"Borbitsch," Boyd said. "They"re saving Garbitsch for a big finish."
Malone nodded wearily. "Onward," he said, and picked up the phone. He punched a number, spoke a few words and hung up.
A minute later, the four FBI agents came back, leading a man. This one was tall and thin, with the expression of a gloomy, degenerate and slightly nauseated bloodhound. He was led to the chair and he sat down in it as if he expected the worst to start happening at once.
"Well," Malone said in a bored, tired voice. "So this is the one who won"t talk."
6
Midnight.
Kenneth J. Malone sat at his desk, in his Washington office, surrounded by piles of papers covering the desk, spilling off onto the floor and decorating his lap. He was staring at the papers as if he expected them to leap up, dance round him and shout the solution to all his problems at him in trained choral voices. They did nothing at all.
Seated cross-legged on the rug in the center of the room, and looking like an impossible combination of the last Henry Tudor and Gautama Buddha, Thomas Boyd did nothing either. He was staring downward, his hands folded on his ample lap, wearing an expression of utter, burning frustration. And on a nearby chair sat the third member of the company, wearing the calm and patient expression of the gently-born under all vicissitudes: Queen Elizabeth I.
"All right," Malone said into the silence. "Now let"s see what we"ve got."
"I think we"ve got cerebral paresis," Boyd said. "It"s been coming on for years."
"Don"t be funny," Malone said.
Boyd gave a short, mirthless bark. "Funny?" he said. "I"m absolutely hysterical with joy and good humor. I"m out of my mind with happiness." He paused. "Anyway," he finished, "I"m out of my mind.
Which puts me in good company. The entire FBI, Brubitsch, Borbitsch, Garbitsch, Dr. Thomas O"Connor and Sir Lewis Carter--we"re all out of our minds. If we weren"t, we"d all move away to the moon."
"And drink to forget," Malone added. "Sure. But let"s try and get some work done."
"By all means, Sir Kenneth," Her Majesty said. Boyd had not included her in his list of insane people, and she looked slightly miffed. It was hard for Malone to tell whether she was miffed by the mention of insanity, or at being left out.
"Let"s review the facts," Malone said. "This whole thing started with some inefficiency in Congress."
"And some upheavals elsewhere," Boyd said. "Labor unions, gangster organizations."
"Just about all over," Malone said. "And though we"ve found three spies, it seems pretty obvious that they aren"t causing this."
"They aren"t causing much of anything," Boyd said. "Except a lot of unbelieving laughter further up the FBI line. I don"t think anybody is going to believe our reports of those interviews."
"But they"re true," Her Majesty said.
"Sure they"re true," Boyd said. "That"s the unbelievable part. They read like farce, and not very good farce at that."
"Oh, I don"t know," Malone said. "I think they"re pretty funny."
"Shall we get back to the business at hand?" Her Majesty said gently.
"Ah," Malone said. "Anyhow, it isn"t the spies. And what we now have is confusion even worse compounded."
"Confounded," Boyd said. "John Milton. _Paradise Lost_, I heard it somewhere."
"I don"t mean confounded," Malone said. "I mean confusion. Anyhow, the Russian espionage rings in this country seem to be in as bad a state as the Congress, the labor unions, the syndicates, and all the rest.
And all of them seem to have some sort of weird tie-in to these flashes of telepathic interference. Right, Your Majesty?"
"I believe so, Sir Kenneth," she said. The old woman looked tired and confused. Somehow, a lot of the brightness seemed to have gone out of her life. "That"s right," she said. "I didn"t realize there was so much of it going on. You see, Sir Kenneth, you"re the only one I can pick up at a distance who has been having these flashes. But now that I"m here in Washington, I can feel it going on all around me."
"It may not have anything to do with everything else," Boyd said.
Malone shook his head. "If it doesn"t," he said, "it"s the weirdest coincidence I"ve ever even dreamed about, and my dreams can be pretty strange. No, it"s got to be tied in. There"s some kind of mental static that is somehow making all these people goof up."
"But why?" Boyd said. "What is it being done for? Just fun?"
"G.o.d only knows," Malone said. "But we"re going to have to find out."
"In that case," Boyd said, "I suggest lots and lots of prayers."
Her Majesty looked up. "That"s a fine idea," she said.
"But G.o.d helps those," Malone said, "who help themselves. And we"re going to help ourselves. Mostly with facts."
"All right," Boyd said. "So far, all the facts have been a great help."
"Well, here"s one," Malone said. "We got one flash each from Brubitsch, Borbitsch and Garbitsch while we were questioning them. And in each case, that flash occurred just before they started to blab everything they knew. Before the flash, they weren"t talking. They were behaving just like good spies and keeping their mouths shut.
After the flash, they couldn"t talk fast enough."
"That"s true," Boyd said reflectively. "They did seem to give up pretty fast, even for amateurs."
Malone nodded. "So the question is this," he said. "Just what happens during those crazy bursts of static?"
He looked expectantly at Her Majesty, but she shook her head sadly. "I don"t know," she said. "I simply don"t know. It"s just noise to me, meaningless noise." She put her hands slowly over her face. "People shouldn"t do things like that to their Sovereign," she said in a m.u.f.fled voice.
Malone got up and went over to her. She wasn"t crying, but she wasn"t far from it. He put an arm around her thin shoulders. "Now, look, Your Majesty," he said in gentle tones, "this will all clear up. We"ll find out what"s going on, and we"ll find a way to put a stop to it."
"Sure we will," Boyd said. "After all, Your Majesty, Sir Kenneth and I will work hard on this."
"And the Queen"s own FBI," Malone said, "won"t stop until we"ve finished with this whole affair, once and for all."
Her Majesty brought her hands down from her face, very slowly. She was forcing a smile, but it didn"t look too well. "I know you won"t fail your Queen," she said. "You two have always been the most loyal of my subjects."
"We"ll work hard," Malone said. "No matter how long it takes."
"Because, after all," Boyd said in a musing, thoughtful tone, "it is a serious crime, you know."
The words seemed to have an effect on Her Majesty, like a tonic. For a second her face wore an expression of Royal anger and indignance, and the accustomed strength flowed back into her aged voice. "You"re quite correct, Sir Thomas!" she said. "The security of the Throne and the Crown are at stake!"
Malone blinked. "What?" he said. "Are you two talking about something?
What crime is this?"
"An extremely serious one," Boyd said in a grave voice. He rose unsteadily to his feet, planted them firmly on the carpet, and frowned.