"There"s no beach in Vegas," he says, his expression going soft. "Even if I"m kidnapping you, I won"t deny you the surf or the sunset."
I sigh and fold myself into his arms. "Do you have any idea how much I love you?"
"Enough to marry me," he says.
"And then some."
He hooks his arm around my waist and tugs me close, then brushes his lips over mine. The kiss starts softly, a feather-touch, a tease. But there"s no denying the heat between us, and soon I am moaning, my mouth open to him, his lips hard against mine, taking and tasting. He pulls me closer to him, my name like a whisper on his lips, and the embers that are always burning between us burst into white-hot flames.
His hand slides along my back, then under my tank top at its base. The sensation of skin upon skin is delicious, and I sigh with pleasure, then gasp with longing as those clever fingers slip beneath the waistband of my yoga pants and curve over my rear. He tugs me closer, his erection hot and hard between us, as his fingers slip inside me. I"m liquid heat, and I want nothing more than to strip us both bare and let him take me right here, on the hardwood floor.
Pa.s.sion thrums through me, and I swear I can feel the house vibrating around us.
It takes me a moment to realize that the thrum isn"t entirely the result of my l.u.s.t for my fiance-it"s the arrival of his ride, the helicopter approaching from the north to settle on the helipad that Damien installed on the property.
I pull away, breathless. "You"re going to be late, Mr. Stark."
"Sadly, you have a point." He kisses the corner of my mouth, and the pressure of his tongue at that sensitive juncture is almost as enticing as the feel of his erection hard against me. "Are you sure you don"t want to come with me today?" he asks. "I don"t think I"ve ever f.u.c.ked you in the helicopter."
I laugh. "It"s on my bucket list," I a.s.sure him. "But today"s not the day. I"m meeting with the cake lady." Rather than a regular wedding cake, I"d decided to go with tiers of cupcakes, with only the top layer being the traditional cake with fondant icing. The baker, a celebrity chef named Sally Love, came up with an exceptional design for the icing on each individual cake, and she"s going to incorporate real flowers on the tiers, making the overall design both elegant and fun. Not to mention tasty. Damien and I went together to pick out the flavor for the top layer, and also selected ten possible flavors for the cupcakes. Today, I"m going back to narrow the ten finalists to the final five.
"Do you need me?" he asks.
"Always," I say. "But not at the bakery. You did your part, I"m just finalizing the cupcake choices."
"Don"t ditch my tiny cheesecakes," he says.
"I wouldn"t dare."
"Is Jamie going with you?"
"Not today," I say. My best friend and former roommate recently moved back home to Texas for the express purpose of getting her s.h.i.t together. She"d come back three days ago determined to be the best maid of honor ever-which meant that I"d had to field a full hour of apology when she explained to me why she might not make it to the bakery today. "She drove up to Oxnard last night, and she"s not sure when she"ll get back today. She did a play there a few years ago, and the director"s a friend who now does commercials, and ..." I trail off with a shrug, but I"m sure Damien understands. Jamie"s still trying to land a gig.
"And if she gets a job?" he asks.
I shrug again. I"m torn between wanting her to be cast and wanting her to take as much time as she needs to get her head back on straight. I miss Jamie, but Hollywood pretty much ate her up and spat her out, and although my best friend likes to pretend like she"s tough enough to take it, underneath the careless s.e.x kitten veneer is the heart of a fragile woman. And it"s a heart I don"t want to see broken.
Damien kisses my forehead. "Whatever happens, she has you. That makes her one step ahead of the game already."
I smile up at him. "Will you be back tonight?"
"Late," he says, then trails a fingertip over my bare shoulder. "If you"re sleeping, I"ll wake you."
"I look forward to it," I say, then tilt my head up for a quick kiss on my lips. "You better go get dressed, Mr. Stark," I say, then push him off toward the bedroom. He"s back remarkably fast, securing his cuffs as he walks toward me, then taking my hand as he tugs me onto the balcony with him. I follow him down the staircase and along the path toward the helipad.
We pause at the edge, and he kisses me gently one last time. "Soon, Ms. Fairchild," he says, but what I hear is I love you.
I watch as he bends over and hurries under the spinning blades to board the helicopter, which has SI emblazoned on the side. Stark International. I grin, thinking that SU would be more appropriate-Stark Universe. Or Stark World. Damien is, after all, my whole world.
I shield my face from the wind, then watch as the bird rises, taking Damien away from me. I know he"ll be back tonight, but already I feel hollow.
I consider going inside to get dressed, but instead I follow the flagstone path that cuts through the property until it reaches the beach. I walk along the sandy sh.o.r.e, imagining my wedding. We"ve planned it for sunset, with a party to follow. Considering who Damien is, the guest list is relatively small. We"ve invited our mutual friends as well as a number of key employees of Stark International, Stark Applied Technology, and the rest of Damien"s subsidiaries. Also, some of the recipients of grants from Damien"s various charitable organizations.
The ceremony itself is going to be short and simple, with Damien and I having only a best man and a maid of honor, respectively. Since my father ran off ages ago, I don"t have a man to walk me down the aisle. I considered asking one of my best friends, Ollie, but even though he and Damien have negotiated a truce, I didn"t want to risk marring my wedding day with drama.
And there"s no way I"m having my mother do it. How could I stand to have her give me away when I"ve spent the last few years running from her? I have not, in fact, even invited her to the wedding. Which means I have no parent to give me away. So I"m going to walk myself down the aisle, a journey on a pathway of rose petals, with Damien Stark standing tall and elegant at the end of it.
We"ve written vows-short and sweet-and we both agree that what is important is getting to the meat of the ceremony: Do you take this man? Do you take this woman? I do, I do, dear G.o.d, I do.
The reception is a different story-that we expect to go on all night. Maybe even into the next day. After Damien and I head out on our honeymoon after the appropriate socializing and cake-eating interval, Jamie is taking charge of the Malibu house and she, with the help of Ryan Hunter and the rest of the Stark International security team, will make sure that anyone who needs a place to crash has one, and anyone who needs a lift home gets one.
Even though we"ll be off on our honeymoon for most of it, it is the details of the reception that have been occupying most of my time. I"ve arranged for tents, dance floors, lanterns, and heaters. There will be a buffet, three bars, and a chocolate fondue station provided by Damien"s best man, his childhood friend Alaine Beauchene. I"m a little flummoxed by my music conundrum, but I"m revved up and eager to solve it, and I tell myself that by the end of the day I will have arranged both the music and the photographer. I am nothing if not optimistic.
Other than that, the only major things still needing to be wrapped up are finalizing the cake-which I"ll do in a few hours-and then the final dress fitting. The dress is a Phillipe Favreau original that we purchased in Paris after hours of conversation with Phillipe himself. It is insanely expensive, but as Damien reminded me, there"s very little point in having gazillions of dollars if you don"t enjoy them. And I really did fall in love with the design.
Phillipe is custom-making it for me, and it is being shipped from his Paris studio. There were some nerve-wracking delays, but I"ve been a.s.sured that all is on schedule now, and it is set to arrive at his Rodeo Drive boutique tomorrow morning. His most trusted a.s.sociate will make any final alterations tomorrow afternoon and deliver it the next morning-Friday-so that it will be locked up safe in the Malibu house, all ready to transform me into a bride on Sat.u.r.day.
All in all, things are going reasonably smoothly, and I can"t help but smile. So what if I"ve had a few nightmares? For the most part, I"m kicking serious wedding b.u.t.t, and I don"t intend to stop.
I breathe deep, content, then fling my feet through the surf, sending the water sparkling. Mrs. Damien Stark.
Honestly, I can"t wait.
"Ms. Fairchild!"
I look up to see Tony, one of Damien"s security guys, hurrying down the beach toward me.
"What"s wrong?"
"I"m sorry, Ms. Fairchild, I tried your phone but there was no answer."
My phone, I remember, is by the bed. "What is it?" I ask, alarmed. "Is it Damien?"
"No, no, nothing like that. But there is a woman at the gate," he says, referring to the gate that Damien had installed at the property entrance after the paparazzi got all crazy during his murder trial. "Ordinarily, I would simply send her away and insist that she make an appointment, but under the circ.u.mstances ..."
"What circ.u.mstances?"
"Ms. Fairchild," he says, "the lady says that she"s your mother."
Chapter Four.
My mother.
My mother.
Holy s.h.i.t, my mother?
My knees go watery and I have to force my arms to stay at my sides so I don"t reach out automatically for Tony. There"s nothing on the beach that I can use to steady myself, and right now I really need steadying, so I stand perfectly still and smile and hope Tony doesn"t yet know me well enough to pick up on the fact that I"m totally and completely freaking out.
"I wasn"t expecting my mother," I manage to say. "She lives in Texas."
"I knew she was from out of state, Ms. Fairchild. I checked the lady"s ID. Elizabeth Regina Fairchild, address in Dallas. I a.s.sume she"s here for the wedding."
"Right. I just-she"s not supposed to be here until Friday," I lie. I conjure what I hope is a bright smile, but I fear it looks like something out of a low-budget Halloween thriller. "So, right. I guess tell her to drive on up to the house. If you could buzz Gregory and ask him to settle her in the first-floor parlor, I"ll run in and get dressed," I add.
"Of course, Ms. Fairchild." If he has picked up on my nerves, he is either kind enough or well trained enough not to say anything.
I hurry back up the path and take the stairs to the third floor. I want to ensure that I don"t see my mother until I"m dressed and made-up and looking polished and pretty enough that maybe-maybe-she"ll wait an hour or two before she starts in on me.
Once I"m in the bedroom, the first thing I do is grab my phone off the table and dial Damien. The second thing I do is end the call before it has the chance to connect.
I sit on the edge of the bed and suck in air. My heart is pounding so hard, my chest hurts, and I am holding my phone so tightly in my right hand that it is making indentations into my palm. My left hand is curled in on itself, and I concentrate on the sensation of my fingernails digging into my palm. I imagine my nails cutting through skin, drawing blood. I focus on the pain-and then, disgusted with myself, I hurl my other arm back and toss my phone across the room. It shatters from the impact, an explosion of plastic and gla.s.s, a smorgasbord of sharp edges now glittering on the floor, tempting and teasing me.
I rise, but I am not heading toward those shards. I will not touch them, not even to sweep them away. They are too tempting, and despite the fact that I"ve grown stronger in my months with Damien, I do not trust myself. Not now. Not with Elizabeth Fairchild just two floors below, waiting like a spider to draw me in, wrap me up, and suck the life right out of me.
s.h.i.t.
My mother.
The woman who locked me in a dark, windowless room as a child so that I had no choice but to get my beauty sleep. Who controlled what I ate so meticulously that I didn"t make the acquaintance of a carb until college.
The woman whose image of feminine perfection was so expertly pounded into her daughters" heads that my sister committed suicide when her husband left her, because she"d clearly failed at being a wife.
The woman who said that I was a fool to stay with Damien. That once you pa.s.sed the ten-million-dollar mark one man is pretty much like another, and I should move on to one who came with less baggage.
The woman who said that I"d ruined the family name by posing for a nude portrait.
The woman who"d called me a wh.o.r.e.
I didn"t want to see her. More than that, I wasn"t sure I could see her and manage to stay centered.
I needed Damien-I wanted Damien. He was my strength, my anchor.
But he wasn"t in town and my mother was downstairs. And while I knew that one phone call would have him returning within the hour, I couldn"t bring myself to go to the kitchen, pick up the house phone, and make that call.
I could do this on my own-I had to.
And with Damien"s voice in my head, I knew that I"d survive.
At least, I hoped I would.
"Well, look at you!" My mother rises from the white sofa, then smoothes her linen skirt before coming toward me, her arms out to enfold me in a hug that is capped off by her trademark air kiss. "I was beginning to think you were going to leave me down here all alone." She speaks lightly, but I can hear the indictment in her words-I left her unattended, and broke one of the cardinal rules from the Elizabeth Fairchild Guide to Playing Hostess.
I say nothing, just stand stiffly in her embrace. A moment pa.s.ses, and I decide to make an effort. I awkwardly put my arms around her and give her a small squeeze. "Mother," I say, and then stop. Honestly, what more is there to say?
"Married," she says, and there is actually a wistful tone in her voice. For a moment, I wonder about her motive for coming. Is she here because she honestly wants to celebrate my marriage? I"m not quite able to wrap my head around the possibility, and yet I can"t help the tiny flame of hope that flickers inside me.
She steps back and looks me up and down. I"ve taken the time to shower and change and put on my makeup, and I know exactly what she sees as she looks at me. My blond hair is still short, though it has grown out since I took scissors to it and violently whacked off large chunks after the last time I saw her. I like this new shoulder-length style. Not only is it nice not to have the weight of all that hair, but the curls are bouncier and frame my face in a way that I like.
I"m wearing a simple linen skirt that hits just above my knees and a peach sweater over a white b.u.t.ton-down. My feet are in my favorite pair of strappy sandals. The three-inch heels are wildly impractical for an afternoon of running wedding errands, but these are the shoes I was wearing the night I met Damien at Evelyn"s party so many months ago, and as I stood in my closet a few moments before, I was certain I"d need the extra bit of magical shoe confidence they impart if I was going to survive my mother.
The truth is, I know that I look good. It"s not possible to have entered and won as many pageants as I have and still hem and haw and pretend not to know how you look. Objectively, I"m pretty. Not movie star gorgeous-that"s Jamie-but I"m pretty, maybe even beautiful, and I know how to hold myself well. Under other circ.u.mstances, I"d be standing tall, knowing that I pa.s.sed the inspection of anyone who took the time to look me over. But these are not ordinary circ.u.mstances, and I am suddenly feeling like an awkward teen, desperate for my mother"s approval. And the thing I hate the most? That soft look in her eyes only moments before. She"d knocked me off kilter, and now I don"t know what to expect. My defenses are down, and I"m left hoping for affection, like some lost puppy that followed her home looking for a handout.
It"s not a feeling I like.
"Well," she finally says, "I suppose if you"re going to wear your hair short, that style is as good as it"s going to get."
My rigid posture slumps ever so slightly, and I look down so that she can"t see the tears p.r.i.c.king my eyes. I really am that puppy, and she"s just kicked the s.h.i.t out of me. I can either cower, or I can bare my teeth and fight back. And d.a.m.n me all to h.e.l.l, but the cowering almost wins out.
Then I remember that I"m not Elizabeth Fairchild"s pretty little dress-up doll anymore. I"m Nikki Fairchild, the owner of her own software company, and I"m more than capable of defending my own d.a.m.n haircut. I suck in a breath, lift my head, and almost look my mother in the eyes. "It"s shoulder-length, Mother. It"s not like I"ve been shaved for the Marines. I think it"s flattering." I flash my perfect pageant smile. "Damien likes it, too."
She sniffs. "Darling, I wasn"t criticizing. I"m your mother. I"m on your side. I just want you to look your best."
What I want is to tell her to turn around and go home. But the words don"t come. "I wasn"t expecting you," I say instead.
"Why would you be?" she asks airily. "After all, it"s not as if you invited me to your wedding."
Um, h.e.l.lo? Did you really think I would after the things you said? After you made it clear that you don"t like Damien? That you don"t respect me? That you think I"m a s.l.u.t who"s only interested in his money?
That"s what I want to say, but the words don"t come. Instead, I shrug, feeling all of ten, and say simply, "I didn"t think you"d want to be here."
I watch, astonished, as my mother"s ramrod straight posture sags a bit. She reaches a hand back, then takes hold of the armrest and lowers herself onto the couch. I peer at her and am astonished at an emotion on her face, one I"m not sure I"ve ever seen there before-my mother actually looks sad.
I move to the chair opposite her and sit, watching and waiting.
"Oh, Nichole, sugar, I just-" She cuts herself off, then digs into her purse for a monogrammed handkerchief, which she uses to dab her eyes. Her Texas tw.a.n.g is more p.r.o.nounced than usual, and I recognize that as a sign of high drama to follow. But there are no tears, no histrionics. Instead, she says very softly and very simply, "I just wanted to spend some time with you. My baby girl"s getting married. It"s bittersweet."
She reaches out, as if she intends to take my hand, but draws hers back into her lap. She clasps her hands together and straightens her posture, then takes a deep breath as if steeling herself. "I think about your wedding, and I can"t help but remember your sister"s. I want ..."
But she doesn"t finish the sentence, and so I do not know what she wants. As for me, I don"t know when, but I"ve risen to my feet, and have turned away so that she can"t see the heavy tears now streaming down my cheeks.
I squeeze my eyes shut, determined not to think of Ashley, and even more determined not to think of the hand that my mother had in her suicide. But these thoughts are hard ones to banish, because they have lived inside me for so long. And now-well, now I can"t help but wonder if this is my mother"s way of showing remorse.
Or am I simply being a fool and wishing, perhaps futilely, that there is a detente to be had between my mother and me.
Chapter Five.