"And I dropped my book, and sprung up, and stood trembling, and reached out my hands, and cried,-""Mother! mother! where are you? Oh! how I have wanted you, mother!"
"And then that same voice said to my heart again,-
""G.o.d will take care of the boy."
"And as I stood there trembling, the room seemed full. You know how you would feel if your eyes were shut, and you were placed in a room full of people. You would know they were there-you would feel their presence, though you couldn"t see them. You know what the Bible says,-"Seeing we are encompa.s.sed about by so great a cloud of witnesses." That word just describes what I felt. There seemed to be all about me, a great cloud of people. And I put my arms out, and made a rush through them, as you would through a dense crowd, and said again,-
""Mother! mother! where are you? Speak to me again."
"And then, suddenly, there seemed to be a stir, a movement in the room, something I was conscious of with some finer, more vivid sense than hearing. It seemed to be a great crowd moving, receding. And farther off, but clear, these words came to me again, sweet and solemn,-
""G.o.d will take care of the boy."
"And then I seemed to be alone. And I went out into the hall; and uncle Josiah heard me, and he came out, and asked me what the matter was.
"And I told him "I didn"t know." And my strength left me then; and he took me up in his arms, and brought me back into my room, and laid me on the lounge, and gave me some wine, and I couldn"t help crying."
"What for, dear?" says I.
"Because I wasn"t good enough to see my mother. If I had only been good enough, I could have seen her. For she was here, aunt Samantha, right in this room."
Her eyes wus so big and solemn and earnest, that I knew she meant what she said. But I soothed her down as well as I could, and I says,-
"Mebby you had dropped to sleep, Cicely: mebby you dremp it."
"Yes," says Josiah, who had come in, and heard my last words.
"Yes, Cicely, you dremp it."
Wall, after a while Cicely stopped cryin", and dropped to sleep.
And now what I am goin" to tell you is the truth. You can believe it, or not, jest as you are a mind to; but it is the truth.
That night, at sundown, Thomas J. come in with a telegram for Cicely; and she says, without actin" a mite surprised,-
"Aunt Mary is dead."
And sure enough, when she opened it, it was so. She died jest before the time Cicely come out into the hall. Josiah remembered plain. The clock had jest struck two as she opened the door.
Her aunt died at two.
This is the plain truth; and I will make oath to it, and so will Josiah. And whether Cicely dremp it, or whether she didn"t; whether it wus jest a coincidin" coincidence, her havin" these feelin"s at exactly the time her aunt died, or not,-I don"t know any more than you do. I jest put down the facts, and you can draw your own inferences from "em, and draw "em jest as fur as you want to, and as many of "em.
[Ill.u.s.tration: THOMAS JEFFERSON BRINGING CICELY"S TELEGRAM.]
But that night, way along in the night, as I lay awake a musin" on it, and a wonderin",-for I say plain that my specks hain"t strong enough to see through the mysteries that wrap us round on every side,-I s"posed my companion wus asleep; but he spoke out sudden like, and decided, as if I had been a disputin" of him,-
"Yes, most probable she dremp it."
"Wall," says I, "I hain"t disputed you,"
"Hain"t you a goin" to?" says he.
"No," says I. And that seemed to quiet him down, and he went to sleep.
And I give up, that most probable she did, or didn"t, one of the two.
[Ill.u.s.tration: "MOST PROBABLE SHE DREMP IT."]
But anyway, from that night, she didn"t worry one bit about the boy.
She would talk to him sights about his bein" a good boy, but she would act and talk as if she was sure he would. She would look at him, not with the old, pitiful, agonized look, but with a sweet and happy light in her eyes.
And I guessed that she thought that the laws would be changed before the boy was of age. I thought that she felt real encouraged to think the march of civilization was a marchin" on, pretty slow but sure, and, before the boy got old enough to go out into a world full of temptations, there would be wiser laws, purer influences, to help the boy to be a good and n.o.ble man, which is about the best thing we know of, here below.
No, she never worried one worry about him after that day, not a single worry. But she made her will, and it was fixed lawful too. She wanted Paul to stay with us till he was old enough to send off to school and college. And she wanted her property and Paul"s too, if he should die before he was of age, should be used to found a school, and a home for the children of drunkards. A good school and a Christian home, to teach them and help them to be good, and good citizens.
Josiah Allen and Thomas J. and I was appinted to see to it, appinted by law. It was to be right in them buildings that wus used now for dram- shops: them very housen was to be used to send out good influences and spirits into the world instead of the vile, murderous, brutal spirits, they wus sendin" out now.
And wuzn"t it sort o" pitiful to think on, that Cicely had to die before her property could be used as she wanted it to be,-could be used to send out blessings into the world, instead of "cursings and wickedness, as it was now? It was pitiful to look on it with the eye of a woman; but I kep" still, and tried to look on it with the eye of the United States, and held firm.
And we give her our solemn promises, that in case the job fell to us to do, it should be tended to, to the very best of our three abilities. Thomas J., bein" a good lawyer, could be relied on.
The executor consented to it,-I s"pose because he was so dretful polite, and he thought it would be a comfort to Cicely. He knew there wuzn"t much danger of its ever takin" place, for Paul was a healthy child. And his appet.i.te was perfectly startlin" to any one who never see a child"s appet.i.te.
I estimated, and estimated calmly, that there wuzn"t a hour of the day that he couldn"t eat a good, hearty meal. But truly, it needed a strong diet to keep up his strength. For oh! oh! the questions that child would ask! He would get me and Philury pantin" for breath in the house, and then go out with calmness and strength to fatigue his uncle Josiah and Ury nearly unto death.
But they loved him, and so did I, with a deep, pantin", tired-out affection. We loved him better and better as the days rolled by: the tireder we got with him seemin"ly, the more we loved him.
But one hope that had boyed me up durin" the first weeks of my intercourse with him, died out. I did think, that, in the course of time, he would get all asked out. There wouldn"t be a thing more in heavens or on earth, or under the earth, that he hadn"t enquired in perticular about.
But as days pa.s.sed by, I see the fallicy of my hopes. Insperation seemed to come to him; questions would spring up spontanious in his mind; the more he asked, the more spontaniouser they seemed to spring.
Now, for instance, one evenin" he asked me about 3,000 questions about the Atlantic Ocian, its whales and sharks and tides and steamships and islands and pirates and cable and sailors and coral and salt, and etc., etc., and etcetery; and after a hour or two he couldn"t think of another thing to ask, seemin"ly. And I begun to get real encouraged, though f.a.gged to the very outmost limit of f.a.g, when he drew a long breath, and says with a perfectly fresh, vigorous look,-
[Ill.u.s.tration: THE BOY ASKING QUESTIONS.]
"Now less begin on the Pacific."
And I answered kindly, but with firmness,-
"I can"t tackle any more ocians to-night, I am too tuckered out."
"Well," says he, glancin" out of the window at the new moon which hung like a slender golden bow in the west, "don"t you think the moon to-night is shaped some like a hammock? and if I set down in it with my feet hanging out, would I be dizzy? and if I should curl my feet up, and lay back in it, and sail-and sail-and sail up into the sky, could I find out about things up in the heavens? Could I find the One up there that set me to breathing? And who made the One that made me? And where was I before I was made?-and uncle Josiah and Ury? And why wouldn"t I tell him where we was before we was anywhere? and if we wasn"t anywhere, did I suppose we would want to be somewhere? and say-SAY"-
Oh, dear me! dear me! how I did suffer!
But a better child never lived than he was, and I would have loved to seen anybody dispute it. He was a lovely child, and very deep.
And he would back up to you, and get up into your lap, with such a calm, a.s.sured air of owning you, as if you was his possession by right of discovery. And he would look up into your face with such a trustin", angelic look as he tackled you, that, no matter how tuckered out you would get, you was jest as ready for him the next time, jest as ready to be tackled and tuckered.