When she asked her family why no one had called to tell her he was sick, Lanie answered, "He wasn"t that sick. It was just a summer cold. Two days later he had pneumonia. We didn"t know he was going to a die."
23.
AFTER NATHAN DIED nothing was the same.
She felt more like an outsider in her family than she ever had. Tawny sat stony-faced in the living room. "His suffering has ended," she repeated over and over, like a mantra. "He"s with the Lord now."
Her father lay on Nathan"s bed, shutting her out, leaving her alone with her feelings, alone with her grief.
"Come back to the Vineyard with me," Caitlin said.
Vix shook her head.
"It"s just for a week, just until Labor Day. It"d be good for you."
As much as Vix wanted to see Bru, have him hold her, comfort her, she felt guilty for making love while Nathan lay dying. And it crossed her mind that this could be her punishment for enjoying s.e.x, for defying her mother. She tried to push those thoughts away. What kind of G.o.d would punish her by taking Nathan"s life just because she was having s.e.x with someone she loved? "I can"t leave my family," she told Caitlin. "Not now." Only weeks ago Vix had been convinced her friendship with Caitlin was over. How childish that seemed to her now. If a friend is someone you can depend on when life gets tough, then Caitlin was her friend, traveling home with her, holding her hand at the funeral, even staying behind at the house afterward to clean up the kitchen once those who had come to pay their respects had left.
She started a letter to Bru, but the words wouldn"t come. So she asked Caitlin to give him her message. "Tell him about Nathan and explain a"
"Why you couldn"t come back?"
"Yes a and also a"
"That you miss him?"
Vix nodded.
"What about love a should I tell him you love him?"
No, she thought, shaking her head. That would be too personal. That would have to wait until they were together again.
Vix helped her father dispose of Nathan"s clothes, his toys, the contraption for his bath, his wheelchair. When she said she would like to keep Nathan"s books for herselfa"Green Eggs and Ham, Stuart Little, The Great Brain a"her father broke down and sobbed, the only time she"d ever seen him cry. She tried to console him but he bolted, unable to share his feelings.
If Lewis or Lanie were sad about Nathan"s death they didn"t say. They went on with their lives as if nothing had happened. Vix sometimes thought they were relieved. What kind of family were they? she wondered. What kind of family isn"t able to comfort one another?
When Caitlin returned from the Vineyard she hand-delivered a sympathy card from Bru, stiff, formal, with some bulls.h.i.t message that began In your time of need a It was signed, I"m sorry. Bru. She sent an equally formal card, thanking him for his expression of sympathy and signed it Victoria.
At Christmas he sent a card showing a snowy Vineyard scene. Hoping to see you next summer. Bru. She sent him a card showing a Santa Fe scene. Hoping to see you, too. Victoria.
The Countess asked Tawny to accompany her on a trip to Europe. Tawny went and stayed away almost three months. When she returned she had very little interest in anything or anyone. Lanie was running wild and Lewis was sullen at home, when he was home, which wasn"t often.
Caitlin decided men were too much trouble. "I"m applying to Wellesley," she told Vix at school. "I think I"ll do better without men around to distract me. Besides, I"m thinking of becoming a lesbian a to make a statement. Are you interested?"
"This is a joke, right?"
"It"s whatever you want it to be."
Vix laughed uneasily.
"I take it that means no?"
"Come on, Caitlin a"
"Where"s your sense of adventure a your curiosity?"
"Obviously not where yours is!"
Caitlin sighed.
"Besides," Vix said, "if you"re really a lesbian you"ll be more distracted at Wellesley than a coed school."
"Good point," Caitlin said. Still, she didn"t send in any other applications and in spite of her study habits she was accepted.
Abby convinced Vix to apply to Harvard. "It"s Lamb"s alma mater. He"ll write a letter of recommendation for you."
Harvard? She"d never thought about any school but UNM. But Harvard was in Cambridge, close enough to the Vineyard to commute, if not every day then at least once a week. And Abby and Lamb lived there. She"d have family. So maybe those weren"t the best reasons for choosing a school but who cared? She didn"t think she had a prayer of getting in but she filled out the application anyway.
When it came to listing her special talents all that came to mind was Victoria is a good listener. Her seventh-grade English teacher had written that on her final report card. Was there a way to translate listening into a talent? And if so, how would she describe it? Caitlin Somers chose me as her summer sister because I was smart but quiet. She knew I wouldn"t ask a million questions and get in the way.
She thought about the day she and Caitlin had gone to see The Turning Point, about best friends, ballerinas, who chose different paths, one giving up performing to marry and have children, the other giving up everything else to perform. "I can"t imagine wasting all that talent," Caitlin had said, identifying with the character played by Anne Bancroft.
"Suppose you"re not that talented?" Vix asked.
"Are you saying I"m not?"
"I"m just saying not everyone has that kind of talent."
"But we do."
"Really?"
"Yes," Caitlin said. "I can juggle and you can a do jigsaw puzzles."
"That"ll get us far!" They"d exploded with laughter and rolled around on the floor until their sides ached.
She skipped the talent question and put her effort into the required essay instead, choosing as her topic The Most Influential Person in My Life. Instead of writing about a parent, a teacher, or a superstar like the other seniors, Vix wrote about Caitlin. She compared their friendship to a finely woven tapestry. They"d been pulling threads for years, one here, one there. So far the tapestry could still be mended, and each time it was mended it became stronger. But suppose they pulled the wrong thread? Would the whole piece unravel? Would she and Caitlin have come back together this time if it hadn"t been for Nathan?
She had a local interview with a Harvard alum, Matt Sonnenblick. They talked energy, karma, alternative lifestyles, goals. He dug out his yearbook and showed Vix his senior picture. "I graduated at twenty and made it big before I was forty. I had it all, maybe too soon. That"s why I came out here a to think, to reflect."
But Vix wasn"t listening this time, because right above his picture was Lambert Mayhew Somers III. He"d played soccer and belonged to the Hasty Pudding Club, which made Vix think of instant tapioca. What did his graduation picture tell, anyway? Nothing, except he was good looking. It didn"t tell a thing about how his parents had died when he was a baby, how he"d been raised by his grandmother, how he"d once loved Trisha but had married Phoebe, and then Abby.
By the time her mother returned from Europe, Vix had mailed in her application. "I don"t like the way they"re taking over your life," Tawny told her. "First the Mountain Day School and now Harvard. They"re turning you into their own personal charity."
"They"re not taking over my life. They"re interested in my future, which is more than I can say for you!"
Tawny hauled back and slapped her in the face.
Vix was stunned.
"Don"t forget where you belong, Victoria a where you come from. You think you can be one of them by going to their fancy schools? Fine. Go. See if you fit in. See if they accept you. The rich are different. Believe me, I know what I"m talking about. People who"ve never had to worry about moneya""
"Well, I"ll never be like that," Vix said, before Tawny had finished. "I know how to worry about money." She walked away, her hand against the side of her face. One thing she knew, she wasn"t going to wind up like her mother, disappointed and p.i.s.sed off at the world.
Tawny SHE WAS GETTING MORE like Darlene every day. Bitter and hard. Slapping Victoria that way! Was she coming unglued again? The Countess had recognized the signs. Had taken her away before she"d done something to herself or one of the children.
Ed had given his blessing. Just get well over there, he"d said. Just get over a what happened. We always knew we wouldn"t have him for long. Be thankful he didn"t suffer at the end.
Was Ed G.o.d? Hadn"t he been right there in the hospital room? Was that what he called not suffering? The other children need you, Tawny, he"d told her.
No, they didn"t need her. They never did need her. They had him. He was the one they depended on. They wouldn"t even notice she was gone.
I need you, he"d said.
She doubted that, too.
Sometimes she felt her mother was trying to take over her mind. She had to fight her every day. Leave me alone, Darlene! she wanted to scream. But she wasn"t one to scream.
She should apologize to Victoria. She hadn"t meant to smack her. But if they let her make this move a oh, what was the point? Victoria had turned into the same restless girl she herself had been, counting the hours until she could escape. They might as well write her off now and be done with it.
THE NEXT DAY Tawny approached Vix. "While you"re at it, you might as well marry into it. Then you can take care of your father and me in our old age."
Vix was trying to come up with some smart remark, some remark that might or might not get her face slapped again, when Tawny asked, "What about the brother?"
"The brother?"
"You know who I mean."
"Sharkey a you mean, Sharkey?" Vix started to laugh.
"Why is that funny? He"s not that way, is he?"
"What way is that?" she asked, but Tawny wouldn"t say.
Sometimes she thought her mother wanted her to fail so she could say, I told you so. I told you you don"t belong in their world.
Her father argued with Tawny on her behalf. "A good education opens doors."
"If she wants an education so badly she can go to UNM," Tawny said. "She doesn"t need Harvard."
"This is a pointless argument!" Vix cried. "Who knows if I"m even going to get in?"
But she did get in. And while she was celebrating on her own, keeping her pride and excitement to herself, Lanie celebrated by announcing her pregnancy.
Abby IT"S HER FIRST TRIP to Santa Fe and she"s anxious about meeting Phoebe at graduation. She wears her taupe Armani, a string of pearls, little heels. She"s going for an elegant, understated look. But she sees right away she"s got it all wrong. The other women gathered in the quad at the Mountain Day School are dressed like cowgirls. "At best, Linda Evans in The Big Valleya"at worst, Dale Evans as herself." She wishes Lamb hadn"t dropped her off while he went to park.
The Countess rushes to her side. Precious Girl, she cries, taking her arm, leading her to a striking woman in fringed leather, silver and turquoise jewelry, her hair braided. Darlings a the Countess coos, you two really must get to know one another. After all, you"ve had the same husband, you share the same children.
Her instinct is to run, but her feet won"t move. She can"t swallow. Phoebe breaks the ice first. What a wicked girl you are! she tells the Countess, who laughs heartily, then excuses herself to greet someone else, as if she"s the hostess at a garden party, leaving her alone with Phoebe, who leans close and says, They don"t call her the c.u.n.tess for nothing!
She imagines them in bed together, Phoebe and Lamb, then shuts her eyes tight, trying to erase the picture. She hadn"t expected her to be so exotically beautiful, the long hair, the green eyes. Every male standing in the quad, every straight male, anyway, has his eye on her. And Phoebe knows it.
Phoebe WELL, WELL, WELL a isn"t she something! So chic, so East Coast elegant. In Armani, for G.o.d"s sake. And all this time she"d been so sure it would be Trisha. She tries to contain her laughter.
She hears Caity warning hera"Be nice at graduation, Phoeb, okay? How sweet of Caity to feel protective of Lamb"s new wife, though she"s not sure she likes the idea. Shouldn"t Caity be protecting her?
She tries to imagine Lamb and his bride in bed together, but she"s bothered by the image of him holding this woman the way he once held her. Does she have regrets? Let"s just say she has fond memories. Maybe if he"d been willing to do the Aspen thing, the Santa Fe thing, but Boston a G.o.d help her! She wasn"t about to wind up a proper Yankee wife. How ordinary, how boring!
Tawny SHE HOLDS ON to Ed"s arm, feeling out of place. Not that she doesn"t recognize the faces gathered here. Most have been guests at dinner parties she"s arranged for the Countess. And isn"t she acting her part today, bringing the dogs to graduation! At least she"s brought along a dog walker. Handsome young man. She doesn"t recognize him. The Countess is full of surprises. Oh, Lord a she"s introducing Phoebe to Abby! Well, that should be interesting. She doesn"t trust Abby. Ed thinks she"s crazy. You"re too suspicious, he tells her. The woman doesn"t have any ulterior motive. She"d like to know how he can be so sure. And now here comes Abby, waving at her as if they"re long-lost friends. At least Phoebe understands the rules.
Lamb HOW PROUD HE IS of his daughter. He tears up as she marches in to "Pomp and Circ.u.mstance." And that smile, as she accepts her diploma. Caitlin Mayhew Somers. He"s sure the audience is as awed by her charm and beauty as he is. He holds Abby"s hand tightly. Sharkey sits on his other side and next to him, Phoebe. Sharkey hadn"t sent her an invitation to his graduation from Choate. Two parents at graduation is enough, he"d said. And as far as he knows, Phoebe never noticed the snub.
Now Phoebe leans across Sharkey and whispers something to him. He gets a whiff of her perfume, the same one that used to drive him crazy. He moves closer to Abby and smiles, letting her know it"s okay, he"s there for her.
Then the headmaster calls, Victoria Leonard. Vix accepts her diploma plus a five-hundred-dollar award for academic excellence. The audience claps politely. Thank you very much, she says. I couldn"t have done this without my family"s support. She finds him and Abby in the audience, smiles, then looks over at her parents. Abby squeezes his hand, sniffles, and reaches for a tissue. Their summer daughter. How lucky they are.
24.
EVERY TIME SHE TURNED around Abby and Lamb dangled another opportunity in front of her. "Come on, kiddo a" Lamb said. "Go with Caitlin. See the world. Think of it as a graduation present."
She and Caitlin were standing in the shade of a cottonwood tree, both of them in white summer dresses, both of them clutching their newly earned diplomas. Vix hadn"t known until then that Caitlin wasn"t going back to the Vineyard. That she"d opted for a trip to Europe instead.
"What do you say?" Lamb asked.
"I can"t," Vix told him.
"What she means is she can"t leave her boyfriend," Caitlin said. "Isn"t that right, Vix?"
"No a" She didn"t even know if she still had a boyfriend. She had her eye on her parents across the quad, standing alone and looking uncomfortable, while Lewis and Lanie sat on the steps, bored out of their minds. You couldn"t tell Lanie was pregnant. Vix hoped she wouldn"t have a sudden bout of nausea and vomit on campus. She hadn"t told anyone about the pregnancy, not even Caitlin, afraid Tawny would accuse her of washing their linen in public.
She caught a glimpse of Sharkey, checking out the new arts building, a gift from some Hollywood hotshot who had recently moved to town and enrolled his children at Mountain Day.
"It"ll be an unforgettable experience," Lamb told her.