"What is this that you say to me, Karen?" Madame von Marwitz, too, rose.
"Never speak to me of this again," said Karen.
In the darkening room they looked at each other as they had never in all their lives looked before. They were equals in maturity of demand.
For a strange moment sheer fury struggled with subtler emotions in Madame von Marwitz"s face, and then self-pity, overpowering, engulfing all else. "And is this the return you make me for my love?" she cried.
Her voice broke in desperate sobs and long-pent misery found relief. She sank into her chair.
"I asked for no reconciliation," said Karen. "I left him and we knew that we were parting forever. There is no love between us. Have you no understanding at all, and no thought of my pride?"
It was woman addressing woman. The child Karen was gone.
"Your pride?" Madame von Marwitz repeated in her sobs. "And what of mine? Was it not for you, stony-hearted girl? Is it not your happiness I seek? If I have been mistaken in my hopes for you, is that a reason for turning upon me like a serpent!"
Karen had walked to the long window that opened to the verandah and looked out, pressing her forehead to the pane. "You must forgive me if I was unkind. What you said burned me."
"Ah, it is well for you to speak of burnings!" Madame von Marwitz sobbed, aware that Karen"s wrath was quelled. "I am scorched by all of you! by all of you!" she repeated incoherently. "All the burdens fall upon me and, in reward, I am spurned and spat upon by those I seek to serve!"
"I am sorry, Tante. It was what you said. That you should think it possible."
"Sorry! Sorry! It is easy to say that you are sorry when you have rolled me in the dust of your insults and your ingrat.i.tude!" Yet the sobs were quieter.
"Let us say, then, that it has been misunderstanding," said Karen. She still stood in the window, but as she spoke the words she drew back suddenly. She had found herself looking into Mr. Drew"s eyes. His face, gazing in oddly upon her, was at the other side of the pane, and, in the apparition, its suddenness, its pallor, rising from the dusk, there was something almost horrible.
"Who is that?" came Tante"s voice, as Karen drew away. She had turned in her chair.
It seemed to Karen, then, that the room was filled with the whirring wings of wild emotions, caught and crushed together. Tante had sprung up and came with long, swift strides to the window. She, too, pressed her face against the pane. "Ah! It is Claude," she said, in a hushed strange voice, "and he did not see that I was here. What does he mean by looking in like that?" she spoke now angrily, drying her eyes as she spoke. She threw open the window. "Claude. Come here."
Mr. Drew, whose face seemed to have sunk, like a drowned face, back into dark water, returned to the threshold and paused, arrested by his friend"s wretched aspect. "Come in. Enter," said Madame von Marwitz, with a withering stateliness of utterance. "You have the manner of a spy. Did you think that Karen and I were quarrelling?"
"I couldn"t think that," said Mr. Drew, stepping into the room, "for I didn"t see that you were here."
"We have had a misunderstanding," said Madame von Marwitz. "No more. And now we understand again. Is it not so, my Karen? You are going?"
"I think I will go to my room," said Karen, who looked at neither Madame von Marwitz nor Mr. Drew. "You will not mind if I do not come to dinner to-night."
"Certainly not. No. Do as you please. You are tired. I see it. And I, too, am tired." She followed Karen to the door, murmuring: "_Sans rancune, n"est-ce-pas?_"
"Yes, Tante."
As the door closed upon Karen, Madame von Marwitz turned to Mr. Drew.
"If you wish to see her, why not seek her openly? Who makes it difficult for you to approach her?" Her voice had the sharpness of splintering ice.
"Why, no one, _ma chere_," said Mr. Drew. "I wasn"t seeking her."
"No? And what did it mean, then, your face pressed close to hers, there at the window?"
"It meant that I couldn"t see who it was who stood there. Just as I can hardly now see more than that you are unhappy. What is the matter, my dear and beautiful friend?" His voice was solicitous.
Madame von Marwitz dropped again into her chair and leaning forward, her hands hanging clasped between her knees, she again wept. "The matter is the old one," she sobbed. "Ingrat.i.tude! Ingrat.i.tude on every hand! My crime now has been that I have sought--at the sacrifice of my own pride--to bring a reconciliation between that stubborn child and her husband, and for my reward she overwhelms me with abuse!"
"Tell me about it," said Mr. Drew, seating himself beside her and, unreproved, taking her hand.
CHAPTER x.x.xV
Karen did not go to her room. She was afraid that Mrs. Talcott would come to her there. She asked the cook for a few sandwiches and going to one of the lower terraces she found a seat there and sat down. She felt ill. Her mind was sore and vague. She sat leaning her head on her hand, as she had sat in the morning-room, her eyes closed, and did not try to think.
She had escaped something--mercifully. Yes, the supreme humiliation that Tante had prepared for her was frustrated. And she had been strangely hard and harsh to Tante and in return Tante had been piteous yet unmoving. Her heart was dulled towards Tante. She felt that she saw her from a great distance.
The moon had risen and was shining brightly when she at last got up and climbed the winding paths up to the house.
A definite thought, after the hours that she had sat there, had at last risen through the dull waters of her mind. Why should Tante go away? Why should not she herself go? There need be no affront to Tante, no alienation. But, for a time, at least, would it not be well to prove to Tante that she could be something more than a problem and a burden?
Could she not go to the Lippheims in Germany and teach English and French and Italian there--she knew them all--and make a little money, and, when Tante wanted her again to come to Les Solitudes, come as an independent person?
It was a curious thought. It contradicted the a.s.sumptions upon which her life was founded; for was she not Tante"s child and Tante"s home her home? So curious it was that she contemplated it like an intricate weapon laid in her hand, its oddity concealing its significance.
She turned the weapon over. She might be Tante"s child and Tante"s home might be hers; yet a child could gain its own bread, could it not? What was there to pierce and shatter in the thought that it would be well for her to gain her bread? "Tante has worked for me too long," she said to herself. She was not pierced or shattered. Something very strange was in her hand, but she was only reasonable.
She had stood still, in the midst of her swift climbing towards the house, to think it all out clearly, and it was as she stood there that she saw the light of a cigarette approaching her. It was Mr. Drew and he had seen her. Karen was aware of a deep stirring of displeasure and weariness. "But, please," he said, as, slightly bowing her head, and murmuring, "Good-night," she pa.s.sed him; "I want--I very particularly want--to see you." He turned to walk beside her, tossing away his cigarette. "There is something I particularly want to say."
His tone was grave and kind and urgent. It reproached her impatient impulse. He might have come with a message from Tante.
"Where is my guardian?" she asked.
"She has gone to bed. She has a horrible headache, poor thing," said Mr.
Drew, who was leading her through the little copse of trees and along the upper paths. "Here, shall we sit down here? You are not cold?"
They were in the flagged garden. Karen, vaguely expectant, sat down on the rustic bench and Mr. Drew sat beside her. The moonlight shone through the trees and fell fantastically on the young man"s face and figure and on Karen, sitting upright, her little shawl of white knitted wool drawn closely about her shoulders and enfolding her arms. "Not for long, please," she said. "It is growing late and although I am not cold I am tired. What have you to say, Mr. Drew?"
He had so much to say and it was, so obviously, his opportunity, his complete opportunity at last, that, before the exquisite and perilous task of awakening this creature of flowers and glaciers, Mr. Drew collected his resources with something of the skill and composure of an artist preparing canvas and palette. He must begin delicately and discreetly, and then he must be sudden and decisive.
"I want to make you feel, in the first place, if I can," he said, leaning forward to look into her face and observing with satisfaction that she made no movement of withdrawal as he came a little nearer in so doing, "that I"m your friend. Can I, do you think, succeed in making you feel that?" His experience had told him that it really didn"t matter so much what one said. To come near was the point, and to look deeply.
"I"ve had so few chances of showing you how much your friend I am."
"Thank you," said Karen. "You are kind." She did not say that he would succeed in making her feel him a friend.
"We have been talking about you, talking a great deal, since you left us, your guardian and I," Mr. Drew continued, and he looked at the one of Karen"s hands that was visible, emerging from the shawl to clasp her elbow, the left hand with its wedding-ring, "and ludicrous as it may seem to you, I can"t but feel that I understand you a great deal better than she does. She still thinks of you as a child--a child whose little problems can be solved by facile solutions. Forgive me, I know it may sound fatuous to you, but I see what she does not see, that you are a suffering woman, and that for some problems there are no solutions." His eyes now came back to hers and found them fixed on him with a wide astonished gaze.
"Has my guardian asked you to say anything to me?" she said.
"No, not exactly that," said Mr. Drew, a little disconcerted by her tone and look, while at the same time he was marvelling at the greater and greater beauty he found in the impa.s.sive moonlit face--how had he been so unconscionably stupid as not to see for so long how beautiful she was!--"No, she certainly hasn"t asked me to say anything to you. She is going away, you know, to Italy; it"s a sudden decision and she"s been telling me about it. I can"t go with her. I don"t think it a good plan.
I can stay on here, but I can"t go to Italy. Perhaps she"ll give it up.
She didn"t find me altogether sympathetic and I"m afraid we"ve had something of a disagreement. I am sure you"ve seen since you"ve been here that if your guardian doesn"t understand you she doesn"t understand me, either."