46: My Problem, Leon’s Problem
Raws:
The day drew to a close, and a veil of darkness fell on the heart of the city. I trudged my way down the road.
The thing is, I had to be home before dark. I’d promised.
But I lost track of time while I was playing, and ended up breaking my promise. My guilty conscience dragged down my feet.
The lights turned on in house after house, telling me that I should have gone home a long time ago. Even though I pretended that everything was just fine, the sun had already set, and dusk had been replaced by deep indigo, dying the distant mountains black.
I was nervous. The dark nighttime streets made it worse.
Was I going to be scolded when I got home? Was I going to get yelled at?
My mind filled with nothing else, I walked down the road to home.
Ahh, I got an earful.
After I got home, my mother gave me a terrible scolding. She hit me. I cried. But she let me inside. I ate my dinner with tears running down my cheeks. Worried, my little sister kept an eye on me and told me all sorts of stories, but in my stubbornness, I made her cry too.
…I told her ‘I’m sorry’, and we fell asleep together.
I watch myself walking down the nighttime streets, casting a long shadow.
I can no longer take that road. I can no longer go home.
After that, my home burned to the ground. My mother, my father, my sister, and I — we all watched, stupefied. Suddenly, the war started. Still immature, I couldn’t understand what that meant.
My home was gone.
But my family was still here with me. I still had something left.
I watch myself walking down the nighttime streets, casting a long shadow.
I can no longer take that road. I can no longer see my family.
After that, I made three gravestones. My mother’s, my father’s, and my little sister’s.
The remains of my crime. I built them without anyone’s help.
I must not depend on others. I must not have expectations. I must not hope.
I swore on those three small gravestones.
I watch myself walking down the nighttime streets, casting a long shadow.
I can no longer take that road. I can no longer return to my hometown.
After that, all I had was grief.
So I departed on a ship, alone. To free myself of that grief, to forget.
But I haven’t forgotten. I haven’t forgotten a single thing.
Because I watched myself as I kept walking down the nighttime streets, casting a long shadow.
I took a ship. I arrived in a new land. I took up the sword. I became an adventurer. I hunted monsters. I killed people. I went to battle. I was cheated. I starved. I wandered. I betrayed. I was betrayed. Then, I entered the labyrinth.
My memories pile up, layer after layer, becoming truth.
I’m standing right now because of them; they’re the reason why I exist as I am.
Memories. Memories of the past. Reminiscence. Experience. Way of life. Everything I have after coming this far.
Everything that shapes my consciousness.
With that in my heart, I will forge on.
–
–
When I came to, I was lying on a sofa.
I had a feeling that I’d had a dream. I couldn’t remember it clearly.
Only that it belonged to me. Not [Chris].
Why, after all this time, was I having my own dreams now? I found it problematic.
But this should have been a normal thing.
Before I turned into a wo — I mean, [Chris], I frequently had dreams about my past. ‘So this is normal,’ I thought to myself.
Dreams are things formed from personal experiences and memories. That’s what they say, pretty much, and I think so too. So, dreaming of my memories is nothing to get worked up about.
But that mundane answer made me more anxious.
Just a few days ago, I had one of [Chris’s] dreams. Now that wasn’t normal. Why? Because I had no memories of such things. If the commonly accepted theory were true, then that would’ve been impossible.
But I’m also [Chris]. And that’s not normal either. ‘So there’, I told myself.
In that case, though, what did this last dream mean?
Well, maybe nothing. Maybe some of [Chris] leaked into my intermittent dreams, the normal stuff. Yeah, that must be it. That’s definitely it.
If I don’t accept that, then there’s no soothing this anxiety.
The dream inverted. I changed places with [Chris].
Something like that can’t possibly happen.
I am — me.
“Chris?”
Hearing my name, I opened my eyes.
I could hazily make out someone’s face. Any more than that was obscured by the dazzling back-lighting.
To make sure, I reached out my hand and touched that face.
I could feel a soft, warm sensation against my palm.
The anxiety in my heart dispersed, and slowly but steadily, a sense of peace took its place. Unconsciously, my mouth softened.
” — Leon. You’re here, right? In your spot by the wall.”
When I opened my eyes, he was always in that spot, wasn’t he?
I don’t know where we are, but this is business as usual for us.1 Gradually swimming into focus, his face looked unbearably worried.
“…Thank G.o.d. You’re alright.”
“Yeah.”
Pulling together as much of my sluggish, muddled consciousness as I could, I pretended that nothing was wrong.
It’s a little hard for me to say that I’m alright.
I know it sounds serious, but it’s not really. At least I’ve woken up, and now it’s time for the rest of me to do the same.
Well, no big deal. It feels more like I just overslept than anything else.
Umm, that is what happened, isn’t it?
“How long have I… ah–”
“–oh!”
I pulled myself out of bed, but without any strength, I stumbled. Leon was there to support me without a moment’s delay.
“Ugh… Sorry.”
I’m kinda pathetic. Looks like I shouldn’t be pushing myself too hard. Hanging onto Leon’s arm, I suppressed my wobbling.
“Please be careful. You’ve slept for three days already.”
“Three days!?”
Yeah, I figured I’d overslept, but this much?
Since I was awake, I might as well sort out the current situation. Leon and I appeared to be inside some kind of hospital room. It wasn’t very wide inside, and it came equipped with the simple bed that I was sitting on. Followed by a desk. Then, a cupboard stocked with some earthenware pots, all lined up.
There was a window by the desk, if not a particularly big one. The light streaming through it told me that it wasn’t nighttime, at least.
I may be in a hospital room somewhere, but it was probably inside the fortress. If I remember correctly, we were supposed to stay here for one night.
They might have held off for three days because of me.
Speaking of the fortress, only now did I remember that it was attacked that night.
What happened to Maddox? Is Rupert alright? Come to think of it, weren’t we even being attacked by a dragon?
Leon’s here, so they must have managed to make it through for the most part.
But —
“Hey, Leon. Did everyone make it out okay?”
Let’s start here.
“I’d like to say that they did, but Rupert was gravely injured. As of right now, he’s been placed on complete bed rest…”
Oh, so that’s how it turned out.
Well, more like: Rupert’s alive? Frankly, he’s now one of the lucky few to fight Maddox head-on and survive. Of course, I don’t know how Rupert himself sees it, though.
“And the others?”
“‘Others’, you say, but the next patient in line was none other than you.”
“Me?”
“Yes. To tell you the truth, although you sustained no particular physical trauma, you were unconscious and wouldn’t wake up. Moreover, for three days. No one knew what would happen…”
‘Hahaha.’ Leon laughed hoa.r.s.ely, visibly tired. It seemed that he’d been more worried for me than I’d thought.
Though if my condition was second only to Rupert’s, that must mean the others were safe. I didn’t get hurt, I was just asleep. Seems like they’re okay then.
Actually, Leon’s the one who looks like he’s about to keel over.
“Sorry, I made you worry…”
I apologized for once.
It’s this guy we’re talking about, so he might’ve stayed up to look after me this whole time.
When I took a closer look at him, I could see slight shadows under his eyes.
Oh yeah, he looked the same way that morning after I pa.s.sed out in the Telaberan estate.
Something squeezed tight around my chest at the thought. Refusing to recognize what that was, I lightly bit on my lower lip.
“Af–After that, what happened to Maddox?”
My voice was unintentionally shrill and nervous. But I had to ask.
“That… I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?”
“I don’t. He should have been on the other side of the wall you blasted him through, but afterward, the dragon came to interfere. In the end, no one knows what’s become of him.”
‘He’ and ‘him’, huh. Frankly, Leon might not want to even say his name.
But if that’s the case, is he dead or alive? No, I’m sure he’s not dead. I’m the one that blasted him through the wall, so believe me, I know.
That’s not enough to take out Ma.s.sacre Maddox.
So things are just gonna get more nerve-wracking from here. Sure, he had help from an inside man, but he still got to us while we were inside the fortress.
A guy like him can attack from any angle. If he doesn’t give up, you might even say that the specter of death will always loom over us.
‘If he doesn’t give up’, huh.
To be honest, I don’t know much about Maddox aside from his strength.
Is he the type to lose interest easily, or the type to sink his teeth in and never let go? It might be a good idea to check him out at the guild sometime.
Wait, we’ve got Leon here. Maybe he asked Regnum to launch a concurrent investigation on Maddox.
All that aside, what did he just call me? It wasn’t until now that I noticed the change.
‘Chris’.
‘Chris’, huh…?
Well, I’m okay with that. Wait, I am?
“What happened with the dragon?”
“The fortress brought it down.”
“Seriously!?”
That came as an honest surprise. I was sure that it would’ve run away with Maddox.
“Yes, the fortress was built to face monsters, more or less. It was particularly well-equipped for anti-dragon operations. It seems they used giant crossbows to kill it… When I said a dragon came to interfere, that was the one the fortress brought down.”
Thinking back, I didn’t notice, not with Maddox taking up all my attention, but while we were down there, the tremors did seem to have lessened.
Speaking of which, wasn’t Percival saying something about that anti-dragon stuff?
“Come to think of it, what about Percival?”
“His whereabouts are also unknown.”
…Well, you win some, you lose some.
But the enemy had even made it inside the fortress itself.
When my thoughts reached that point, it suddenly hit me.
Who is ‘the enemy’?
“H–Hey, Maddox probably used an inside man to navigate the fortress for his attack. Do you have an idea who that could be?”
“An idea? Hmmm…”
In a rare show of worry, Leon put his fingertips against his handsome chin as he considered the question.
Sooo, it occurred to me all over again, how much that gesture suited him. Or perhaps I should say he looks s.e.xy this way?
“There’s too much going on. I have no clue.”
He gave me a sheepish smile.
‘Is that something you can smile about?’ I wondered, but maybe because I’d just thought of something really bizarre, his smile made my heart pound.
“…What’s with that?”
I hastily averted my eyes.
But, Leon. Though I think that his personality is charming, no question, he has an unexpectedly large number of enemies. Or is that just an upper-cla.s.s thing?
Knock-knock.
As I was thinking about it, there was a knock at the door. Leon answered it and urged the visitor inside with a [Please].
“——!”
It wasn’t one visitor, but two: Aira and Palmira.
When Aira saw me, astonishment flickered on her face for a moment, and her eyes twinkled. Palmira seemed somewhat surprised too.
In response, I lightly raised my hand to them.
At which point Aira’s face just crumbled, and tears began to flow from her eyes.
“Big Sisteeeeer~~~~!”
Without even giving me a moment to be surprised, Aira ran inside and hugged me.
It was bursting with enthusiasm, and all I could get out was a choking sound. Palmira entered the room after her without any expression on her face and gave me a tight hug over Aira.
“We were worried… really worried.”
She and the wailing Aira were like night and day, but she buried her face in my chest and said those five words.
I see, so that’s how it is. Leon had been that worried. And these two had undoubtedly been worried too. Gently, I stroke their heads.
“Ahh, I made you worry, huh… I’m already fine now.”
“Hmph.”
But they weren’t willing to let go.
Suddenly, I looked at Leon’s face, and I could only give him a wry smile.
Author’s Notes
This chapter feels shorter, somehow, but it’s about 5000 characters.
Footnotes
1. Skipped: あえて俺は嘯いた ↵
Dessert for plushiesoda.