"No, I sha"n"t. I ain"t interested in the Fourth o" July. I never had nothin" to do with it in the beginnin" an" I ain"t never had nothin" to do with it since. My own idea"s always been as the Boston people was very foolish to go throwin" their tea overboard sooner"n buy stamps. We all buy stamps now an" no one thinks o" fussin" over it, an" I guess we do a lot other things as we"d never of had to do if we"d kept our tea an" our mouths shut in the beginnin". They say tea is very cheap in England an" very good, too, an" heaven knows nothin" is cheap with us.
Elijah says if it wasn"t for his uncle he"d take a strong stand on a low tariff, but my goodness, it looks to me like he"d better not meddle with the tariff--he"s set the town by the ears enough with his ox. I had a long talk with him last night about the whole thing. I don"t know, I"m sure, how Elijah ever is goin" to get on without me, for I certainly do talk to him enough to keep him in ideas right straight along. I was very kind last night--but I was firm, too. In the end I broke him down completely an" he told me as he never meant it that way a _tall_. He says he only drew a picture o" what the Fourth o" July was in olden times. But this town ain"t good on pictures, we take things right up by the handle an" deal with "em a"cordin"."
"But--" said Mrs. Lathrop.
"Oh, of course not," said Susan, "but they can take him up by the tail an" horns, can"t they?"
CHAPTER XVIII
CELEBRATING INDEPENDENCE DAY
"Well," said Miss Clegg to her friend the Sunday after the Fourth, "I"m thankful to say as the game is up to-morrow an" Elijah moves out of my house. We never had no Fourth o" July like this afore an" every one is prayin" as we"ll never have such another again. It was really very peaceful in church this mornin" an" the collection was thirty-two cents, so that shows as folks is beginnin" to take heart again, but you could see as they was all nervous an" even the minister kept lookin" anxiously out of the window whenever he thought as he heard a noise. Mr. Weskin says he thinks a house catchin" fire from bein" disinfected comes under some head as lets the insurance get paid anyhow an" he says if not he"ll take the case for the Browns on even halves for his heart is full o"
sympathy for "em. The Browns was in church themselves to-day, all but Amelia, an" I had the story from them straight for the first time. Young Dr. Brown says he can"t understand any of it; he says the stuff must be stirred in a barrel for two hours without stoppin" an" he says he"ll let any man breathe a suspicion as his mother stopped after he once set her at it! Mrs. Brown says she did n"t stop neither, she says when she could n"t move her arms any more for love or money, she stuck the broomstick through her belt an" sat on the edge o" the barrel an" kept the stuff stirrin" so. They poured in the acid right after breakfast, an" then Dr.
Brown wanted the test to be thorough, so they put a live fly in each room, shut the doors between, shut all the windows, took the silver out on the lawn, an" then threw a match into the barrel an" run out the coal cellar door.
"Amelia is up at her father"s an" ain"t able to speak of it yet, but Mrs. Brown says her own view of it will always be as it was a explosion.
She says as she can"t see how you could call it anythin" else in the world. She says they was all sittin" in the arbor an" Amelia was just gettin" into the hammock an" Dr. Brown was just beginnin" on the King o"
Spain"s honeymoon in the paper, with a picture of a bullfight to ill.u.s.trate it, when she heard such a noise as she never will forget again in all her life to come. She says her first thought was as Amelia had bu"st the hammock, for she says she tries to be kind to the bosom wife of her chosen son, but Amelia is surely most awful hard on anythin"
as you get in an" out of, but then she heard the second noise, an" she says to her dyin" day she won"t be able to swear to nothin" but as she thought it was San Francisco quakin" right in our very middle. Why, she says, she never for one second doubted as it was a earthquake. The canary-bird cage come sailin" out o" the dinin"-room window, all the chimneys went down with a crash, an" Amelia give one yell an" fainted.
Mrs. Brown says she an" young Dr. Brown did n"t really know which way to turn for a minute. They could n"t seem to think whether their first duty was to shake Amelia or run around to the front of the house. The windows was blowin" out as fast as they could an" the most awful smellin" smoke you ever smelt was pourin" out after them! She said the smell was bad enough when she was stirrin" the stuff in the barrel, but exploded, it was just beyond all belief. In the end they left Amelia an" run "round behind the house an" if there was n"t all the kitchen stove lids comin"
bangin" out at "em an" all the feathers from the pillows just rainin"
down like snow! They run aroun" to the side an" there was Amelia"s sheets o" music all over the lawn an" jars o" pickles with the gla.s.s lids gone, an" jelly tumblers an" weddin" gold-rimmed china, an" in front an" on top of all else if the fire did n"t bu"st out!
"Dr. Brown run for the fire engine then an" every one was at home gettin" ready for the picnic an" there wa"n"t no one down town a _tall_.
He was all of ten minutes findin" any one an" when he found him it was only Mr. Sh.o.r.es, an" Mrs. Brown says as gettin" out a fire engine with Mr. Sh.o.r.es an" your house burnin" is suthin" as she trusts will never be her lot again. She says Mr. Sh.o.r.es would n"t lay hold o" the engine till after the cover was folded up neatly an" then he wanted to dust the wheels afore runnin" it out. Then after it was run out an" got to the house, if there wa"n"t no hose, an" Dr. Brown had to run away back to the engine house for the hose an" while he was runnin" he met John Bunyan runnin" too an" John Bunyan told him as the hose was kept coiled up in the part as sticks up behind the engine like a can. So they run back together an" got it out an" run with it to the well an" Dr. Brown was so excited he dropped the hose in the well. Mrs. Brown says she was nigh too mad by this time with the house explodin" all over again every few minutes an" things as you never have around comin" sailin" out o"
the windows right in people"s faces when they was only there to be neighborly an" look on. She was runnin" back an" forth an" explainin" as it was n"t for want o" stirrin", for she stirred it herself, when Sam Duruy come runnin" an" seems there"s always another hose tied up under the engine an" he unhooked that an" John Bunyan built a fire in the hole for fire while they fixed the new hose in the cistern, but oh my, the house was too far gone to be saved by that time. So they pumped some on Amelia just to try the hose, an" then they helped pick up the things as was blowed out of the windows. Mrs. Brown says it was all most awful an"
she knows from her son"s face as he thinks it was all because she stopped stirrin" sometimes durin" the two hours an" she declares with tears as she never stopped stirrin" once--not _once_.
"Mrs. Fisher says the way people is sick from the smell shows as all the flies they put in the rooms must of surely been killed, so the experiment"s a success in one way at least. Mrs. Fisher walked part way home with me an" we had a nice talk about the Browns. She says the Browns is most amusin" always in the ways they use flies; she says when young Dr. Brown was little, Mrs. Brown used to put a fly in the sugar-box when she went down to the square for things so she could tell when she come back whether he"d been at the sugar, an" so let the fly out. She says young Dr. Brown cured her o" that happy thought by takin"
the fly out himself when she was down town one time an" puttin" a mad bee in instead. She says she guesses Dr. Brown has given her many a little lesson like that or he"d never be able to keep her stirrin"
anythin" as smells for two hours."
"Where--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.
"Well, the Fitches took Amelia an" her husband of course an" Mrs. Brown is goin" over to Meadville to-morrow. Mrs. Macy says maybe old Dr.
Carter will marry her now as she ain"t got any house to be attached to.
I don"t see why that would n"t be a good end for Mrs. Brown, she can step right into Mrs. Carter"s shoes--an" her clothes, too, for that matter, for he never give away a thing when she died. Yes, he did, too, though, she wanted her nieces to have a souvenir an" he give one the waist an" the other the skirt to the same dress, but Mrs. Fisher says what he would n"t give away to no man for love or money was all her union underwear for winter. Seems she always wore the best an" finest, an" when she died Dr. Carter said he"d keep all them union suits an"
wear "em out himself."
"I--" said Mrs. Lathrop.
"No, an" I would n"t either," said Miss Clegg; "there would n"t be no comfort marryin" a man whose first wife could n"t call even her union suits her own after she died, not to my order of thinkin"."
"Was--" asked her friend.
"Oh, the picnic?" said Susan, "no, that was n"t a success a _tall_. They spread the tablecloth over a flyin" ant nest in the first place an" Mrs.
Macy says shad bones is nothin" to the pickin" out as they had to do while eatin" as a consequence. She says they very soon found out as they was under a wood-tick tree too, an" the children run into a burr-patch after dinner. The minister tried to teach the twins to fish an" the bank caved in with "em all three, an" the minister had to go all the way home that way. Gran"ma Mullins got a gnat in her eye an" Hiram walked way back to town for a flaxseed to put in it to get the gnat out, an"
crossin" the bridge he sneezed an" the flaxseed just disappeared completely, an" Lucy would n"t let him go back again, so all she could do was to keep a-rubbin" till finally she rubbed it out. Mr. Dill climbed up a tree to show as he could still climb up a tree an" a branch broke an" tore him so bad he had to walk home with the minister,--I guess every one"s glad the Fourth"s over."
"How"s--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.
"Elijah? Oh, he went to town for the day. He says it"s him for town when there "s anythin" goin" on in the country. He come back lookin" like he"d really enjoyed himself, but I was afraid he was goin" to have a fever at first he talked so queer in his sleep that night an" began all his sentences with "Here"s to--" an" then stopped in a most curious way.
I was very much relieved when I see him come downstairs the next mornin", only his appet.i.te ain"t what it was yet."
"May--" suggested Mrs. Lathrop.
"Oh, I don"t think so. There ain"t any one for him to be in love with anyhow unless it"s "Liza Em"ly. He"s really too smart for any girl in this community an" he ain"t got a single picture among his things nor a letter as I don"t know who wrote it. I thought at first as he used to call "Annie" in his sleep the nights after we have dumplin"s, but it ain"t "Annie" he says; it"s "Aunty," an" heaven knows a aunt never broke no man"s heart yet."
Susan rose to go home.
"I"m glad the Fourth"s over, anyway," she said as she took up her parasol and mitts. "I think it"s always a great strain on the country, but even if no one never likes it nor enjoys it, I suppose we must keep on havin" it with us year after year, for Elijah says as, as a nation, we"re so proud o" bein" ahead o" everythin" an" everybody, that we"ll die afore we"ll go on one step further. He says what"s one day o" terror a year beside the idea as we"re free to do as we please. Gran"ma Mullins says all she can say is as she thanks G.o.d for every Fourth o" July as leaves Hiram whole, for he"s the only apple she"s got for her eye an"
she"d go stark ravin" mad if anythin" was to tear him apart in the dream of his youth."
"Did--" asked Mrs. Lathrop, solicitously.
"Well, I can"t stop to see if I did or did n"t now," said Miss Clegg; "to-night"s my last evenin" with Elijah an" I told him to be sure an" be home early. We"ll try an" part pleasantly even though I should be mighty mad at him if I thought as he was half as glad to go as I am to get rid of him. I don"t like the ways of a man in the house, Mrs. Lathrop,--they seem to act like they thought you enjoyed havin" "em around. I can"t see where they ever got the idea in the first place, but it certainly does seem to stick by "em most wonderful."
"There--" said Mrs. Lathrop.
Susan turned her head.
"Yes, that"s him comin"," she said; "well, now I must go, Mrs. Lathrop.
I"ll come over to-morrow an" tell you when I"m free of him, bag an"
baggage."
"Yes," said Mrs. Lathrop, "I--"
"Yes, I do, too," said Miss Clegg, "but you see I said for three months an" the three months ain"t up till to-morrow."
CHAPTER XIX
EXIT THE MAN OUT OF SUSAN CLEGG"S HOUSE
"Well, Mrs. Lathrop," said Miss Clegg, coming over the evening after, weary but triumphant, "Elijah is gone an" I tell you I"ll never be too tender-hearted for my own good again. I won"t say but what it was me an"
n.o.body else as brought him down on my own head, but I must fully an"
freely state as it"s certainly been me an" no one else as has had to hold my own head up under him. An" he _has_ been a load!
"Why, Mrs. Lathrop, do you know that man"s stockin"s alone has took me about one mornin" a week, an" as to b.u.t.tons--well, I never knew a editor could bu"st "em off so fast. An" as to puttin" away what he took off, or foldin" back things into the drawer where they belongs, why, a monkey swingin" upside down by his tail is busy carefully keepin" house compared to Elijah Doxey.
"I never see such a man afore! If Hiram"s anythin" like him I don"t blame Lucy for battin" him about as she does. I did n"t suppose such ways could be lived with in oneself. An" that table where he wrote!
Well! I tell you I"ve got it cleared off to-night an" my clean curtains folded off on it, an" no man never sets foot on it again, I can tell you _that_.