"Oh, you scared me!" she gasped when she noticed Carrie.
"What happened?" asked Carrie. She remembered Kurt"s advice and stopped before she was too close to Claudia.
"Chloe had a bad dream. She woke up crying and then she woke up Ian. But where were you? When we got home the house was dark and locked up tight. We a.s.sumed you"d gone to bed." They hadn"t even realized she was gone! "Oh, I stepped out for some air," she lied. "I think I might be getting the flu or something." "You don"t look well at all," Claudia agreed.
"I feel terrible. I even threw up once." "You poor thing," said Claudia. A look of confusion swept over Claudia"s face. "Why are you dressed up?" "Oh, I was just sort of experimenting with a new look," said Carrie.
"This is the time to do it, while you"re young," said Claudia. "You really don"t look well at all, though." She moved closer to Carrie. "Let me help you to your room." Carrie held up her hand. "No, thanks. I"d like to go out and get more air. That seems to help." "All right. I hope you feel better." Carrie hurried back outside. The air did quell the nauseated feeling. After a few minutes she went back inside and headed for her room. Dropping her dress on the floor, she crawled into bed and fell, once again, into a deep sleep.
The next morning she woke up at eight. Her mouth felt like a desert and her head pounded. A cheery ray of morning light was shining annoy-ingly in her eyes. With a groan, she pulled her sheet over her head and rolled onto her side.
But suddenly she sat up with a jolt. The note! She"d forgotten to take her note to Ian off the refrigerator. Grabbing her robe, she ran down the hall, praying that she was the first one up. At the kitchen she skidded to a halt. Ian was standing there, reading the note. "Did you leave us alone last night?" he asked.
Carrie s.n.a.t.c.hed the note off the refrigerator. "I was going to go to Sam"s," she told him. "But then I didn"t feel right about leaving you. And, anyway, I felt sick, so I just went to bed." "Oh," he replied flatly. "You still look sick."
Carrie had never felt sicker. Pouring herself a gla.s.s of orange juice, she sat at the kitchen table with her head in her hands. "Want me to make you a scrambled egg?" asked Ian, who had just learned to prepare eggs.
"No thanks," she said quickly. The thought of eggs was completely repulsive this morning.
Chloe walked in from the living room. "You"re not feeling well?" she asked, patting Carrie"s arm sympathetically with her pudgy hand. Carrie had never felt more guilty in her life. How could she have left these two?
Moving slowly, Carrie got Chloe her cereal and juice. It was lucky for her that Graham and Claudia were late sleepers. If they"d been out late, they wouldn"t arise until nearly noon.
"Start getting ready for the beach," Carrie told the kids. "Do you want to go to Thorn Hill Beach today?" she asked hopefully. Thorn Hill Beach was the small, somewhat rocky private beach just down the hill from the house. It was used only by the few vacationers on this side of the isIand and was often empty. Carrie preferred to go there that day. There would be less of a chance of running into someone she knew. She was in no mood to see anyone. If she could have, she would have curled into a ball and slept the day away.
To her chagrin, Chloe and Ian cried out "No way!" in unison. The public beach wasn"t rocky, and it abounded with other kids to play with. From their point of view, it was far superior to Thorn Hill Beach.
"Well, then, how about going to the bay beach for a change?" she suggested. Most of the teenagers who wanted to go to the beach went over to the ocean. Because the bay had no waves, it was used more by families with kids. At least at the bay she wouldn"t run into Billy or any of his friends.
"Okay," Ian agreed. "I met some cool guys there the other day. Maybe they"ll be hanging around today." "Do you want help with your suit?" she asked Chloe, who was determined to try to dress herself but who was also still a little awkward at it. It often made getting out of the house very time-consuming and drove Ian wild with impatience. Carrie had hit upon a compromise solution of letting Chloe dress herself for fifteen minutes, and then coming in to reb.u.t.ton, lace up, or turn around anything that absolutely needed correcting.
"I can do it," said Chloe, as she did every day.
While the kids got ready, Carrie went into the bathroom near her bedroom. "Ugh,"
she grunted as she gazed at her image in the mirror. Her eye makeup was smeared under her puffy, bloodshot eyes. Despite her tan, her skin was pale. "Very attractive, Carrie," she told herself.
After washing and taking two aspirin, she felt a little better. In her room, she dressed quickly, pulling on her most comfortable, worn tank suit, baggy shorts, and an oversized, man-tailored cotton shirt.
"I did it!" said Chloe, appearing at her door in her favorite Minnie Mouse bathing suit. "And "neakers, too." "Good job!" said Carrie, deciding to leave the sloppily Velcroed sneakers alone.
Fifteen minutes later they were driving down the road in a silver Mercedes. One of the fun things about working for the Templetons was that they let her use any of Graham"s four cars, except for his new Alfa Romeo convertible. When Carrie was feeling good, she most liked to drive the sporty hunter-green Jaguar. But that day she wanted something large and reliable.
It was early and the beach was fairly empty. Only four families were already there. At the very end of the beach a group of sunbathers lay sleeping on their stomachs.
No sooner had she spread their bIanket than the group of boys Ian had met earlier came walking down the beach. "Be back later," Ian said, racing off to join them.
Chloe, too, wandered several yards off to join some small kids who were building a sand fort. Perfect, thought Carrie, putting on her sungla.s.ses. At least I"ll get a little break for a while.
The break didn"t last long. The throbbing in Carrie"s head had settled down to an even, almost bearable pulse and she was gazing blankly out over the ocean when suddenly she noticed Ian in a heated argument with the lifeguard.
Keeping one eye on Chloe, she headed over to the lifeguard. "What"s the matter?"
she asked.
Ian was red-faced with anger. "He says I can"t swim out to that raft. All the guys are out there." Carrie looked and saw the other boys sitting on the wooden raft. They were all watching Ian argue with the lifeguard.
"He"s a good swimmer," said Carrie. "Why can"t he go?" The lifeguard pointed to a sign posted on the beach. It said No One Under Five Feet Allowed on Raft.
Dangerous Undertow.
"He doesn"t have the body weight to fight the undertow," explained the lifeguard firmly.
"I"m sorry, Ian," said Carrie, putting her hand on the boy"s shoulder. "It"s for your own safety." Ian threw her hand off angrily. "Now I look like a total dweeb!" he shouted in a choked voice. "Those guys are never going to hang out with me again!" "I know it doesn"t seem fair, but-" Carrie began. Ian wasn"t listening. With his shoulders hunched, he stormed away from her down the beach.
Carrie started to follow him, but the sound of Chloe"s voice made her stop.
Up at the sand fort, Chloe and a slightly older boy were engaged in an angry sand-throwing fight. "Chloe, stop that," called Carrie, running to break up the fight.
"He "tarted it!" yelled Chloe, tears running down her sandy cheeks.
"She"s too little," huffed the boy. "She"s wrecking our fort." "She"s just a little girl," Carrie scolded. "She didn"t mean to wreck your fort." The two other girls and another boy all appeared to be about five or six. "She can"t play with us," said one of them, a plump girl with short black hair.
"Come on, Chloe," Carrie said, taking her hand. "We"ll make our own sand fort."
"But I want to play with the kids," Chloe whimpered as they walked away.
"You don"t want to play with such nasty kids, anyway," said Carrie angrily, trying hard to remember that they were only kids.
"Yes I do," replied Chloe stubbornly. "Why don"t they like me?" Carrie sat Chloe on the blanket and wiped the sand from her face. "I don"t know, sweetie. They"re brats, that"s why." Carrie gazed down the sh.o.r.eline until she spotted Ian. He was picking up rocks and skimming them out into the water. I"ll just let him walk it off, she decided.
"How would you like an orange?" she offered Chloe.
"Okay," Chloe agreed, her small lower lip still turned down in a pout.
Carrie was peeling the orange, keeping an occasional eye on Ian, when suddenly her heart skipped a beat. She looked back again to where Ian was throwing rocks.
Right behind him were the sleeping sunbathers. One of them had just sat up. It was Billy! Now all of them were getting up and gathering their belongings.
Carrie recognized Pres and Frank. And Kristy! Another dark-haired girl, whom Carrie didn"t know, was with them. She realized that they were dressed as they had been the night before. They hadn"t even been home yet! "You sick again?"
Chloe asked, concerned by the expression on Carrie"s face.
"No, sweetheart. I"m okay . . . well, maybe a little sick." Chloe hugged her.
"I"ll make you feel better." Carrie hugged her back and kissed the top of her head. "Thanks, Chloe, that does make me feel better," she answered.
As the group began walking up the beach toward her, Carrie fought down the urge to run away. There was no place to go. And she"d never get away fast enough with Chloe in tow.
There was nothing to do but sit tight and hope they didn"t notice her. Turning her back to them, she continued peeling Chloe"s orange.
After a minute, a shadow fell across her. She looked up to see Billy standing by the blanket. "Hi, ace," he said. "How"s the head today?" "Feels like I fell down a flight of concrete steps," she admitted. "I"m really sorry I got so looped. I didn"t mean to. I"m not really used to drinking." She spoke the words quickly.
They had to be said.
"Hey, it happens," he said lightly. "I hope you don"t mind that I left you with that Kurt guy. He seemed like a good guy and he said he was a friend of yours."
"That was fine," she replied. I don"t blame you for wanting to unload me, she thought. I"m surprised you"re even talking to me. "How was the rest of the party?" "All right. I wanted to get back since I left without even saying good-bye to Sid or telling anyone where I was going. We took the four-thirty ferry back and then just crashed on the beach." "Billy," called Kristy, who had walked several paces ahead with the other guys. "Come on." She looked rumpled but still gorgeous in her tight dress.
"So long," he said, heading toward Kristy.
"Bye," said Carrie.
When he was gone, she hung her head. That was the final blow, she thought. First I make a drunken jerk of myself. Then I appear the next day with no makeup and old baggy clothes. I can kiss that romance good-bye.
At that moment she realized Chloe was walking back to the kids who were making a fort. "Chloe, come back here," she shouted.
"I want to play with the kids," Chloe protested.
"Chloe, those kids don"t want to play with you, so just leave them alone," she said harshly.
Tears sprang to the little girl"s eyes.
Instantly filled with remorse, Carrie got up and went to Chloe. "I"m sorry, Chloe. I"m just having a bad day. Don"t cry." "I know. You feel bad," Chloe whispered softly. As Carrie hugged Chloe she saw Billy disappear into the parking lot. Kristy had draped her arm over his shoulder.
Life sucked.
SIX "You didn"t," moaned Emma. "Oh, you didn"t." Emma and Sam were listening to Carrie a few days later as she told them about her date with Billy.
"Stop saying "you didn"t,"" Sam scolded Emma. "Obviously the girl did. She did get drunk, did barf in front of Billy, and did lose Claudia"s shoes." "Don"t forget that I appeared looking like a bag lady on the beach the next day,"
Carrie reminded her ruefully.
The girls were walking down the boardwalk on the ocean side of the isIand. It was nearly eight-thirty and the sun was setting. The open-air food concessions, which bustled during the day, had pulled down their gates, and the small restaurants and video arcades were starting to turn on their lights. The savory smell of food from the restaurant kitchens-drifted through the salt air.
"I"m sorry," said Emma. "But it"s just the worst story I"ve ever heard. I feel so bad for you, Carrie."" "You two are unbelievable!" cried Sam. "What is the big deal here?" "The big deal is that I have totally blown my chance with Billy," cried Carrie.
"Give me a break. The guy is not a boy. He"s a man. Sort of, anyway. A young man. Don"t you think he"s seen a girl get drunk before?" "I guess," Carrie admitted, not relishing the thought. It was true that he hadn"t seemed too upset about it when she"d run into him at the bay the next day.
"Of course he has," Sam insisted. "He didn"t get that s.e.xy, I"ve-done-it-all singing voice by hanging out in the church choir all day and night." "That"s part of the problem, though. I haven"t done it all and seen it all," said Carrie, throwing up her arms despairingly. "I didn"t even realize how drunk I was getting on those vodkas. I"d never drunk anything more than three beers before. I felt so out of my league at that party. That"s why I kept drinking. It made me feel braver for a while." "Until it made you feel like losing your lunch," Emma reminded her.
"I"ll never do that again," Carrie vowed. "I still don"t feel one hundred percent better." At that moment they saw Kristy walking down the boardwalk toward them. "Here conies Madam Bloodsucker now," said Sam. Kristy appeared to be heading somewhere special. She wore wide black chiffon pants and a low-cut white halter top. Silver bracelets jangled on both her arms.
There was no avoiding her. Kristy was headed right toward them. "How"s the hangover?" she asked Carrie when they were nearly face to face.
"Oh, she feels fine, don"t you, Carrie?" Sam jumped in. "This girl can really party." Kristy smirked nastily. "So I hear. You"ll have to excuse me. I"m on my way to meet Billy. He"s helping me with an article I"m writing about the band.
We"re going to try to sell it to Rolling Stone. I have some excellent connections there." Casting them a small, condescending smile, Kristy kept on walking down the boardwalk.
"What is the story on that chick, anyway?" asked Sam. "Is she from town, has she got bucks, what?" "Both," said Emma. "She"s one of the few locals who come from money. Not gobs of money, but well off. Her father"s a retired judge, I think.
Kurt knows her. They went to the same high school." "Did you hear her?" said Carrie forlornly. "She"s going to see Billy." "She"s just a nympho fluffhead,"
said Sam. "Don"t worry about her." "Kurt told me that back in school she had a reputation as the girl most likely to," Emma told them in a low voice.
"Most likely to what?" asked Carrie.
"To do it," Sam said, filling her in. "Nothing wrong with that, if you ask me. I hate the fact that guys hang labels on girls for doing the same things they brag about doing. That double standard really ticks me off. Doesn"t it make you mad, Emma, that someone would criticize you for doing what comes naturally?" "I wouldn"t know," Emma said honestly. "I"ve never done what comes naturally to you. I don"t mean I wouldn"t. I just never have so far." "Are you kidding?"
asked Sam. "I a.s.sumed you and Kurt were hot and heavy." "We are, but we haven"t gone all the way." "What"s the guy"s problem?" asked Sam.
"Sam!" said Carrie. "This is private between Emma and Kurt." The girls stopped and sat down on the wide wooden steps leading to the beach. "It"s all right,"
said Emma. "It"s not Kurt"s problem. It"s me. I know he would like to, but he said he"s willing to wait." "Forever?" asked Sam doubtfully.
"I don"t know. He"s not pressuring me, though," said Emma. "I"m just not sure I"m ready." "You love him. He loves you. You"re both hot for each other. Why aren"t you ready?" Sam pressed.
"It"s a big step," said Emma. "It"s like crossing a line. And I don"t know where things are going with Kurt and me. I"m not sure I want to give that much of myself to something that might not last." "But you never know what"s going to happen," Carrie pointed out. "Look at Josh and me. I thought we"d be together forever. But we"re not. Still, I don"t regret sleeping with him." "Why, you little vixen! I was sure you were a virgin!" gasped Sam.
"Why?" asked Carrie.
"I don"t know. You have that virginal kind of innocent look to you." Carrie laughed. "I am innocent, but I"m not a virgin. I remember the day after the first time. I woke up the next morning and I actually expected to be different somehow. I half thought that the world would have changed in some unbelievable way. But it didn"t. Everything was the same. Josh was the same. I was the same."
"Except a little less tense, I"ll bet," teased Sam.
Emma gave her a playful shove, then turned back to Carrie. "But were you really?" she asked. "Nothing changed?" Carrie thought a moment. "Our relationship changed. It made us closer. And it was wonderful and warm to have someone to be so close to. But sometimes I wonder if it made us too close too young. Maybe you"re not meant to be so attached to someone of the opposite s.e.x at that age." "How old were you?" asked Emma.
"Sixteen." "Jeez-Louise!" cried Sam. "You mean you"ve been doing it for years already?" "Just with Josh." "Gripes! I could take pointers from you," said Sam.
"Stop it," scolded Emma. "You make it sound like an Olympic sport." "There is something kind of athletic about it, don"t you think, Carrie?" said Sam.
"I don"t know. I"m not an expert," said Carrie. "With Josh it was very soulful and sweet." "Would you do it with Billy?" Emma asked.
"I"m not going to have to make that decision," Carrie scoffed.
"Don"t be so sure," said Sam. "Would you do it if he wanted to?" "No. I"d do it only if/ wanted to, and then only if it felt right." "Would you want to?" asked Sam impatiently.
Carrie sighed. "Yes, I would probably want to. But no, I"m not sure I would do it," Carrie replied.
"You would," Sam insisted with a knowing smile.
"Maybe," Carrie said levelly. For a moment she tried to imagine how it would be with Billy. It would be totally different than it had been with Josh. Somehow she knew it. The physical attraction she felt for Billy was much stronger. She had loved Josh. She might love him still. But Billy attracted her differently than Josh had. Her feelings toward him were more emotional, more physical.
"Well, I don"t know what to do about Kurt," said Emma. "I guess if it feels right, I"ll do it. And if it doesn"t, then I won"t." "That sounds like a good way to handle it," agreed Carrie. "You"d remember to be careful and all, wouldn"t you?" "Of course I would!" cried Emma. "I"m inexperienced, not stupid.
I don"t want to wind up pregnant." "Or worse," added Sam.
"Or worse," Emma echoed seriously. "I"d better make up my mind, though. Every time Kurt and I make out we get closer and closer to it. I"m starting to feel like a tease and I don"t know what to do. It"s becoming a real problem. More for me than for Kurt." "At least you have the problem," said Carrie. "It"s not really something I have to worry about anymore." "Come on, Carrie. Don"t just give up!" cried Sam. "I thought you were dead set on changing your image. So, okay, your first time out didn"t go so smoothly. Look at me. I didn"t get to be so cool overnight. It took practice." "Modest, aren"t we?" laughed Emma.