"Did they punish you?"
She shook her head, smiling. "Papa laughed and Wesley, though he tried to appear disapproving, was glad to have me back. Papa thought it clever of me and wanted to see if the other men could tell. So he allowed me to stay."
"And no one ever knew?"
Her smile turned down slightly. "Ridley discovered me and tried to ruin it. But I became different, you see..." She chewed her lips thoughtfully. "These men, who had teased me and made jests, treated me different. They... saw me. They offered me advice, taught me to shoot a crossbow, to wield a sword, fight with a dirk."
Alex contemplated her in the muted light. "Do you wish, then, to be a man?"
She darted him a dark look. "I ken your meaning, I"ve heard it enough before. The answer is no. I wish to be a woman, but one who is seen."
"But nothing of womanhood interests you."
"That"s not what I said." She sighed. "I don"t know why I expect you to understand."
He wanted to protest. He did understand, but he would not give her that. Not now, not yet. Perhaps not ever.
He thought she was finished with him but she said, "It was a trial. Don"t you see?"
"A trial?"
"Papa wanted to prove that I couldn"t do it. That I couldn"t pa.s.s as a boy and that I lacked skill and strength. And courage." From the jut of her jaw she was challenging him also to proclaim her inadequacy.
"You showed them, eh?"
"I did." She grinned to herself. "None of the men knew any different... except Jack..." She flashed Alex an obscure look, her mouth flattening.
Alex held her gaze, unwavering. Would she ask him what happened to her lover? Would he tell her? It was best if she continued to believe he was responsible.
But instead she looked down at her hands and said, "Jack kept his mouth shut. They all saw how well I did. Papa couldn"t send me away after that."
"You must be miserable when you"re not proving a point, aye?"
She scowled at him, but he saw the pull at the corner of her mouth as she fought a smile. Her oatcake was cool and he brought it to her.
"Can you feed yourself, or shall I?"
She took it from him, avoiding meeting his gaze, and her fingers brushed his. She jerked away, crumbling the oatcake down the front of her.
"Here. Have mine."
She tried to take it from him, but he held it out of reach.
"Nay, you obviously don"t know your strength, Hugh, let me."
She colored furiously. "I knew I shouldn"t have told you anything! Now you"ll never stop teasing me!"
He merely smiled and held it to her mouth. She averted her head, mouth thinned mutinously.
"Prefer you to starve? Really, even men must eat."
Her smile was pure sarcasm. She leaned forward and took an enormous bite from the oatcake. He refrained from any further jests, pleased she was eating. He relinquished the oatcake. After she finished, and refused his offer to make her another, he put the small sack of oats away.
"Aren"t you going to eat?"
He shrugged. "Later. I"m not so hungry." He handed her the water skin.
She drank, never taking her eyes from him. "Why are you doing this?"
He feigned confusion, standing and walking to the entrance of the cave. "If you feel better today, we"ll set out for Gealach in the morn."
She was silent and when he glanced back she stared at him.
"I guess I owe you now, too."
He raised a brow in question.
"It seems like everyone owes you their life."
An ember popped. Alex thought about what it would be like to have her beholden to him. But she was like Patrick, loath to be in anyone"s debt and eager to give recompense so she could be through with them.
Alex shook his head. "Nay, la.s.s, you owe me naught."
"How did you save Laine?"
Alex turned to face her. "I cannot tell you that."
"He"s Lord Carlisle"s son. The one from the monastery."
"You"ve been talking to Diana." Alex didn"t know why the thought filled him with dread.
"A bit, yes." Her smile was enigmatic, little more than a deepening of dimples. Then she frowned. "How did they hurt him?"
Alex shook his head. He couldn"t speak of it-Laine had made him swear-but even if he could, it was not talk for women"s ears.
"What about Eliot?" she asked.
He resumed his seat beside her and leaned his elbow on his knee. "Eliot is my cousin. He"s a year older than I. We were the youngest bairns in the family and always begging to hunt with my father and uncles and brothers. When finally they said aye, Eliot and I were determined to slay a great beast, a dragon or some such."
"Dragons?" She tried to sit up, but couldn"t.
She was so very weak. An odd fist closed around Alex"s heart as he watched her struggles. He took the saddle and blanket and arranged them so she could lean back. She did gratefully, a sheen of sweat on her forehead and lip from the exertion.
"Dragons?" she repeated. She didn"t look terribly interested in his tale, but he sensed she needed to occupy her mind.
"Aye. We were verra young. We had no business out there with men, but my father and uncle thought it was never too soon to teach a lad to hunt."
"Did you save him from a dragon?"