36: Stars I Can See, Peace I Can Hear
Raws:
When Leon took me back to my room, I thought I would find Aira and Palmira asleep, but they were in the middle of eating dinner instead.
By the way, the sheets had been replaced.
Apparently, Leopard told a maid to replace them after he left me. The rope was confiscated, of course.
Starving, the two of them took the opportunity to ask for food, which didn’t take long to arrive. So they were having a late dinner.
Which reminded me — in the middle of all those shenanigans, I’d clean forgotten about dinner. Reasoning that [Chris will come back here], they thoughtfully asked the maid to prepare enough for three.
From what I saw, they didn’t wait for me, but I appreciated it.
Looking at the two of them, it hit me that I was hungry too, and I gratefully dug in.
“…and then I came back here.”
As I stuffed my mouth with bread, I gave Aira and Palmira a summary of what had happened after I went out the window.
To be honest, the whole thing was such a headache.
It made sense to give them a full report on what happened, I guess.
“……”
“……”
…And yet, once I finished the story, the two of them stared at me in silence, mouths agape.
While I grew suspicious, the two of them exchanged glances in perfect sync. Some kind of understanding pa.s.sed between them.
Alright, what the h.e.l.l? Is this some kind of telepathy?
Drinking my cold soup, I pondered the meaning of their enigmatic behavior.
Nope, not a clue.
“Um… Big Sister??”
“What?”
“Big Sister, you’re, umm… Big Brother, right?”
Sorry, what?
I couldn’t tell what she was getting at.
Aira was saying something weirder than usual. Wrinkling my brow, I slurped down the soup.
Her expression inscrutable, this time Palmira stared steadily at me and said,
“Chris, even your brain is turning into a girl’s.”
Pu–.
Palmira’s blunt words nearly made me spit out my soup.
I held it in, but it went down the wrong pipe, and I managed to choke myself in magnificent fashion.
“Go–guho–, guho–”
“B–Big Sister, are you alright?”
“N–No, guho–ngh– more importantly, guho– what’re you — talking about — ”
Gently waving off Aira, who hastily reached out her hand, I pressed Palmira on those shocking words.
“It’s weird that you haven’t noticed it yourself.”
Palmira’s face was quite serious.
Or more precisely, Aira was impossible to understand, and Palmira only ever cut right to the chase. I was tired of trying to wrap my head around things.
For now, I nudged Aira.
I’d already learned my lesson: in this sort of situation, letting them tag-team the explanation was the right thing. 1
“So, umm, besides hugging Lord Leon to comfort him, you were happy to be held in a princess carry, correct?”
The result? Aira dropped a bombsh.e.l.l that left me speechless.
The beginning, the end, and everything in between — her words snuffed my cheer out like a light, but they weren’t patently false themselves.
Even so, I tried to come up with an excuse to refute them, but nothing helpful came to mind.
“…N–No. Look, about the princess carry, it just happened that way because I fell out of the tree…”
That’s why — , the explanation that sounded convincing in my head dissolved into incoherent mumbling.
“When you were talking about it, you seemed quite happy.”
Palmira immediately shot it out of the sky.
She shut me down so briskly I could all but hear the slam. If I hadn’t been on the receiving end, I would’ve been full of admiration.
“Not only that, you held Lord Leon and comforted him. That fact alone is already enough to seal it.”
“Seal it?”
“It’d be weirder if it didn’t.”
Palmira was merciless.
Words couldn’t describe just how serious her face was as she spoke to me. My will to object withered away.
“I especially thought that there was something going on, but for example! For example, let’s say you’re in your original form. When you think back to what you did, how do you feel?”
Aira uncharacteristically provided an example, her words possessing a strange persuasive power. Even if I ignored the first part for now.
I tried to imagine it, just a little.
“…No. Just no.”
My mood genuinely took a turn for the worse. I could tell that my face was all twisted up.
“Right? So the way I see it, Big Sister, is that you’re starting to get used to being a Big Sister.”
Isn’t it because you keep calling me ‘Big Sister, Big Sister’? But…
Even if I set that aside, the words [starting to get used to] sparked a fair amount of resistance in me.
I mean, sure, it didn’t throw me off as much as it did in the beginning.
“The way things are going, you might not be able to return to being a man.”
Refusing to let up, Palmira dealt me a fatal blow. I lost all strength, my head drooping down.
That completely gutted me.
Until now, I’d only been pursuing a way to return myself to male form. Beyond that, whether I’d be able to turn back or not. but these two shoved a problem in my face that lay in a totally different direction.
Getting used to it. Getting used to it, huh…?
But that was the only way to describe it.
Even if I worry myself sick over being stuck this way forever, it would be no use. Even if I cry about how things turned out this way, there’s nothing I can do about it. If I don’t draw a clear line between the little things and what really matters, I honestly wouldn’t be able to go on.
Then, even if I’ve gotten used to this body, it should be okay to close my eyes to a few inconveniences now, as long as I keep my eye on turning back to normal someday.
So there’s nothing especially wrong with adapting. But —
— am I really just adapting?
Sure, I’m not as torn up as I was.
That I can definitely chalk up to adapting. But is that what drove me to hug Leon, as Aira and Palmira say? And can I say with one hundred percent confidence that they’re wrong?
I honestly don’t know.
In a case like this, probably the first of its kind, my guess is as good as the next guy’s.
But what if my behavior, like the way I suddenly felt in the rear garden, was coming from [Chris] inside me?
Isn’t it possible that even my own will is trying to change on me?
“Still. If Big Sister stays Big Sister, I don’t especially mind either.”
As I groaned, Aira, as usual, said something pretty weird and rose from her seat.
While I struggled to piece together what she meant, Palmira stood too.
“We’re saying this because you want to return to how you used to be. Neither of us cares if you don’t turn back. Because you’re you.”
Unusually wordy, Palmira added her own two cents before making her way to the bed with Aira, both of them flopping down onto it like the closest of friends.
…Man, these two.
Well, they’re looking out for me.
Even if, perhaps, I don’t turn back. Even if I don’t.
I’ve been reluctant to consider it, but it’s quite possible.
Anyhow, I still don’t have a clear path back to my original form.
Besides, now, what I can say without a doubt is, if my old body no longer exists, then at this time, there really is no turning back for me.
Really — will I be able to go back to my old body?
–
–
The next morning, I welcomed the sunrise without sleeping a single wink. Holding my head, I unsteadily rolled out of bed.
Aira and Palmira seemed worried upon seeing my face, but only that much was out of my control. I fluttered my hand at them, telling them there was nothing wrong.
Even though I said that myself, it wasn’t exactly true.
“Waahh… Those’re some serious bags under my eyes.”
I groaned, looking at the mirror.
Palmira brought over a bucket of water for me, and, after thanking her, I scrubbed under my eyes as best I could.
Even so, though I thought this body was stupidly resilient, it seemed that I’d have to tough out sleep deprivation the normal way. I didn’t really understand what the criteria was for all this.
After a diligent scrubbing, I felt as if they’d faded a bit. It was a bit embarra.s.sing like this.
“How about it, I look weird, right?”
I looked to Aira for confirmation.
‘Not weird, but I am a little worried,’ she delicately responded. I decided not to dwell on her ambiguous answer any more than that.
Without anything else do to, I undressed to change into the clothes prepared for me for the day. Come to think of it, I didn’t get to take a bath yesterday.
Or more accurately, I hadn’t had one in a long time. I occasionally bathed in the river when we were traveling alongside it, but there were only soldiers around, mostly, so it wasn’t long before I stopped.
I kinda stunk. I didn’t really get it, but since I even had a bucket of water just for this, I wiped myself down with a towel. Bothered by the bedhead from my sleepless night, I borrow a comb to untangle and neaten my hair while I was at it.
After, I changed into fresh underwear and slipped my arms into my new clothes. Even though there was little I could do about it while traveling, I wanted to change my underwear as much as I could.
Today, it was a tunic that only went to my knees? Yellow-green in color, I found it a little on the flashy side, but I silently wound the sash around my waist and adjusted it. It didn’t come with pants. Even though the nights had been chilly lately…
Still, I was sleepy.
Well, we were setting out today, so I could sleep in the carriage… Covering my mouth with one hand, I stifled a yawn.
I was hungry. Was someone going to bring breakfast up to the room?
While I thought about it, Palmira came over to me. She fixed her steady stare on me and said,
“Chris, you’re pretty girly already.”
…Hey, what the h.e.l.l is that supposed to mean?
–
–
In the end, it was past noon by the time we departed the city.
Reeling from Palmira’s critical hit on top of my lack of a sleep, I was laid out in the carriage. During that interval, Leon was pretty concerned, but I told him I was fine and pushed him out rather coldly.
He looked immensely perplexed, but I was sleepy, so I wasn’t going to think too deeply about it.
To be honest, if we picked up from where we left off yesterday2, I would wind up going loopy, so I was deliberately putting some distance between us.
That’s — . It was just like pulling away on approach, and approaching on the pull-away.
No, then will I have to approach when he pulls away?
“What a wicked woman.”
“Vixen.”
These two had been merciless since yesterday. To be honest, I wanted to think that they were saying this stuff on purpose to cheer me up.
Suddenly, I looked out the carriage window at the city of Brellwandy as we left it behind.
Ultimately, we only stayed there for a night, but I felt like quite a lot happened while we were there. Frankly, I even felt a bit regretful that we were leaving in such a hurry.
Then, a bit further in the distance, I could see the Artor Ruins. The army that should’ve had it on lockdown was nowhere to be seen. I didn’t know if it was simply too far away or if it actually wasn’t there.
Now, the question was nagging at my mind: is it alright to leave the ruins? The labyrinth? The truth is, I couldn’t shake the sneaking suspicion that I should go see for myself, even if I had to split from everyone else, no matter how dangerous it may be.
Even so, my only option right now was to believe that Leon would investigate as he said he would.
Even though I was being cold, in the end, I couldn’t bring myself to think badly of him, not when he was doing all this for my sake. And besides, he probably wasn’t hiding anything from me anymore.
Let’s draw a clear line here: what’s past is past. I’ll turn my gaze to what lies ahead.
I could see steep mountaintops rising over the soldiers’ advancing ranks. The Sarcalnaa Mountain Range. Part of the vast mountain system that split the capital into north and south.
From what I could see of the road, we’d have a gentle climb for a while, until we emerged from the mountain peaks. When approaching the imperial capital from the north, this way was closest, but also the harshest.
Although the road was maintained, it sloped steeply, and it was essential to keep an eye out for mountain-dwelling monsters.
It took roughly six days to travel from Brellwandy to the capital. Because it was usually dangerous, it was standard practice for caravans making the run between the two to form convoys at their departure point and bulldoze their way through on foot.
Of course, since the Elite Guard was inherently a pure combat force, there was no such need. Right now, it was marching forward independently. As long as we didn’t run into any monsters as strong as a flying dragon, we’d be fine.
Besides, about halfway down, the imperial capital constructed Basragate Fortress, which serves not only as a checkpoint but also maintains order on the highway.
No problem at all.
It would be just as uneventful as the stretch leading up to Brellwandy, I’m sure.
In dire need of sleep, I turned away from the window and laid myself down on the seat cushions.
Footnotes
1. Guessed: こういう場合、交互に説明させるのが正しいのは、既に学習済みだ ↵
2. Guessed: 昨日の延長で来られると ↵
By the way, I cut the t.i.tle short because I couldn’t think of a better way to write “Warning: You’re getting used to things”. But that’s the actual t.i.tle.