Merry glanced at him with confusion, noted that his eyes were on the apex of her thighs, and flushed as she realized he meant when he"d broken her maiden"s veil. Feeling her face heat with embarra.s.sment, she shook her head. "It was barely more than a pinch."
"You cried out," he pointed out quietly.
Merry shrugged. ""Twas the shock. I kenned what ye were about to do, but it still felt very odd to have ye filling me, and then, too, I was expecting it to hurt like the very devil and was shocked that it didna."
"I see," he said quietly.
Merry let out a slow breath and peered at her hands, noting absently that she was wringing them like an anxious old woman. She wasn"t terribly surprised. While she was glad he didn"t seem angry, Merry was also terribly uncomfortable sitting there in his lap with the two of them naked. She supposed it was silly to feel that way after the intimate things they"d just done, but emotion was rarely logical, and to be fair, she didn"t normally sit around naked in front of her maid, let alone in the equally naked lap of a man. Merry was trying to think of a way to remove herself and somehow scoot under the covers without it seeming as if she was too eager to do so when she became aware that Alex was running one hand up and down her back. It was a soothing gesture and really very nice.
"Merry."
"Aye?" She glanced at him reluctantly, a bit surprised to see that he was smiling, a soft glow in his eyes that she didn"t understand.
"Thank you."
Merry glanced to him with confusion. "Fer what?"
"For seeing to the linens on our wedding night," he said, his words a soft growl. "And for tonight."
Merry glanced away with a shrug, aware that the blush staining her cheeks had darkened further. She had done little tonight but allow him to do as he wished, as a proper wife should. Well, unless you counted enjoying it. She"d done that, too.
"I know we started out poorly, but I hope this can be a new beginning for us. We can use the trip to Donnachaidh as a chance to get to know each other better. Will you give us that chance?"
Merry hesitated. Alex had said earlier that he hadn"t been drinking and that he suspected his slurring of words and occasional stagger these last three weeks were the result of fighting off an illness like the men suffered. If so, the symptoms were not ones she"d heard of before. Still, it would be nice if that were the case. She had enjoyed what they"d just done so knew the marriage bed would not be a trial. And Alex had proven himself a hard worker these last three weeks, running about the keep trying to do the work of four men while his soldiers were ailing. That alone showed that he differed from her father and brothers in at least one respect. If he was telling the truth and his behavior these last weeks wasn"t the result of drink...Well, she might just have herself a fine husband after all. It seemed only fair she give him the chance to be that.
Meeting his gaze, Merry nodded solemnly. "Aye. I"ll give us a chance."
Alex smiled and then caught her face in both hands and pulled her forward for a kiss. Much to Merry"s amazement, the moment he deepened that kiss she felt her earlier excitement stirring back to life again. Even more surprising to her was that she felt his excitement stirring to life as well as he grew hard beneath her bottom once more. Merry had barely begun to wonder if he could manage the bedding again when he caught her by the hips and lifted her, urging her to straddle his lap. He then eased her to sit so that his staff was caught between them, rubbing across her excited flesh.
"One more time," he whispered, breaking their kiss to trail his mouth across her cheek as his hands began to move over her body. "I have never wanted a woman with such an insatiable hunger as I want you, but only one more time and then we must rest for the journey tomorrow."
"Aye," Merry gasped as one of his hands found a breast and the other urged her hips forward so that she rubbed against his shaft, the action caressing them both. "One more time and then we must rest."
"Good morning."
Merry offered a smile in response to that greeting from Lady Edda as the older woman claimed the empty bit of bench next to her chair. "Good morn, my lady. I hope you slept well."
"Very well, thank you," Edda a.s.sured her and then paused, eyebrows rising as she peered at Merry"s face. "You on the other hand, do not appear to have slept well at all. Are you well, dear?"
"Oh, aye, I am fine. I just did not sleep much last night. Most likely the excitement about the journey today," Merry muttered, and turned self-consciously back to the bread and cheese she"d been eating before the woman"s arrival. It hadn"t been excitement about the trip that had kept her up, it had been her greedy husband. While they had both collapsed and slept briefly after the promised "one more time" of bedding, Merry hadn"t been asleep long when she"d awoken to soft caresses and pa.s.sionate kisses. There had been at least three more "one more times" last night with bits of slumber between and she was absolutely exhausted this morn. Not that she was complaining. Merry had quite enjoyed every minute of it. In fact, her only complaint was that they had to leave their bed for this journey and could not simply stay abed and continue as they had been going.
"Well, so long as you are not coming down with what the soldiers had," Edda said, drawing her attention once more.
"Nay, truly, I am fine," Merry a.s.sured her, and then glanced to the door as it opened. A small smile immediately claimed her lips when she saw her husband enter and move toward them. While she knew Alex must be as exhausted as she after last night, he hid it well, looking just as vital and strong as if he"d slept a long restful sleep. He was also smiling, she saw, and felt her own smile widen as he reached her.
"Good morning, Edda," Alex murmured, but his gaze was on Merry and he immediately added, "The men are ready to go. Are you nearly finished?"
"Have ye broken yer fast already then?" Merry asked with surprise. Alex had already washed and dressed and arranged for a bath to be brought up for her before he"d awakened her that morning. Still, she"d been quick about her bath, taking only the time necessary for a good washing rather than lounging for a soak, but there had been no one at the table when she"d first arrived below. She"d a.s.sumed Alex had gone to see about his men before breaking his fast.
"Aye, I grabbed some bread and cheese as soon as I came down, and ate it while I checked that all was in order," he answered.
"Oh." Merry popped the last bit of bread in her mouth and stood as she chewed and swallowed. "I"m ready, too."
Alex smiled and took her hand to lead her toward the door.
"I shall see you off then," Edda murmured, getting up to follow them.
Merry glanced to the woman and offered a smile of grat.i.tude. Edda had been very kind to her these last three weeks, doing everything she could to help her feel comfortable at d"Aumesbery, and she would not want to leave without saying good-bye. When Alex led her outside and to her horse, then started to move as if to lift her onto it, Merry backed away and hurriedly gave the other woman a hug.
Edda seemed surprised by the affectionate gesture, but patted her back and wished her a good journey before stepping away to allow Alex to lift Merry onto her mount. In the next moment, Alex had mounted as well and they were off, Alex in the lead, Merry behind him, and a small army of soldiers at their back, surrounding the wagon that Alex had insisted they would need. Merry knew it held her small bag with a couple of gowns in it, but had no idea what all the other bundles under the tarp might be. The only thing she could think was that they were gifts for Alex"s sister, Evelinde.
Once they were out of the bailey, Gerhard rode past her with a small nod and moved up to ride beside Alex. They moved at a fast and steady pace for the first three hours, and Merry spent that time running her eyes over her husband"s back and wondering what the future held. At that moment in time she was cautiously hopeful about their future together. She wasn"t completely convinced that her husband wasn"t a drunkard, but was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. She supposed only time would tell. In the meantime, Merry was caught up in the thought that she might already carry their child. They"d certainly performed the bedding enough times last night for it to be a distinct possibility.
The thought made her smile as Merry recalled Edda"s hinting and questions in that regard the last week or so. The first time had been the evening Merry"s stomach had been unsettled and she"d feared she might have caught the stomach ailment the soldiers were all suffering. Edda had been sure she hadn"t and had suggested it might be something else. Not understanding what she meant, Merry had just let the comment go. It was only later, after another similar comment, that she"d realized the woman suspected, and was even hoping she was with child. That hadn"t been possible, of course. Until last night, her marriage had not been consummated. But Edda didn"t know that, and Merry hadn"t been willing to tell her, so had simply ignored her comments and questions in favor of wondering what on earth would make the woman immediately a.s.sume she might be pregnant anyway.
That question had been answered several days ago when Edda had come right out and reminded her that on her wedding night she"d admitted that she"d had her woman"s time two weeks ere the wedding. She had then pointed out it had been weeks since the wedding and yet she had not had her woman"s time again. Edda was sure she was pregnant and was cautioning her to be careful and look to her health. She"d even suggested she might wish to bow out of this trip rather than risk the baby.
Merry had found the entire conversation terribly embarra.s.sing and discomfiting. First of all, still a virgin at that point, she knew there was no way she was pregnant. As for her woman"s time, the truth was it had always been somewhat undependable, sometimes not appearing for a month or two, and other times lasting twice as long as it should. Merry had worried over the fact when she was young until her mother had sat her down and a.s.sured her there was nothing wrong with her, that she herself had always been the same way. Her mother had said she"d found over the years that her moods affected her woman"s time, so that in times of great stress she often missed one or even two. Finding the whole subject rather embarra.s.sing, Merry hadn"t explained any of this to Edda, but simply let her think what she wanted and found an excuse to escape the conversation altogether.
Now she wondered if Alex"s seed had taken hold last night and if so, if this journey might not shake it loose. The thought was enough to make her peer down at her stomach and begin to fret.
"You look worried."
Merry glanced up to find that her husband had slowed to ride beside her and was eyeing her with concern.
"Is anything amiss? Are you feeling well?" Alex asked.
"Oh, aye," she a.s.sured him quickly, forcing herself to sit a little straighter in the saddle. She then explained away her mood by saying, "I"m just a wee bit tired."
"That would be my fault," he said wryly. "I do apologize. I knew we had to travel today and should have been more considerate of-"
"Did ye hear me complaining last night?" Merry interrupted abruptly to bring his apology to an end. She then reached out impulsively to squeeze the hand that rested on his pommel. "I am fine. I will just sleep well tonight."
"Aye," Alex said, but still looked guilty, and then he suddenly reached out and took her reins from her with one hand, while catching her about the waist and scooping her from her saddle with the other.
"What are ye doing?" Merry asked with surprise as he settled her sideways in his lap.
"You may ride with me," he answered, and then retrieved a length of rope from the bag hanging from his pommel. He tied one end of the rope to the end of her mare"s reins and then fastened the other end of the rope to his pommel so that her mare could follow comfortably along behind his mount.
Merry peered over his shoulder at her mare. "I can ride. I"m a good rider."
"I know you are," he rea.s.sured her soothingly. "I have watched you this morning and you are indeed a fine rider, but this way you can sleep if you wish."
"Oh." Merry shifted a little before him, not at all used to-or comfortable with-being taken care of, and then muttered, "Well, ye must be tired, too, and it seems unfair that I get to rest and ye-"
"Tell me about your mother," Alex interrupted abruptly.
Merry blinked at the order and then turned to peer at him suspiciously. "Why?"
"Because you have great difficulty accepting any sort of a.s.sistance and I wish to understand why," he said simply.
"I doona ha"e trouble accepting-" Merry"s denial was silenced when his mouth covered hers in a quick, hard kiss.
"Aye, you do," Alex a.s.sured her solemnly as he lifted his head once more, and then he repeated, "Tell me about your mother."
When Merry hesitated, torn between arguing the point further and simply answering his question, he added, "I know what your father and brothers are like and that they probably weren"t very helpful over the years, but what of your mother? I"ve been told she ran Stewart until her death."
"Aye," Merry said at last. "Father liked to pretend he was laird, but in truth he was laird only in name. The servants and soldiers all came to me or me mother with their worries and questions."
"They came to you even while she lived?" he asked.
Merry was silent for a moment and then slowly nodded her head. "Mother was ill a long time. She did what she could, but she was often tired and weak at the end. Her mind was always clear, though, and she told me what to do, and I did it fer her."
"So, you have never really had anyone to depend on, have you?"
Merry bristled at once. "I could depend on me mother."
"But she was ill and you had to help her rather than the other way around," he pointed out gently.
Merry shook her head. "She was not always ill. She was healthy and well when I was a child. Besides, "twas not her fault that she was ill. She did the best she could."
"Aye, but-"
"And there was Kade," Merry then interrupted quickly.
That made Alex pause. She could tell by his expression that he vaguely recognized the name but was having trouble placing who Kade might be, so explained, "He"s the eldest of me three brothers and the best of the bunch."
"Oh, yes," Alex murmured, his expression beginning to clear as his memory began to supply missing pieces. "He was raised by your uncle as I recall."
"Aye, Mother sent him to Uncle Simon when he was but a boy. I suspect she feared the effect being raised by my father would have on him. Seeing how Brodie and Gawain turned out, I think she was right to send him away."
Alex nodded. "He is older than I?"
Merry considered the matter and nodded. "Aye, two years older, I think. Brodie followed two years later and then Gawain two years after that and then there was me."
"Brodie and I were both five when you were born and our fathers struck the marriage contract," Alex said with a nod and then asked, "Why did Kade not accompany you to d"Aumesbery as Brodie and Gawain did?"
"He joined the Crusades like you," she answered, and then admitted unhappily, "We havena heard from him since."
The silence that followed was full of unspoken words, but Merry did not encourage his speaking them. They hadn"t heard from Kade in a couple of years. Messages were expected to be few and far between in such situations, but not completely nonexistent. In her heart of hearts Merry feared he was dead, but until one of the other men who had ridden with him came to her and said so, Merry would believe he was alive. She had to. He really was her favorite brother. She and her mother had made the trek to Uncle Simon"s to visit him at least once a year, and he had come home to stay for one week a year as well. Kade had always been kind and supportive during those visits, and they had corresponded often between them.
While her father, Brodie, and Gawain had always seemed weak and stupid to her thanks to their trouble with drink, and her mother had been sweet and intelligent, but weak from her illness, Kade had been the shining star in her family; strong, intelligent, and sober. She"d looked up to him and admired him, and when her mother had died, Merry had wished with all her heart, and prayed until her knees were chapped from kneeling, that he would return from their uncle"s and take over the struggle that both riding herd on her father and brothers and running Stewart was. She had even written, asking him to, but when Kade had arrived for a visit shortly after that and offered to help at Stewart, her father had refused to allow it, claiming he was the laird and would run his own castle. Never mind that he was too drunk half the time to manage it, she thought with disgust. However, Eachann was the laird and Kade had been forced to leave when he suggested it might be best he did. He"d sailed to Europe and written Merry frequently about his adventures, but she hadn"t had a single letter since he"d gone on crusade.
"He may yet return."
Merry glanced to her husband at those soft words, only then realizing that tears now blurred her eyes. Embarra.s.sed by this show of weakness, she started to raise a hand to wipe them impatiently away, but Alex brushed her hand away before she could and did it for her. He then caught her by the chin and tipped her head up so that he could kiss her.
For one moment, Merry remained still under the soft pressure of his mouth, but immediately blinked her eyes open when he raised his head. Before she could see his expression, he pressed her head to his chest and whispered, "Rest. You are tired."
Merry"s head popped up the moment he released it, however. Tired as she was, she simply could not rest when he couldn"t, especially since she knew Alex must be tired, too. She knew he was scowling at her for being difficult, but avoided meeting his gaze and said, "Tell me about your family."
Alex hesitated, and for a moment she thought he would repeat his order to sleep, but then he relaxed behind her and began to speak. Merry listened curiously as he told her about his mother, father, and sister, and recounted a childhood vastly different from her own. His childhood had been one filled with happiness and loving parents who were neither drunks nor ill and in need of care. It was only with his mother"s death when he was in his teens that the tone of the recounting changed. Alex was careful in his wording, but even so it was obvious that life after his mother"s death was much less idyllic than before. He never insulted Edda or accused the woman of anything, but Merry could tell that after the king had forced the marriage between her and his father, life had been fraught with tension and much less pleasant at d"Aumesbery. She wasn"t terribly surprised. After all, Edda had told her that she"d been bitter and unhappy when she married and moved out to the "wilds" of Northern England, but it was apparent from Alex"s change in tone that Edda"s arrival hadn"t made only her miserable.
Between the soothing rock of the horse and the natural rhythm of Alex"s voice, Merry soon found herself curling sleepily into his chest. When he fell silent, she tried to open her eyes to ask another question that would keep him talking, but it seemed like far too much effort, and she finally gave in and allowed sleep to fully claim her.
Merry wasn"t at first sure what startled her awake some time later. She then became aware of the chest she leaned on shaking slightly as if with laughter. Raising curious eyes, she peered at her husband, surprised to see that he was indeed silently laughing.
"What did I miss?" she asked, glancing about, but no one else rode near them and she didn"t understand what had amused him until he shook his head and explained, "You were snoring."
"What?" Merry sat up a little straighter, embarra.s.sment bringing color to her cheeks as she shook her head in denial and a.s.sured him, "Ye"re mistaken. I"m a lady and ladies doona snore."
That just made him laugh again and Merry glared at him with irritation and insisted, "I doona snore."
"Aye, you do," Alex a.s.sured her and then added, "And not daintily. You woke yourself with your own snores."
Merry was scowling at the claim, when he bent and kissed her rea.s.suringly. ""Tis all right. I am told I have the affliction as well."
"Well, I do not," she a.s.sured him, unsoothed. "If I did snore, and I"m no" sayin" I did, then it must be the position I was sleeping in."
"Aye," he agreed at once, and then further mollified her by adding, "I have never noticed you snoring in our bed, so it may very well be down to having to sleep upright."
Merry relaxed a little at this concession, but was still embarra.s.sed. Sitting a little straighter before him, she glanced at the path ahead. "Where are we?"
Alex glanced over the area surrounding them and then answered, "About halfway to the Scottish border."
Merry nodded at this news, but Alex was looking behind them, back toward the men and wagon that followed. She followed his gaze to note that Gerhard had fallen back beside the wagon where he was talking and laughing with a couple of the men. Alex waited until the man glanced in their direction, and then gestured for him to come forward. Gerhard immediately broke off the conversation and urged his mount up to join them.
"My lord?"
"There is a clearing ahead by the river," Alex said quietly.
"Aye, I know which one you mean," Gerhard said at once. "We have used it in the past."
Alex nodded. "We will use it again this night and travel the rest of the way to the border tomorrow. Lead the men there and set up camp."
"Where will you be?" Gerhard asked with surprise.
"I am going to take Merry a little farther up the river so that she may take care of her ablutions without fear of being seen. We will rejoin you afterward."
"Very good," Gerhard murmured, and then turned his horse back to wait for the others to catch up as Alex urged his mount to a faster pace.
Merry peered around curiously as they rode. They followed the path for a short distance, and then Alex steered his mount to the side and the trees fell away around them, opening out into a clearing. She wondered if it was the one that he"d spoken of to Gerhard, but they were moving so swiftly now that she feared biting off her tongue did she try to ask the question, so held it back. The clearing was surrounded by a thin line of trees and foliage on all sides. Alex cut across it to a narrow path she didn"t see until they were almost on it. Here the trees on their left were thin, allowing glimpses of the water beyond, but were a little thicker on the left side, almost a wall.
Alex turned his horse to the right and they traveled parallel to the river for several minutes until the narrow gra.s.s path ended at another clearing. This one, while smaller, also had a small, picturesque waterfall and a cliff that curved around the clearing, leaving only the path through which they"d entered between it and the river.
A small murmur of pleasure slipped from Merry as she peered around the area. It was quite lovely, a private little oasis, and appeared to her to be the perfect spot to tend their needs after a long day riding.
"I found this spot during my travels before going on crusade," Alex said as he slipped off the horse behind her. "I recalled it some distance back and thought you might like it."