Harper started to interrupt, but Lauren put her hand up to stop her.
"Please let me say this while I have the nerve. First of all, that little melt down was a long time coming."
"I wouldn"t call it little," Harper interjected.
Lauren smiled weakly at Harper. "No, I guess you wouldn"t." She continued, "I haven"t been happy for a long time. When Shelby took on this new job in administration last year, I was supportive. She was so happy; her dream career was coming true. Then I found myself alone more and more. Plans were constantly being cancelled. She worked on the weekends. Even when she was at home, she worked."
Jasper came in and put his head in Lauren"s lap, like he knew she needed support.
"I tried to get busy writing and painting, but the loneliness consumed me. I mean, I know we are way pa.s.sed the new love, can"t keep your hands off each other, phase, but we started going weeks, then months without s.e.x. Shelby and I started arguing more and more. She said I depended on her too much, that I let my world revolve around her. She had a point."
Harper thought of course Shelby would try to be rational, but she stayed quiet and let Lauren continue.
"So, I opened my studio s.p.a.ce and buried myself in getting it up and running. It made me happier, but I could feel myself pulling away from Shelby. I tried making sure I was always home when she was and that I made myself available when she wanted to do something, but after too many dinners left on the table, I gave up. I couldn"t help asking myself, aIs this it?" Is this all there is? Is this what being married is supposed to feel like?"
Lauren was getting more animated now. "And don"t think I didn"t talk to Shelby, about how I felt. I talked and talked, until I felt like I was nagging. She never really got what I was saying. She"d try harder for a day or two, but when she thought I had been satisfied for the moment, we went right back to where we were. We were stuck in a cycle; and I was beginning to see it, as the future I had chosen for myself. Where was I going? Shelby is the love of my life. This is who she is. If I want to be with her, then this is how it"s going to be."
Harper wanted to say so many things, like, "No, you don"t have to settle for that," or any number of things that began with, "If you were mine..." However, silence was the better part of valor in this situation, so she remained quiet.
Lauren"s crooked grin and dimples crept onto her face. She pinned Harper with her eyes. "And then Harper, f.u.c.king Lynch walked into my life."
"Of all the gin joints in all the world...," Harper couldn"t resist.
It was the first time she had seen Lauren laugh, since Monday night.
"Harper, that"s one of the things I like about you, your irreverence."
"That"s one of the things I like about you, you get my jokes." Harper couldn"t help flirting with this woman. Harper was a flirt, but not an overt one, not the way she was with Lauren.
Lauren leaned in and took Harper"s hand, from around her mug. She held it, while she held Harper breathless with her eyes.
"I felt more alive in the first three days of knowing you, Harper, than I had in years. I started to question my life, the choices I"d made. I found myself becoming more and more attracted to you. I guess all that emotion just exploded Monday night."
"So what do we do now?" Harper said, still holding on to Lauren"s hand.
Lauren took a long time to answer. She turned away from Harper and stared out the windows in the French doors. Harper could see Lauren swallowing repeatedly; working up to what she had to say next.
It felt like minutes pa.s.sed before she spoke, "I have to try to work through this with Shelby. I scared her. She promised to spend time on our relationship."
"Shelby loves you."
"I know she loves me, I"ve never doubted it."
Harper slid her hand back away from Lauren"s. She stood up with her mug in her hand, "You guys will work this out. You want some more coffee?" Harper"s self-defenses were kicking in.
Lauren didn"t answer and Harper didn"t wait to see if she would. She reached the coffee maker, just as she heard Lauren"s chair sc.r.a.pe across the hardwood floor. Harper didn"t turn around when she heard Lauren coming up behind her.
"Harper, I can"t see you outside of things we do with the team. I need to focus on my relationship with Shelby and I can"t do that and be around you. Maybe when I get my life back together we can hang out more, but you scare me Harper."
Harper was still stirring her coffee, not turning around to look at Lauren.
"Please, say something," Lauren whispered.
Harper was backed into a corner, figuratively and literally. She turned around, leaning back, hands on the counter on either side of her. "Lauren, what do you want from me?"
Lauren looked down at the floor, shaking her head. She was barely audible, when she said, "I don"t know."
Harper ached inside. She wanted so desperately to take this woman in her arms. More desperately than any attraction she had ever felt in her life. It hurt. From the hurt, anger started to well up inside. Lauren was standing there telling Harper she wanted her and in the same breath, saying she needed to fix her relationship with Shelby. Lauren needed to make up her f.u.c.king mind what she wanted.
Harper"s anger was apparent in her tone, "Hey, I"m not going to have an affair with you. I don"t have affairs with married people. You need to go home and fix your s.h.i.t. I"ll be just fine with playing on the same team, but if it"s a problem, I"ll find another one."
Lauren looked up at Harper, taken back by the edge in Harper"s voice. "I don"t want to have an affair with you. I"d never cheat on Shelby. But you...you could be the end of us."
Tears welled in Lauren"s eyes, "What if you"re the one, not Shelby? Everything I"ve built my life around for the last six years has been based on the belief that I would be with Shelby for the rest of my life. You make me question that belief and I don"t know what to do with that."
Harper spoke, softer this time, "Lauren, I won"t be your excuse to leave Shelby. I couldn"t live with that. You were lonely and you felt attracted to me. You panicked. Go home; give her a chance to fix it."
"I know. That"s what I"m going to do. I just wanted you to know, so you wouldn"t think you had done anything wrong, if I didn"t come around anymore." Lauren wiped the tears from her cheeks with her hand, staring at the floor again.
Harper stepped toward the paper towel dispenser to get Lauren something to dry her eyes. She brushed past Lauren. Their hands touched and grabbed for each other. Harper froze. She closed her eyes as Lauren squeezed her hand. Harper turned back slowly, dropping Lauren"s hand, she placed her hands on Lauren"s face, pulling her close.
Harper brushed Lauren"s lips with her own. She kissed her cheeks and forehead. Lauren parted her lips to meet Harper"s. They kissed tenderly, deeply, longingly, their bodies melding together. Harper"s hands in Lauren"s hair, Lauren caressing Harper"s face. Harper"s body responded to Lauren with every nerve ending. Her heart pounded in her chest.
They had to break the kiss to catch their breaths. Harper hugged Lauren close to her. She buried her face in Lauren"s hair and breathed in her scent. They held each other like that for minutes, not saying anything.
"I couldn"t go the rest of my life not knowing what kissing you felt like," Lauren whispered.
Harper whispered back, "You"ve kissed me before."
"I was drunk," Lauren said, and laughed.
They finally broke away from their embrace. Harper took a step back. They stood there looking at each other.
Lauren broke the stare, "I have to give my relationship with Shelby a chance to heal. I owe her that."
"I know," Harper said, then added wistfully, "Maybe in another life."
"Yeah, maybe in another life," Lauren echoed.
Harper escorted Lauren to the door. They said nothing else. What was there to say? Lauren kissed Harper on the cheek at the door and left. Harper stood on the porch and watched Lauren drive away. A hole opened up inside her when the Tahoe vanished from sight. How in the h.e.l.l was she supposed to pretend she didn"t feel this way?
Her mother used to tell Harper when her childhood heart was broken, "You have to know pain to know love. You"ll know what I mean when you"re older."
Harper knew in that moment what her mother meant.
Chapter Ten.
For the remainder of Friday, Harper stayed busy. She went to U-Rent Center and rented a tiller. She drove over to hardware store and bought a tree trimmer and gardening tools. She grabbed a few flats of flowers and gra.s.ses to plant, in the front and around the deck, and forty bags of garden soil. She also picked up some hanging baskets for the upstairs decks.
Harper worked in the yard, until it was too dark to see, even with the lights on. She took a hot shower, ate a salad and crawled into bed, with some research material she had been meaning to read. The flat screen on the wall was tuned to a basketball game, but the volume was turned way down. Eventually, fatigue took over and Harper fell to sleep.
Jasper woke Harper up early the next morning. He evidently was ready to go for a run. Harper obliged. They ran only half of what they had done the day before. She had practice at one o"clock and didn"t want to be too tired. Her muscles ached from all the shoveling and toting she did yesterday. She worked out on the weight machine, in the master bedroom. It helped work the soreness out.
By the time she cleaned up and ran a dust mop over the hardwood floors, it was time for lunch. She fixed a salad and read the newspaper, while she ate. After lunch, she got dressed for practice and loaded Jasper up.
Harper sat in the driver"s seat without starting the car. She had to go pretend she didn"t care anything about Lauren. She wasn"t sure she could do it. Jasper pawed at her shoulder from the backseat.
"I know it"s time to go, just give me a minute."
Harper took a deep breath and started the car. She laughed to herself, "Momma said there"d be days like this."
Harper pulled up next to Abby"s, at the park. Most of the team was already there. The rest came in right after Harper. Shelby was there with Lauren. Shelby had her arm around Lauren"s waist talking to Abby. They were all laughing. They looked happy. Harper steeled herself and mustered a smile.
Chita called out, as Harper walked up, "Hey, the entertainment is here."
Harper blushed.
"I heard I missed it the other night," Jane said, as the women came together. "Apparently they teach ya"ll how to sing out in Oklahoma.
"I missed it, too." It was Shelby speaking, "Lauren said you were amazing. We"ll have to all go together sometime."
Dee piped in, "You any kin to Reba McIntire?"
Harper answered, "Not that I know of."
"Leave her alone guys. Can"t you see you are embarra.s.sing her?" Lauren said, coming to Harper"s rescue.
Harper made eye contact with Lauren just long enough to know not to do it again. Jane started practice much to Harper"s relief. The first hour went by quickly. Batting practice dragged by unmercifully. When Harper got up to bat, she took all the frustration she had been feeling for a week and pounded on the ball. b.a.l.l.s flew off her bat with viciousness. Most of the b.a.l.l.s flew over Lauren"s head, line drives over the left field fence.
Jane walked up to Harper while she was wiping down her bat and putting it back in the bag. "If you hit too many b.a.l.l.s over the fence, they won"t pitch to you."
"I know, I just needed to get it out of my system," Harper said.
Jane looked concerned, "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, everything"s great." Harper said, grabbing her glove and heading back to the field.
After practice, it was decided the team would go to the Tarr Barr, for some food and beer. When Harper said she couldn"t, because she had to take Jasper home, Jane said it was okay if Jasper came. They would sit in the back room anyway. Harper agreed to come for a little while.
Once settled into the back room with food served family style and even a dish for Jasper, the women talked all at once. Some of the conversations were about Harper singing. Some were about Lauren dancing on the table. Some were about how Harper hit the ball that afternoon. They were excited to have her on the team. She was the surprise they were going to spring on the league. Harper was glad when the group stopped talking about her and started other conversations.
"So Chica, you going out tonight," Chita said to Harper.
"I hadn"t really thought about it."
"Come on out with me and Dee." She squeezed the shy Lynn"s shoulder. "We"re taking Lynn out to find her a woman. She"s too shy to find one on her on. Come on out with us, you might see something you like."
Dee added, "Yeah, you come out with us. We"ll take you to the best clubs and dance all night with some hot chicks."
Alicia said, "Don"t do it Harper, these b.i.t.c.hes are crazy."
Billie Jean piped in, "Guys you don"t know that Harper"s gay. She doesn"t look gay to me."
Shelby laughed, "And what pray tell does gay look like, B.J.?"
Chita b.u.t.ted in, "Oh she"s gay, the way she was looking at Lau...."
Dee elbowed Chita in the side.
"Why don"t you just ask her?" Judy said to B.J.
B.J. immediately turned to Harper, "Are you gay?"
"Jesus, guys. You"re like a pack of wolves," Lauren was coming to Harper"s aid again.
Harper decided the best thing to do was answer the question. "I have dated both men and women in the past, well, actually one woman. I am currently not seeing anyone. So my options are open."
Shelby was curious, "You"ve only been with one woman?"
"Yes, in undergrad. It lasted three years. She"s a good friend now."
Shelby simply said, "Interesting."
Abby pulled Harper"s arm, "If you don"t want to go out with the children, you can come over to my house and play with the adults. We generally sit around and drink beer, but it"s good company. Speaking of that, I need to get going. I"ve got to pick up some beer and ice."
"Thanks, maybe I will." Harper said. She didn"t want to sit home alone again tonight.
"My address is on the roster sheet. Come on over," Abby said to Harper as she stood up.
"Okay Chica, when you get tired of playing with the old fogies you call me."
"Thanks Chita, I"ll keep that in mind."
The team dispersed, after thanking Jane for the meal. Harper went home and took a shower. Part of her knew Lauren was going to be at Abby"s, but if they were going to be around each other, she was going to have to get used to it. She dressed casually in jeans and a tight white tee shirt. She put an old blue sweater on over the top of the tee shirt. Jasper stared at her from the bed, questioning her with his eyebrows.
"I know, it"s a bad idea, but sometimes you just gotta touch the fire."
Harper went downstairs to give Max, the taxi driver, a call. Luckily he was on duty. He said he was just dropping off his current fare, putting him at Harper"s in twenty minutes. She took Jasper out one last time, checking his food and water while he was outside. She settled Jasper down on the couch with his blanket and a chew toy. Of course he followed her, but was already on his way back to the couch, before she shut and locked the door behind her. She was waiting on Max when he pulled into the driveway.
Max got out and opened the door for her. He smiled at Harper. "Hey, where"s your lady friend?"