TEARS OF A WOMAN

Maybe there was something attached to that name, or it was just as a result of parental upbringing. Madam Teresa gave Susan every attention she needed. She encouraged her to pursue her Master"s degree and also advised her not to give up in life. Susan picked up the pieces of her broken heart and handed them over to G.o.d. She decided to serve him with all her heart and promised to be a caring mother to her children.

As an industrious woman, she was working and also attending school for her Masters" while she left the kids with Teresa. She worked and saved money to pay her school fees and take care of her children. Madam Teresa was also not left out. Even though she was working, Susan still cared for her because no matter how rich one"s mother is, it does not stop him from caring for her. A good mother deserves attention, love, and care in any possible way one can give.

Due to the nature of the job she was doing, Susan wasn"t able to live with them, but she made sure to visit them as often as possible. She lived fifteen miles away from them; Not that she wanted to, but because of her job and education. If not for those reasons she would love to live with them.

Susan wasn"t thinking about marriage anymore, and she couldn"t remember the last time the thought of marriage crossed her mind. She had her two wonderful, lovely kids and Madam Teresa whom she took as her mother. Susan was very happy that she listened to Teresa"s advice to keep the pregnancy. What would have been her fate if she had terminated those angels?

What she thought was a trial to her, G.o.d turned to a blessing. She thought her world had totally collapsed when she was told in the hospital that she was pregnant, but later that collapsed world turned to be a new world to her, one full of hope and a future.

Those two wonderful children were her joy and future; every good thing she could think of. Surrounding oneself with the right people is the beginning of success and self-rediscovery. Susan rediscovered her lost self when she surrounded herself with Madam Teresa. And while in her place of work and in school, she never distanced herself from the right thinking minds who reasoned the way she reasoned.

Ideas flew whenever they reasoned together because they were like minded and one in spirit. They did not only dream about the future they wanted, but they created it. Success becomes attainable when one surrounds himself with the right people because he will have a lot to learn. He will learn the secret behind their success.

When life became too tough, she decided to face it. If she succeeded, she would be glad, but even if she failed, she would know that she truly tried. Susan had one thousand and one reasons to give up in life, but when life saw how determined she was, that was when it decided to hold candle for her in the darkest hour of the night.

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The arrival of her two angels inspired her more to try harder. Instead of being stuck, she found strength in her weakness. She conquered her fear, faced her challenges, and confronted her doubts.

She was doing pretty fine in her career and each time she visited her children, she had more reasons to be happier. They looked healthy because Madam Teresa took good care of them. During weekend, she loved spending quality time with them. One would hardly know that Madam Teresa was not her mother and her children called Teresa Grandma. Susan did not stop them from calling her Grandma since she took her as her mother.

Whenever they celebrated a holiday, Madam Teresa would bring the children and they would stay. Susan"s little daughter looked like her and that was the reason why Madam Teresa accepted to name her Susanna. Susanna was pretty and intelligent, so lovely, and her brother Kelvin was a handsome and gentle boy, calculative and observant, although he didn"t talk much.

Susan believed although she might not be able to create joy, but she could still create the happiness she wanted no matter how bad her past was. Happiness occurs when something good happens, and so Susan tried to make good things happen. She was a woman of many stories, and no matter the level of achievements she had recorded in recent years, she still remembered yesterday; Although yesterday was full of bitterness, anger, rage, sorrow, and pain. But those were the things that made her the strong woman she was. She did not have to throw away her past because the past was part of her success story.

Without the past, her story would not be complete; It"s the past that gives birth to the future, even if it"s not something one could tell with joy in his face. The past gives us experience, and the application of the experience brings wisdom. Susan still made reference to the past while talking about her success story. Each time she looked at the past, she must have a story to tell and here is her greatest story.

It was in the early hours of today that she realized the person she was as she looked into yesterday to remember the person she used to be when she was visualizing the person she would be tomorrow, when she saw the clear picture of her tomorrow and the vision that surrounded it. She crawled, she walked, and she ran to get to the stage she dreamt of. She walked away from yesterday, and though she had to rest awhile today, the joy of a glorious future kept her dreams, her hope and aspirations strong.

The moon took the lead while the stars followed with a triumphant song. The heat of yesterday"s sun was over. She walked away from the sun to moon to ask the stars how glorious the future looked.

As she took a moment of rest and also plan on how to safely arrive there, that was when life thought it had buried her alive. But never did life know it just planted her because it did not know that Susan was like a seed. When life was jubilating that it had successfully silenced her in the ground suddenly she sprouted. And before people knew it, she had grown and started bearing fruits.

When life itself was left with no other option, it decided to be her friend and used her fruits to feed others. When she noticed how precious and alluring her fruits were, she never minded allowing her branches to shelter people who were still struggling to make it under the heat of the harsh sun because she had been there herself. Susan was a seed that bore fruits. No matter how one puts a seed in the ground, it doesn"t see it as a burial; it rather sees it as planting. Don"t cover seeds in the ground thinking you have buried them. No, you just planted them.

Her today"s journey started yesterday when nature was very friendly in the cool hour of the night and when a voice of joy was heard that a female child was born. To get to her tomorrow, Susan decided to pay deep attention to today"s story when she consulted her past for some references.

If success has a formula, a lot of people must have applied it to be great in life, but it is a very rough road the lazy ones will have an excuse not to walk on. Susan never minded walking on a thorn, swimming an ocean, or pa.s.sing through a fire to be the great woman she dreamt to be, though it was not easy for her to get there. Life made it clear to her that it does not listen to people who complain about their past, but would gladly listen to those who have the solution to today and tomorrows problems in the world. That was when it dawned on her to awaken from her quixotic imaginations full of lies, fear, doubt, and illusions; to face the reality of life.

Susan had to clearly define her way so that she would never be confused again in the future as she was in the past. Yesterday was a forgotten story. Today came with a new song to refresh the memory; With that new mind in her she saw more possibilities than probabilities in her future"s dreams. As she waited for a new dawn, she looked back to see the distance she had covered. She then noticed a great difference between where she was currently and where she was before.

When she examined her fears, her doubts, her hopes, her aspirations and her triumphs, she tried to rest awhile as the blueprint still reminded her of how beautiful the future was. That was when she paused to steal a view of the precious vista that surrounded her, the shining light that led her to her path because of the glory that lay ahead.

Having successfully climbed the mountain, she thought the journey has ended, and that was when she realized that a hill awaited her and she never gave up. As she contemplated how to climb the hill, a thought came to her mind that if she could climb the mountain without falling, G.o.d could still give her the strength to climb the hill. That was when she gathered momentum to climb it, and it seemed as if she was walking on the straight road.

After successfully swimming the ocean, and as she dried her wet body, she then noticed that she still had a stream to swim. As she thought of how to go about it, the Spirit whispered to her, "If the Lord could give you the grace to successfully swim the ocean without drowning, He will also make the grace available for you to swim the stream."

That was when Susan told herself, "If the ocean did not drown me, then the ordinary stream will not drown me."

Having successfully walked through the valley of the shadow of death, and as she was about to step onto the higher ground, Susan then realized she still had to pa.s.s through the valley of doubt. As a lot of thoughts were going on in her mind, she then remembered how she walked through the valley of the shadow of death without fearing any evil. That was when she encouraged herself to move on.

After successfully running miles, and as she was about taking a rest, she then noticed that she still had to walk a few meters, but as she was considering the distance she had covered and still have some meters to walk, the small still voice whispered to her, "If you could run miles without fainting on the way, is it now you have to walk just to finish the remaining meters that you would faint?" It was then she was inspired to move forward again, and reminded herself that if her strength did not fail her when she was running, it would not fail her when she had to walk.

Susan heard the moon laugh in darkness as the stars gathered around it to celebrate her victory ahead, and the moon led them in triumphant songs. As the birds sang, she felt the gentle, warm touch of the midnight breeze that spurred her to move on. She saw the flowers blossoming as the sun smiled on them.

She tried not to falter or pitch her tent on the way because her journey has not ended; her moment of rest was over. Many more steps ahead (though not really that much) and she would get there. As she tried to move, she noticed that rainbow was gradually appearing on the skyline to remind her that the storm would soon be over, and that was when she saw the blue sky smiling upon her.

Seeing how far she had gone, she realized that where she was going in life was more important and precious than where she came from. When she waited for the brighter tomorrow to majestically step into her glory, she determined never to lose the moon in her future while counting her yesterday"s stars.

As a successful woman, she had a lot of admirers. Men started coming to her when she didn"t need them anymore. A good number of them came for marriage, but she turned them down. You don"t have to beg to be loved because once you define yourself, the right people will come in, but when you don"t, it"s likely that you will be meeting the wrong ones. One thing Susan never did was to take men for granted. She respected everyone that came her way and gently dismissed those who did not add value to her life.

As a human being (though a very strong woman, but weak sometimes) she started having feelings for Joash. Joash was a great friend who happened to be one of the shareholders in the company she worked for. He met her in one of the company"s general meetings. He later confessed to her that it was her intelligence that attracted her to him. Susan wanted to keep him as a distant friend because she didn"t want anything serious with men ever again. She wanted to focus all her attention on her children and her career. The more Joash came closer to her, the harder she pressed to maintain a gap between them. It"s not that she was proving stubborn, it was just she never wanted what happened before to happen again.

She only wanted to be friends and nothing more, but as time went on, Joash"s love conquered her fear about men and weakened her decision to never to love again. Due to how she was raped, getting close to any man became her greatest phobia. She tried pushing Joash away. She sought for a way to fabricate a story that would scare him away, but he did not give up on her.

Susan told him that he could not love her because she was raped by an unknown man. But Joash informed her how his only sister was also raped. He said it wasn"t easy for his sister to recover from the mental torture it gave her, and that several years after she was raped, his sister still lived in the torment. He also told Susan how his sister hated men with a pa.s.sion after the incident until they took her to a therapist who helped her.

Joash did not know Susan had two wonderful children after the ****. One would hardly know she had given birth before if she did not tell them because she had a nice stature. When she noticed how serious Joash was, she decided to tell him about her two lovely angels, but Joash did not give up. He a.s.sured her that even under those circ.u.mstances he still loved her. The more reasons she gave him to leave, the harder he showed her his love. She never bothered to ask him about his genotype because she never wanted anything serious with him. She only wanted to keep him in the friend zone.

But the power of love is stronger than the chain of hatred. After a while, he proposed to her and by then she had fallen deeply for him. True love is something one can"t control when it comes. Love is like an infection that infests one unknowingly, and before you discover it, it has already eaten deep into your bone marrow, and may be too hard to cure.

Susan had to run to Madam Teresa and tell her everything because she did not keep secret from Teresa. Even when she was in doubt, Susan did not hesitate to consult her. She thought Teresa would jettison the idea of marrying Joash, but Madam Teresa was happy and supported her to go on. She encouraged her and took away her fear and doubts when Susan told her that Joash had already proposed. Susan thought Teresa would not be happy, initially, but mentioning it appeared to make Madam Teresa"s day as if she had been waiting for such news. Susan went back the following day to face her work.

The day Joash proposed to Susan was the day she remembered how Steve had proposed to her because he was the first man to do so. Until then she had forgotten about him. She did not even know his whereabouts; she couldn"t give an account of him. When the memory of Steve came to her mind that moment, Susan recalled that although things never worked out for them as they planned; she still respected Steve for being different from the others.

When Joash had finished proposing to Susan, she did not know when he put a piece of writing in her bag until she got home and wanted to check her mobile phone. That was when she saw the piece of paper with its neatly printed words that made her day.

It read…

"Like a sensitive flower which blooms in the garden once in a new moon, whenever you bloom, you let the entire world see the pulchritude of your nature. But if anyone touches you, you will close up because you are too sensitive to touch. No one knows the secret of your permanent stay, but everyone would love to see you in the garden because of your distinguishing beauty. You are the desire of every man that sees you.

"Precious in its sight is the eyes that see, and the heart that beats for you.

"Diligence is the hands that grab you, and the arms that wrap you in the abode of its heart, to feel the breath of your love.

"Everyone has given all just to have you, but no one knows the secret of how to get you until it was I who saw the b.u.t.terfly caressing your nectar on that sunny day you appeared in the garden.

When it moved after touching you, I traced its path by the help of your pollen grain that fell on the way. When I got to the palace of the b.u.t.terfly, I saw how it uses your pollen grain to decorate its castle, and then I began to imagine how my heart would look like when you become mine. It was the b.u.t.terfly that whispered to me how to win your love, and that was when I knew I had to have the key to your heart.

"I can now hear the whisper of your heart through your breath. I can read the lyrics of your love song through your eyes. Your heart sings for our love, and your eyes send the message across my heart. Each time I look into your eyes I see the colors of love in your heart. The beating of your heart makes the dancing queen standstill.

"Your beautiful face reminds the day of its victory over the darkness. Your lovely face is like the early morning sunrise. At the sight of the hairs on your skin, all the roses stand. Your sweet voice makes the ocean clap for the stream. Your beautiful body makes all the seven colors of a rainbow gather to celebrate the color of your skin.

"You are the only queen in my kingdom and the princess in my palace. Each time you catwalk, it reminds me of how the stars run to welcome the moon. You are the rainbow that chases the rain away and makes the rising sun laugh at the thick clouds. You are the reason the moon smiles in darkness. Your dazzling eyes make the stars run with joy. You are the shining candle in a gloomy heart and your smiling face makes the moon walk happily in the dark place.

"Your cute smile sounds like the gentle whisper of the night breeze that fills the heart with love songs. It keeps the body cool, and makes the mouth ready to sing the song of a pleasant memory.

"My angel, you are the reason the sun refuses to set. The reason the moon refuses to hide. You give the stars the reason to hang around the moon. You are the reason the candlelight refuses to quench.

"The more you smile, the more the flowers blossom. You are the reason the flowers chose the rose to represent love, you are the reason the flowers refuse to wither, the reason behind the lyrics of a love song that keeps it lively even when the melody fades. Your dancing step makes the trees greet the pa.s.sing wind; your beauty makes all the gra.s.ses in the field wave to their Creator. At the sight of you, birds compose love songs, your gentle nature makes the turtle dove call you friend, and you are the aura of elegance and excellence, the true definition of beauty, the true meaning of love. All of your being tells the story of true love.

"Your lips are the best icon of love; you are the epitome of virtue and the paragon of character, your att.i.tude makes the night bird come home early. Your eyelash shows the symbol of a love song, you are the great Amazon, each time you come close to me the sound of your breathing tells me how much you want me. When I stare at your eyes and they refuse to blink, it shows me how much you"ve missed me. Just from the way you hold me in your arms, I can tell how much you wish for me to never leave you.

"In your heart, I sense the depth of your love whenever you hug me. In your hands, I feel how far you wanted me to go with you when you hold me. In your lips, I read your feelings when you kiss me. In your eyes, I still see how much you love me when you look at me. You are the reason behind my silent cute smile. I promise never to lose the rose while counting the flowers."

Wow!!!

Never in her life did she believe she would be eulogized like that. She was lucky to have Joash. The days of sadness were over; the days of lonely nights were gone. The season of tears, sorrow, and pains were over. She could then see clearly in the dark. She could see the sun through the clouds. Darkness no longer covered the light. The storms and clouds no more covered the day. The lines fell in pleasant places for her. And the long awaited night has finally dawned. She could then find the rising sun on the blue sky again, and not the sunset in the day when the storm suddenly took over from the just appearing sunrise.

Susan could then see the brightness of the moon after the many nights of staying lonely in the thick darkness, and she could clearly see the stars once again on the blue sky after the long period of time the thick clouds covered the sky.

She never thought the sun and moon would arise on the blue sky again. Never knew the stars would shine and run across the sky again.

She never knew the b.u.t.terfly would still caress the flowers in the garden again when she remembered how flood covered the entire garden and buried the leaves in the soil.

She was glad to see the b.u.t.terfly hovering over the nectar of the flowers again after so many days of nonstop rain that forced the flowers to bend and caused a b.u.t.terfly to frown at a rose. Finding true love again after so many years of heartbreak was like seeing the brightness of the sun on the first day of summer. It reminded her of the very first night she saw the moon, the first time it appeared on the sky on the night her mother took her out in the cool night to see the stars running around the moon when the midnight breeze was caressing her soft curly hairs.

Falling for the person that falls for you is like putting your foot in a shoe that fit sit. Loving the person that loves you is like opening a padlock with the right key. Living for the one that lives for you is like planting a seed in the good soil; Caring for the person that cares for you is like lighting a candle in a dark room.

Joash"s love conquered Susan"s fear, and his cute smile overpowered her frown. His sweet voice overshadowed her cries, and his firmness conquered her doubt. Susan wandered alone in the desert searching for the green plant, and it was then she realized that it"s only the cactus that survives the thirst in the desert. That realization was what convinced her believe that Joash was the only one out of the thousands of people out there that could love her most and stand for her.

She wouldn"t mind staying forever in his arms as long as he held her tight. She wouldn"t mind staying forever in his heart if it were beating only for her. Having gone that far, she then realized that the size of heart does not determine the level of one"s joy, but what is in the heart.

Many have been asking her the reason behind her silent cute smile all day, but there was one thing they did not understand; they did not know that what gives one joy is not what one sees, but what one has; What you see may not be yours, but what you have is always yours.

What keeps one smiling is the reason behind the smile, and Joash was the reason behind Susan"s silent cute smile.

There is one thing we have to know about life, it does not hold a candle for you when you don"t do something about your own situation. And whenever you are desperate for something, it will look as if life is denying you that thing but when it looks as if you don"t want it anymore, it will be the time those things will come from all directions. Where were the good guys when she was looking for them and when she was so desperate to marry?

When Susan was not desperate to marry again, that was when different kinds of great guys started coming her way. She remembered asking Joash one day where he was the time she was so desperate to marry. He told her that G.o.d was preparing him for the future, and that was when she knew that G.o.d was also preparing her for the great future which if she had married then, she might not fulfill her destiny. G.o.d gave her the desire of her heart. When Joash came to her, she thought maybe life was playing a "hide and seek" game with her, but not knowing it was real. She thought she was dreaming, not wishing to wake up, but it was real.

Susan met a few wrong people before finally meeting the right one, yet everyone who came into her life had one thing to teach her. Despite all she experience in her previous relationship, she still opened the door of her heart (but was careful enough not to open it to the wrong ones) because she knew that when a door closes, another opens.

When she realized it was not a hallucination, but real, that was the moment she saw the stars playing with the moon, the birds dancing in the air, the water singing with the ocean, the moment a song is heard the lyrics return to the song as the music blesses the soul. The moment she saw the sun rising on the flower as the b.u.t.terfly played with the nectar; When the sun made everything brighter.

At that moment the light laughed with the day, she saw the b.u.t.terflies returning to the flowers. The waters returning to the sea; The stream returning to the river when the river returned to the ocean. The cloud returning to the sky and the beauty returning to the face of the possessor.

I"m pretty sure you will be wanting to know if Susan still remembered her challenges― genotype. Oh yes, when he was getting serious before he proposed to her, it was the first thing she asked him to go and check because once bitten, twice shy. A few days later Joash called her to ask where she was because he had earlier told her he would be going to collect the test result.

When Susan told him she was at home, he said, "I"m coming home to take my place in your heart and see the world through your eyes; To hear the world through your ears, and speak my mind through your voice. I"m on my way home to fill the vacuum and end the pain in your heart. To wipe the tears in your eyes and remove the doubts from your mind. To color the hairs on your skin, and put a smile on your face.

I"m almost home to reach the moon in your world and count the stars in your eyes. To tend the rose in your garden and plant a kiss on your lips. I"m already home to build my world in your heart and wrap myself in your arms. To feel the love in your heart and sense the warmth in your breath. To sing my song through your voice and light up my world with your smile. To tell the world I"m home, and let them know that I"m here to stay."

No sooner had he cut the call than he came in with a smile on his face. Seeing the smile gave Susan hope that it would be a perfect match. And her intuition was right when he showed her the result.

Everything Joash needed to know about her he knew; neither did Joash hide anything from her.

Susan knew she had a root; She didn"t fall from the sky. She came from somewhere and her journey started somewhere as well. Even if her mother was no more, she still had relatives, and so they must observe the tradition and have an introduction. Joash, too, knew they had to go for it. It would not be proper going to Madam Teresa"s house for the introduction only because she had a root. Although she had introduced him to Madam Teresa and her little children, they still had to travel home for a proper introduction.

When Susan initially introduced Joash to her children, he was pleased to see them, and she would not forget the question her daughter Susanna asked her that day. She said, "Mom is he our daddy?" Because all the while they had been hara.s.sing her to tell them about their father, but she had not said before now as she had been waiting until they reached a reasonable age to tell them the whole truth. She tried diverting Susanna"s attention from the question, but Susanna was too smart. Though small, she was too bright for anyone to play with her intelligence.

Kelvin observed their conversation without speaking, but when Joash left, he went to Susan and asked her who Joash was. Kelvin was more mature than Susanna. Susan called both of her children to her and told them that Joash was a friend and not their father. When Kelvin quietly asked her who their father was, she searched for an answer. Not seeing one, she told them their father was no more. Susanna asked her if he was in heaven, and that was another tough question, but she knew she owed them some explanation; she was only waiting for the right time to tell them.

When Susanna was very inquisitive to know about their father, tears started coming from Susan"s eyes because she did not know how to explain it to them. Was it because girls are closer to their father and boys to their mother that Susanna was so inquisitive to know who their father was? When Kelvin noticed the tears, he drew nearer to her and asked, "Mom, are you crying?" He started wiping away the tears, and that was when Susanna stopped asking her more questions. Susan was careful enough to avoid the subject of her children"s paternity whenever they tried to bring it up.

The little mid-term break was over, and Susan had to send them back to Madam Teresa. When they arrived, she was very happy to see them as she was feeling lonely. Susan knew she missed them so much, especially the kids, because the atmosphere testified it, but thank G.o.d they were back. Later in the night, Teresa told Susan how she got a call from her people telling her to come back because she was aging; Susan was very devastated and speechless for a while. After she regained herself, she managed to ask Teresa when she was planning to go. Teresa told her it would be in a month"s time.

In her contemplative silence Susan took a deep breath; It looked as if the whole scene were a dream or drama. She wished it was a dream or drama that time, but it was not. Thousands of questions flashed through her mind. Her two kids knew Teresa as Grandma, and what would she tell them if Teresa finally leaves? How could she tell her children that Madam Teresa, who they knew as Grandma would be leaving them soon when she had become such a part of them?

Susan wept that night and tried to hide her tears away from her children because they were still too young to understand the reason and the stories behind her tears. Even if she succeeds in controlling her tears, she could not stop her heart from bleeding.

Days later, Joash and Susan started planning to travel down her village to see her far distant relatives for an introduction. Susan knew Joash would not like to wait long before fixing the wedding date so that Madam Teresa would be around during the wedding to witness it. Susan used to think Teresa was an indigene until the day she asked her about her people and that was when Teresa told her where she came from.

Before leaving them to go back to her base because she took some days off, Susan told her kids that Teresa would be finally going home to prepare their minds ahead of time. She knew that telling them on time would help them to start getting ready for Teresa"s departure. But it was not good news to them.

You would have to have seen their expressive mood when she broke the news to them. So many questions were left unanswered that particular night, but she managed to tell them Madam Teresa would be in a better position to answer any of their questions they would ask her because Susan trusted Teresa"s ability to handle the situation. Susan told them to go to bed, and when they left, it was a sleepless night all through because she was battling with a lot of thoughts.

Meanwhile, she had already told them she would be leaving very early.

The following morning, she woke up early to prepare them for school after the morning devotion, but she was trying to avoid anything that would lead to last night"s discussion. She told them to be good children both in school and at home and promised to visit constantly. Susan gave Madam Teresa enough money for both their upkeep and herself. She had earlier on told Teresa to stop working because of her well-paid job, so she made sure they did not lack any good thing. Susan also used the opportunity to tell Teresa that she would be going to her home town with Joash for the introduction.