Jody held her breath as Eric reached into his jacket pocket for a pen. The scratching of the pen across the paper was the only sound in the room.
Eric closed the folder and looked at Jody and Denise. "Thanks," he said, his voice thick with emotion.
Before they could respond, Oscar grabbed Eric and spun him around the room in a hug.
"I"m getting dizzy," Eric cried, laughing.
Oscar stopped and gave him a kiss that lasted long enough to make even Jody blush.
Oscar released Eric and grabbed first Denise and then Jody. He danced them around in an extravagant waltz.
They were still celebrating when the bell on the door rang.
Jody pulled away from Oscar and felt the floor drop from beneath her. Ellen was standing in the doorway.
Chapter Thirty-Five.
Eric caught Jody and held her to keep her from falling. She clung to his arm as blood raced through her veins so hard her ears began to roar.
Ellen was as beautiful as ever. She was pale and had lost weight since the last time Jody had seen her. Seeing her now made Jody"s heart ache with love.
She had almost convinced herself she was over Ellen, but in that moment, she knew it was all a lie. Ellen"s presence was almost more than she could handle. She pulled away from Eric and rushed to the kitchenette, where she stood at the sink and gasped for air. Why hadn"t she prepared herself for the possibility that Ellen would attend the celebration? It made perfect sense, but why hadn"t Denise warned her?
"I"m a d.a.m.n fool," Jody said, pounding her head against the overhead cabinet.
"I think I hold that t.i.tle."
Jody turned to find Ellen standing behind her. "Hi." It was all Jody could think to say.
"Hi, back." Ellen gave a crooked smile that nearly tore Jody"s heart apart.
Jody turned away. The silence that followed hurt Jody"s ears. "How are you feeling?" she asked.
"Good. It"s such a relief to have the radiation treatments over with."
Jody nodded. "I heard you"d taken the last one a couple of weeks ago."
"Jody, I"m sorry."
Jody shook her head. "There"s nothing to apologize for."
"Yes, there is. I should have talked to you at the hospital," she said. "But I couldn"t handle that look of disgust."
Jody spun around. "Disgust? When did I ever look at you with disgust?"
Ellen lowered her eyes. "It would have happened after the surgery or during the radiation treatments." She paused. "I love you so much, I couldn"t bear to see it."
There they were, the three tiny words she had been longing to hear again, and now that they were out, all Jody could do was shout, "d.a.m.n you, Ellen Murray."
Ellen said nothing.
"Who do you think you are? What gives you the right to decide how I"ll feel?" Jody"s body shook with anger. "Did it ever occur to you to ask me how I felt?"
"I didn"t have to," Ellen said. "Beth told me in her letter how she felt just thinking about the way my body would look and feel afterward."
"Beth!" Jody slapped the counter with the flat of her hand. "You used the opinion of that spineless ninny to decide how I would react?"
"What else did I have?"
"You had my word. You could have asked me, given me a chance," Jody said, trying unsuccessfully to rein in her anger.
Tears began to stream down Ellen"s face. "You were always saying how beautiful you thought I was. Well, now, my breast is disfigured. It"s scarred, and the cancer could come back."
Jody shook her head. She suspected the fear of the cancer"s returning was affecting Ellen more than the scar. "Ellen, I told you once before. I"m not in love with your looks. My body no longer looks like it did twenty years ago. Did it ever occur to you that maybe I was self-conscious when I first undressed in front of you? Look at me. I"m forty-four. I run three times a week, but trust me I"m very aware that I"m fighting a losing battle with time. It"s a part of being alive."
"But you"re whole."
Jody"s anger wilted. "No, Ellen. I stopped being whole the day you sent me away. Without you, I"ll never be whole again. I loved you."
Silence hung between them there for several seconds.
"You used the past tense," Ellen said as she began to fidget with the collar of her blouse. "Have I completely destroyed whatever feelings you had for me?"
No, I love you more than ever, Jody thought, but her pride kept her from saying the words aloud. "It"s been two months. You dump me without so much as a thank you very much, and now you expect to be able to just waltz back in and pick up where we left off?"
"I"m sorry," she said, her voice little more than a whisper. "I was wrong. Beth"s note left me so ..."
"To h.e.l.l with Beth"s note," Jody snapped. The mere mention of Beth rekindled her anger. "You never answered my question. Did I ever give you a reason to believe that I would be disgusted at the sight of you?"
Ellen shook her head and left. Jody wanted to call to her, but she couldn"t. To think that Ellen had judged her by the actions of the mealy-mouthed little twit Beth was almost more than she could tolerate. The memory of all the long nights of waiting and praying that Ellen would call fueled her anger and confusion.
Forgive her and move on, the voice of reason pleaded. Are you serious? her pride hissed. She dumped you and didn"t even have the courtesy to do it herself, she sent her mom to do it.
"What happened?" Eric said from the doorway.
She shook her head and sat down at the small kitchen table. She put her head in her hands.
"We thought you two would be in here making up, and the next thing we know, Ellen is running out of here crying her eyes out."
"She was crying?" Jody asked, feeling like an ogre. "She left?"
"Yes, Denise went after her," Eric took a seat across from her. "What happened?"
Ashamed of her behavior, Jody slowly told him what had transpired. When she finished, he placed a hand over his forehead and sighed.
"Why did you do that?" he asked.
"I don"t know. I was angry." Jody traced the design on the table with her finger. "Eric, I have some pride. I can"t just roll over the minute she walks back in and says she"s sorry."
Eric shook his head. "Well, no, you can"t just forgive and forget and get on with your life. It"s so much better to be miserable and wallow in your self-pity."
Jody"s head shot up. "Don"t you start in on me too."
"Jody, I"m going to be completely honest with you. I"ve watched you mope around here for two months just waiting for a single word from Ellen. And now she comes in and tells you that she"s still in love with you, and you decide to get on your high horse and show her the door." He threw up his hands in frustration. "What do you want?" He walked out before she could answer.
His words hurt. The worst part was she knew he was right. She loved Ellen. Why couldn"t she forgive and forget?
She was still sitting at the table trying to sort out her feelings when Denise came in. "Are you going to chew my b.u.t.t, too?" Jody asked.
Denise took two cold sodas from the refrigerator and sat down in the chair Eric had vacated. "No," she said, placing a soda in front of Jody and popping open the other one for herself.
Jody endured the silence between them as long as possible before she said, "Well, say something."
Denise looked at her and sighed. "What can I say that you don"t already know? Shall I give you the "life is too short" speech, or how about the one on swallowing foolish pride?" Denise took a sip of her soda. "What good would it do? You"re hurt and angry, and you have every right to be. What Ellen did was inexcusable."
Surprised, Jody asked. "Why aren"t you defending her? You always defend her."
Denise shrugged. "Why should I? She"s wrong. I don"t blame you in the least for telling her to f.u.c.k off." She calmly took another sip of her drink.
Jody was stunned. In their thirty-five years of friendship, she had never heard Denise use the word f.u.c.k. "Denise, you of all people should be defending her," Jody said when she recovered.
Denise shook her head. "Not this time."
Jody"s anger found a new target. "I don"t believe you. Ellen was sick and she made a mistake. Denise, think of what she must have been going through. How would you have felt if you had been facing breast cancer? Not to mention the surgery." Jody"s indignation was growing.
"And your point is?"
Exasperated, Jody looked at her. "My point is, she deserves a second chance."
Denise stood. "Good, she was headed home. Why don"t you go on over and tell her you think she deserves a second chance?"
Jody was dumbfounded. "Denise Murray, you set me up."
"No, ma"am, you set yourself up." Denise stopped and turned back to Jody. "You once told me life is too short to waste. I think you two have wasted enough time."
Jody went to Denise and threw her arms around her and hugged tightly. "When did you get so d.a.m.n smart?"
Denise hugged her back and said, "I"ve been smart enough to keep you around all these years. Now go find Ellen and bring her back. We"re going to need all the help we can get."
Chapter Thirty-Six.
Jody pushed the speed limit all the way to Denise"s house. She parked the Jeep at the curb and raced up the walkway. She had no idea what she would say when Ellen answered the door.
For a moment, she faltered. What if Ellen refused to talk to her? Jody pushed the thought away and pressed the doorbell before she could change her mind. After what seemed like an eternity, Ellen appeared. Her eyes were puffy from crying.
"I"m sorry," Jody said. "I let my stupid pride get in the way. I love you and always will."
Ellen moved back slightly, and Jody"s heart took over as she stepped inside and took Ellen into her arms. Their lips met in a tender embrace, but two months of fear and longing stirred a hunger in Jody that she had nearly forgotten. Her kisses grew more demanding, and Ellen"s answered with a hunger of their own. Jody kicked the door closed, and before she knew what was happening they were on the carpet. Somehow during the turning and tumbling Jody ended up beneath Ellen. She tried to roll Ellen over, but Ellen was proving hard to move.
Ellen fumbled with the b.u.t.tons on Jody"s blouse. She could sense Ellen"s frustration with the uncooperative b.u.t.tons. She was about to offer help when Ellen gave a small cry of desperation and grabbed the material and yanked. There was a sound of material ripping and Jody heard a b.u.t.ton ping off something nearby. The act turned Jody on so, she nearly came before Ellen ever touched her.
Jody reached up to unb.u.t.ton Ellen"s blouse but Ellen froze. Fear raced through Jody. "Ellen, please don"t do this. I want to make love to you. I want to see you." Jody watched a series of emotions play across Ellen"s face. "Please," she whispered. She kissed Ellen softly.
Ellen"s hands trembled as she slowly raised herself until she was kneeling between Jody"s legs. She unb.u.t.toned her blouse, and hesitantly opened it. Even though Ellen was still wearing a bra, Jody could see the scar at the top of Ellen"s breast where the wedge-shaped piece of breast tissue had been removed. Jody knew this wasn"t the only physical scar. Denise had told her about the two-inch scar across Ellen"s armpit where Dr. Wray had operated on the lymph nodes.
"How can anyone ever think this is beautiful?" Ellen asked as she reached back and released the clasp on her bra, allowing Jody a full view. The removal of the breast tissue during the surgery had caused the b.r.e.a.s.t.s to appear asymmetrical.
Jody traced her fingertips alongside the path of the scar before she said, "It"s simple. I"m not in love with your body. I"m in love with you."
"But it"s so ugly." Ellen tried to tug her blouse closed.
Jody grabbed her hands and held them. "Do you love me?"
Ellen nodded.
"Will you love me less as I grow older and my body continues to decline?"
"No, of course not."
"Then give me the opportunity to show you that I love you for who you are here." Jody placed her hand over Ellen"s heart.
Ellen gazed into Jody"s eyes. Her lips trembled. "I"m scared," she whispered.
"We"ll take it slow." Jody used her thumb to wipe away Ellen"s tears. She pulled Ellen down beside her and held her. She knew it would take time before Ellen would feel comfortable with her body again, but she intended to be there beside her during the journey.
About The Author.
Frankie J. Jones is the author of Rhythm Tide, Whispers in the Wind, Captive Heart, Room for Love, and Midas Touch. She enjoys fishing, traveling, outdoor photography, and rummaging through flea markets in search of whimsical salt and pepper shakers.