Cody preferred to think about Bailey, about finding a way to connect with her again. He didn"t want the task of facing off with the radical kid in his cla.s.s, but someone had to do it. He hadn"t gone to Iraq and lost his leg so that he could take a backseat when his country"s freedom was being discussed. "I was one of those guys who enlisted in the army after high school."
A hush fell over the cla.s.s. Across the room, Peter slowly took his seat, one eyebrow raised suspiciously in Cody"s direction. The professor nodded. "Go on, Cody."
"I enlisted because I believe in the United States of America, in her freedoms for all people, and in her strength as a nation of peace, prosperity, and human dignity." His voice took on a strength that built as he continued. "I enlisted because I was then, and I am now, willing to risk my life to defend this nation. Because this country will fall into enemy hands if our generation is not willing to take a stand."
"Rhetoric," Peter mumbled under his breath.
"No." Cody"s voice sharpened. He stood and took a step toward his fellow cla.s.smate. "Not rhetoric. The battle for freedom is real, one that requires people to act on what"s right."
"War in Iraq?" The kid didn"t seem as sure of himself as before. "That"s what you think is right?"
"No war is right, but sometimes ..." Cody shifted to take some of the pressure off his prosthetic leg. "Sometimes war is necessary. In order to defend the privileges and freedoms we have as Americans."
He paused, not sure if he should go on. Finally he decided he"d said enough, but even as he lowered himself to his seat, a few guys at the far end of the cla.s.sroom stood and began to clap. A girl and another guy joined them, and then most of the front two rows. Ten seconds pa.s.sed while one student after another rose to their feet and joined in the applause. Finally only Cody and Peter and the professor remained seated.
The outpouring was more than Cody had imagined, and it touched him deeply. Even so, by the time the cla.s.s was over, Cody felt exhausted, drained from the emotional battle of defending himself and his decision to serve. He was finished with his cla.s.ses for the day, and he needed fresh air to clear his head. Snow still clung to the ground in patches, but the gra.s.s showed through along the campus mall. He took the long way around, purposefully walking past the football stadium and the practice field. A group of guys dressed in sweats were throwing the ball, working with a couple of coaches near the fifty yardline.
Cody stopped and watched.
Wasn"t it just yesterday that he"d been the guy throwing the ball? Before Iraq, before he lost his leg? Back then he and Bailey had been more like brother and sister, and he"d known for sure he"d play football at the college level somewhere. But the offers didn"t come the way Cody had imagined, and with his home life a mess, enlisting seemed like the best option. It still seemed that way.
While he was in Iraq his existence had centered around surviving one day to the next. But now that he was home ... his ideas about the future had shifted with every quarter. He"d thought about being a doctor, and then maybe a firefighter or a paramedic - if they"d take him with his prosthetic lower leg. He even considered going into law so he could help defend freedom in a different way.
But standing here facing the football field, he felt a certain familiarity, one that had filled him and consumed him more often lately. He wanted to be a football coach. Like Jim Flanigan, he wanted to spend his days around the game he loved, influencing kids so that a generation of young men would grow up understanding sacrifice, hard work, and dedication. The sorts of things that came through in the game of football.
Yes, that"s what he wanted to do. He would teach high school history and coach football, and he would pray to be an influence for generations of kids like himself. Kids drawn to drinking and partying, kids with little or no family influence who would be lost without the coaches and role models in their lives.
His vision blurred and he could almost see himself working with the quarterbacks and receivers, teaching them how to look for the open man and throw a ball downfield.
Teaching them about life.
He kept walking and as he turned away from the football field, another image came to mind. The face of Bailey Flanigan. She had to be part of this future too. But she was still dating Tim, still barely returning his text messages, and rarely answering his calls. She had a wall up around her heart, and he didn"t know how to tear it down. If he could convince her to trust him again, then he could figure out her relationship with Tim, whether she was really in love with him. A thought that terrified him.
He kept his eyes down as he walked the path to the parking lot and found his car. He needed time away from campus, away from his constant search for Bailey between cla.s.ses. He had a new job at the grocery store in Clear Creek, bagging food and helping people out to their cars. It paid more than the last one and helped him keep up his end of the rent. But today he had four hours before his shift, so he took the turn to Lake Monroe.
The leaves were just starting to bud out on the trees that lined the two-lane highway. Spring wanted a chance, if only the cold temperatures would let up. He reached the water and parked in his favorite lot, the one near the footpath that circled the lake. For five minutes he walked hard and fast over the trail, ignoring the pain in his leg, until he reached an outcropping of rock, a place where he"d come before to think and talk to G.o.d. He walked out onto it and sat down on a smooth, flat area. A breeze blew across the water and stung at his eyes, but he didn"t care.
G.o.d, I have so many questions. So many unknowns about tomorrow. He squinted against the wind and lifted his eyes to the clear blue beyond the lake. Your Word says You have great plans for me, to give me a future and hope and not to harm me. But how do I know which way to turn?
My son, do not be troubled ... Do not be afraid ...
The words whispered to him in the rustling of tree branches on either side of the rocky point. As if G.o.d were indeed here with him, holding him up and encouraging him.
Sometimes he wanted a new start, a new university a thousand miles away from Bailey and his life in Bloomington. A place where people wouldn"t know him as the GI who came home without his lower left leg. Where he wouldn"t have to look for Bailey every time he walked out of cla.s.s. But then, he"d only miss her more.
She belongs to someone else, G.o.d. Why can"t I get her out of my head?
Wait on me, my son. Remember the fruits of the Spirit.
Cody closed his eyes and the words came back to him, words Jenny Flanigan had drilled into the minds of her kids, including him when he lived with them. Love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, thoughtfulness, and self control."If you truly seek G.o.d"s plans for your life," she would tell them every day or so, "then your life will show fruit." And she"d go into the list again. Love, joy, peace ...
Patience was one of the fruits, but Cody was tired of being patient. He had a few friends, guys he"d played football with at Clear Creek High, but most of the old team was into heavy partying now. He"d rather stay home and study. But today - today he wanted the friendship of Bailey and her family so intensely he could feel the ache with every breath.
Show me, G.o.d. I want to be her friend. I can"t lose her now.
Again the fruits of the spirit flashed in his mind. Love and joy, peace and patience, goodness and kindness ... Maybe that was it. If he was going to show those fruits to the world, then he needed to stop avoiding the Flanigans. He"d turned his back on the family as surely as he"d turned his back on Bailey. Regret surrounded him. Ricky"s tests had shown he didn"t need another open heart surgery. Not yet. But he might someday soon. How could Cody justify staying away when tomorrow wasn"t guaranteed to any of them?
He stood and breathed in deeply. G.o.d was here with him; Cody could feel His presence. And at least now he had a plan. Bailey could be busy with Tim, but that didn"t mean he had to stay away from her family.
They were his family, too, and they always would be.
He walked with determination back to his car and made just one stop on the way out to the Flanigans" - his mother"s house. He parked out front and stood on the porch, knocking, waiting.
"Mom?" The door was unlocked, and when she didn"t answer it he went inside. "You home?" He heard something in the back bedroom, but she still didn"t answer. "Mom?"
He"d made a point of spending more time with her - especially since Christmas. Their trip to see Scrooge had been sort of a new beginning, but every time he came to see her he had his doubts that maybe she was using drugs again. She was an addict, same as him. That meant the temptation would always be there.
He walked past the kitchen and there on the counter was something that stopped him cold.
A small mirror, and in the stream of light from the window he could see the hint of white dust on it. He didn"t want to think so, but the mirror had the distinct look of something someone had used for cocaine. He grabbed hold of it and glanced around the counter for a razor blade - which would pretty much guarantee his suspicions. But there was nothing. He carried the mirror toward the bedroom. "Mom?"
"Yes!" She sounded too cheerful. "I"m in here."
He followed her voice into the bedroom and found her bustling about, making her bed and straightening her pillows. "Sorry." She stopped and put her hands on her hips, breathing deeply. "I didn"t hear you. Today"s cleaning day."
The last thing he wanted was to ask about the mirror, but he had to. She needed to know that he was watching, checking her behavior. He held it out to her. "I found this on the counter."
She hesitated for half a second. "Oh, that. It goes in my bathroom. I set my perfumes on it." She took it from him. "I was going to spray it with Windex, and I got distracted."
He released it to her and studied her for another half a minute. "I never noticed it before."
"I"ve had it forever." She hustled the mirror into her bathroom and came back empty handed, brushing her palms against her jeans. "So much to do. The place was a mess."
Cody wanted to believe her. A mirror, in and of itself, was not proof that his mother was doing cocaine or any other drug. But he had reason to wonder. Every other time she"d been released from prison she went back to using. He had prayed this time would be different, and so far he believed it was. But she needed the strength of Christ, same as he did. "You going to church with me this weekend?"
"Of course." She laughed easily. "Church and Sunday school." She"d found one for recovering addicts, and combined with her midweek drug cla.s.ses, she seemed more grounded than before.
But still Cody worried. "Okay, then." He came to her and kissed her cheek. "I was just driving by. Thought I"d check on you."
"I"m fine, silly, but thanks for stopping." She didn"t mention the drugs. Neither of them liked talking about the possibility. "My neighbor Linda invited me for dinner, so I have to get my cleaning done before then. She"s a widow, you know. The two of us keep each other company."
Cody hung around another few minutes before leaving. His mother"s quick actions and rattling conversation worried him, but he hoped she was telling the truth.
As he left he checked the clock on his dashboard. He still had more than two hours before his work shift, and only one place he really wanted to go.
He pulled into the Flanigans" driveway ten minutes later, parked his car in the familiar place, and walked the length of the covered porch to the front door. Jim met him and the two hugged. "I"ve stayed away too long," Cody said as he stepped inside.
"Way too long." Jim welcomed him in. "Can you stay for dinner?"
"Maybe this weekend." He looked Jim straight into the eyes. "I miss you guys a lot."
Jenny met up with them in the kitchen. "Cody! I can"t believe you"re here."
At the sound of his name, the five Flanigan boys hurried into the kitchen and surrounded Cody with pats on the back and challenges for a football game or a square off in a game of 21 on the basketball court. Ricky looked happy and healthy, and a sense of deep grat.i.tude filled Cody"s heart.
They played a round of Wii Mario Kart, and when Ricky had soundly beaten all of them, they went out front and played three-on-three on the basketball court. Cody found his place among them as easily as he had the first time he set foot in their home. The Flanigans loved him. No matter how much time pa.s.sed, they always would.
Not until he was on his way out the door to his work shift did Jenny ask if he"d talked to Bailey. Jenny, more than the others, seemed to understand the feelings Cody had for the only Flanigan daughter.
"She doesn"t talk to me much." He smiled, but he could feel the sadness in his eyes. "I made the mistake of ignoring her for a while, trying to give her and Tim s.p.a.ce." He made a face. "It backfired, though. Now she doesn"t trust me."
Jenny was quiet for a moment. Finally she put her hand on Cody"s shoulder and gave him an understanding smile. "I know my daughter, and I know how much she cares for you." She tilted her head, weighing her next words. "Be patient. You and Bailey are young. Don"t give up on her friendship just yet."
Her words resonated deep inside his soul. On the way to work, he couldn"t get past the theme of the afternoon. Patience. He wasn"t sure how that would play out in the weeks and months ahead, but he was sure of one thing: if G.o.d wanted him to be patient, he would be patient because Bailey was worth the wait.
Even if all he had to look forward to was her friendship.
Sixteen.
ANDI HAD KEPT HER CONVERSATIONS WITH her parents to a minimum. Dad was so busy and her mom had too many questions about whether she was going to church and what she was reading in her Bible and whether she was dating or not. How could she break it to her parents that she hadn"t opened her Bible once since Christmas?
But this was the last day of March, her father"s birthday, and as she sat in her dorm room alone she suddenly missed him more than she had in a long time. She called him and smiled when he picked up on the first ring. "Daddy!" She wasn"t the girl she"d once been, but in this moment she sounded the same, like nothing had changed. "Happy birthday!"
"Andi! Thanks, sweetheart. I wondered if I"d hear from you today."
"Where are you?"
"At home. We"ve been back and forth to LA almost every week, taking meetings around town, making plans and getting details in place for the next film."
"So it"s really going to happen?" Andi felt a thrill run down her spine. "Brandon Paul and the whole deal?"
Her dad laughed. "We"re meeting with him and NTM tomorrow."
"What?" Andi was on her feet, pacing the small floor of her dorm room. "I wanna be there! Who"s starring opposite him?"
He rattled off a list of NTM stars, girls with years of experience. "It"ll be a known name, for sure."
Andi felt the disappointment. She"d read the book Unlocked twice, and she loved the storyline. Two brothers - one a high school football star, the other a young autistic boy who couldn"t connect with anyone until his brother"s friend - involved in musical theater - reached out. With the power of music, the doors of autism were unlocked and a bridge built between the two brothers. "Can I at least read for the part?"
"Honey." There was no budging in her father"s voice. "This is an NTM film, with NTM stars. Everyone will be a household name."
"But how do you become a household name if no one gives you a break?" She didn"t want to sound whiny, but what good was it for her father to make movies if she didn"t at least get a try when it came to casting?
"You wait your turn. And in your case, you finish school first." He lightened his tone. "How"s the quarter going?"
"Great. Rehearsals are about to begin for Robin Hood." She was Maid Marian - a bigger part even than her role as Isabelle in Scrooge. But Tim hadn"t gotten the part of Robin Hood. He was one of the merry men instead, so she was working mostly with kids she didn"t know. "My grades are good and I"m caught up."
"What about your social life? You told your mom you were sort of seeing someone?" Her dad sounded awkward now, as if he really didn"t want to know.
"His name is Taz. He"s a film student." She wasn"t ready to be fully honest about Taz or her feelings for him. She definitely wasn"t going to tell her dad about the student film she was about to shoot. "He"s interesting. I like hanging out with him. Nothing serious."
The conversation lasted a little longer, and Andi wished him happy birthday again before hanging up. Only then did she exhale and sink back onto her bed. It was a lot of work, keeping up even this much of a facade for her parents. But she had no choice. If they knew about Taz"s strange way of thinking or the role she was about to take in his film, they"d be on the first plane to Indianapolis. They"d probably pull her from school. No need to worry them. She was ent.i.tled to explore a little. That"s what college was about.
She glanced at Bailey"s side of the room and wondered what her friend was doing. It was Friday midday, and that evening in a small cla.s.sroom on campus Andi would film her first few scenes for Taz. Bailey was probably out with Tim, talking about the book of Romans or sharing a latte at the coffee shop off campus. Later tonight Tim would probably take her to a movie or hang out with her at the Flanigan house. Good and wholesome, her sweet friend Bailey.
Andi wanted more out of life.
She"d thought Cody might be the guy for her. Following his lead would"ve been one way she could"ve stayed on the straight and narrow, believing in G.o.d and His plans and the same old lines she"d believed all her life. But Cody wasn"t interested and she certainly wasn"t going to stay in her room alone, reading her Bible.
She finished her homework in two hours and checked the time on her phone. She was supposed to meet Taz and his team in less than an hour. She changed her outfit and slipped into her tightest jeans, a tank top, and a pull-over sweater. The scene called for her to look rebellious, so she darkened her eye makeup and added three extra layers of mascara. Even when she was satisfied with her makeup, she put her cosmetics in a travel bag and slipped them into her backpack. Taz had said to bring them, just in case they needed more.
Her decision to make the film was an easy one, especially after she read the screenplay. Her character was a good girl who only wanted to experience more of life. More than her parents were willing to let her experience. If Andi could relate to any character right now it was the teenaged girl Taz had dreamed up for his student film. If that wasn"t enough, Taz had shown her three of his previous student films, and Andi was blown away. The quality and depth of his movie-making was on the level of some of the top independent films around. She was honored to take the role, and Taz had promised her the partial nudity was nothing. A quick shot, necessary for the integrity of the film. Bra and jeans - so hardly any real nudity at all.
"You"d show more skin in a bathing suit," he"d told her.
Andi stared at the mirror. Her father"s words came back to her. Wait her turn. Wait for the very chance he held in his hands - the chance to star opposite Brandon Paul. She felt the bitterness of her disappointment. Her own father wasn"t willing to help her. Fine.
Details of the night ahead played in her mind. "Tonight"s for me," she whispered at her reflection. "I"ll show everyone."
What better way than to star in Taz"s film. She could make a name for herself and get the recognition she obviously needed. Then maybe it would be her turn. She"d show NTM and the film industry and her father - all at the same time. She wanted to be like the real-life NTM princesses, the girls who snagged all the roles and were idolized by little girls all over the country.
Andi studied her features. She had the looks, right? But NTM stars had been auditioning in Hollywood since they were old enough to walk. Andi? She"d been stuck in the jungles. She felt her determination double. Never mind her late start. College would give her the chance to show the world she was a skilled actress even without the experience.
On her way out the door, Rachel Baugher"s journal caught her eye. How long had it been since she"d flipped through the pages of her friend"s final words? She hesitated and walked to her dresser. For a long time she stared at Rachel"s photo on the front, the same one that hung on her wall. Poor Rachel, who"d never lived long enough to experience life. Andi felt the loss of her friend like she hadn"t felt it in months. She opened the spiral-bound book to someplace in the middle and began to read.
"As a camel kneels before his master to have him remove his burden at the end of the day, so kneel each night and let the Master take your burden." The quote was written in Rachel"s painstakingly neat printing, surrounded by white s.p.a.ce above and below so that the words stuck out on the page. The idea was nice, and a few years ago Andi would"ve agreed. Kneel before G.o.d and He"ll take your burdens.
But Andi"s burdens were different now. She wanted to be a movie star. Most days she couldn"t understand how college was getting her any closer to her goal, with the exception of one thing - the movie she was going to make with Taz. Film projects like that would give her experience and open doors that simple prayer could never open.
Andi was sure of it.
She closed Rachel"s journal and set it back down on her dresser. But after a few seconds she slid it to the back of her top drawer, along with the framed photo of her friend. Rachel was gone. Looking at her face each day only confused her. And with the opportunity Taz was giving her, she couldn"t afford to feel confused. She shut the drawer and hurried from her dorm out across campus to the theater building.
When she reached the door of the cla.s.sroom Taz had reserved for the film project, she saw there was dark paper taped across the small window. She smiled. Taz had promised her privacy. She knocked, and he opened the door after only a few seconds. His smile warmed her heart. "You"re early."
"In case you needed me." She felt suddenly breathless, excited about what lay ahead. The screenplay was truly cutting edge, relevant and honest. This would be her biggest role yet, and she wanted to prove she was up to the task.
Taz touched his fingers to her cheeks. "I always need you, Andi." His voice was low and smooth, for her alone. "Make no mistake about that." He ushered her into the room where several other people worked to set up the shoot. Two college kids a.s.sembled oversized lights near a quasi-set consisting of a bed, a nightstand, and a mirrored dresser. In another corner of the room a student worked on a sound panel, testing a wireless microphone.
Relief washed over Andi. In the back of her mind she hadn"t quite dismissed Bailey"s warning - that maybe Taz wasn"t legitimate, that he was some kind of weirdo, wanting her to strip in a student film. Now Andi could see Bailey would"ve approved. Nothing shady about the shoot whatsoever.
"You feeling it?" Taz turned to her. He touched his fingers to her shoulders and ran them lightly down the length of her arms.