Lost in You.
As soon as I step out onto the patio my stomach erupts like a swarm of bees. I"m so nervous, and I don"t know why. The minute my eyes meet Jordon"s from across the patio my nervousness settles slightly.
He looks handsome in dark jeans and a long-sleeved tee that is, of course, a bright blue, my favorite color on him. His dark hair is styled casually looking as if he just rubbed some product through it quickly, giving it a s.e.xy disheveled look.
My entire patio is dark with the only light coming from a string of twinkling lights wrapped around the patio and the fire pit; that"s fully engulfed with a roaring fire. It"s a perfect night for a fire with the cool ocean breeze blowing over the patio, causing goose b.u.mps to pop up along my arms.
Standing, Jordon makes his way towards me. Each step he takes causes my heart to hammer in my chest. He takes my breath away with that crooked grin of his.
Wrapping his arms around me, he pulls me flush against his chest and gingerly fingers the curled ends of my hair while simultaneously squeezing my a.s.s with the other.
"You look even more beautiful under the night sky. I swear you take my breath away every time I see you, Brittan."
I"m so nervous my entire body is shaking, and I imagine Jordon can feel it too.
Running my fingers up his back, I smile up at him. I get lost in his dark blue irises that are now glowing in the light of the fire, making them look like a pool of dark indigo blue that continues forever.
"You don"t look so bad yourself." I say with shaky words as I lean up on my toes giving him a quick kiss. With my flip flops on Jordon towers over me by four or five inches; just another reason why I religiously live in heels.
Interlocking our hands together, Jordon walks me over to the sleek gla.s.s outdoor patio set where he has set up a bucket of ice filled with Budweiser"s.
I can"t help but smile because even when he"s being romantic he doesn"t try to be something he"s not.
"Beer chilling over ice, I love it." I say as we sit down across from each other. I can hear music playing throughout the patio. It"s mixing with the roar of the waves that are crashing onto the rugged rocks giving the entire atmosphere a chill vibe.
"Only the best for my girl." Jordon looks nervous, and it"s adorable. I know we are walking a fine line trying to figure out where we want to go from here.
Stay just friends or take that next step.
After today, I think I"m ready to take the next step with him. It"s emotionally draining battling with my ever changing feelings. After thinking things over the last three weeks, I think if we take it slow, I can handle this developing into a more serious relationship.
"You are just too d.a.m.n sweet today. I, for one, am glad you didn"t go with wine or champagne."
Reaching into the bucket Jordon takes out two bottles of beer, pops the tops off and hands one to me before taking a long pull from his.
He looks nervous, which helps me relax because I"m nervous as s.h.i.t right now too.
Jordon lets out the s.e.xiest laugh as he sets his bottle down on the table, "Just when I thought I couldn"t like you anymore than I already do; I find out you love a good cold beer just as much as I do."
It"s crazy how Jordon gets me. I love that he isn"t trying to blow smoke up my a.s.s today with a ton of over the top gestures. He"s has put thought into everything we"ve done today to give me the perfect Valentine"s Day.
"Well what do you have in store for us tonight?" I ask glancing around the patio. I immediately spot Jordon"s acoustic guitar lying on one of the lounge chairs that point towards the beach, overlooking the ocean. The water is glistening in the moonlight making the view majestic.
My stomach fills with b.u.t.terflies the second I see the guitar. If he sings for me tonight, I may just lose it and turn into a blubbering mess. My emotions are already all over the place tonight.
Waving to someone behind me, he flashes me a sly grin, "You"ll find out soon enough."
G.o.d! I swear he loves torturing me just as much as he loves f.u.c.king me.
I spot someone walking up beside me, making their way around our table. Looking up, my eyes land on my personal a.s.sistant, Toby. He"s been my a.s.sistant for four years and is the only reason I remember my scheduled interviews or pretty much anything else I have to do on a daily basis.
"Toby! Well, don"t you look snazzy." I say as I take in Toby wearing dress slacks, white dress shirt and black tie. He even has his sandy brown hair gelled back.
"Yeah, well don"t get too use to it. Tomorrow I"ll be back in my Gucci jeans and loafers." He teases, flashing me a mega-watt smile.
If anyone knows style, it"s Toby. He also owns the t.i.tle of my personal stylist. Without him, I"d never stay current on the hottest new trends or what Brangelina or Kimye are up to these days.
"I asked Toby and Amanda to help me with your surprise tonight since I am a disaster in the kitchen. Amanda saved the day by cooking our dinner, and Toby offered to be our server."
This is crazy. I can"t believe how amazing he"s being tonight; this is all just too much. For each surprise he has organized today, I feel my walls have crumbled just a bit more.
"That is so sweet. I appreciate you not cooking. My idea of a fun Valentine"s Day dinner does not include food poisoning, torched food or cleaning up the mess."
Slapping his hand against his chest, Jordon"s face drops as he tries to act like he"s offended; his pouty face is priceless. "That hurts, right here." He says putting his hand over his heart.
I can"t hold back my laughter, and before I know it we"re both laughing while Toby just shakes his head and tells us he"ll be out shortly with our dinner.
We spend the next hour eating delicious grilled shrimp on a bed of wild rice and asparagus. We go through the bucket of beer before the meal is over leaving us both with a good buzz.
When we finished our meal, I excused myself to freshen up. After re-applying my lip gloss and popping a mint in my mouth, I rejoined Jordon back outside where he is sitting by the fire with his guitar beside him.
Sitting down next to him, I curl my legs under me and rest my head on his shoulder. I get lost for a few moments just staring into the flames of the fire. The heat radiating off the fire causes our skin to glow, soothing us as it mixes with the cool salty air.
I"m trying to lock this moment of tranquility in my mind for eternity, as a new memory to look back on.
Jordon wraps his arm around my waist and presses a kiss to my temple before breaking the silence that"s fallen between us, "I hope I"ve helped make today a day filled with happiness instead of a day of sadness."
Snuggling into him further, but never taking my eyes off of the fire I tell Jordon truthfully, "Today has been the first perfect day I"ve had since before Cane was deployed to Iraq. For the first time in such a long time, I"m happy. It is the first Valentine"s Day I"ve spent actually enjoying myself instead of getting lost in the overwhelming sadness that usually consumes me."
Taking my chin in his hand, Jordon tilts my head up towards him locking his eyes with mine. The emotion I see in his gaze causes my mouth to go dry and my heart rate to increase.
It feels as if he"s looking through me and truly seeing everything I"ve kept hidden, like he"s seeing straight into my soul.
"I know today must be hard for you because Cane is not here to celebrate it with you." He pauses and takes a breath before continuing. I"m sitting here holding my breath as I wait for him to go on, "and I know you"d give anything to spend it with him, but I"m honored that you"re giving me a chance to show you the side of me no one else sees. Thank you for that, and for opening up to me. I know it can"t be easy."
I am such an emotional mess my eyes are already filling up with tears. "I promised myself I wouldn"t cry today." I mumble as I wipe the tears away.
Jordon has worked so hard to give us the perfect day. I don"t want him to see my tears and a.s.sume I"m crying because I"d rather be with Cane instead of him.
My head and heart are all over the place right now.
"Brittan, it"s okay to cry. It doesn"t make you weak, it makes you human. After the s.h.i.t you"ve gone through it"s understandable that you"d be emotional on a day like today. You don"t need to put on an act for me. If you"re p.i.s.sed off, sad or happy just tell me. I want to get to know you, all of you."
How did the c.o.c.ky a.s.shole I met on the anniversary of Cane"s death turn out to be the one thing I needed in order to feel whole again?
As tears begin to fall again, I laugh nervously, "Who are you and what did you do with the c.o.c.ky a.s.shole I met in Miami? He was easier to hate."
A killer grin spreads across Jordon"s face as his eyes twinkle in the lights above us. They are hypnotizing and cause me to fall deeper under his spell, "Ahh, so you admit my irresistible Rock G.o.d looks and my magic fingers are winning you over?"
The thought of what those fingers have done to me sends a shiver of desire coursing through my body.
He teasingly slides his fingers ever so slowly down my arm causing goose b.u.mps to blanket every inch of my body.
Trying to act like he isn"t getting to me, I toss my head back and purse my lips, "I never said that...I just said I don"t hate you as much as I did a few weeks ago."
Pinning me on my back, Jordon stares down at me with a glimmer of desire in his eyes that takes my breath away. His lips curl up into a c.o.c.ky grin, "Oh, baby. There"s no denying it; you like me. I can see it in those gorgeous brown eyes of yours." Leaning down he presses a soft kiss to the tip of my nose causing me to suck in a sharp breath of air. Pulling back, he watches me as he waits for me to try and deny it some more.
He gets a rise out of our back and forth bantering, but I"m going to surprise him by admitting what he already knows to be true. He deserves a little ego boost after the fantastic day he"s given me.
"Okay...maybe a little." I say breathlessly as my chest rises and falls at a rapid pace, and I melt under Jordon"s intense gaze.
"Holy s.h.i.t! She finally admits it! She likes me!" Jordon shouts, shooting up and raising his hands in the air.
I can"t stop blushing, and cover my face with my hands. I go from crying to all hot and bothered in zero point two seconds with this crazy man.
"You are insane." I giggle as he tackles me again and presses kisses to my neck, tantalizingly working his mouth up to my lips.
"Well what can I say, you"re driving me crazy with those kiss me lips and this f.u.c.k me body." He murmurs against my neck, and he gives my a.s.s a squeeze causing me to squeal as I try to wiggle out from under him.
Smacking his arm, I push him off of me.
"Simmer down, Rock G.o.d. We don"t want to traumatize Toby. All I need is to scare him again. I don"t think he"s fully recovered from finding us f.u.c.king on the kitchen counter of the tour bus," I say as I try to regain my composure and fix my hair.
Laughing, Jordon glances back towards the house where Toby and Amanda are inside, "Oh, don"t give me that traumatized bulls.h.i.t. You know he would have killed to trade places with you and have me spanking his a.s.s with that spatula."
Snapping my head towards the house, I follow Jordon"s gaze and make sure Toby isn"t in earshot of this conversation. I would be so embarra.s.sed if he heard us right now.
Trying to change the subject I point towards Jordon"s guitar, "So, did you bring that out here to keep it toasty by the fire or are you going to play me something?" I ask sarcastically.
I have never heard Jordon sing alone; only as back up to Zane. I"m excited and nervous to hear what he"s going to be playing. I love watching his fingers play the guitar; he plays it so effortlessly.
"So pushy. Maybe I should let you sit and squirm a little bit longer." He teases as he grabs the guitar from behind him.
Climbing up onto my knees, I get comfortable while Jordon strums his fingers over the cords, getting his guitar perfectly in tune.
"You know you wouldn"t have me any other way." Leaning down I kiss Jordon on the neck and playfully bite down on it. I charmingly whispering in his ear, "Watching you strum that guitar is really turning me on."
"f.u.c.k...how the h.e.l.l am I going to focus when you"re saying s.h.i.t like that to me. I"m nervous enough as it is." He huffs out as he adjusts himself.
"Sorry. You said it yourself...magic fingers. They"re my kryptonite." I say seductively, eyeing his hand that"s resting against the guitar.
"Well as soon as these magic fingers of mine are through playing this guitar, they"re going to play you. So sit back, relax and enjoy my last surprise."
I"m so anxious I wouldn"t be surprised if I chew a hole in my cheek by the time Jordon finishes his song. Closing his eyes, I watch as he gets lost in the melody he"s strumming, and my excitement mixed with my nervousness has me on the edge of my seat.
"I am still working on it but this is what I"ve written so far. I figured tonight was the perfect night to play it for you."
I nod my head, because I can"t speak. I"m afraid to say anything as I try to prepare myself for another emotional breakdown. Just the melody alone is wearing me down.
It"s dark, edgy and beautiful. I imagine this is how Jordon sees me.
Beautiful girl with the world at her feet What others don"t see is the pain that she keeps Her life is full of sadness and tears All I want to do is help her move past those painful years *
She"s crying out for someone to care Anyone to notice the beautiful girl that got lost somewhere In a land full of darkness that"s lonely and cruel Before the pain of life becomes too much to bare.
She captivates me, burying herself deep inside my thoughts This girl"s consuming me, mind, body and soul Behind her tears is a girl with a smile so bright Awakening my heart, making it take flight.
She"s crying out for someone to care Anyone to notice the beautiful girl that got lost somewhere In a land full of darkness that"s lonely and cruel Before the pain of life becomes too much to bare.
When the sea of sadness Is pulling you under Reach out to me, because I"ll always save you Beneath those tears, is the most beautiful girl Who has become my entire world.
One by one the tears fall down my face as Jordon"s beautiful husky voice sings to me with so much feeling. The pa.s.sion in his words is all-consuming.
His words flow out of him and caress my ears, evoking emotions inside of me I haven"t felt in eight years. I watch as Jordon strips himself bare before me, exposing to me his true affections.
Reaching out, I touch his cheek not bothering to wipe the tears from mine. Speaking to him with my eyes are the words I can"t seem to say aloud.
I"m falling for this man. It"s dangerous and unfamiliar. The small voice in the back of my head is screaming at me to run and never look back. It keeps reminding me that I"m setting myself up for the chance to get hurt again, but my heart over powers my fears as it tells me give him a chance.
Jordon is worth the risk.
I"d be lying if I said I wasn"t terrified, but I feel ready to take that leap, and see where things with Jordon may lead.
"That was beautiful." I finally say between sobs as I slide my fingers into his hair and smile through my tears.
Setting the guitar down, he reaches out and pulls me onto his lap. Holding me tightly against him and burying his face in my neck he says, "Happy Valentine"s Day, Brittan. I thought sharing that song would be better than any chocolates, flowers or jewelry. I sang to you everything I feel, and I know you"re scared but you"re worth it to me. I"ll wait as long as it takes, Brittan, until you feel ready; because you"re worth waiting for."
I wrap my arms tightly around his neck and allow my tears to fall freely. For once, I"m not crying because I"m consumed with overwhelming grief; I"m crying tears of happiness. No matter how f.u.c.ked up I feel, Jordan sees me as something beautiful, and worth fighting for.
"I"m ready. It isn"t going to be easy, but I"m ready if you are."
I never thought it was possible, but I feel a connection. A pull so strong to Jordon it"s impossible to ignore. Over the last five weeks, I"ve been trapped on a roller coaster of emotions, all because I was fighting so hard to resist the attraction between us. Only after I gave in did I feel truly alive and as if I was finally healing and moving on from the loss of Cane.
Running his hands along my back, I can feel the hunger and possessiveness in them as they work their way to the back of my neck. Cupping my head in his hands, Jordon smiles at me the sweetest, heart stopping smile I"ve ever seen on his gorgeous face.
"You mean it?" He asks as his eyes search my face. I see the desperation in them as he awaits my confirmation that I truly want to be with him. Only Jordon can make my body hum with excitement as the adrenaline courses through my veins.