"I haven"t meant to do that, really. I see why it means so much, to you.
But I see you before I see the facts of your life; they interest me because of you," said Gregory. "You come first to me. It"s that I want you to understand."
Karen had at last turned her eyes upon his and they met them in a long encounter that recalled to Gregory their first. It was not the moment for explicit recognitions or avowals; the shadow of the past lay too darkly upon her. But that their relation had changed her deepened gaze accepted. She took his hand, she had a fashion almost boyish of taking his rather than giving her hand, and said: "We shall both understand more and more; that is so, is it not? And some day you will know her.
Until you know her you cannot really understand."
CHAPTER XI
Karen and he had walked back to the house in silence, and at the door, where she stood to see him off, it had been arranged that he was to lunch at Les Solitudes next day and that she was to show him a favourite headland, one not far away, but that he had never yet been shown. From the sweetness, yet gravity, of her look and voice he could infer nothing but that she recognized change and a new significance. Her manner had neither the confusion nor the pretended unconsciousness of ordinary girlhood. She was calm, but with a new thoughtfulness. He arrived a little early next day and found Mrs. Talcott alone in the morning-room writing letters. He noticed, as she rose from the bureau, her large, immature, considered writing. "Karen"ll be down in a minute or two, I guess," she said. "Take a chair."
"Don"t let me interrupt you," said Gregory, as Mrs. Talcott seated herself before him, her hands folded at her waist. But Mrs. Talcott, remarking briefly, "Don"t mention it," did not move back to her former place. She examined him and he examined her and he felt that she probed through his composure to his unrest. "I wanted a little talk," she observed presently. "You"ve gotten pretty fond of Karen, haven"t you, Mr. Jardine?"
This was to come at once to the point. "Very fond," said Gregory, wondering if she had been diagnosing his fondness in a letter to Madame von Marwitz.
"She hasn"t got many friends," Mrs. Talcott, after another moment of contemplation, went on. "She"s always been a lonesome sort of child."
"That"s what has struck me, too," said Gregory.
"Sometimes Mercedes takes her along; but sometimes she don"t," Mrs.
Talcott pursued. "It ain"t a particularly lively sort of life for a young girl, going on in an out-of-the-way place like this with an old woman like me. She"s spent most of her time with me, when you come to reckon it up." There was no air of criticism or confidence in Mrs.
Talcott. She put forward these remarks with unbia.s.sed placidity.
"I suppose Madame von Marwitz couldn"t arrange always to take her?"
Gregory asked after a pause.
"It ain"t always convenient toting a young girl round with you," said Mrs. Talcott. "Sometimes Mercedes feels like it and sometimes she don"t.
Karen and I stay at home, now that I"m too old to go about with her, and we see her when she"s home. That"s the idea. But she ain"t much at home.
She"s mostly travelling and staying around with folks."
"It isn"t a particularly lively time, it seems to me, for either of you," said Gregory. It was his instinct to blame Madame von Marwitz for the featureless lives led by her dependents, though he could but own that it might, perhaps, be difficult to fit them into the vagabondage of a great pianist"s existence.
"Well, it"s good enough for me," said Mrs. Talcott. "I"m very contented if it comes to that; and so is Karen. She"s known so much that"s worse, the same as I have. But she"s known what"s better, too; she was a pretty big girl when her Poppa died and she was a companion to him and I reckon that without figuring it up much to herself she"s lonesome a good deal."
Gregory for a moment was silent. Then he found it quite natural to say to Mrs. Talcott: "What I hope is that she will marry me."
"I hope so, too," said Mrs. Talcott with no alteration of tone. "I hoped so the moment I set eyes on you. I saw that you were a good young man and that you"d make her a good kind husband."
"Thanks, very much," said Gregory, smiling yet deeply touched. "I hope I may be. I intend to be if she will have me."
"The child is mighty fond of you," said Mrs. Talcott. "And it"s not as if she took easy to people. She don"t. She"s never seemed to need folks.
But I can see that she"s mighty fond of you, and what I want to say is, even if it don"t seem to work out like you want it to right away, you hang on, Mr. Jardine; that"s my advice; an old woman like me understands young girls better than they understand themselves. Karen is so wrapped up in Mercedes and thinks such a sight of her that perhaps she"ll feel she don"t want to leave her and that sort of thing; but just you hang on."
"I intend to," said Gregory. "I can"t say how much I thank you for being on my side."
"Yes; I"m on your side, and I"m on Karen"s side; and I want to see this thing put through," said Mrs. Talcott.
Something seemed to hover between them now, a fourth figure that must be added to the trio they made. He wondered, if he did hang on successfully and if it did work out as he intended that it should, how that fourth figure would work in. He couldn"t see a shared life with Karen from which it could be eliminated, nor did he, of course, wish to see it eliminated; but he did not see himself, either, as forming one of a band of satellites, and the main fact about the fourth figure seemed to be that any relation to it involved one, apparently, in discipleship. There seemed even some disloyalty to Mrs. Talcott in accepting her sympathy while anxieties and repudiations such as these were pa.s.sing through his mind; for she, no doubt, saw in Karen"s relation to Madame von Marwitz the chief a.s.set with which she could present a husband; and he expected Mrs. Talcott, now, to make some reference to this a.s.set; but none came; and if she expected from him some recognition of it, no expectancy was visible in the old blue eyes fixed on his face. A silence fell between them, and as it grew longer it grew the more consoling. Into their compact of understanding she let him see, he could almost fancy, that the question of Madame von Marwitz was not to enter.
Karen, when she appeared, was looking preoccupied, and after shaking his hand and giving him, for a moment, the sweet, grave smile with which they had parted, she glanced at the writing-table. "You are writing to Tante, Mrs. Talcott?" she said. "You heard from her this morning?"
"Yes; I heard from her," said Mrs. Talcott. Gregory at once inferred that Madame von Marwitz had been writing for information concerning himself.
She must by now have become aware of his correspondence with Karen and its significant continuity.
"Are there any messages?--any news?" asked Karen, and she could not keep dejection from her voice. She had had no letter.
"It"s only a business note," said Mrs. Talcott. "Hasn"t Miss Scrotton written?"
"Does my cousin keep you posted as a rule?" Gregory asked, as Karen shook her head.
"No; but Tante asks her to write sometimes, when she is too tired or rushed; and I had a letter from her, giving me their plans, only a few days ago; so that I know that all is well. It is only that I am always greedy for Tante"s letters, and this is the day on which they often come."
They went in to lunch. Karen spoke little during the meal. Gregory and Mrs. Talcott carried on a desultory conversation about hotels and the different merits of different countries in this respect. Mrs. Talcott had a vast experience of hotels. From Germany to Australia, from New York to St. Petersburg, they were known to her.
After lunch he and Karen started on their walk. It had been a morning of white fog and the mist still lay thickly over the sea, so that from the high cliff-path, a clear, pale sky above them, they looked down into milky gulfs of s.p.a.ce. Then, as the sun shone softly and a gentle breeze arose, a rift of dark, still blue appeared below, as the sky appears behind dissolving clouds, and fold upon fold, slumbrously, the mist rolled back upon itself. The sea lay like a floor of polished sapphire beneath the thick, soft webs. Far below, in a cavern, the sound of lapping water clucked, and a sea-gull, indolently intent, drifted by slowly on dazzling wings.
Karen and Gregory reached their headland and, seating themselves on the short, warm turf, looked out over the sea. During the walk they had hardly spoken, and he had wondered whether her thoughts were with him and with their last words yesterday, or dwelling still on her disappointment. But presently, as if her preoccupation had drifted from her as the fog had drifted from the sea, Karen turned tranquil eyes upon him and said: "I suddenly thought, and the stillness made me think it, and Mrs. Talcott"s hotels, too, perhaps, of all that is going on in the world while we sit here so lonely and so peaceful. Frenchmen with fat cheeks and flat-brimmed silk hats sitting at little tin tables in boulevards; isn"t it difficult to realize that they exist? and Arabs on camels crossing deserts; they are quite imaginable; and nuns praying in convent cells; and stokers, all stripped and sweating, under the engines of great steamers; and a little j.a.panese artist carving so carefully the soles of the feet of some tiny image; there they are, all going on; as real to themselves as we are, at the very moment that we sit here and feel that only we, in all the world, are real." She might almost have been confiding her fancies to a husband whose sympathy had been tested by years of fond companionship.
Gregory, wondering at her, loving her, pulled at the short turf as he lay, propped on an elbow, beside her, and said: "What nice thoughts you have."
"You have them, too, I think," said Karen, smiling down at him. "And nicer ones. Mine are usually only amusing, like those; but yours are often beautiful. I see that in your face, you know. It is a face that makes me think always of a cold, clear, steely pool;--that is what it looks like if one does not look down into it but only across it, as it were; but if one bends over and looks down, deep down, one sees the sky and pa.s.sing white clouds and boughs of trees. I saw deep down at once.
That is why," her eyes rested upon him, "we were friends from the first."
"It"s what you bring that you see," said Gregory; "you make me think of all those things."
"Ah, but you think them for yourself, too; when you are alone you think them."
"But when I am alone and think them, without you in the thought of them, it"s always with sadness, for something I"ve lost. You bring them back, with happiness. The thought of you is always happy. I have never known anyone who seemed to me so peacefully happy as you do. You are very happy, aren"t you?" Gregory looked down at his little tufts of turf as he asked this question.
"I am glad I seem to you like that," said Karen. "I think I am usually quiet and gay and full of confidence; I sometimes wonder at my confidence. But it is not always so. No, I am not always happy.
Sometimes, when I think and remember, it is like feeling a great hole being dug in my heart--as if the iron went down and turned up dark forgotten things. I have that feeling sometimes; and then I wonder that I can ever be happy."
"What things, dear Karen?"
"You know, I think." Karen looked out at the sea. "Tante"s face when I found her husband"s body. And my father"s face when he was dying; he did not know what was to become of me; he was quite weak, like a little child, and he cried on my breast. And my mother"s face when she died. I have not told you anything of my mother."
"Will you? I want to hear everything about you; everything," said Gregory.
"This is her locket," Karen said, putting her hand over it. "Her face is in it; would you like to see it?"
He held out his hand, and slipping the ribbon over her head she pressed the little spring and laid the open locket in it.
He saw the tinted photograph of a young girl"s head, a girl younger than Karen and with her fair hair and straight brows and square chin; but it was a gentler face and a clumsier, and strange with its alien nationality.
"I always feel as if she were my child and I her mother when I look at that," said Karen. "It was taken before I was born. She had a happy life, and yet my memory of her breaks my heart. She was so very young and it frightened her so much to die; she could not bear to leave us."