The tone was correctly contrite, but Susan felt underneath the confidence that he would be forgiven--the confidence of the egotist giddied by a triumph. Said she:
"Don"t you think mine"s a strange way of acting jealous?"
"But you"re a strange woman."
Susan looked at him thoughtfully. "Yes, I suppose I am," said she. "And you"ll think me stranger when I tell you what I"m going to do."
He started up in a panic. And the fear in his eyes pleased her, at the same time that it made her wince.
She nodded slowly. "Yes, Rod--I"m leaving."
"I"ll drop Constance," cried he. "I"ll have her put out of the company."
"No--go on with her till you"ve got enough--or she has."
"I"ve got enough, this minute," declared he with convincing energy and pa.s.sion. "You must know, dearest, that to me Constance--all the women I"ve ever seen--aren"t worth your little finger. You"re all that they are, and a whole lot more besides." He seized her in his arms. "You wouldn"t leave me--you couldn"t! You understand how men are--how they get these fits of craziness about a pair of eyes or a figure or some trick of voice or manner. But that doesn"t affect the man"s heart. I love you, Susan. I adore you."
She did not let him see how sincerely he had touched her. Her eyes were of their deepest violet, but he had never learned that sign. She smiled mockingly; the fingers that caressed his hair were trembling. "We"ve tided each other over, Rod.
The play"s a success. You"re all right again--and so am I.
Now"s the time to part."
"Is it Brent, Susie?"
"I quit him last week."
"There"s no one else. You"re going because of Constance!"
She did not deny. "You"re free and so am I," said she practically. "I"m going. So--let"s part sensibly. Don"t make a silly scene."
She knew how to deal with him--how to control him through his vanity. He drew away from her, chilled and sullen. "If you can live through it, I guess I can," said he. "You"re making a d.a.m.n fool of yourself--leaving a man that"s fond of you--and leaving when he"s successful."
"I always was a fool, you know," said she. She had decided against explaining to him and so opening up endless and vain argument. It was enough that she saw it was impossible to build upon or with him, saw the necessity of trying elsewhere--unless she would risk--no, invite--finding herself after a few months, or years, back among the drift, back in the underworld.
He gazed at her as she stood smiling gently at him--smiling to help her hide the ache at her heart, the terror before the vision of the old women of the tenement gutters, earning the wages, not of sin, not of vice, not of stupidity, but of indecision, of over-hopefulness--of weakness. Here was the kind of smile that hurts worse than tears, that takes the place of tears and sobs and moans. But he who had never understood her did not understand her now. Her smile infuriated his vanity. "You can _laugh!_" he sneered.
"Well--go to the filth where you belong! You were born for it." And he flung out of the room, went noisily down the stairs. She heard the front door"s distant slam; it seemed to drop her into a chair. She sat there all crouched together until the clock on the mantel struck two. This roused her hastily to gather into her trunk such of her belongings as she had not already packed. She sent for a cab. The man of all work carried down the trunk and put it on the box. Dressed in a simple blue costume as if for traveling, she entered the cab and gave the order to drive to the Grand Central Station.
At the corner she changed the order and was presently entering the Beaux Arts restaurant where she had asked Freddie to meet her. He was there, smoking calmly and waiting. At sight of her he rose. "You"ll have lunch?" said he.
"No, thanks."
"A small bottle of champagne?"
"Yes--I"m rather tired."
He ordered the champagne. "And," said he, "it"ll be the real thing--which mighty few New Yorkers get even at the best places." When it came he sent the waiter away and filled the gla.s.ses himself. He touched the brim of his gla.s.s to the bottom of hers. "To the new deal," said he.
She smiled and nodded, and emptied the gla.s.s. Suddenly it came to her why she felt so differently toward him. She saw the subtle, yet radical change that always transforms a man of force of character when his position in the world notably changes. This man before her, so slightly different in physical characteristics from the man she had fled, was wholly different in expression.
"When shall we sail?" asked he. "Tomorrow?"
"First--there"s the question of money," said she.
He was much amused. "Still worrying about your independence."
"No," replied she. "I"ve been thinking it out, and I don"t feel any anxiety about that. I"ve changed my scheme of life.
I"m going to be sensible and practice what life has taught me.
It seems there"s only one way for a woman to get up. Through some man."
Freddie nodded. "By marriage or otherwise, but always through a man."
"So I"ve discovered," continued she. "So, I"m going to play the game. And I think I can win now. With the aid of what I"ll learn and with the chances I"ll have, I can keep my feeling of independence. You see, if you and I don"t get on well together, I"ll be able to look out for myself.
Something"ll turn up."
"Or--_somebody_--eh?"
"Or somebody."
"That"s candid."
"Don"t you want me to be candid? But even if you don"t, I"ve got to be."
"Yes--truth--especially disagreeable truth--is your long suit," said he. "Not that I"m kicking. I"m glad you went straight at the money question. We can settle it and never think of it again. And neither of us will be plotting to take advantage of the other, or fretting for fear the other is plotting. Sometimes I think nearly all the trouble in this world comes through failure to have a clear understanding about money matters."
Susan nodded. Said she thoughtfully, "I guess that"s why I came--one of the main reasons. You are wonderfully sensible and decent about money."
"And the other chap isn"t?"
"Oh, yes--and no. He likes to make a woman feel dependent.
He thinks--but that doesn"t matter. He"s all right."
"Now--for our understanding with each other," said Palmer.
"You can have whatever you want. The other day you said you wanted some sort of a salary. But if you"ve changed----"
"No--that"s what I want."
"So much a year?"
"So much a week," replied she. "I want to feel, and I want you to feel, that we can call it off at any time on seven days" notice."
"But that isn"t what I want," said he--and she, watching him closely if furtively, saw the strong lines deepen round his mouth.
She hesitated. She was seeing the old woman"s dance hall, was hearing the piano as the hunchback played and the old horrors reeled about, making their palsy rhythmic. She was seeing this, yet she dared. "Then you don"t want me," said she, so quietly that he could not have suspected her agitation. Never had her habit of concealing her emotion been so useful to her.
He sat frowning at his gla.s.s--debating. Finally he said:
"I explained the other day what I was aiming for. Such an arrangement as you suggest wouldn"t help. You see that?"
"It"s all I can do--at present," replied she firmly. And she was now ready to stand or fall by that decision. She had always accepted the other previous terms--or whatever terms fate offered. Result--each time, disaster. She must make no more fatal blunders. This time, her own terms or not at all.