And so night fell.
In the end, Leon didn’t show himself after he left. At least, not to me.
It might’ve been that much of a shock to him.
But when I tried to imagine what the reason why, I felt some sympathy. That served to offset my own undefinable feelings toward him. 1
It wasn’t like I went out of my way to deceive him.
It wasn’t, but when I thought about it, I got the feeling I did something horrible to him.
…No, I deceived him — or more precisely, I lied. From the very beginning.
Only, Leon had already known the truth. So there was a part of me that thought that maybe this confession, too, would end with a simple [I know].
But the result: Leon got fl.u.s.tered like it was outside his wildest predictions…
When I thought about it, I felt like I’d done something awful all the same.
Thinking back, there was that request between us, sure, but it wasn’t that both parties had an even mutual understanding, and all that was left was the debt Leon owed us, I realized. 2
He sheltered us, the runaway slaves.
He let us eat delicious things.
He gave us a place to sleep.
We owed him more than enough for that.
You might even say that in the end, we would be paying back his kindness with evil.
Like it or not, reality was reality. Let’s say I didn’t make that confession and instead pa.s.sed myself off as a woman. Based on my speculations so far, it didn’t seem like I would’ve had a bright future waiting for me.
For example, well, Leon might’ve confessed to me.
That… would be trouble.
I couldn’t think of another word for it.
From that perspective, coming clean about myself was for my sake, as well as Leon’s.
Yeah, so, I’m not sorry.
Somehow, I feel like I’ve been letting my imagination run too wild, but I should have nothing to be sorry about.
“…Chris?”
Palmira’s voice interrupted my reverie, and I looked at her blankly.
“Ah?”
“The soup will get cold.”
Palmira looked a little concerned by my idiot response. I pondered her meaning for a few moments before coming back to my senses.
“Y-Yeah.”
And I hastily dipped my spoon into the soup served for dinner.
I slurped up a mouthful. Delicious.
It’s delicious, but…
“What’s wrong with Lord Leon?”
murmured3 Aira.
Leon wasn’t at dinner either.
That was why I ended up thinking about all that stuff.
“I wonder, did we do something bad after all…?”
“That’s right.”
Sitting in his seat for some reason, Irene cut in decisively.
The loose ends all tied up, maybe, Irene returned to the estate in the afternoon. Though it would have been better if she forgot, she remembered the promise I made. So she made a bee-line for us as we sat dumbly on the veranda, asking for my story.
In the very beginning, I was dead set on being vague and using that as a smoke screen, but it was tiresome to balance that and the business with Leon too, so I told Irene the truth.
For the time being, I set aside the matter of my birth and told her the part about becoming a woman.
She pulled away from me.
Well, I mean, that’s normal. I think. I completely felt that way myself; if it were me, I’d back the h.e.l.l away too.
But in a slight change of course, Irene summed it up, in words that could be taken as abuse or disparagement, as: [It’s unfair for a guy who turned into a girl to be that beautiful.]
Hey, don’t look at me. Well, it wasn’t like I wanted to turn into a woman in the first place, so I didn’t take it personally.
But it seemed that she understood but wouldn’t settle down unless she said something. It was a relief, even, to be spoken to so bluntly.
And so4 she left.
It felt a little lonely, but since I’d be saying goodbye to her soon, making a clean cut was probably for the best.
“S’what I’m sayin’, I just can’t believe a beautiful girl like this used t’be a guy. Lord Leon was shocked too, ‘m I right?”
But for some reason, she was at dinner too. I didn’t understand why.
She was saying whatever she felt like while eating the same things we were.
And if that weren’t enough, she was now helping herself to the wine and gulping it down, glug glug. Real cla.s.sy.
“That aside, why are you here? You’re on the opposite side, aren’t you?”
“The opposite side’s fulla rescued slaves righ’ now, C’manner Leopard said I could eat here.”
I didn’t know what her position was right now, but setting us, the guests, aside, I suspected that Leopard’s ‘here’ probably didn’t mean here.
Speaking of which, she brought a ma.s.sive cake over for that self-styled tea party, but where exactly did she get it?
Is she, by any chance, an immense annoyance to the serving maids and the cook here? I can’t say she doesn’t seem the type.
“Ahhh, d.a.m.n iiiiit. Lord Leon, don’t fall for someone like that, fall for me.”
When I heard her speaking so frankly, I suddenly started to question my earlier conclusions. Did Leon actually fall for me?
Somehow, from his reaction, I wondered if that was the case, but let’s look at it rationally. I might be very pretty, but like she said, I’m [someone like that] on the inside. I talk like a guy almost all the time.
Come to think of it, if it isn’t actually the case that [he fell for me], then honestly, I’ve been pretty embarra.s.sing. Or should I say ‘extremely self-conscious’? In this case.
But if that’s not it, then what was going on with Leon’s att.i.tude back then?
If there’s some other reason —
…I’m coming up empty. Hmm.
“I mean, c’moooooon, even if it isn’t me, Airi and Polly are here too, aren’t they? Even if they’re just pretty faces. Whyzit you? I’m not okay with this.”
“…Ahaha.”
“I don’t care.”
Unable to say anything, Aira responded with a strained laugh. Palmira tossed in a few blunt words, like saying she wasn’t interested. Or more accurately, she was still eating.
How could she eat like this but look like that? Palmira was twenty years old. In that respect, I felt like she was just as much a mystery as this transformed body of mine.
Her eyes met mine as I stared at her, making her testy. She’s sharp. Those glaring eyes are scary.
“…Don’t you know? In the first place, feelings or not, there’s a difference in our social standing. And we were always going to have to leave sooner or later,”
I said, turning my eyes away from Palmira.
Seriously, don’t you know that?
To be honest, thinking about it was starting to get on my nerves.
“…How long will we be able to stay here…”
Uneasy, Aira let those words slip.
…Yeah.
At the moment, we were more or less guests. If I remembered correctly, according to what Leon said in the very beginning, it should have been until Palmira’s injury healed.
Of course, that should have gone out the window when he saw through our lies. Even if it hadn’t, Palmira’s ‘injury’ wasn’t a big deal to begin with, so it was already nearly healed.
It was his later request that kept us here, and now that was over too.
We didn’t have any reason to be here anymore.
All that remained was collecting our pay.
Right, our pay.
“Yeah, that’s right! Our pay!”
I forgot the most important reason for coming back to this comfy place.
Five hundred thousand!
Even if we were leaving, we had to get that money5.
Hey, I even powered through yesterday’s near-death experience for it.
Five hundred thousand? With five hundred thousand —
…what would I do?
I had a feeling that I thought of so many things when he made the offer.
But now that I was thinking about it again, it was baffling how nothing would come to mind.
Leave this place, five hundred thousand coins richer, and then what?
I felt like I could do something. For now, money wouldn’t a concern.
But what would I do?
“……”
I looked at Aira and Palmira.
Then, just as I was about to ask them what they wanted to do, I shut my mouth.
Somehow, I found it ridiculous to leave the decision I couldn’t make in someone else’s hands. And in front of Irene, it was tasteless.
Well, look, why not think about it after getting the money?
In the end, I might regret leaving.
It certainly was comfortable here. Leon’s present state aside.
The food was tasty, and best of all, I could sleep without worry.
That might be why Aira felt uneasy too.
How long could we stay here?
But fact is, we couldn’t afford to think about that.
We had to leave someday.
And that probably wouldn’t be too far off in the future.
Just when I noticed how quiet it was, Irene fell over onto the table, asleep. She was wearing an expression of pure bliss.
When I saw that, I somehow envied her.
“…Going to sleep?”
I asked, rising from my seat.
Aira followed me with her anxious eyes.
But I couldn’t say anything against that either.
Palmira rose from her seat along with me.
She might be the only one among us capable of great resolve.
I didn’t know what tomorrow would bring.
I had always lived that way. It was normal. I liked living that way.
But now, it made me uneasy.
We had to leave, and quickly.
After all, this was somewhere we didn’t belong.
Author’s Notes
Because this was filler, it’s on the short side.
Though I want to get around to the story.
Footnotes
1. This stumped me for a bit, but I think Chris is referring to feeling betrayed by Leon’s reaction. Just thought I’d add a note since I was kinda proud of myself for figuring that out (d.a.m.n shipping goggles). ↵
2. 思い出せば、確かに例の依頼があったものの、それは両者合意のイーブンなものだったので無かったこととしてしまうと、残るのはただ、レオンから俺たちに対する恩だけだということに気付く ↵
3. Skipped description of Aira’s murmur: 間延びした感じで、あまり深刻そうでない感じにアイラが呟く ↵
4. Skipped: 言うだけ言った ↵
5. Skipped; if we don’t receive the money, it won’t become a story?: 報酬を貰わなければ、お話にならない. ↵