Gaaah! I hate monsters with viiiines! Well, not me of course. I"m great. But the pine cones, on the other hand, aren"t. I swear, these things aren"t just mindless hounds for the humans. They"re learning and strategizing! The pine cones on the ground constantly pick up anything they can throw and start hurling it at me. Then the pine cones swinging after me would use the opportunity to close the distance between us and hara.s.s me with their barbed vines.Why are they coordinating!? How are they coordinating!? I don"t sense any pheromones in the air so it can"t be that! But then that means they"re using another means to communicate. Now"s not the time to worry about that Joe! Gotta focus on getting to the grove, not on figuring out how these pine cones work. At least not yet anyway.
Every so often, I"d use a few of my vines to snap smaller branches and throw them down at the pine cones below me. Why exactly I did that, was just to spite them. I had absolutely no way to actually harm them anyways. So I could at least make them angry. There! The grove was just up ahead! I sped up my swinging as I propelled myself forward. I threw my body into the grove and landed on my vines.
"Amelia! f.u.c.king pine cones!" I screamed as I started running deeper into the grove. The pine cones sprinted in behind me. One of the lead pine cones leaped forward after me. Just as it was about to land on me, a ma.s.sive branch as thick as a man"s waist landed directly on top of it. It didn"t stop there as it swept towards the rest of the pine cones, sending them flying. They landed just outside of the grove, and before they had any time to recover several branches from another dryad landed on them, crushing them into tiny bits.
"Yesss! They"re finally dead!" I joyously exclaimed. I did a little victory dance in celebration of my hated enemies" demise. Well, the best victory dance I could manage with roots for legs. I"m sure it looked like an absolute s.h.i.t dance to others but they can suck on my roots. It"s not like the majority of people are good dancers! But I digress. The b.a.s.t.a.r.d pine cones are finally dead!
"You"re welcome." A voice interrupted my thoughts. I recognized that the voice, or rather pheromones, belonged to the one and only Amelia.
"Oh um thanks," I mumbled while turning away from her. f.u.c.k! d.a.m.n this 360 vision! I can"t even look away when I get embarra.s.sed. Alfred, I"d like to file a complaint about your mana senses. It clearly is defective.
"So where exactly did those… Pineyeons come from?" Amelia asked me. So that was their name… Dumb, just like them! Anyways, it seemed she wasn"t the only one interested in their origin. How did I know? I could practically feel the gazes of the other dryads burning into me! It"s making my petals tingle and I do not like that at all.
"All I know is some weirdo mage started throwing them at me. Next thing I know, the b.a.s.t.a.r.ds were whipping out their own vines and shrugging off anything I threw at them. And I"ll have you know, its f.u.c.king terrifying to be defenseless like that! And what type of mad idiot makes killer pine cones!? PINE CONES!!" I raged, emphasizing my anger by flailing my vines around like some sort of demented spaghetti monster that was angry over not getting any sauce.
"Well, you are still a weakling. I"m honestly surprised you"ve managed to kill the humans. You just need to keep leveling up!" Amelia rushed to comfort me. Meanwhile, a couple of the other dryads snickered. They dare to find comedic relief in my suffering!? Dryads really are an audacious bunch!
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"Well nevermind that. We have bigger problems than my own unbridled rage. If that druid man had these Pineyeons up his sleeve, who knows what else he has. Heck, I wouldn"t be surprised if they started using more of those things as minesweepers. Which means they"ll be attacking the grove soon." I announced to the others.
"Don"t worry! We have this handled! So, what do we do?" Chimed in one of the fairies.
"Umm… Any ideas Amelia..?"
"I don"t. You"re the one taking the lead, aren"t you?" She replied with a hint of amus.e.m.e.nt. f.u.c.k. When did I become the official leader? Well, I guess I did set up the entire trap defense and such, but my ambush failed. But I guess that just means this time I have to succeed! For XP! For pride! And most importantly, so I can figure out what the h.e.l.l is going on with my G.o.d d.a.m.n life!
Well f.u.c.k. What the h.e.l.l should I even do to prepare for the adventurers? I"m not even sure when they"ll be attacking! If they"ll be attacking at all! Or if they have reinforcements with more tamed monsters to attack us with. f.u.c.king h.e.l.l, man. Why the h.e.l.l would there be adventurers using monsters to fight!? I hate summoners and the like for reasons like this! It makes life so much harder! That"s it! There are way too many unknowns to make a proper strategy! It"s time to form the Fairy Scout Regiment! Let"s hope none of them get eaten.
"Listen up monsters and mobsters! I need three teams of three fairy volunteers! Those who volunteer shall be sent to spy on the enemy forces and bring back any valuable intel they can gather. Once this objective is completed, they must relay the information back to me. Any questions?" I announced to the others.
"Oh! Oh! Oh!" One of the fairies, Joseline I think, immediately raised their hand and flew up and down in the air. I guess the flying version of hopping? Anyways, I looked around for someone a bit more… mature to call upon.
"Come oon! Pick me! Pick me! Piick meeee!!" She begged. Haah. I"m really going to have to call her, aren"t I?
"So what exactly would count as valuable information?" She inquired, tilting her head slightly to the right. That… that is actually a good question. Not at all what I would have expected from someone with her childish demeanor.
"Number of enemies, any possible reinforcements. Whether or not they have more monsters working under them. Anything that seems out of the ordinary. I"ll leave it up to the groups to decide what seems weird since I"m not able to be there." I answered her question.
"Oh! Also, do we get a bigger share of the loot if we volunteer!?" She added quickly. f.u.c.king h.e.l.l man. I mean from an economical standpoint that makes sense, but our very existence is at stake here! Why would you be concerned about that!?
"Sure sure. All volunteers come forward." I gave an exasperated answer in return. Now time to sort through the volunteers and see if I can fortify the place a bit more...