she seemed to him easier to subjugate. Throughout life Restif"s att.i.tude toward women was active and masculine, without the slightest trace of masochism.[21]
To suppose that a fetichistic admiration of his mistress"s foot is due to a lover"s latent desire to be kicked, is as unreasonable as it would be to suppose that a fetichistic admiration for her hand indicated a latent desire to have his ears boxed. In determining whether we are concerned with a case of foot-fetichism or of masochism we must take into consideration the whole of the subject"s mental and emotional att.i.tude. An act, however definite, will not suffice as a criterion, for the same act in different persons may have altogether different implications. To amalgamate the two is the result of inadequate psychological a.n.a.lysis and only leads to confusion.
It is, however, often very difficult to decide whether we are dealing with a case which is predominantly one of masochism or of foot-fetichism. The nature of the action desired, as we have seen, will not suffice to determine the psychological character of the perversion. Krafft-Ebing believed that the desire to be trodden on, very frequently experienced by m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.ts, is absolutely symptomatic of masochism.[22] This is scarcely the case. The desire to be trodden on may be fundamentally an erotic symbolism, closely approaching foot-fetichism, and such slight indications of masochism as appear may be merely a parasitic growth on the symbolism, a growth perhaps more suggested by the circ.u.mstances involved in the gratification of the abnormal desire than inherent in the innate impulse of the subject. This may be ill.u.s.trated by the interesting case of a very intelligent man with whom I am well acquainted.
C. P., aged 38. Heredity good. Parents both healthy and normal. Several children of the marriage, all s.e.xually normal so far as is known. C. P. is the youngest of the family and separated from the others by an interval of many years. He was a seven-months" child. He has always enjoyed good health and is active and vigorous, both mentally and physically.
From the age of 9 or 10 to 14 he m.a.s.t.u.r.b.a.t.ed occasionally for the sake of physical relief, having discovered the act for himself. He was, however, quite innocent and knew nothing of s.e.xual matters, never having been initiated either by servants or by other boys.
"When I encounter a woman who very strongly attracts me and whom I very greatly admire," he writes, "my desire is never that I may have s.e.xual connection with her in the ordinary sense, but that I may lie down upon the floor on my back and be trampled upon by her. This curious desire is seldom present unless the object of my admiration is really a lady, and of fine proportions. She must be richly dressed-preferably in an evening gown, and wear dainty high-heeled slippers, either quite open so as to show the curve of the instep, or with only one strap or "bar" across. The skirts should be raised sufficiently to afford me the pleasure of seeing her feet and a liberal amount of ankle, but in no case above the knee, or the effect is greatly reduced. Although I often greatly admire a woman"s intellect and even person, s.e.xually no other part of her has any serious attraction for me except the leg, from the knee downwards, and the foot, and these must be exquisitely clothed. Given this condition, my desire amounts to a wish to gratify my s.e.xual sense by contact with the (to me) attractive part of the woman. Comparatively few women have a leg or foot sufficiently beautiful to my mind to excite any serious or compelling desire, but when this is so, or I suspect it, I am willing to spend any time or trouble to get her to tread upon me and am anxious to be trampled on with the greatest severity.
"The treading should be inflicted for a few minutes all over the chest, abdomen and groin, and lastly on the p.e.n.i.s, which is, of course, lying along the belly in a violent state of erection, and consequently too hard for the treading to damage it. I also enjoy being nearly strangled by a woman"s foot.
"If the lady finally stands facing my head and places her slipper upon my p.e.n.i.s so that the high heel falls about where the p.e.n.i.s leaves the s.c.r.o.t.u.m, the sole covering most of the rest of it and with the other foot upon the abdomen, into which I can see as well as feel it sink as she shifts her weight from one foot to the other, o.r.g.a.s.m takes place almost at once. Emission under these conditions is to me an agony of delight, during which practically the lady"s whole weight should rest upon the p.e.n.i.s.
"One reason for my special pleasure in this method seems to be that first the heel and afterwards the sole of the slipper as it treads upon the p.e.n.i.s greatly check the pa.s.sage of the s.e.m.e.n and consequently the pleasure is considerably prolonged. There is also a curious mental side to the affair. I love to imagine that the lady who is treading upon me is my mistress and I her slave, and that she is doing it to punish me for some fault, or to give herself (not me) pleasure.
"It follows that the greater the contempt and severity with which I am "punished," the greater becomes my pleasure. The idea of "punishment" or "slavery" is seldom aroused except when I have great difficulty in accomplishing my desire and the treader is more than usually handsome and heavy and the trampling mercilessly inflicted. I have been trampled so long and so mercilessly several times, that I have flinched each time the slipper pressed its way into my aching body and have been black and blue for days afterwards. I take the greatest interest in leading ladies on to do this for me where I think I will not offend, and have been surprisingly successful. I must have lain beneath the feet of quite a hundred women, many of them of good social position, who would never dream of permitting any ordinary s.e.xual intercourse, but who have been so interested or amused by the idea as to do it for me-many of them over and over again. It is perhaps needless to say that none of my own or the ladies" clothing is ever removed, or disarranged, for the accomplishment of o.r.g.a.s.m in this manner. After a long and varied experience, I may say that my favorite weight is 10 to 11 stone, and that black, very high-heeled slippers, in combination with tan silk stockings, seem to give me the greatest pleasure and create in me the strongest desires.
"Boots, or outdoor shoes, do not attract me to anything like the same degree, although I have, upon several occasions, enjoyed myself fairly well by their use. Nude women repel me, and I find no pleasure in seeing a woman in tights. I am not averse to normal s.e.xual connection and occasionally employ it. To me, however, the pleasure is far inferior to that of being trampled upon. I also derive keen pleasure-and usually have a strong erection-from seeing a woman, dressed as I have described, tread upon anything which yields under her foot-such as the seat of a carriage, the cushions of a punt, a footstool, etc., and I enjoy seeing her crush flowers by treading upon them. I have often strolled along in the wake of some handsome lady at a picnic or garden party, for the pleasure of seeing the gra.s.s upon which she has trodden rise slowly again after her foot has pressed it. I delight also to see a carriage sway as a woman leaves or enters it-anything which needs the pressure of the foot.
"To pa.s.s now to the origin of this direction of my feelings.
"Even in early childhood I admired pretty feminine foot-gear, and in the contemplation of it experienced vague sensations which I now recognize as s.e.xual. When a lad of 14 or so, I stayed a good deal at the house of some intimate friends of my parents, the daughter of the house-an only child-a beautiful and powerful girl, about six years my senior, being my special chum. This girl was always daintily dressed, and having most lovely feet and ankles not unnaturally knew it. Whenever possible she dressed so as to show off their beauty to the best advantage-rather short skirts and usually little high-heeled slippers-and was not averse to showing them in a most distractingly coquettish manner. She seemed to have a pa.s.sion for treading upon things which would scrunch or yield under her foot, such as flowers, little windfallen apples and pears, acorns, etc., or heaps of hay, straw or cut gra.s.s. As we wandered about the gardens-for we were left to do exactly as we liked-I got quite accustomed to seeing her hunt out and tread upon such things, and used to chaff her about it. At that time I was-as I am still-fond of lying at full length on a thick hearthrug before a good fire. One evening as I was lying in this way and we were alone, A. crossed the room to reach a bangle from the mantelpiece. Instead of reaching over me, she playfully stepped upon my body, saying that she would show me how the hay and straw felt. Naturally I fell in with the joke and laughed. After standing upon me a few moments she raised her skirt slightly and, holding on to the mantelpiece for support, stretched out one dainty foot in its brown silk stocking and high-heeled slipper to the blaze to warm, while looking down and laughing at my scarlet, excited face. She was a perfectly frank and charming girl, and I feel pretty certain that, although she evidently enjoyed my excitement and the feeling of my body yielding under her feet, she did not on this first occasion clearly understand my condition; nor can I remember that, though the desire for s.e.xual gratification drove me nearly mad, it appeared to awaken in her any reciprocal feeling. I took hold of her raised foot and, after kissing it, guided it by an absolutely irresistible impulse on to my p.e.n.i.s, which was as hard as wood and seemed almost bursting. Almost at the moment that her weight was thrown upon it, o.r.g.a.s.m took place for the first time in my life thoroughly and effectively. No description can give any idea of what I felt-I only know that from that moment my distorted s.e.xual focus was fixed forever. Numberless times, after that evening, I felt the weight of her dainty slippers, and nothing will ever cause the memory of the pleasure she thus gave me to fade. I know that A. came to enjoy treading upon me, as much as I enjoyed having her do it. She had a liberal dress allowance and, seeing the pleasure they gave me, she was always buying pretty stockings and ravishing slippers with the highest and most slender Louis heels she could find and would show them to me with the greatest glee, urging me to lie down that she might try them on me. She confessed that she loved to see and feel them sink into my body as she trod upon me and enjoyed the crunch of the muscles under her heel as she moved about. After some minutes of this, I always guided her slipper on to my p.e.n.i.s, and she would tread carefully, but with her whole weight-probably about 9 stone-and watch me with flashing eyes, flushed cheeks, and quivering lips, as she felt-as she must have done plainly-the throbbing and swelling of my p.e.n.i.s under her foot as emission took place. I have not the smallest doubt that o.r.g.a.s.m took place simultaneously with her, though we never at any time spoke openly of it. This went on for several years on almost every favorable opportunity we had, and after a month or two of separation sometimes four or five times during a single day. Several times during A."s absence I m.a.s.t.u.r.b.a.t.ed by getting her slipper and pressing it with all my strength against the p.e.n.i.s while imagining that she was treading upon me. The pleasure was, of course, very inferior to her attentions. There was never at any time between us any question of normal s.e.xual intercourse, and we were both well content to let things drift as they were.
"A little after 20 I went abroad, and on my return about three years later I found her married. Although we met often, the subject was never alluded to, though we remained firm friends. I confess I often, when I could do so without being seen, looked longingly at her feet and would have gladly accepted the pleasure she could have given me by an occasional resumption of our strange practice-but it never came.
"I went abroad again, and now neither she nor her husband are alive and leave no issue. From time to time I have had occasional relations with prost.i.tutes, but always in this manner, though I much prefer to find some lady of or above my own social position who will do the treading for me. This is, however, interestingly difficult.
"Out of say a hundred women (which at home and abroad is what I should estimate must have stood upon my body) I should say quite 80 or 85 were not prost.i.tutes. Certainly not more than 10 to 12 shared any s.e.xual excitement, but while they were evidently excited they were not gratified. A. alone, so far as I know, had complete s.e.xual satisfaction of it. I have never asked a woman in so many words to tread upon me for the purpose of gratifying my s.e.xual desires (prost.i.tutes excepted), but have always tempted them to do it in a jocular or teasing manner, and it is very doubtful if more than a few (married) women really understood, even after they had given me the extreme pleasure, that they had done so, because any flushing and movement on my part under their feet was not unnaturally put down to the trampling to which they were subjecting me, and it was easy for me to guide the foot as often as was necessary on to the p.e.n.i.s till o.r.g.a.s.m took place, and even to keep it there by laying hold of the other one to kiss it or on some other pretext during emission. Of course many understood after once doing it (most have done it only once) what I was at, and, although they did not ever discuss it nor did I, they were not unwilling to give me as many treadings as I cared to playfully suggest. I don"t think they got any pleasure s.e.xually out of it themselves, though they could see plainly that I did, and they did not object to give it me. I have spent as long as twelve months with some women working gradually nearer and nearer to my desire-often getting what I want in the end, but more often failing. I never risk it till I am certain it would be safe to ask it, and have never had a serious rebuff. In very many cases I should say the doing of what I want has simply been regarded by the woman as gratifying a silly and perhaps amusing whim, in which, beyond the novelty of treading on a man"s body, she has taken but little interest.
"As in normal seduction, the endeavor to win the woman over to do what I want without arousing her antagonism is a great part of the charm to me, and naturally the better her social position the more difficult this becomes-and the more attractive. I have found that in three instances prost.i.tutes have performed the same office for other men and knew all about it. It is not uninteresting to note that these three women were all of fine, ma.s.sive build-one standing about 5 feet 10 inches and weighing nearly 14 stone-but with comparatively uninteresting faces. The weight, build and clothing count for a good deal in exciting me. I find that a sudden check to a man at the supreme moment of s.e.xual pleasure tends to heighten and prolong the pleasure. My physical satisfaction is due to the fact that by getting the lady to stand with all her weight upon my p.e.n.i.s (as it lies between her foot and the soft bed of my own body into which it is deeply pressed) the act of emission is enormously prolonged, with corresponding enjoyment. For this reason also I prefer a very high-heeled slipper. The seminal fluid has to be forced past two separate obstacles-the pressure of the heel close at the root of the p.e.n.i.s and afterwards the ball of the foot which compresses the outer half, leaving a free portion between them under the arched sole of the slipper. I may add that the pleasure is greatly increased by the retention of the urine, and I always try to retain as much water as I dare. I have an unconquerable aversion to red in slippers or stockings; it will even cause impotence. Why, I know not. Strange as it may seem, although pain and bruising are often inflicted by a severe treading, I have never been in any way injured by the practice, and my pleasure in it seems not to diminish by constant repet.i.tion. The comparative difficulty of obtaining the pleasure from just the woman I want has a never-ending, if inexplicable, charm for me."
It will be observed that in this case special importance is attached to shoes with high heels, and the subject considers that the pressure of such shoes is for mechanical reasons most favorable for procuring e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.i.o.n. Nearly all heteros.e.xual shoe-fetichists seem, however, to be equally attracted by high heels. Restif de la Bretonne frequently referred to this point, and he gave a number of reasons for the attractiveness of high heels: (1) They are unlike men"s boots and, therefore, have a s.e.xual fascination; (2) they make the leg and foot look more charming; (3) they give a less bold and more sylph-like character to the walk; (4) they keep the feet clean. (Restif de la Bretonne, Nuits de Paris, vol. v, quoted in Preface to his Mes Inscriptions, p. ciii.) It is doubtless the first reason-the fact that high heels are a kind of secondary s.e.xual character-which is most generally potent in this attraction.
The foregoing history, while it very distinctly brings before us a case of erotic symbolism, is not strictly an example of shoe-fetichism. The symbolism is more complex. The focus of beauty in a desirable woman is transferred and concentrated in the region below the knee; in that sense we have foot-fetichism. But the act of coitus itself is also symbolically transferred. Not only has the foot become the symbol of the v.u.l.v.a, but trampling has become the symbol of coitus; intercourse takes place symbolically per pedem. It is a result of this symbolization of the foot and of trampling that all acts of treading take on a new and symbolical s.e.xual charm. The element of masochism-of pleasure in being a woman"s slave-is a parasitic growth; that is to say, it is not founded in the subject"s const.i.tution, but chances to have found a favorable soil in the special circ.u.mstances under which his s.e.xual life developed. It is not primary, but secondary, and remains an unimportant and merely occasional element.
It may be instructive to bring forward for comparison a case in which also we have a symbolism involving boot-fetichism, but extending beyond it. In this case there is a basis of inversion (as is not infrequent in erotic symbolisms), but from the present point of view the psychological significance of the case remains the same.
A. N., aged 29, unmarried, healthy, though not robust, and without any known hereditary taint. Has followed various avocations without taking great interest in them, but has shown some literary ability.
"I am an Englishman," his own narrative runs, "the third of three children. At my birth my father was 41 and my mother 34. My mother died of cancer when I was 15. My father is still alive, a reserved man, who still nurses his sorrow for his wife"s death. I have no reason to believe my parents anything but normal and useful members of society. My sister is normal and happily married. My brother I have reason to believe to be an invert.
"A horoscope cast for me describes me in a way I think correct, and so do my friends: "A mild, obliging, gentle, amiable person, with many fine traits of character; timid in nature, fond of society, loving peace and quietude, delighting in warm and close friendships. There is much that is firm, steadfast and industrious, some self-love, a good deal of diplomacy, a little that is subtle, or what is called finesse. You are reserved with those you dislike. There is a serious and sad side to your character; you are very thoughtful and contemplative when in these moods. But you are not pessimistic. You have superior abilities, for they are intuitively intellectual. There is a cold reticence which restrains generous impulses and which inclines to acquisitiveness; it will make you deliberate, inventive, adding self-esteem, some vanity."
"At an early age I was left much alone in the nursery and there contracted the habit of masturbation long before the age of p.u.b.erty. I use the word "masturbation" for want of a better, though it may not quite describe my case. I have never used my hand to the p.e.n.i.s. As far back as I can remember I have had what a Frenchman has described as "le fetichisme de la chaussure," and in those early days, before I was 6 years old, I would put on my father"s boots, taken from a cupboard at hand, and then tying or strapping my legs together would produce an erection, and all the pleasurable feelings experienced, I suppose, by means of masturbation. I always did this secretly, but couldn"t tell why. I continued this practice on and off all my boyhood and youth. When I discovered the first emission I was much surprised. I always did this thing without loosening my trousers. As to how these feelings arose I am totally unable to say. I can"t remember being without such feelings, and they seem to me perfectly normal. The sight, or even thought, of high boots, or leggings, especially if well polished or in patent leather, would set all my s.e.xual pa.s.sions aflame, and does yet. As a boy my great desire was to wear these things. A soldier in boots and spurs, a groom in tops, or even an errand-boy in patent leather leggings, fascinated me, and to this day, despite reason and everything else. The sight of such things produced an erection. An emission I could always produce by tightly tying my legs together, but only when wearing boots, and preferably leggings, which when I had pocket money I bought for this purpose. (At the present moment I have five pairs in the house and two pairs of high boots, quite unjustified by ordinary use.) This habit I lapse into yet at times. The smell of leather affects me, but I never know how far this may be due to a.s.sociation with boots; the smell suggests the image. Restraint by a leather strap is more exciting than by cords. Erotic dreams always take the form of restraint on the limbs when booted.
"Uniforms and liveries have a great temptation for me, but only when of a tight-fitting nature and smart, as soldiers", grooms", etc., but not sailors"; most powerfully when the person is in boots or leggings and breeches.
"I was a quiet, sensitive boy, taking no part in games or sports. Have always been indifferent to them. I made few friends, but didn"t want them. The craving for friendship came much later, after I was 21. I was a day boy at a private school, and never had any conversation with any boy on s.e.xual matters, though I was dimly aware of much "nastiness" about the school. I knew nothing of sodomy. But all these things were repulsive to me, notwithstanding my secret practices. I was a "good boy."
"Up to the age of 21 I was perfectly satisfied with my own society, something of a prig, fond of books and reading, etc. I was and ever have been absolutely insensible to the influence of the other s.e.x. I am not a woman hater, and take intellectual pleasure in the society of certain ladies, but they are nearly all much older than myself. I have a strong repulsion from s.e.xual relations with women. I should not mind being married for the sake of companionship and for the sake of having boys of my own. But the s.e.xual act would frighten me. I could not in my present frame of mind go to bed with a woman. Yet I feel an immense envy of my married friends in that they are able to give out, and find satisfaction for, their affection in a way that is quite impossible for me. I picture certain boys in the place of the wife.
"I am now only happy in the society of men younger than myself, age 17 to (say) 23 or 24, youths with smooth faces, or first sign of hair on lip, well groomed, slightly effeminate in feature, of sympathetic, perhaps weak nature. I feel I want to help them, do something for them, devote myself entirely to their welfare.
"With such there is no fixed line between friendship and love. I yearn for intimacy with particular friends, but never dare express it. I find so many people object to any strong expression of feeling that I dare not run the risk of appearing ridiculous in the eyes of these desired intimates.
"I have no desire for paedicatio, but the idea itself does not repulse me or seem unnatural, though personally it repels me a little. But I think this to be mere prejudice on my part, which might be broken down if the loved person showed a willingness to act a pa.s.sive part. I should never dare to make an advance, however.
"I am restrained by moral and religious considerations from making my real feelings known, and I feel I should sink in my own estimation if I gave way, though my natural desire is to do so. In the face of opportunities (not I mean of paedicatio, but of expression of excessive affection, etc.), or what might be such, I always fail to speak lest I should forfeit the esteem of the other person. I have a feeling of surprise when any one I like evinces a liking for me. I feel that those I love are immeasurably my superiors, though my reason may tell me it is not so. I would grovel at their feet, do anything to win a smile from them, or to make them give me their company.
"Ordinary bodily contact with the boy I love gives me most exquisite pleasure, and I never lose an opportunity of bringing such contact about when it can be done naturally. I feel an immense desire to embrace, kiss, squeeze, etc., the person, to generally maul him, and say nice things-the kind of things a man usually says to a woman. A handshake, the mere presence of the person, makes me happy and content.
"I can say with the Albanian: "If I find myself in the presence of the beloved, I rest absorbed in gazing on him. Absent, I think of nought but him. If the beloved unexpectedly appears I fall into confusion. My heart beats faster. I have eyes and ears only for the beloved."
"I feel that my capacity of affection is finer and more spiritual than that which commonly subsists between persons of different s.e.xes. And so, while trying to fight my instincts by religion, I find my natural feeling to be part of my religion, and its highest expression. In this sense I can speak from experience in my own case, and more especially in that of my brother, that what you have said about philanthropic activity resulting from repressed h.o.m.os.e.xuality is very true indeed. I can say with one of your female cases: "Love is to me a religion. The very nature of my affection for my friends precludes the possibility of any element entering into it which is not absolutely pure and sacred." I am, however, madly jealous. I want entire possession, and I can"t bear for a moment that any one I do not care for should know the person I love.
"I am never attracted by men older than myself. The youths who attract me may be of any cla.s.s, though preferably, I think, of a cla.s.s a little lower than myself. I am not quite sure of this, however, as circ.u.mstances may have contributed more than deliberate choice to bring certain youths under my notice. Those who have exercised the most powerful influence on me have been an Oxford undergraduate, a barber"s a.s.sistant, and a plumber"s apprentice. Though naturally fond of intellectual society, I do not ask for intellect in those I love. It goes for nothing. I always prefer their company to that of the most educated persons. This preference has alienated me to some extent from more refined and educated circles that formerly I was intimate with.
"I have been led entirely out of my old habits by a.s.sociation with younger friends, and now do things which before I should never have dreamed of doing. My thoughts now are always with certain youths, and if they speak of leaving the town, or in any way talk of a future that I cannot share, I suffer horrid sinkings of the heart and depression of spirits."
This case, while it concerns a person of quite different temperament, with a more innate predisposition to specific perversions, is yet in many respects a.n.a.logous to the previous case. There is boot-fetichism; nothing is felt to be so attractive as the foot-gear, and there is also at the same time more than this; there is the attraction of repression and constraint developed into a s.e.xual symbol. In C. P."s case that symbolism arises from the experience of an abnormal heteros.e.xual relationship; in A. N."s case it is founded on auto-erotic experiences a.s.sociated with inversion; in both alike the entire symbolism has become diffused and generalized.
In the two cases just brought forward we have an erotic symbolism of act founded on, and closely a.s.sociated with, an erotic symbolism of object. It may be instructive to bring forward another case in which no fetichistic feeling toward an object can be traced, but an erotic symbolism still clearly exists. In this case pain, even when self-inflicted, has acquired a symbolic value as a stimulus to tumescence, without any element of masochism. Such a case serves to indicate how the s.e.xual attraction of pain is really a special case of the erotic symbolism with which we are here concerned.
A. W., aged 50, a writer and lecturer, physically and mentally energetic and enjoying good health. He is, however, very emotional and of nervous temperament, but self-controlled. Though physically well developed, the s.e.xual organs are small. He is married to an attractive woman, to whom he is much attached, and has two healthy children.
At 10 or 12 years of age he had a frequent desire to be whipped, his parents never having struck him, and on one occasion he asked a brother to go with him to the closet to get him to whip him on the posterior; but on arrival he was too shy to make the request. He did not recognize the cause of these desires, knowing nothing of such things except from the misinformation of his school-fellows" talk. As far as he can remember, he was an entirely normal, healthy boy up to the age of about 15, when his attention was arrested by an advertis.e.m.e.nt of a quack medicine for the results of "youthful excesses."
Being a city boy, he was unfamiliar with the coupling even of animals, had never had a conscious erection and did not know of frictional excitement. Experiment, however, resulted in an o.r.g.a.s.m, and, though believing that it was wicked or at least weak and degrading, he indulged in masturbation at intervals, usually about six times a month, and has continued even up to the present.