Tobin inched inside and saw that only the window facing west toward the mountains was open.
The same window- That"s where the light came from. He moved to stand before it, as if the moon"s white glow could protect him from all the shadowy fears building around him. His foot struck a broken chair back, then trod on a soft lump. It was a doll"s arm. He"d watched his mother make hundreds. Someone- Brother -had strewn his mother"s things all over the floor.
Bolts of cloth were thrown into a corner and mice had chewed holes in the little bales of stuffing wool.
Turning slowly, he searched in vain for her fine boy dolls among the wreckage, but he couldn"t see any, just bits and lumps and rags.
Something, a spool of thread perhaps, tinkled to the floor and Tobin jumped.
"Mama?" he croaked, praying she was there.
Praying she wasn"t.
Not knowing which face she would show now that she was dead.
He heard another little thud and a rat scampered across the floor with a mouthful of wool.
Tobin slowly eased his aching grip on the flour sack. Brother was right. This was the best place.
n.o.body came here.
n.o.body would look.
He carried the sack to a moonlit corner across from the door. Placing it on the floor, he pulled the chair back over it and then piled some of the musty cloth over that. Dust motes rose in firefly clouds to choke him.
There. That"s done.
The task had held his fear at bay, but as he got to his feet again he felt it flooding back. He turned hastily for the door, trying not to think about having to go down those steep stairs in the dark.
His mother stood silhouetted in the open window. He knew her by the shape of her shoulders and the way her hair fell loose around them. He could not see her face to read her eyes or the lines around her mouth. He didn"t know if this was the good or the frightening mother taking a step toward him, holding out her arms.
For an instant Tobin hung suspended in time and horror.
She threw no shadow.
She made no sound.
She smelled of flowers.
That was the window she had tried to throw him out of. She had dragged him there, sobbing and cursing the king. She had pushed him out, but someone else pulled him back and he"d banged his chin on the sill- The memory tasted like blood.
Then somehow he was in motion, dashing out the door, blundering down the stairs, one hand pressed to the rough stone wall, feeling the dry crusts of bird droppings and parched lichen flaking off beneath his fingers. He heard a sob and a slam behind him but refused to look back. He could see all the way to the bottom of the stairs now, guided by a rectangle of moonlight where the tower door stood open. He rushed headlong through it and flung it shut, not waiting to see if the latch caught, not caring if anyone heard. He fled downstairs, deafened by the ragged rush of his own frantic lungs, only dimly aware that his nightshirt and legs were wet. The realization that he"d wet himself halted him just outside his own room.
He didn"t even remember doing it.
He fought back fresh tears, berating himself for such weakness. Slipping in, he listened to be certain Ki was still sleeping, then pulled off the soiled shirt and used a sleeve and the cold water left in the basin toclean himself. He found his other shirt in the wardrobe, then carefully climbed back into bed. He tried not to shake the mattress, but Ki jerked awake with a frightened gasp, staring wide-eyed down the bed.
Brother stood there, glaring back at him.
Tobin gripped the older boy"s shoulder, trying to keep him from crying out. "Don"t be scared, Ki, he won"t-"
Ki turned to him with a shaky little laugh. "Bilairy"s b.a.l.l.s, it"s only you! For a minute I thought it was that ghost of yours crawling into the bed. You"re cold enough to be one."
Tobin glanced at Brother, then back at Ki. He couldn"t see Brother standing there hating him. He didn"t have the eye.
Even so, Ki looked as scared as if he had as he asked, "Can I tell you something, Prince Tobin?"
Tobin nodded.
Ki fiddled with the edge of the quilt. "When old lya told me about the ghost, I almost ran for home, even though I knew my father"d beat me and put me on the road. I almost did. And then, when the ghost started throwing things around downstairs tonight? I nearly p.i.s.sed myself I was so scared. But you just stood there, like it didn"t even matter..." He hugged his arms around his drawn-up knees. "I guess what I"m trying to say is that my father didn"t raise any cowards. I"m not feared of anything, except ghosts, and I can stand that to serve someone as brave as you. If you"ll still have me."
He thinks I"m going to send him away. In that instant of recognition, Tobin nearly blurted it all out, about Brother and the doll and his mother and the wet nightshirt in a heap by the door. But the worshipful look in the older boy"s eyes sealed the words behind his teeth.
Instead, he just shrugged and said, "Everyone"s afraid of him, even Arkoniel. I"m used to him, that"s all." He wanted to promise Ki that Brother wouldn"t hurt him again, but he wasn"t sure of that yet and didn"t want to lie.
Ki got up on his knees and touched his forehead and heart in the soldier"s salute. "Well, I still say you"re brave, and if you"ll accept my service, then I swear by Sakor and Illior that I"m your man until death."
"I accept," Tobin replied, feeling silly and proud at the same time. Ki had no sword to offer him, so they clasped hands on it and he flopped back down beside Tobin and burrowed under the covers.
Young as he was, Tobin understood that something important had pa.s.sed between them. Until death, Ki had said. This conjured images of them riding side by side under his father"s banner on some distant battlefield.
So long as the doll stayed hidden. So long as no one ever found out what was up there in the tower.
Mama is up there, locked in the tower.
The night"s horror closed in around him again and he turned his back against Ki"s, glad not to be alone.
He would never go there again. She was there, waiting to catch him. But the tower was locked and Brother wouldn"t let anyone else in.
Brother had warned him and his secret was safe. Now he would never see Ki looking at him with the face Brother had shown him in the vision.
"Tobin?" A sleepy mumble.
"What""
"You say that ghost of yours is a he?"
"Yes. I call him Brother."
"Huh... I"d heard tell it was a girl."
"Huh."
Ki"s soft snore lulled Tobin to sleep, and he dreamed of riding east with Ki to find Ero and the sea.
A fter the household had settled for the night, Arkoniel -iYtook lya outside to walk in the meadow, just as he and Rhius had two months before. There had been bats and fireflies that night, and the song of frogs.
Tonight the meadow and forest were silent except for the hunting cries of owls in the moonlight. It was very cold, and the wizards" shadows fell sharp-edged across frost-coated gra.s.s as they followed one of the paths the workers had worn along the riverbank. The forest and peaks glimmered white around them.In the distance, a few fires still glowed in front of the handful of tents left at the bottom of the meadow.
Most of the workmen had finished their tasks. The rest would soon be gone, as well, anxious to return to the city before the snow fell.
Arkoniel"s encounter with Lhel earlier in the day weighed heavily on his mind. As they walked he tried to find the proper words to explain what had happened.
"What do you think of your new occupation?" she asked before he could broach the subject.
"I don"t think I"m much of a teacher. Tobin cares nothing for learning or me, as far as I can tell. It"s all warcraft and hunting with him. All he talks of is being a warrior." Even alone here they were careful to refer to Tobin as "he" and "him."
"So you dislike him?"
"Not in the least!" Arkoniel exclaimed. "He"s intelligent, and a wonderful artist. You should see the little figures he makes. I think we"re the happiest together when we"re watching the craftsmen and builders."
lya chuckled. "Then it"s not "all warcraft and hunting" after all? A clever teacher would find a way to make use of such interests. There"s a great deal of mathematics in building a sound arch or planning a mural. The compounding of colors is practically alchemy. And to create the shapes of living things, one ought to have a sound knowledge of them."
Arkoniel raised his hands in surrender. "Yes, I see I"ve been a complete mole. I"ll try to make a fresh start with him."
"Don"t judge yourself too harshly, my boy. This isn"t a young wizard you"re training, after all, but a n.o.ble. Even as ruler, Tobin will never need the sort of education that we do. Half the Palatine can"t write much more than their names. I must say I admire Rhius" stand on the matter; you still hear a good many fine lords and ladies calling it scribe"s work. Teach them all to read for themselves and you"ll put half the well-bred merchants" daughters out of an occupation. No, you keep on with that, and give him what you can of the disciplines he might find useful later on. Geography and history-you"re well versed in those.
He should learn something of music, and dancing, too, before he"s summoned to court-"
"Have you heard something? Do you think he will be summoned soon?"
"No, but it must come eventually, unless Rhius is willing to paint him as an utter idiot to the king. And that will make our task a great deal more difficult when the moment arrives. No, I think we must a.s.sume that it will be necessary in the due course of time. He"s just turning ten now. I"d say three years is the best we can hope for-perhaps less, being Royal Kin." She paused, frowning. "I pray he has time to grow up to his role before he has to step into it. There"s no way of knowing."
Arkoniel shook his head. "He"s so young, so-" He groped for the word. "Unworldly. It"s difficult to imagine the fate that weighs on those narrow little shoulders."
"Take what the Lightbearer sends," lya replied. "Whatever happens, we must make the best of what we are given to work with. For now, your task is to keep him safe and happy. You"ll be my eyes here from now on. And if anything-untoward should happen with Ki... Perhaps you shouldn"t allow yourself to get too attached."
"I know. Rhius made that a condition. It makes poor Ki sound like the pet lamb being fattened for the Solstice feast."
"He is here at your insistence, Arkoniel. Don"t ever let that gentle heart of yours blind you to the reality of our situation."
"I"ve felt the G.o.d"s touch, lya. I never forget that."
She patted his arm. "I know. Now tell me more of Tobin."
"I"m concerned about his fear of magic."
"He fears you?"
"Not me, exactly, but- Well, he takes the oddest turns! When I first arrived, for instance, I tried to entertain him with a few pretty spells. You know, the sort of illusions that we"d do to amuse the children of any host?"
"And he was not amused?"
"You"d think I"d cut off my head and thrown it at him! The one time I did manage to please him with a vision of Ero, the demon nearly tore the room down. I haven"t dared try anything more with him since."lya raised an eyebrow. "He must be cured of this if we are to realize our goal. Perhaps Ki can be of some help to you there. He liked the little tricks and illusions I showed him as we traveled." She smiled up at him. "You haven"t yet said what you think of my choice."
"Judging by what I saw tonight, you chose very well. I was watching him when the demon attacked.
He was terrified, but still went to Tobin instead of running away. He already understands his duty, without even knowing his lord."
"Rather exceptional for one so young. Now, as for the demon, was that unusual, what happened?"
"Not really, though it was more severe than anything I"ve seen since my arrival. I got something of the same kind of reception when I first arrived. It said it remembered me, so it must have known you, as well. That doesn"t explain its attack on Ki, though. Has he any magic in him?"
"No, and it"s a shame, for he might make an interesting wizard. He should do very nicely for Tobin.
Now that I"ve seen the child, I must admit you were correct. He desperately needs some semblance of normal society." lya turned back toward the keep and a frown creased her brow. "I only hope Ki influences him, rather than the other way around. I expected better of Rhius."
"I gather it"s been difficult for him, with the demon and Ariani"s madness. None of us foresaw that."
"Illior brings madness, as well as insight." In the cold, pale light, lya suddenly looked like a statue made of iron. The image struck Arkoniel through with sadness. For the first time since he"d known her, he admitted to himself how hard she could be, how removed from the common flow of humanity. He"d seen this in other wizards, a detachment from what seemed to him normal feeling. It came of living so long, she"d once told him, but he"d tried hard to not see it in her.
Then she turned to him with a sad smile and the dark fancy retreated. She was again his patient teacher, the woman he loved as a second mother.
"Did you see anything when the demon was present?" he asked.
"No, but I felt it. It does remember me and it does not forgive. But I gathered from your letter that you saw it?"
"Only once, but as clearly as I see you now. The day I arrived here it was waiting for me down there where the road comes out of the trees. It looked exactly like Tobin, except for the eyes-"
"You"re wrong there." lya plucked a stalk of dead gra.s.s and twirled it between her fingers. "It doesn"t look like Tobin. Tobin looks like it, or at least as the dead boy would have looked, had he lived. That was the purpose of Lhel"s magic, after all, to give the girl child the semblance of her brother. Illior only knows what Tobin actually looks like." She paused, tapping the dry stalk against her chin. "I wonder what name he will choose, after the change?"
The thought was somewhat disorienting, but it also jarred him back to what he"d come out here for in the first place.
"I saw Lhel today. From what I could gather, I"d say she"s been here all along."
"The witch is here? By the Light, why didn"t Nari or Rhius say something?"
"They don"t know. No one does. I don"t know how, lya, but it seems she followed the child here and lives somewhere nearby."
"I see." lya gazed around at the forest that hemmed in the keep. "Did she say why?"
Arkoniel hesitated, then slowly explained what had happened between the two of them. When he reached the point where Lhel had overpowered him, however, he faltered to a halt. The temptation had been so great; just thinking of it now stirred the dark, thrilling guilt in him. It had been Lhel who had stopped short of coupling, not he.
"She-she wanted me to break celibacy, in return for learning what she had to teach. And as payment for watching over Tobin."
"I see." Arkoniel caught another glimpse of iron in her. "Is it your impression that she will abandon the child if you don"t comply with her demand?"
"No, she must make amends to her own G.o.ds somehow for creating the demon. I don"t think she could go against that. Short of killing her, I doubt we could force her away."
"Nor should we." lya stared at the river, lost in thought.
"I"ve never told anyone this before," she said softly, "but my own master studied the Old Magic. It"smore powerful than you know."
"But it"s forbidden!" lya snorted. "So is what we are attempting, dear boy. And why do you suppose I sought her out in the first place? Perhaps it"s the fate of the wizards of our line to do what is forbidden when necessary. Perhaps it is what Illior intends for you."
"You mean I should learn from her?"
"I believe I can undo the magics she wove on Tbbin. But what if I"m wrong? What if I die before the time comes, as Agazhar did with me? Yes, it might be best if you learn from her what must be done, and in her way."