Vix knew Caitlin was fishing but she wasn"t taking her bait.
"Oh, now I"ve embarra.s.sed you!" Caitlin said.
"I"m not embarra.s.sed."
"You are a I can tell."
"Okay, fine. I"m embarra.s.sed."
Caitlin laughed, squeezed Vix"s thigh, and sang all the way home.
Sharkey SOMETHING"S GOING ON and he doesn"t like it. He follows them one night way the h.e.l.l out to Menemsha Pond. Sees Vix climb into the back of a truck with some guy. What"s she doing with him? She could get herself in real trouble. And who knows what Caitlin"s up to with the other one? Should he say something to Lamb? If he does and they find out they"ll accuse him of being weird, of never having s.e.x except by himself. The Portnoy of his generation. He can"t fall asleep without jerking off, imagining how it would be if they got into the back of his truck, his sister and her best friend. He can"t even look at them anymore without being scared he"ll get a hard-on. Lamb would kill him if he knew. But he"s never going to know. No one is.
Daniel CAITLIN. THAT b.i.t.c.h! A couple of years ago he"d wanted to blow her away. Now he wouldn"t mind her blowing him. He can"t get her out of his mind. The way she taunts him when she"s in the outdoor shower, using her hands, not a washcloth. Her hands on her perfect little t.i.ts. Her hands on her soapy p.u.s.s.y. She closes her eyes, tilts her head way back, and sings "Eye of the Tiger." A command performance. She knows he"s watching. Lamb would kill him if he knew. But h.e.l.l, it"s not like he"s her blood relative.
It"s a d.a.m.n good thing he"s got Bailey to take his mind off the b.i.t.c.h. Bailey, who"s working as an au pair in Edgartown, going into her soph.o.m.ore year at Smith. You"ll come to Northhampton, right, Daniel? You promise? Sure he"ll come a any second now. So what if he has to tell her he loves her during the act? At that moment he does.
ABBY WAS growing suspicious. "Where do you two go every night?" she asked Caitlin and Vix.
"We hang out with friends," Caitlin told her, which wasn"t exactly a lie, except the friends Abby thought they were talking about were the other girls from the cleaning service. "Sometimes we take in a movie," Caitlin added. "We can"t get into any of the clubs. They card everyone."
"I wish you"d invite your friends to our house," Abby said.
Vix felt so deceitful. If it had been up to her she"d have gladly brought Bru to the house. But Caitlin said never. Abby was never going to know about Von or Bru.
Okay, okay a Vix had to swear never to mention them although she didn"t see why. She wanted to show off Bru to everyone. She wanted to write home about him. She wanted to tell the world she was in love with Joseph Brudegher and he was in love with her.
She made the mistake of admitting that to Caitlin.
"Oh, please a they all say they love you during s.e.x. It doesn"t mean a thing."
"Bru doesn"t say things he doesn"t mean," Vix told her.
"Vix a don"t make this into something more than it is. I mean, what do you think happens when we leave here on Labor Day? You think they sit around waiting for us to come back? It"s a summer romance. End of story."
It was still July. Why did she have to think about Labor Day?
"I just don"t want you to get hurt," Caitlin told her.
Vix remembered the redhead crying her eyes out at the pizza place. No guy will ever make me feel that bad! And she hated Caitlin for reminding her. So what if it was just a summer romance? Did that mean she shouldn"t enjoy it?
Caitlin wrapped her arms around Vix. "I"m glad you"re happy. Really. I"m glad you"re in love. Just remember, no matter how many guys come and go we"ll always be together. Friends last longer than lovers."
19.
ABBY ENCOURAGED THEM to throw a party for Vix"s seventeenth birthday. "You can invite the girls from work a and Daniel and Gus will bring their friends from the Harborview." She said this as if it were a brilliant idea. "We could do a barbecue or even a clambake." Poor Abby. She wanted so much for things to work out between all of them, to play mother to her brood.
But Caitlin had her own plans and they didn"t include Abby or the Chicago Boys. She chose a remote beach on Chappaquidd.i.c.k as the site for Vix"s party. And the only people she invited were Bru and Von.
Vix had never been to Chappy but she"d heard plenty about the scandal involving the senator and the young political a.s.sistant, and how she"d been trapped inside his car when it rolled off the Dike Bridge and into the dark waters.
"Talk about following your pointer!" Caitlin said. "And G.o.d knows what she was following."
"Maybe she thought she was in love."
"That was her first mistake," Caitlin said.
"And her last." Vix hadn"t intended to make a joke of it but Caitlin laughed anyway.
In Edgartown she and Vix waited for the tiny car ferry to shuttle them across to Chappy, then Caitlin drove for miles, as if she knew exactly where she was going, as if she"d been there a million times before, though Vix couldn"t imagine when. Finally the ocean came into view, as calm and blue as Vix had ever seen it, rimmed by a long white sandy beach, almost deserted. Bru and Von were already there, waiting.
Caitlin was wearing her black bikini that day, the one with the bottom cut up to her waist. She coated herself with suntan lotion, slowly, asking Von to do her back. He lifted her hair to get her neck and her shoulders, and as he did she stood with her face upturned to the sun, her eyes closed. Something about it was so sensual Vix felt uncomfortable and turned away, meeting Bru"s gaze.
The midsummer heat wave was making headlines and the temperature of the ocean made it feel like a pond. Vix always kept both feet on the ground in the ocean, fearful not just of the waves washing over her, suffocating her, but of the undertow and, even worse, a riptide. If you were caught in a riptide and weren"t able to swim parallel to sh.o.r.e it could carry you out so far you"d never be able to get back. Her worst nightmare was to be trapped underwater like Mary Jo, the senator"s friend. But today, with no surf and hardly any undertow, she floated on her back as the water gently lifted then released her, like a seesaw. With Bru watching there was no reason to be afraid.
Late in the day, she and Bru walked hand in hand along the water"s edge, stopping once to lie in the wet sand, their bodies pressed together, his hand pushing up the top of her bikini as they kissed hot, salty kisses. When he promised a surprise for her birthday, she smiled. After all, wasn"t he what she wanted more than anything? But not here, not now. It would happen later, after dark, with the stars overhead and Stevie Nicks singing.
By the time they got back Caitlin and Von had the picnic supper spread out on Abby"s best blue and white cloth. "I know you"ll be disappointed," Von told them, "but Caitlin forgot the tofu."
This had become a running joke between them since Caitlin had convinced Von to give up his Marlboros. She"d told him how she hated the smell and the taste of tobacco and just like that, he"d gone cold turkey. Hey a what guy in his right mind wouldn"t trade his Marlboros for Caitlin? he wanted to know. But give up his barbecued chicken, greasy burgers, and fries? Give a guy a break. There was a limit to his adoration.
He came up behind Caitlin, his arms around her waist, his mouth against her neck. "I guess I"m gonna have to eat her instead," he said, nibbling his way down to her shoulder, while she closed her eyes.
It was a rare, sultry Vineyard night and Vix threw Bru"s old shirt over her bikini but she didn"t b.u.t.ton it. After they"d polished off the chips and salsa, the couscous and veggies, the bread and fruit, after the guys had each put away a couple of beers, Caitlin carried out the birthday cake with one sparkler blazing in the center. They sang to her, making her laugh with their off-key rendition of "Happy Birthday," then Caitlin dropped to her knees, taking Vix"s face between her hands like a lover, kissing her directly on the lips, embarra.s.sing the guys and Vix. "Did you make a wish?" she asked.
"Yes."
"What"d you wish for?"
"I can"t tell a if I do, it won"t come true." But she looked at Bru and knew her wish was going to come true.
Caitlin laughed, then flopped down beside Von. "And now a" she said, pulling a fat joint out of a Baggie, "a little something to help us celebrate."
"What"s this?" Von asked, totally disbelieving. "Since when does the Tofu Queen indulge?"
"Oh, come on a" Caitlin laughed. "It"s not tobacco a it"s homegrown stuff a direct from Santa Fe." She lit up, took a drag, and pa.s.sed it to Von, who didn"t argue, but closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, before pa.s.sing it to Vix.
Somebody always had a joint at school parties. By then she"d been to her share and that was the least of what they had. Sure, she"d tried it a couple of times, not enough to get really stoned though. It made her more sleepy than silly. But that night she already felt so high a"from the moonlight, from the music, from the promise of what was to comea"that when Von pa.s.sed her the joint she took a deep drag, then lay with her head in Bru"s lap watching the stars overhead. If you concentrated on the sky on a night like this you could almost always find a shooting star. On the boom box James was singing "How Sweet It Is" a then Carly joined in on "Devoted to You," which made Vix sad because everyone knew they"d split up. She had no idea how much time had pa.s.sed, how many drags she"d taken on the joint, when Caitlin jumped up. "Wait a" she cried. "I forgot to give Vix her present!" She grabbed a flashlight and raced back to the truck, returning with a big, beautifully wrapped box. "For you, Vix a "
"For me?" Vix sat up.
"Yes a open it."
"Open it?"
"Yes."
Vix pulled off the paper and ribbon, slowly raised the lid off the box, and lifted out something delicate and white. She wasn"t sure what. She started laughing. Was it a nightgown or a prom dress? And where did Caitlin think she would ever wear it?
"Try it on," Caitlin said.
"Try it on a now?"
"Yes a"
"But I"ve got citronella a and sunscreen a"
"It"s washable," Caitlin said and now she was laughing, too. "I made sure before I bought it a that it was a you know a washable."
"Washable a"
"Yes a washable."
This struck Vix as hysterically funny. She wondered why Bru and Von didn"t get it, didn"t get that this dress, or whatever it was, that was suitable for a princess to wear to a garden party, was washable. The word itselfa"washablea"was enough to send her into gales of laughter.
Caitlin held out her hand. Vix took it and Caitlin pulled her to her feet, then led her behind the dunes. Vix tossed Bru"s shirt up in the air, still laughing. She untied her bikini top and flung that aside, too.
Caitlin dropped the dress over her head. It fell around her, cool and smooth, a perfect fit. Well, maybe it was cut dangerously low in front, but so what? Who was going to see it besides Caitlin and Bru and maybe Von, but he had eyes only for Caitlin.
Caitlin adjusted the silky rose centered between Vix"s b.r.e.a.s.t.s. "Here a" she said, "I think it goes more like this a" and she eased the dress off her shoulders. She stepped back to admire her work. "G.o.d, Vix a you look so beautiful!"
Then they were dancing on the beach, Caitlin and Vix, twirling to "Wild thing a you make my heart sing a" Vix had never felt more beautiful, more desirable. She couldn"t wait to be with Bru! Couldn"t wait to actually make love, to feel him inside her. Was she stoned? Maybe a probably a but so what? For once she wasn"t self-conscious about her body. She was proud of her lush b.r.e.a.s.t.s, her shapely legs glistening with oil, her long dark hair swinging back and forth as she twirled, growing more and more dizzy. It was her birthday, she was seventeen, dancing on the beach in the moonlight as her lover watched, watched with desire written all over his face. Tonight she was the wild thing. The temptress.
Then they were all dancing together, all four of them, and she was thinking, It can"t get any better than this a ever! They were hugging and kissing, so much in love. This will be my best Vineyard memory. This will be the one I remember all my life.
The kissing grew more serious, deeper, hungrier. Vix let her eyes close and she moaned softly, turned on by hot breath, soft lips, hands sliding the dress from her shoulders, hands on her naked b.r.e.a.s.t.s. She felt the hardness inside his shorts and reached down.
"Vix a" he whispered. "Oh baby a"
Oh baby a oh baby? Wait! Something was wrong with this picture. The hands on her body weren"t Bru"s, the lips on her lips weren"t his. She tried to keep her eyes open but everything was so fuzzy.
Suddenly she felt sick. She broke away and raced down to the water. She bounded out in the low tide a farther and farther, until the water caught the skirt of her dress, making it billow out around her like a parachute. Then she leaped like the deer she"d once seen in the pond, until the water was deep enough to carry her. She lay down a lay down and let the rise and fall of the sea carry her away. She could hear Caitlin"s voice screaming, "Oh my G.o.d a Vix a "
And Bru yelling, "Victoria a Victoria!" Then they were coming after her but she didn"t care. She was swimming now, swimming straight out like a mermaid, all the way to China, or whatever was on the other side.
20.
SHE WAS DREAMING of her own funeral. Tawny peered into the casket and yelled at her. Drugs, Victoria! After you promised a One joint! Vix argued, sitting straight up in the casket. One joint between four people.
Tawny wouldn"t accept her feeble excuse. You see a you see now why we made you promise! But you broke your promise, didn"t you? Drugs and s.e.x and a I don"t even want to think about what else. I should have sent you to parochial school.
But I"m dead, Mother. What"s the point in being angry?
Then act dead! Tawny shoved her back down and lowered the lid on the casket.
The scene switched. Vix was in the ocean and it was dark. So dark. She kept slipping under. There was no point in struggling. She might as well give in to it. Suddenly she was grabbed from behind. She thrashed, kicked, screamed. Then she was being carried, no dragged, across the beach. Someone else was there, too. She could hear them whispering as they dumped her body into the back of a pickup truck. But it wasn"t really a truck, it was a hea.r.s.e. They thought she was dead. She cried out and banged on the gla.s.s part.i.tion separating her from them. But it was no use. They couldn"t hear her.
She awakened and sat upright, gasping, drenched with sweat. A terrible feeling washed over her, a feeling of impending doom. By sunrise she was dressed and throwing her clothes into the blue canvas duffel she"d bought with her own money to replace Tawny"s old suitcase. She had to escape. Now a before it was too late.
As daylight lit the room Caitlin stirred. Vix stood absolutely still, willing her to stay asleep. But Caitlin opened her eyes, saw that Vix"s bed was neatly made, looked around, then focused on Vix and her duffel.
"Don"t do this, Vix. Don"t ruin everything."
Vix felt like shouting at her, I"m not the one who ruined it! Even though she couldn"t remember everything about last night she remembered enough. It could have been another Vineyard disaster. She could have been the next Mary Jo.
"So we got a little stoned," Caitlin said. "Big deal. Nothing happened." She gathered her hair with one hand and pulled it away from her face.
When Vix didn"t respond Caitlin sat up and pointed a finger at her. "Where do you come off acting so f.u.c.king self-righteous? It"s not exactly like you were playing jacks with Von!"
Vix felt her legs begin to tremble.
"Look at you a" Caitlin said. "You"re so scared of that side of yourself you have to run away."
Suddenly it all became clear to Vix. "You planned it, didn"t you?"
"Don"t be ridiculous. It was supposed to be the best d.a.m.n birthday you"ve ever had. So maybe it got a little out of control. I"m sorry. Is that what you want me to say?"
"Was Bru in on it? Just tell me a was he part of your plan a or was it just you and Von?"
"You"re paranoid if that"s what you think," Caitlin said. "n.o.body planned anything. It just happened." She lay down again with the blanket pulled up to her chin.
Vix"s head was pounding. If she didn"t get away a if she didn"t get out of here a She zipped up her duffel, expecting Caitlin to jump out of bed and beg her to stay, reminding her that their friendship was more important than anything or anyone.
"You know something?" Caitlin said, her voice a disgusted whisper. "You"re an emotional iceberg, terrified of your own feelings."
Keep your feelings to yourself, Victoria. Don"t ever show anyone your disappointment.
She slung the duffel over her shoulder. "And you"re a disaster waiting to happen!" she told Caitlin.
"Fine, go a" Caitlin dismissed her with a wave of one hand. "Have a mediocre life filled with mediocre people. Forget NBO a forget our pact. Because that"s exactly what you"re heading for a a boring and ordinary life."
"Which is better than what you"re heading for!" Vix longed to slam the bedroom door. Instead, she pulled it closed behind her, tiptoed down the stairs, left a note for Abby and Lamb on the kitchen table, then let herself out the door. Only then did a single sob escape from deep inside. But she swallowed that, too.