Tell Me Again, My Love

She squirmed and tried to change the topic but he did not budge. He refused to let her go until she answered the question. She did come here to relax and to deal with her own feeling. He did give her time to think this deeply and now, he did not want her to run anymore.

"Stop running away from your feeling," he said.

She ran her eyes away from looking at his face. 

"You are going to be late for the boat if you still did not answer my question," he reminded with a chuckle.

She looked at her watch and gasped. Her widened eyes looked at him, now with puppy-eyed to make him give in to her. She still was not ready for this. Not now, not ever.

"You have to face your own feeling, Ryn. Stop hiding from it. Whether you like it or not, you cannot escape it," he coaxed.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Why she had to face her own feeling?

"Ryn, you do know how this refusal to face your own feeling makes you under so much stress?" he stressed, refused to give in.

"I... still like him but... I"m scared..." she choked out, the one giving in to his question.

He smiled. He knew she was still liking that man even though how much that man hurt her. He just wanted her to face her real feeling so she could decide what was best for her.

"You"re worried he will hurt you again," he asked.

She nodded.

He smiled. "How does he think about you know? You can see his feeling now, right?"

"He said he loves me but... And he said he wants to marry me now," she choked out.

"What do you think? Do you want to marry him?" He hadn"t met his future "brother-in-law" but based on what he knew, this man was a hardworking man and very responsible. Also what he knew was this man, apart from the "scandal" told by Jennifer, the singer, had no relations.h.i.+p prior to it. Even his relations.h.i.+p with Ryn was hidden perfectly and no one other than him and their family knew about it. It was a best kept secret of the century.

"I... I don"t know..." she choked out, trying not to show her frustration about her own feeling and vulnerability. 

"If you think he will hurt you again, you can tell me and I can make him disappear," he shrugged. He could always help to deal with her problem whenever she needed it.

"No... Don"t do anything to him, please," her eyes widened in horror. She understood what kind of help he would give and it would not end well to those he worked on. He did not want to hurt Jeremy.

He smiled seeing her panicky reaction. Even if she denied her feeling, just looking at this reaction showed how deep her feeling toward Jeremy.

"Let"s go. I"ll send you to the jetty," he said, standing up.

She felt like her energy depleted after the outburst and refused to get up. She looked at him unhappily.

"Why? Do you want me to carry you princess way?" he c.o.c.ked an eyebrow when he saw her still not moving.

She gasped. She did not want him to carry her princess style. It was not a princess style like in a fairytale stories. His style of princess style carrying was pulling her by her legs and turned her upside down. He would then grasp her s.h.i.+rt and pants to carry her, not sliding his hands underneath her.

It would make her in so much pain because he would shake her like a rag in his way of a joke.

"Then?"

She quickly got up and grabbed her bag. She followed him out of the house and handed the key house to her even though she rarely locked the door. This place was too peaceful for the need to lock the house, unlike her real house.

When they arrived at the jetty, some of them were already there. Their face was down, holding onto their emotion tightly. They did not want to cry in front of her. They wanted to send her off with a smile on their face so she would not be sad.

She hugged each one of them for the longest time before Andy faked a cough to remind her about the boat. She waved for the last time and got into the boat with a heavy heart. If she could choose what she really wanted to do now, she wanted to stay here long, preferable forever. In here she did not have to face all the things that stress her.

She wiped the stubborn tears from her cheeks and sniffed. She must not cry. She must not let the sadness overwhelm her. One day she would return to them and that time she would not bring along her problem. She would spend the time there just having fun with them.

Another flight and another taxi ride before she finally arrived at her home. She looked at the door quietly. She was not ready to rejoin the real world. She was still not ready!

After the confession with Andy, she was still unable to gather her thought. She was feeling sad, muddle and plain exhausted. She kept pus.h.i.+ng herself to move and even communicate with the taxi driver. Other than a necessity, she put on her cap and sungla.s.ses, even the mask, so others would not disturb her. Even the earphones were plucked to her ears all the time even though it was not playing any song. She just wanted to be alone and not disturbed by anyone. She had no mood to talk with anyone about anything.

Once she gathered her thought, she unlocked the door and entered the house. It was just as she remembered before she left. She sighed a bit.

"I"m back."

She put the clothes from her bag into the dirty laundry basket before went into her bedroom. She took the other things from her bag onto the bed and reached for her phone. Now, as she was finally returned to the real world, she needed to face everything that she had been running from.

The first thing she did was connecting back her phone. Messages after messages and miscalls after miscalls. .h.i.t her, filling the display of the phone. Instead of checking who had been contacting her, she dialled his numbers.

She did not have to wait for long. After two rings, he answered.

She lied on the bed with the phone at her right ear. She stared at the ceiling.

"h.e.l.lo."

"Hmm..."

"I"ve arrived," she told him.

"Good. Go tell him your decision," he said cheerfully.

"No..." she gasped in horror.

He laughed at her reaction. He knew she would not be able to confess nor give in to her feeling. She was still in denial, a serious case of denial.

"Come on. How long are you going to keep everything inside you? You need to tell him. Or else you will regret again. Do you want to be under pain for the rest of your life?" he asked, no humour dripping in his voice. This time he asked her seriously like her own big brother.

She kept quiet. She refused to give in to his provocation. No more.

"Are you giving me the silent treatment? Do you want to hang up now?" he asked when he did not hear any answer from her. A smile curled on his face. He could actually picture her making faces at the phone as her answer. 

She stuck her tongue out at the phone, imagining it was his face. How could he tease her like this? Weren"t they foster siblings? He should take care of her feeling!

"The kids are already missing you and your steaks. When you return, remember to buy a lot of steaks for them," Andy laughed, changing the topic tactfully when he realized she would not answer his question.

"Okay..." she replied shortly. She already missed that place. She wished she did not have to leave.

"Anyway, have more rest while you can. I"m heading to the sea for another scuba diving," he laughed loudly when he heard her groan.

"Stop enticing me to go back," she grumbled, hurting the way she sounded and cursing herself for feeling that way.

"Your loss. I have to go now. Bye," with a laugh, he disconnected the call without waiting for her reply.

She sighed as she looked at the display. He did disconnect the call. It was rude but she was used to it. She looked for another number and called.

"Hi, mom," she greeted when her mother answered the call.

"h.e.l.lo, dear. Have you returned safely? How"s the island? How"s Andy and the kids?" her mother asked cheerfully. She knew about Ryn"s trip to the island and even encouraged her daughter to go there to unwind herself. She knew her daughter was under a lot of stress and hoped Andy and the kids could make her feel better.

"Yes, mother. I"ve just arrived home. The island was perfect. Everything was perfect. The kids and Andy were active like usual," Ryn replied, answering to all the questions given by her mother. 

"Good. Very good."

Ryn scratched her arm absent-mindedly, not knowing what else to say. She just wanted to tell her mother she had arrived, and now, once she was done doing that, she just felt... weird. It was awkward. 

And she hated being awkward especially with her own mother.

"Do you have anything else you want to tell me?" her mother asked. She did not ask outright about the lawsuit because she knew Jeremy would handle it for her daughter. All she cared about was her daughter"s feeling and wellbeing. She did ask Ryn if she wanted them to return or she would move to them but Ryn said no. 

Ryn did not want to leave her study when she was about to graduate. She also did not want to cancel all the contracts she had committed. Even if she wanted to go to them, she wanted to complete her study and all her work commitments first.

Her mother understood that and respected Ryn"s decision even though she still disagreed with her daughter working with those capitalist companies. It was Ryn"s choice and as a mother, she would let her daughter do what she thought was right. Of course, she would always be there for Ryn, she and her husband.

"If nothing else, go have more rest. You just arrived, right? You should be tired. Go have a nap or something," her mother told her.

"Okay, mother. Goodbye," Ryn mumbled.

"Bye."

Ryn disconnected the call and dropped the phone to her right side. She threw back her sight at the ceiling and sighed heavily. Although her body was screaming for rest but her eyes refused to close.

She sighed and reached for her phone again. It was time to go back to the real world.

She started to check all the miscalls and messages. Most came from three people; Jeremy, Mika and Harry.

She called Mika first, hoping her "disappearance" did not make the silly girl worried.

"Ryn~"

Just as she afraid, Mika sounded worried with her wail once she answered the call. Ryn took a deep breath as she listened to the cry.

"Mika, Mika, calm down," Ryn coaxed once the cry subsided. 

"Where have you been? I"ve been looking for you. I even came to your home but you"re not here," Mika sobbed.

"I had something to do. Sorry I didn"t tell you earlier. But now I"m back," Ryn did not tell much, just enough to ease the worry in Mika"s heart.

"Back? You"re back? Are you sure you are back? You"re not lying to me just to make me feel better?" Mika asked suspiciously.

Ryn chuckled to hear the accusation. Mika was so cute.

"Yes. I am back. Do you want to hang out with me or want to keep crying?" Ryn asked.

"Of course I want to spend time with you. Are you free now? Do you want me to go to you or..."

"Why don"t we have dinner together tonight?" Ryn suggested, cutting Mika"s off from her ideas.

"I want... I want... Then..."

"Just dinner, Mika. I just got back and I need to sleep early. Besides, tomorrow I still have to go to work," Ryn was firmed with her decision, leaving nothing for Mika to argue.

"Fine... just dinner. I"ll see you tonight." Although Mika was unsatisfied with it, she just followed along. She knew if she pushed for more, Ryn would cancel everything. Thus, she just had to accept whatever Ryn decided.

Once Ryn was done with Mika, she turned her attention to the next person. But before that, she needed time to gather her courage. 

Because the next one would be Harry and she knew, unlike Mika who was easy to coax with, Harry would ask a lot of questions until he was satisfied with the answers. It was quite troublesome but because he was a friend of hers, she still needed to call him back.