“Chris, let’s go to the castle tomorrow.”
” — !!!???”
Leon had come back from the castle once the sun set. While we were sitting down to dinner, he suddenly said that to me.
If I remember correctly, the preceding line was, “By the way, the Autumn Festival will be held in the capital.” As I listened absently, he made the announcement so naturally he might as well have been discussing the weather.
This is what they mean when they talk about ‘unexpected plot developments’, right? Unconsciously, I goggled at him like, ‘What are you saying?’
“…You mean, in other words, that is, ummm, to introduce me to, your parents, or rather, the Emperor? Possibly…?”
Leon’s words brought the friendly conversation to a screeching halt, and my faltering voice echoed in the silence.
Not ‘Won’t you go?’, but ‘Let’s go’.
Those weren’t words looking for agreement. You might even call them matter-of-fact, and that really shook me up.
No, no, it’s only to be expected. Yep. Actually, things have been like that since way, way back when. This is supposed to be the reason I’m here doing all of this in the first place… It’s supposed to be.
But this threshold’s too high, don’t you think? Meet the parents? Sure, okay, but this is the good G.o.dd.a.m.n Emperor and Empress we’re talking about here. G.o.d, at that level my mind just stops functioning.
Whether I liked it or not, I knew that too…
But still.
‘Let’s go’? ‘Let’s go’? s.h.i.t, man!
Aghh, come on. What the h.e.l.l? That’s something you usually ask, isn’t it? You know, in the form of a question? So why does it feel like you’re taking it for granted? Don’t say it that easily. My heart’s not ready.
“…Oh no, what do I do? Big Sister, you’re so incredibly adorable.”
“What!?”
By the time I noticed, Aira was looking at me with a dreamy look on her flushed face.
Forget that, when I look around, Palmira and the maids were looking at me with the exact same wondering look on each of their faces.
Alright. What the h.e.l.l is this?
“It’s everything — the way you said it, the bright red blush on your face, the fidgeting,”
Palmira stated, pointing at me. She was expressionless, but her cheeks were slightly red.
…Eh–?
I looked around, at a loss for words. Everyone nodded. Turning my head around like a mechanical doll, I looked at Leon.
He was smiling wryly, embarra.s.sed. Our eyes met.
Mortification, and for some reason anger, welled up inside me.
“No, that’s wrong, Leon! I was just surprised ’cause it was too sudden — ! You gotta give more advance notice for stuff like this to begin with, you know that!? How do I even greet His Majesty the Emperor…!”
I shouted, jabbing my finger at Leon as I stood up from my seat in my rage.
“No, this is a different matter. Of course, I’ll ultimately have to have you meet my parents, but this time, because there will be a party at the castle to accompany the festival, I meant to ask if you would go with me.”
“Wha — !?”
Realizing that it actually wasn’t a particularly shocking swerve in the plot, I was left speechless.
From beside me, I could hear people trying to stifle their voices with difficulty. When I jerkily turned my gaze in that direction, Aira and Palmira quickly averted their faces.
s.h.i.t, it can’t be helped… when he said ‘castle’, I thought ‘so it’s finally here’; that pretty much settled things, didn’t it…?
“B–But still, this is a party at the castle, right? Like wearing a dress and d–dancing, right… I still don’t know how to dance, you know…”
Speaking of parties, I did remember going to the one at Basragate Fortress… but still, there was no way I could put that in the same category as a party at the castle.
A party at the castle. Arriving by pumpkin carriage… No, wait, not quite. Not quite, but isn’t it along the same lines? Isn’t it still a ball, after all?
Thinking about it, wasn’t this an upcoming — or rather, an immediately imminent — event that I couldn’t avoid?1
And yet I hadn’t studied that sort of thing even once…
“It will be fine, Lady Chris. It was for this reason that I deliberately chose not to teach you how to dance.”
In the middle of my confusion, Karen made a surprising reveal.
What’s that mean? When I shot a suspicious look her way, she smiled beatifically.
“Your first dance with a gentleman. Rest a.s.sured, Lord Leon will undoubtedly lead my clumsy Lady Chris gently. As it will be your first time. If you relax and entrust your body to Lord Leon, there will be no problem. It will surely be a beautiful night!”
“‘Entrust my body’, oi…”
…What. Getting all excited for some reason, Karen looked downright evil to me. I was getting these awfully strong vibes that she was toying with me.
W–Well, it’s Leon, so I’m sure if I follow and leave the rest of the dance to him, I might manage somehow.
I glanced at Leon.
“It’ll be alright. If you calm down and match me, we won’t encounter any issues.”
“I — I’m not gonna dance though — !?”
My knee-jerk reaction to those words, spoken as if he could see through me the moment our eyes met, was to rebel.
Somehow, that nonchalance p.i.s.sed me off. If I had to put it into words, it was the feeling that he knew just about everything with a glance.
I’d been feeling it for a while now, but recently, hadn’t I been pushing against it a bit? What’s up with this? A counterattack? Or am I —
“Big Sister, you’re surprisingly weak to pressure. Like you won’t be able to refuse if you’re pressed.”
“I’m refusing here, ain’t I!”
–
–
The next evening, there was a horse-drawn carriage stopped before me as I waited at the mansion gate.
It was just like the ones that would go to the castle in the picture books I read a long, long time ago: a gorgeous, pure white carriage.
First, a slave wagon without windows.
Next, the Elite Guard’s eminently practical but cushioned carriage.
And now this?
So I’ve gone up in the world, huh. A strange, strong emotion enveloped me.
“Now then, shall we go?”
Wearing a dressier military uniform than usual, Leon extended his hand to me.
…A guy who looks good no matter what he’s wearing. He was a real prince, alright. Right now, there wasn’t the slightest doubt.
‘When I take this hand, I’ll be past the point of no return,’ I thought, sighing. But I also knew it was too late for such thoughts, so there was nothing else for it but to put my hand, wearing a long, pure white glove, in his.
Today’s dress was an emerald green halter neck. If it were white, it’d be the spitting image of a wedding dress, but it seemed Karen had exercised some self-restraint in that department.
For the most part, she’d coordinated the clothing, but it ended up just like a mini fashion show, and it took a frighteningly long time before she settled on this. There’s no mistaking it, the maids had been playing dress-up with me to their hearts’ content.
Floral head ornaments. A plaited necklace of gems around my neck. Small earrings. Bangles on my arms.
I was decked out in full armor. Right now, I could even take down a dragon.
“Take care. Master, Mistress!”
Aira and the other maids, who’d been messing with me just a short while ago, were now standing in a line to see us off as we made our way to the carriage. Armed with a sword, Palmira followed behind us.
Apparently, for a society party like this, attendees were usually allowed to have a single armsman accompany them. Until now, Rupert had apparently been serving in that role, but without a special reason to take him, and considering the relatively low level of danger inside the castle, Palmira was chosen in his place.
She’d more or less secured her position as my attendant. Thank G.o.d for small favors, right?
Contrary to my expectations, Palmira herself seemed to be quite happy, and though it didn’t show on her face, she was in high spirits as far as I could tell. Donning a suit of white lightweight armor, her sword hanging at her waist, she looks every inch a swordsman. If you forget her height, anyway.
“Palmira, do your best,”
Aira said to her in a low voice. Slightly clenching her fist in response, Palmira joined Leon and me inside the carriage.
In this situation, it was common practice for attendants to sit on the coachman’s seat, rather than inside the carriage. But for various reasons, she was sharing the carriage with me. Of course, I didn’t really know the reason why. It was out of consideration on Leon’s part, I guess.
“Let’s get going,”
Leon said to the coachman, once he confirmed that we were seated. The coachman and the carriage were here on orders from the castle; they weren’t under Leon’s command. Well, maybe they were, in a sense.
Considering he was the Third Prince, not a soul in the castle would say outright that they weren’t under his command.
The horse neighed lightly, and at the same time the carriage jerked into motion.
As I peeked out the window, the line of maids and the mansion retreated little by little into the distance. Somehow, I felt like I was being shipped out like a piece of cargo.
All we did was depart, but frankly, I wanted to go back already.
“Are you nervous?”
While I looked outside, my mood unwilling, Leon spoke to me.
“…To tell you the truth, I’m one big ball of nerves,”
I replied, still staring outside with a sullen expression.
There’s no way I wouldn’t be.
On the social ladder, I was the poster boy for low-cla.s.s adventurers. The castle, the upper cla.s.s, society parties. No matter which one you picked, I wouldn’t have the slightest experience with it.
The truth is, I’d never directly come into contact with a member of the upper cla.s.s aside from Leon. As for other kinds of run-ins, when I was an adventurer, I saw n.o.bles launching into a load of worthless prattle from afar, and that about summed it up. Oh, wait. There was Guibenague. Speaking of which, even that pig was a n.o.ble…?
As a result, my impression of the n.o.bility was about as bad as it could get. True, having Leon did balance it out some, but on the other hand, some part of my consciousness was telling me, ‘Leon’s the exception to the rule.’ The rest of them could go eat s.h.i.t. No, maybe I just wanted to think that way.
People see what they want to see.
Gutter-sc.u.m adventurers like us, pretty much n.o.body has any positive feelings toward the aristocracy.
If I had to say why, it’s out of envy.
With more money than a man could ever earn by risking his precious life, they’re filthy rich. And without having to put in all that effort, at that. d.a.m.n b.a.s.t.a.r.ds —
So the n.o.bility has to be evil. If not, then we would be too wretched.
And so we make up a caricature of the n.o.bility that’s convenient for us. Naturally, it’s the pits.
But if you look at it rationally, that can’t be true.
Forget n.o.ble, Leon’s an honest-to-G.o.d prince, but with the way he is, that caricature is pretty much an illusion. That is, I’m sure there are n.o.bles who are hideous human beings. But that’s not especially unique to the aristocracy. So generally, there are decent folk among them too. If not, common sense dictates that the nation wouldn’t last.
But even though I understood that, I was anxious all the same. If I had to be honest, I was terrified.
For all that, I sincerely saw them as villains, and moreover, the residents of a world I could only touch in my imagination. I didn’t understand them. I didn’t understand them, so I was afraid.
“Everything will be fine,”
Leon said, smiling gently. Though I felt a little better seeing him act like his usual self, I grew defiant in spite of myself.
“…That’s all, huh, Leon. Got anything else… or is that it?”2
As I scowled slightly, Leon said, ‘There’s nothing more,’ with a kind smile.
“Nonetheless, I will protect you without fail. So please, put your heart at ease.”
” — !”
That face, those words.
Even I could tell right away that my face flushed red.
Come to think of it, he said something similar when we entered the capital, too.
He really is — a h.e.l.l of a guy. To be able to make that kind of declaration from the bottom of his heart without being embarra.s.sed is honestly amazing. Even if they were lies, how could I not be happy to hear those words delivered with such conviction?
It was arrogant.
If it were me, I wouldn’t be able to say words that extreme. It’d be irresponsible of me.
But I couldn’t suppress the excitement in my heart, hearing Leon declare [Nonetheless, I’ll protect you].
“s.h.i.t… That’s playing dirty…”
Saying that was the best I could do. I looked down to hide my face. It was embarra.s.sing for it to be seen right now. And even if it was hidden from view, I was burning with embarra.s.sment.
Biting my lip, I kept my mouth from curving.
As I did, Palmira, who was sitting next to me, nudged me and said,
“Chris, it’s okay. I’ll protect you too.”
Somehow, I was sincerely thankful that Palmira couldn’t read the mood.
When I really thought about it, I was being protected by two people right now.
I felt like things were different until just a short while ago. I was the one expected to do the protecting.
Since when did I become the protectee? Why did it end up that way? Those casual, free-floating thoughts suddenly led me to a certain conclusion.
— It’s because I’m weak.
I narrowed my eyes at the thought.
That’s right, I’m weak.
In swordsmanship, I’m inferior to Palmira. I have magic, but it’s unstable. If I were told to fire off my magic right now, I don’t know whether I’d succeed or not.
What’s more, I’m afraid that it might go on a rampage, and now I can’t use it carelessly either. Even now, I don’t understand what’s going on with me. I’m not even sure of my own mind.
[Chris] hasn’t come out since then, but it’s not like she’s gone. That, I know intuitively.
She’s still somewhere inside me, biding her time. I couldn’t say it, not even to Leon, but I already considered her an enemy.
I know that there’s some kind of backstory to it. But what it comes down to in the end, is that she’s trying to kill Leon.
And if that’s the case, then this is the one thing I have to defend against.
It’s not just about being able to defend against it. I have to.
I’ll carve it deeply into my heart.
Suddenly, a thought occurred to me.
Supposing the time comes for me to leave this body someday, will [Chris] return to it?
And what will she do?
I have a feeling that it wouldn’t turn out well.
But what’s Leon hoping for?
What if he’s hoping for me to vacate this body so [Chris] can come back?
— He has to be.
Leon wants to see [Chris] too, I think. Even though things ended so tragically.
On the riverbank that night, under the elm tree, what he said was enough for me to believe it.
…I have to leave this body someday. I have to return to my original body.
I came this far with that in mind. Come h.e.l.l or high water, this resolution is the one thing that should never change.
This body — doesn’t belong to me. Not in the least.
Someday, I’m going to stop being [Chris]. And at that moment, I’ll definitely lose many things.
Nonetheless, Leon.
Until that time, I’ll protect you.
And if I can, I’ll make it so that you and the former [Chris] can be happy, won’t I?
Footnotes
1. それはこの先、というか既にすぐ先だが、避けては通れない話だったんじゃないだろうか ↵
3. そればっかだな。他に何か、こう……無いのかよ ↵
When I did that last bit about Chris leaving [Chris’s] body, YouTube happened to be playing Dispossession from the original NieR OST. Thought it was rather fitting.
Also: Palmira, what a cutie~