Summoner Sovereign

Even if I did, I didn"t have time to summon anything. I crashed against a wall and slid off some edge to fall somewhere deeper. The fall lasted another few seconds, and I managed to summon Aquarius. Holding the broadsword with both hands, I blasted the debris apart with a geyser of water. The moment I cleared the s.p.a.ce of rocks, I completed casting my summoning spell before I could plummet past the hundred meter mark.

Twisting in midair, I landed on Cygnus. The great, white swan manifested right below me, allowing me a soft landing spot. Raising Aquarius, I conjured a water barrier that was similar to Black Tortoise"s water sphere and managed to protect myself and Cygnus from the falling boulders.

"Ugh…"

Wincing as one particularly large debris slammed into the water barrier with such force that both Cygnus and I shuddered from the kinetic impact. Glancing up, I saw that there was still a torrential downpour of boulders, and decided to just dive low and take shelter. Especially when my gla.s.ses detected a ledge, a concave set within one of the walls.

At my mental nudge, Cygnus dove toward the hollow opening, and suddenly the shower of rocks ceased. I stumbled off my Constellation spirit and crashed into the cold, icy ground, noticing how the entire place was covered in frost. Despite my winter gear and thick clothing, I still found myself s.h.i.+vering intensely.

"d.a.m.n it…how cold…"

With a wave of my hand, I dismissed Cygnus. It was too awkward for him to walk through the narrow tunnel, anyway. Turning around, I watched as several boulders crashed down right at the entrance, sealing my route back up. There was no way for me to reunite with Anastasia and the others, not unless I blast the rocks apart.

But that would end up causing me to get buried in even more rocks…the tunnel I presently occupied, for instance, didn"t seem very durable.

"Br…"

Wrapping my hands around myself to preserve whatever heat I could, I continued toward the other end. Retrieving my smartphone, I tried to call Ana, probably to let her know that I was all right, but I saw that I had no reception.

Of b.l.o.o.d.y f.u.c.king course.

I guessed the only recourse I had was to look for an alternative way out of here. Not wanting to bury myself under another avalanche, I turned away from the debris that now sealed the entrance and stared into the opposite end. Despite the suite of hi-tech sensors built into my gla.s.ses, I couldn"t see anything beyond empty s.p.a.ce and…ice.

Lots of ice. Frozen stalact.i.tes and stalagmites hung from the ceiling, composed completely of ice rather than stone. Then again, stalact.i.tes and stalagmites were formed from water dripping from the ceiling of a cave and landing onto the ground as calcite deposits. It wasn"t pure water, but these stalactires and stalagmites were formed purely from water and ice, without any traces of calcite or stone within them.

Even the walls were covered in a thick sheen of ice. There was nothing but ice for meters around. It was almost as if I was trapped within a hollow iceberg.

My fingers and toes were becoming numb from the sheer cold, and to warm myself up, I cast a basic fire spell to heat my surrundings. Most of the warmth escaped into the cold air and flickered out but I huddled my hands around the small lotus of fire to keep my fingers from freezing off. Occasionally, I would stoop down to warm my toes, to get some sensation back to them.

d.a.m.n it…I really wanted to get out of this h.e.l.lish place. I wondered if I had fell into the equivalent of Cocytus, the lowest level of h.e.l.l, where all the t.i.tans and the greatest demons were entombed in ice for eternity, in the coldest place possible in existence.

Too bad I wasn"t w.a.n.g Zhong, and I didn"t have Scarlet with me, or I could easily get out of this place, beat up a bunch of monsters and show off in front of a harem member. Oh well.

"Maybe I"ll run into a secret treasure cove, which has all sorts of high-ranking, mystical cultivation techniques, a skeleton of a dead G.o.d-like pract.i.tioner, a bunch of spirit pills and medicine that for some reason haven"t expired despite being stored in a cave for centuries, and an a.r.s.enal of treasure weapons conveniently arrayed for me to collect."

Then I scowled.

"Nope. Wrong genre. Not going to happen."

Yeah, this was reality. Who the h.e.l.l was going to conveniently come across a treasure trove, get his hands on highly prized scrolls of wonderful cultivation (I hate that word) techniques, a bunch of spirit medicine and pills that conveniently never expire, and even a bunch of cool treasure weapons…which I don"t need when I already had Hei Yue and Bai Ri.

Would be cool if it did, though. But I wasn"t going to delude myself that it would. Only people who read too many cultivation stories would actually believe they would have such a miraculous encounter.

That said, I wouldn"t be dropped right into this place without reason. If it was not to give me treasure, then why would G.o.d (or the author) throw me – all alone – into such an isolated place? I wouldn"t know. I guess I would see.

Huddling over the small fire in my hands, I proceeded, seeing nothing but ice, ice and more ice. I was getting sick of seeing ice, getting sick of the temperature even though I was supposed to be used to it as someone who lived in Minnesota, and just getting sick of my bad luck in general. Come to think of it, it was a good thing I had rations in my backpack, or I would be screwed if I couldn"t find any food in this G.o.dforsaken place.

"…"

I frowned when that thought pa.s.sed through my mind. Was this cave really empty? Even though I had been walking through the icy tunnel for almost an hour now, I hadn"t seen a single thing. Sure, the environment was probably too cold for any living things, but even so…

Back in Minnesota, even insects kind of disappeared during the winter. I didn"t know if they hibernated, and I was not an entomologist. If I wasn"t mistaken, insects did not hibernate per say, but actually entered a phase called diapause, a dormant state that allowed them to endure cold temperatures that was one of the few good things I liked about Minnesotan winters – unlike the summer, and fall, I didn"t have to worry about insects crawling into my bas.e.m.e.nt.

Bears and other mammals, such as squirrels, went into hibernation during winter. Though they would usually slumber in caves such as these, given how the interior of this portion was covered in nothing but ice, I doubted there would be any monster hibernating here, or they would have frozen solid. And for those monsters that could withstand such cold temperatures and ice, they wouldn"t hibernate at all. Frost Serpents and Frost Wyverns probably would thrive in such environments.

Recalling the Frost Serpent that attacked both me and Anastasia when we first entered the cave, I stiffened and looked around vigilantly. It wouldn"t be good if I lower my guard and get a.s.saulted by an ice-type monster, and being injured in such cold conditions would be fatal. I might have lived in Minnesota, but I wasn"t born there (not that it would have made a difference). Being used to the cold wasn"t the same as being immune to it.

"…"

For now, I could see and sense absolutely nothing. Hating the cold, I gritted my teeth and pressed on while doing my best to retain some measure of sensation in my fingers and toes. Those were the ones you had to watch out for when out in the open during winter. The first part of your body to get frostbite, and the most vulnerable to cold injuries, were your extremities. In other words, your fingers and toes.

"FILLER!"

"Oh, shut up," I snapped as I rolled my eyes at the distant whining from beyond the fourth wall. b.l.o.o.d.y h.e.l.l, I was explaining the dangers of a cold environment and the sort of damage it could wreak on my body, and some b.l.o.o.d.y idiot thought it was filler "because it didn"t advance the plot" or because I was trying to pad the word count. Well, f you.

I wouldn"t break the fourth wall so many times to complain about this if I didn"t see so many readers ranting about fillers on the forums, or in the comments section on other stories. Can you believe that people acutally complained Li Yao"s train ride toward his university in Forty Millenniums of Cultivation as filler? Even though it did advance the plot? Why? For no reason other than because they were too impatient and wanted to skip ahead to the part where Li Yao entered university, not caring about the character development or the impact the ride had on him – where he met cultivators of great moral characters, saw firsthand the sacrifices that cultivators didn"t hesitate to make in order to protect civilians from monsters, etc. Honestly, most of the complaints seemed to be about labeling whatever readers didn"t want to read as "fillers".

And before some people complain about this whole rant being filler, I"ll remind them that this story is about fourth wall breaking. If they didn"t like fourth wall breaking, why were they reading a story that was about fourth wall breaking? Seriously? It was like reading Deadpool, and then writing to Marvel and complaining about how Wade Wilson constantly broke the fourth wall. You"re reading the wrong series, bro.

"That"s right!"

"?!"

Now this time, I was sure it wasn"t from beyond the fourth wall. Half wondering if I was hearing things because of the cold, I glanced around cautiously.

My jaw dropped.

"You…you are…?!"

"Nope. Don"t say my name." a mercenary dressed entirely in a red and black Spandex costume, with two swords strapped to his back, lifted a finger to his mouth…or where his mouth should be, because his entire face was hidden behind a red and black mask. He stared at me from behind huge white lenses framed by black circles. "We"ll get into trouble with copyright, you know? You don"t want people suing you because a copyrighted character showed up in your story, right?"

"Then what am I supposed to call you?" I demanded in disbelief. Even if I didn"t name him, he looked identical to…you know who. And you know what they say, if he walks like a duck, and looks like a duck…

"Oh, good question." As the red and black mercenary considered, I noticed that he was intangible. Like a ghost, he was floating around the icy tunnel, doing a few lazy back-flips and lying on what looked like an invisible couch. Resting his head on his hand, his elbow propped up on thin air, he seemed to brighten up – but I couldn"t tell because his face was hidden in a mask. "Aha! Call me Ryan. Ryan Reynolds."

"…seriously?"

"Hey, an actor"s name isn"t copyrighted, right?"

"Why do you even know the name of an actor from the early twenty-first century in the first place?"

"What makes you think I"m not from there?"

I stopped at that, bewildered. Was this guy serious? Was he really from…?

"No, no. Forget about all that. Anyway, kid, I"m here because you"ve been such a great protégé. So I need to make an appearance, even if I can"t name myself. By the way, good job. You"ve learned the art of breaking the fourth wall well." The person who called himself "Ryan Reynolds" was nodding in approval. "And don"t bother with what the naysayers tell you. Ignore the people complaining about you breaking the fourth wall and ranting. This is your story, write what you want, say what you want, and break the fourth wall if you want. If they don"t like it, they can f.u.c.k off."

He then drew two guns, c.o.c.ked them and pointed it at the ice wall behind me.

"And if they still whine…you know what to do."

"That"s a little extreme," I remarked, eying his guns warily. Ryan shrugged.

"Maybe. But who cares? They are in the wrong story if they want a serious one that has no fourth wall breaking. I don"t tolerate idiots who stride into my comic, telling me how it should be written, or ordering me to break the fourth wall. I kick them out and send them to read other comics. You know, like the one with a bunch of mutants living under a mansion…with a bald professor." He reached up and patted his head. "Ugh! I forgot that I"m in no position to make fun of people for being bald!"

"…uh huh." I stared at him for a few moments, still trying to wrap my head around what was going on. "What are you doing here…uh, Mr. Reynolds?"

"Ryan. Just call me Ryan." The masked mercenary waved a hand daintily, pretending to be shy. "There"s no need to be so formal, my cute protégé."

"Uh, right. So…Ryan, what are you doing here?"

"Hmm…good question. I can"t remember." Clasping his hands behind his head, Ryan floated as he lay down on an invisible, drifting matress. "The last thing I recall was me flying through several universes, having fun, breaking fourth walls, and getting the girls…before I ended up here. And of all the places to put me, they decided to throw me in this icy h.e.l.l."

He then jumped up and threw his hands into the air.

"Holy h.e.l.l…I"m freezing my b.a.l.l.s off…or would have, if I had an actual physical body."

"So you"re dead? Are you a ghost?"

"Who knows?" Dead…Ryan shrugged. "I don"t really care. I can never really die. I bet that once my role is done here, I"ll be sent off to another universe to wreck havoc on some poor villainous soul who wished he had never committed any crimes that would catch the attention of the merc with a mouth."

He then leaned closer and grinned.

"By the way, kid…I heard you want to be a mercenary. A mercenary-hero like me!"

"Like my dad," I corrected, but Ryan plainly ignored me.

"That"s just swell! You aiming to get your own comic series too?"

"That"s entirely up to Qidian," I replied noncommittedly. And then I forcibly returned to the topic at hand. "So…uh, is there a way out of here, or have you been trapped here for long?"

"Oh, right. Now I remember what I"m here for." Ryan snapped his fingers as he slowly rotated in midair. Rubbing his chin, he nodded. "I can"t get out of here until I have helped you to level up."

"…level up?" I repeated incredulously.

"Yup." Ryan appeared to grin under that mask of his, but his eys clearly displayed his delight. "This is a Chinese webnovel series, remember? So we"re going through the cliché cultivation trope of protagonist conveniently falls into secret cave and gets resources for a new power up."

"…seriously?"

Dead…Ryan suddenly turned solemn, his eyes boring into me from behind those white lenses.

"Yeah. And you don"t have a choice, kid…because unless you go through this cliché, I"m going to be stuck here. So I"m sure as h.e.l.l going to throw you through that cliché (for my own sake), no matter how many readers complain about it."