Maddygasgar. She said she was awful interested, "n" he was too, "n" in the end he was _so_ interested that he found he had n"t poured out o"
the salts bottle a _tall_. It was only just a chance as he remembered as it was salts she wanted, "n" she said he was _so_ nice about it, went under the counter to find a cork to fit, "n" told her all about how they get gumarabic while he was under there, "n" she was so deep in the subjeck that she never noticed, "n" he stuck a poison label on, "n" they both laughed over that fit to kill themselves. My goodness, Mrs. Macy said, but Mrs. Kitts said as he was a taking young man. In the end he wrote the name in Latin across the skull "n" cross-bones, "n" she only had to always remember as "Sally Simplex" meant "simple salts" from then on.
"She went on to say as the biggest thing Rufus ever done long about then was to down their minister in a open conversation one night callin" at Deacon Grummel"s. She told all about it, "n" seems as there was some talk afterwards about gettin" up a subscription to send him to college, only it never come to nothin" "cause no one wanted to subscribe. Seems the minister was Luther Law, him as moved to Chicago afterwards "n" got burnt up or out--I forget which--in the fire. Seems he was to Deacon Grummel"s one night, "n" him "n" Rufus got to discussin" what we all come from. Mrs. Macy says Mrs. Grummel said she never hear the like. She "n" her husband was jus" all of a tremble. She said afterwards that if it "d of been any other minister than Luther Law, Rufus _would_ have had him sure. She said it was just like a lecture hall to hear, upon her honor. The minister begun by startin" out for our all comin" from Adam "n" Eve, but Rufus come out flat for our bein" from monkeys. Well, Mrs.
Grummel said she "n" her husband could n"t do no more than feel their hearts beat at _that_. Rufus jus" argued "n" kep" on arguin" till he made the minister admit as there was n"t nothin" absolute agin" monkeys, "n" then--if that young man did n"t go him one better "n" say as he believed in tadpoles himself. Luther Law was flat agin" tadpoles, but Rufus never let up till he got him to admit that if the Lord could make a man out of a monkey He could make him out of a tadpole, too. "N"
_then_, when he"d got him so far, what _do_ you think, Mrs.
Lathrop,--what do you think!--Mrs. Macy said as Mrs. Kitts said as Mrs.
Grummel said if that young man did n"t look right square into Luther"s face "n" say as to _his_ order o" thinkin" it wasn"t what we"d come from as mattered so much as what we"d develop into _next_. "That"s what I want to know," he said to Luther Law, runnin" his hand into himself in that way as was so fashionable along "bout then, "that"s what _I_ want to know, "n" I can"t find no one as has a addykit answer for me."
"Well, Mrs. Macy said Mrs. Kitts said as up to her deathbed day Mrs.
Grummel _always_ said as that was _the_ minute o" her life. She said facin" cannon would n"t be nothin" to the way she "n" the deacon felt over seein" the minister asked a thing like that right on top o" their own tea! But, lor, you never could stick Luther Law. A minister would n"t be able to be able to be a minister if little things like questions you can"t answer could run him aground. He jus" waited a minute "n" then he looked slow "n" sad, an" lifted up his hand _so_, "n" pointed _so_, an" said, "Young man, how can you ask such a question, with the starry heaven right on top of your head?"
"Well! Mrs. Grummel said it was like a flash o" thunder splittin" clean through the air. She said her husband never quit saying to his dying day as that was the smartest thing as Luther Law ever said, considerin" how little time he had to think, "n" it was the only thing in the wide world as he could of said, too. She said she told that story all over town, "n" no one could ever decide which was the smartest, Rufus or Luther Law; "cause even if Luther Law did find a way out, it was such a astonishin" thing as he did that Rufus got a sight o" credit out of comin" as nigh to stickin" him as _he_ did. A good many people begun to say then as he was too superior for a small town;--old Dr. Lumb said as to his order o" thinkin" he "d ought to move near to some place where he"d have professors to talk to.
"Mrs. Macy said Mrs. Kitts give her to understand, though, as there was a "nother side to Rufus even then, "n" it begun to crop out mighty young, too. Mrs. Kitts said she would n"t mention it only in confidence, but Mr. Tilley, of the drug-store where Rufus was, told _her_ as he"d be only too glad to see Rufus move _anywhere_, whether it had professors to talk to or not. Mr. Tilley said his ideas was far too advanced for a small town. Mr. Tilley said he could n"t find the easiest things after Rufus had got "em labelled in Latin, "n" he said it wasn"t practical to cla.s.sify no drug-store without a rollin" step-ladder anyhow. Then there came up the Kelly cat, "n" on account of the Kellys havin" money the Kelly cat come nigh to endin" Rufus. I never hear about the Kelly cat afore, but seems as the Kelly cat was ailin" "n" the Kellys took it to Rufus for catnip, "n" Rufus got to discoursin" with Bessy on how if you"re born under Venus with Mars gettin" up you"re bound to marry whoever you love, "n" he clean forgot what ailed the cat "n" tried to give her ipecac as if she was croupy instead o" bein" droopy. The cat knowed ipecac even if Rufus did n"t, "n" she bounced out from between him "n" Bessy "n" bounced into the winder "n" busted the big bottle full o" green. Rufus said it was a fit, "n" he got a hair-oil bottle as gives you a nickel nose of your own for nothin", "n" he put the nose on the ipecac "n" got the whole down the cat so far that she come nigh to swallowin" the nose. Mrs. Macy said Mrs. Kelly never felt to forgive Rufus, "n" it set her deader "n" ever agin" him, but, lor, Bessy was too head over heels in love to care about cats or ipecac. She was as sure Rufus was superior as any one could be, "n" every one knowed what was up as well as she "n" Rufus did. Mrs. Macy said as every one said as a superior young man must marry money or he could n"t in reason stay superior long, "n" Rufus was dead set on stayin" superior, so they was married the next spring "n" moved to the city, "n" they did n"t come back till it was plain as Mr. Kelly "d have to support "em or let Bessy starve on Rufus"s superiority."
Susan paused abruptly and sighed. Mrs. Lathrop said never a word.
Presently the discourse flowed on again.
"Well, there was n"t really no wish to say nothin" but good of Rufus, but it is a long drive to Meadville an" we had to talk, "n" you know as well as I do, Mrs. Lathrop, as it"s nigh to impossible to talk long of people if you "re only to say good of "em. Rufus was there "n" dead to talk about, "n" while we naturally wished him well, still we was pretty tired before we got through drivin" sixteen miles to bury him. Gran"ma Mullins said finally as he was certainly a very superior man, but she knowed from her niece Hannah as he was trying to live with. She said Hannah lived with "em for five years "n" looked after the children, "n cheered Bessy up when she was nigh to wore out with bein" married to Rufus. Hannah never had no use for Rufus Timmans herself,--she was awful fond o" Bessy "n" the boys, but she drawed the line at Rufus, "n"
Gran"ma Mullins says she never minced matters neither. Gran"ma Mullins says as Hannah used to walk right in on Rufus "n" let fly whenever she felt as the salvation of her soul called on her to speak or bu"st. She said Hannah said what she could n"t stand was the way the general public seemed to coincide with Rufus"s opinion of himself. Hannah used to say as the general run o" folks did n"t have to live with Rufus Timmans an"
she did, "n" she furthermore used to say if the general run o" folks had had to live with Rufus Timmans they would n"t o" viewed him from no fancy standpoint no more "n" she did herself. Hannah used to say as day in "n" day out was a terrible lettin" in o" light on dark spots, "n" for her part she had n"t got no use for a man as had the whole o" the inside o" the earth by heart "n" was n"t one earthly bit o" good on the outside of it. Hannah said as all she could say was as she wisht as some o" them as admired his superior understandin" could just be in her place one while. Gran"ma Mullins said as there was one time as Hannah never got over, "n" that was the cistern, she said as Hannah always got mad whenever she told it, "n" she told it so often, her face stayed always red in the end, jus" from tellin" that story so often.
"Seems as Rufus thought mebbe there was a dead rat in the cistern, so he had the cistern cleaned out, "n" the drouth came on, "n" Monday come on top o" the drouth, "n" Hannah pumped her arms most off afore she realized as there wa"n"t no water a _tall_, "n" then she was that mad as she walked right in on Rufus "n" give it to him.
"Gran"ma Mullins said Hannah said it made her mad only to look at him; he was sittin" in the little shady parlor, jus" softly rockin" back "n"
forth, readin" a book as told why the Dead Sea "s dead. Well, Hannah said no words could tell how much madder she got when she got right in front o" him--to see a able-bodied man rockin" "n" readin" Dead Seas on top of a empty cistern. Hannah was never one to keep her own counsel in the face of her own feelin"s, you know, "n" she jus" went right up in front of Rufus "n" said as calm as she could, "Mr. Timmans, where"s the water for the wash to come from?" Gran"ma Mullins said Hannah always said as she tried to stay calm but she give out young, "n" the sight o"
Rufus liftin" his superior eyes jus" did for her. She put her two hands on her two hips, an" let out right then "n" there, "Mr. Timmans," she says, "you was so sure "t there was a rat drowned in the cistern," she says, "that nothin" mus" do but you mus" clean it out," she says; ""n"
there wa"n"t no rat," she says, ""n" it ain"t rained since," she says, ""n" how"re we to wash?" she says,--"n" then she waited to see what he would say, "n" she said a lamb would o" begun to hop about "n" yowl with mad to see how kind of calm "n" dazed like "n" altogether peaceful "n"
happy he looked up at her. "N" he says, quite placid "n" contented, "Can"t you get some water out o" the pond?" he says. "Out o" the pond!"
says Hannah, high-keyed like,--Gran"ma Mullins says Hannah always went high-keyed easy,--"out o" that muddy, swampy, slimy, marshy, cow-churned pond," says Hannah, "out o" that nasty, dirty, filthy, green pond," says Hannah, gettin" high-keyeder "n" high-keyeder. "I can get it clean for you," says Rufus, a-openin" the Dead Sea "n" runnin" his eyes aroun" for his place,--"jus" say when you want it," he says. Well, Gran"ma Mullins said Hannah always said as she never knowed what kept her off him at that minute, for she was that mad she felt like the righteous judgment o" the Lord was in the ends of her very finger-nails. "_Now_," she says, "right _now_," she says; "that"s when I want it," she says. Rufus looked up "n" see she was in earnest, "n" she says the way he sighed like he was a martyr as led the band was enough to have ended her patience once "n" for all time if it had n"t been for the wash, "n" then he carefully turned a leaf down in the Dead Sea "n" got out o" the rocker "n" went "n" got Nathan Lumb "n" they went off together.
"Well, Gran"ma Mullins said Hannah begun to wait, "n" Hannah waited until if Hannah had waited any longer she "d have gone off like a rocket, she was that mad again. Gran"ma Mullins said Hannah always got so red she got purple if she only was rememberin" it after. "N" in the end she could n"t stand it no longer "n" she set off for the pond herself. She always said as she just hoped "n" prayed as they was both on "em drowned all the way there, but the Lord in his mercy was n"t seein" fit to deal out no such luck, "n" she found the pond there an"
Rufus "n" Nathan gone.
""N" what do you suppose she see, Mrs. Lathrop; what _do_ you suppose she see? You never heard the like, "n" the whole wagon of us could n"t but feel as it was maybe just as well as we was on our way to Rufus"s funeral, for we _never_ could have faced him in real life after hearin"
such a tale.
"Seems there was the pond "n" there was the edge o" the pond, "n" there was two barrels as Rufus "n" Nathan had set close to the edge. One o"
the barrels was empty "n" one was full o" dirty swamp-water, "n" Rufus"s superior mind had hung a old piece o" carpet from one barrel over into the other so it could suck up dirty water "n" drip off clean, "n" mebbe if the sun did n"t shine too hard Hannah "d have a pail o" clean water come Hallowe"en. "N" the wash waitin"!
"Mr. Jilkins said as that was jus" what might o" been expected o" Rufus.
He"d like to observe the theery "n" he would n"t care about the wash.
Gran"ma Mullins said it did the business for Hannah, though. She never could make up her mind to take Dr. Lumb before on a"count o" his swearin" so, but she made up her mind as anythin" as "d rid her o" Rufus "n" give her a chance to boss Nathan "d fill her bill after that, "n"
she went up that very night "n" told Dr. Lumb, as if he still wanted her, she was prepared to be took. He wanted her "n" he took her, "n" she was to the funeral to-day with Nathan "n" his two boys, all of "em brushed so slick you could see with half a eye as Hannah had got a deal o" satisfaction out o" them all these years since.
"She come over to sit beside Gran"ma Mullins "n" talked a little while.
She said Bessy Timmans was bearin" Rufus"s loss mos" bravely, "n" her daughter Betty was come home "n" brought the baby to comfort her. Hannah said as Betty was a very sweet young woman. She said she never forgot the day when she was only four years old, "n" asked right out why the family had to be so proud o" Rufus. Hannah said her mother shut her up quick, but it was plain to be seen as that child had eyes for them as could hear, "n" was pretty quick at sizin" up Rufus.
"It was a awful big funeral. Folks was there from all over. I drove out to the graveyard with old Dr. Lumb "n" Dr. Cogswell from the city. The other one was Susy Carter, "n" she"s so deaf all I could do was to listen to the front seat. Dr. Cogswell said as it was a great pity that a superior man like Rufus Timmans should have had to live his life out on highways "n" edges by circ.u.mstances probably beyond his control. Dr.
Lumb said yes, a small community like Meadville could n"t never offer nothin" like a addykit scope to a brain like Rufus"s. He said he was surprised as Rufus"s brain had managed to scratch along as well as it had under the circ.u.mstances. He said, with the exception of himself Rufus had never had no one to really talk to. He said, to be frank, he would in confidence remark to Dr. Cogswell as Bessy Timmans was a very inferior person an" no ways up to Rufus. He said as he should n"t be personally surprised to know as her feelin"s towards Rufus partook more of a element of impatience than of admiration. He said as one night when he was there he was most dumbfounded to see how little attention she paid with Rufus discoursin" on trilobites "n their relations to the cursory strata. Dr. Cogswell sighed "n" said he was afraid he"d have to admit as he feared that was mebbe only too likely to be true. He said he felt a sadness because every trilobite as was related by Rufus was of profound value to any scientific student. He said Rufus was one at whose feet them as is learned could easy sit and learn some more. He said Rufus ought to o" gotten out in the world thirty years ago,--but then he sighed again, "n" said probably circ.u.mstances as no one knowed nothing of probably chained him here. It was easy to see as Dr. Lumb had a awful high opinion o" Rufus, but that "d be only natural, him bein" married to Hannah as was so dead set agin" him, "n" he shook his head then "n" said as he believed as Dr. Cogswell had guessed pretty nigh to the truth. He said he knowed as Bessy was born in Meadville, "n" as her property was there "n" he said his own opinion was that with the shortsightedness common to her s.e.x she had chained the eagle so as she might stay among her little circle o" petty friendships, "n" so the n.o.ble bird had worn his soul away in captivity, so to speak.
"Dr. Cogswell said "Ah!" "n" then they both shook their heads together "n" sighed together.
"Hannah did n"t go out to the grave. She stayed with Bessy. She took me into the pantry afore we left "n" said as the spirit o" relief hoverin"
in the house was beyond all belief. She said Betty was goin" to take her mother home with her when she went. She said Betty said as she could come back to Meadville whenever she liked, but she said as Bessy said she"d never want to come back. Hannah says Bessy told her as all she asked was to live out her days some place where she "d never have to hear again what a very superior man Rufus was.
"I stood aroun" an" talked with a lot more folks. The general feelin"
was as it was a great honor to be buryin" Rufus, but n.o.body knowed just why. I thought about it comin" home a-jouncin" along over them walnuts.
(My, but they was hard!) The truth seems to be as there "s some folks born to be superior "n" to know as they"re superior, "n" other folks born to admire "em, "n" neither set sees jus" why."
"I--" said Mrs. Lathrop.
"Well, as long as you say so I may as well admit as I was thinkin" that very thing myself," said Susan; "but far be it from me to have said such a thing myself _of_ myself, Mrs. Lathrop--but as long as _you_ say it I can"t but remark as no one in their senses could deny its bein" true o"
me."
"I--" said Mrs. Lathrop.
"Oh, that"s your misfortune," said Miss Clegg, graciously; "there ain"t no need of apologizin" to a old friend like me. "N" anyway, Mrs.
Lathrop, I guess n.o.body could n"t tell _me_ nothin" about your inferiorities--not after livin" next to you all the years as I have; but you know me, "n" you know as nothin" ever changes my feelin"s towards a friend--not even towards such a friend as you, Mrs. Lathrop."
Mrs. Lathrop was silent.
Other books by Anne Warner
THE REJUVENATION OF AUNT MARY
Always amusing and ends in a burst of sunshine.--_Philadelphia Ledger_.
Impossible to read without laughing. A sparkling, hilarious tale.--_Chicago Record-Herald_.
The love story is as wholesome and satisfactory as the fun. In its cla.s.s this book must be accorded the first place.--_Baltimore Sun_.
The humor is simply delicious.--_Albany Times-Union_.
Every one that remembers Susan Clegg will wish also to make the acquaintance of Aunt Mary. Her "imperious will and impervious eardrums" furnish matter for uproarious merriment.... A book to drive away the blues and make one well content with the worst weather.--_Pittsburg Gazette_.
Cheerful, crisp, and bright. The comedy is sweetened by a satisfying love tale.--_Boston Herald_.