He shook his head. "I used to think that, but I know better now."
She squeezed the wood to hide the trembling of her hands. "You know nothing." She"d never been able to hide her feelings well, but d.a.m.ned if she"d let him see how his words shook her. This wasn"t supposed to happen. "You"re a fool if you trust me."
He wandered across the room, the darkness swallowing him. Fayth was uneasy with him out of sight, though she heard him moving around, rummaging through the room"s contents. A moment later he reappeared, carrying a silver casket.
"I pretended to be a wh.o.r.e," Fayth insisted, "and let a horde of Grahams into your brother"s home. They murdered your people and stole Lord Annan"s wife." She lifted her chin a notch. She"d refused to contemplate what she"d done for so long, buried it because the shame and regret were too much to bear. But she must take responsibility and what better time than now, when Alex stood there proclaiming her to be something she wasn"t.
"That was my doing," she said, holding his gaze. "I am responsible for your people"s misery. I am responsible for Lord Annan"s unhappiness-for my own sister"s grief." She swallowed hard and stiffened her spine. "I nearly ruined her life. And I did it all willingly."
He said nothing for a long time. He opened the casket and began sifting though it. Her jaw clenched tighter and tighter until she thought it would snap. Why didn"t he speak? Did he not hear her? Did he not understand what a mistake it was to put his trust in her?
He glanced up at her. "You say you did it all willingly? You kissed me... willingly?"
She rolled her eyes. Trust a man to hear nothing but what pertained to his s.e.xual prowess. "Yes, after a fashion. I did what I had to. I needed to let in Wesley and his men. You stood between me and the door."
He nodded absently. "I"m confused... You kidnapped Caroline, but then almost immediately released her to a convent. A Scottish convent, where she could easily get word to my brother."
"That"s what she wanted."
His brow furrowed. "All that, just to take her to a nearby convent? No one had to die. Rob would have let her visit it."
Fayth sighed. "That"s not what I meant. All her life she wanted to be a nun. Papa had promised us both some say in our future. He granted Caroline her wish to take the veil, and me, my wish to marry whom I chose. But then Papa died and Ridley forced Caroline to marry your brother." Fayth tried to find the words to explain Caroline to him, how very exceptional and different she was. "She"s not like us... she would never run from what she sees as her duty."
"And so you set out to rescue her."
"Yes... at least that"s what I thought I was doing."
"But it turned out Caroline was quite happy married to my brother."
Fayth raised her brows censoriously. "What I saw of their marriage looked far from blissful... but what do I know? He was a beast and she was crying." Of course, Alex couldn"t understand the significance of Caroline shedding tears, but it had been a shock and a horror to Fayth, who had never seen her sister weep, or rage, or even laugh. "But you"re right. She later claimed to love him. I didn"t understand... I wouldn"t listen-after all, he"s a Maxwell. And there was Jack..." Her gaze dropped to her hands, now folded in her lap. She didn"t want to think of Jack. Didn"t know why she was telling these things to Alex, things she"d never spoken of to anyone, but it felt good to finally let it out. She didn"t want to stop. "And now she hates me. Being Caroline, she"ll probably forgive me, but she"ll never trust me. Will never look on me in the same manner."
Alex held an ivory-handled mirror in his hand. "Was it your idea, to come to Annancreag and rescue Caroline?"
Fayth nodded, then shook her head. "Well, Ridley sent me for the Clachan Fala. He believed it would be delivered to Annancreag after Caroline and Lord Annan wed. I was to take it if I could and escape. Or let Wesley and his men in to subdue the Maxwells and steal the Blood Stone. But that"s not why I went... well, not completely. He said, if I did that for him, I wouldn"t have to wed Carlisle. But taking Caroline was my idea."
"He didn"t want Caroline to be rescued?"
"He didn"t care... but if I found the Blood Stone, he said we could bring her along."
"Ah..." Alex said, rifling through the casket again. He stood just outside the candelabra"s light, his expression hidden from her.
"What does that mean?"
"You didn"t find the Blood Stone."
"No."
"And you took your sister anyway."
She felt as if she were standing before Ridley again, being interrogated. The same anger and impatience bubbled to the surface. "Exactly! I failed because I"m such a thoughtless fool! I condemned myself to Carlisle."
"The way I see it," he said, stepping into the light and slipping the mirror into her hand, "what you did was completely selfless. You gave up your own happiness and future, to give your sister what you thought she longed for most."
Fayth gazed at her reflection. Her eyes were overbright and there was a tremor to her lips. She tightened her mouth and slapped the mirror facedown on her lap, to hide her weakness.
"Caroline loves your brother. What I did was despicable. Your people died for nothing."
"Maxwells and Grahams have been dying for centuries for less worthy reasons than a woman"s happiness." He knelt by her chair, so he could look her in the face. "I have done far worse things than you, in the name of the blood feud between our families. And my father, even worse. And for no more reason than their surname was Graham."
His words seemed to make it worse. His face blurred from the tears collecting in her eyes. He was the enemy. He should not understand. He should not forgive. He should not trust.
"You must admit you were wrong and forgive yourself."
She shook her head, tears spilling over her lashes and splashing onto her fists.
"Why not? Do you plan to do it again?"
She shook her head more vigorously, rubbing a sleeve over her eyes. "No, I swear it. I"ve promised myself I would stop being thoughtless and reckless. And I"ve tried, I truly have."
"This... thoughtlessness and recklessness you keep mentioning... perhaps it"s merely instinct, such as warriors have, to protect yourself and those you love. It can oft steer us in ways that might seem wrong, but are, in fact, honorable."
Fayth blinked at him, stirred by his words. His face was beneath hers, looking up at her with the shadow of a smile. The deep blue of his eyes held her, almost black in the gloom. She realized his hand rested on her thigh. Heat rushed to her chest, her neck, but she couldn"t look away. His smile faded, his gaze moving over her face.
Would he kiss her again? Oh please let him kiss me again. Her breath came short, her heart throbbing in her ears. They were completely alone here; no one would interrupt. She swayed toward him.
He blinked, as if waking from a dream, and stood abruptly. He rubbed a hand over his face, then into his hair, pulling russet locks free from the club at his neck to fall around his face. "There"s more... I haven"t showed you everything."
Fayth wanted to scream with frustration. Kiss me! She didn"t care about seeing anything else. Her body was alive with quivering desire, all wanting one thing, his mouth. She stood on unsteady legs, too dazed and confused to respond. She took his arm as he led her from the chamber. The tunnels had been leading slowly downward since they left the larder, but now they descended rapidly. Steps had been cut into stone. They became slick as they went deeper. The scent of sea air grew strong and a swift breeze whistled through the caverns.
Fayth hung on Alex"s arm, more because she enjoyed touching him than from needing his a.s.sistance. He went slowly, warning her to watch her footing. Fayth saw light ahead and as they turned a corner, they were faced with the last set of steps, leading into a sheltered cove. Several boats were moored in the cove, two of them exceptionally long and equipped with oars and a sail. Closer to the entrance was a bark-a three-masted sailing ship. It was smaller than most ships she saw coming and going in the firth, but it could easily carry Alex"s entire household and then some to safety. Its size made it more easily maneuverable than larger vessels.
"You"re not going to tell me these were here, too?"
He laughed as they reached the rocky sh.o.r.e of the cove. "Well, some of them were."
She released his arm and wandered out of the shelter of the cove, onto a secluded beach. They were surrounded on all sides by cliffs. The only way in or out was the sea, or the steps cut in the cove. She shaded her eyes, gazing upward. The cliff curved over her, but she knew Gealach sat atop it. Eagles soared overhead, circling to inspect the intruders. A puffin ambled along the water"s edge, a stack of silvery sand eels in its orange and black beak, white breast feathers ruffling in the breeze.
She felt Alex behind her, though he didn"t touch her. Waves crashed against the jagged gray rocks that rose above the water"s surface. Fayth"s gaze swept the endless horizon before her, breathless from the power and beauty of it. She could almost imagine the ghosts of Prince Shanahan and his Bonny, wandering the lonely beach, searching always for each other.
"I can see why you won"t give this up without a fight."
He was silent and so she turned to find him looking down at her, his eyes dark and hooded.
"What are you thinking?" she asked.
He held her gaze a moment longer, then raised his chin to look out over her head. "Things I shouldn"t."
He started to move around her. She placed a hand on his sleeve. "Why shouldn"t you?"