"It is better you should hear it from me, Harry. I wrote you word of it.
We all imagined it would not be disagreeable to you. Who could foresee this change in you? She least of all!"
"She"s in love with some one?"
"I did not say in love."
"Tell me the worst."
"She is engaged to be married."
Janet came into the room--another Janet for me. She had engaged herself to marry the Marquis of Edbury. At the moment when she enslaved me with grat.i.tude and admiration she was lost to me. I knew her too well to see a chance of her breaking her pledged word.
My old grandfather said of Janet, "She"s a compa.s.sionate thing." I felt now the tears under his speech, and how late I was in getting wisdom.
Compa.s.sion for Edbury in Janet"s bosom was the matchmaker"s chief engine of a.s.sault, my aunt Dorothy told me. Lady Ilchester had been for this suitor, Sir Roderick for the other, up to the verge of a quarrel between the most united of wedding couples. Janet was persecuted. She heard that Edbury"s life was running to waste; she liked him for his cricketing and hunting, his frankness, seeming manliness, and general native English enthusiasm. I permitted myself to comprehend the case as far as I could allow myself to excuse her.
Dorothy Beltham told me something of Janet that struck me to the dust.
"It is this, dear Harry; bear to hear it! Janet and I and his good true woman of a housekeeper, whose name is Waddy, we are, I believe, the only persons that know it. He had a large company to dine at a City tavern, she told us, on the night after the decision--when the verdict went against him. The following morning I received a note from this good Mrs.
Waddy addressed to Sir Roderick"s London house, where I was staying with Janet; it said that he was ill; and Janet put on her bonnet at once to go to him."
"The lady didn"t fear contagion any longer?"
"She went, walking fast. He was living in lodgings, and the people of the house insisted on removing him, Mrs. Waddy told us. She was cowering in the parlour. I had not the courage to go upstairs. Janet went by herself."
My heart rose on a huge swell.
"She was alone with him, Harry. We could hear them."
Dorothy Beltham looked imploringly on me to waken my whole comprehension.
"She subdued him. When I saw him he was white as death, but quiet, not dangerous at all."
"Do you mean she found him raving?" I cried out on our Maker"s name, in grief and horror.
"Yes, dear Harry, it was so."
"She stepped between him and an asylum?"
"She quitted Sir Roderick"s house to lodge your father safe in one that she hired, and have him under her own care. She watched him day and night for three weeks, and governed him, a.s.sisted only at intervals by the poor frightened woman, Mrs. Waddy, and just as frightened me. And I am still subject to the poor woman"s way of pressing her hand to her heart at a noise. It "s over now. Harry, Janet wished that you should never hear of it. She dreads any excitement for him. I think she is right in fancying her own influence the best: he is used to it. You know how gentle she is though she is so firm."
"Oh! don"t torture me, ma"am, for G.o.d"s sake," I called aloud.
CHAPTER LV. I MEET MY FIRST PLAYFELLOW AND TAKE MY PUNISHMENT
There came to me a little note on foreign paper, unaddressed, an enclosure forwarded by Janet, and containing merely one sc.r.a.p from the playful XENIEN of Ottilia"s favourite brotherly poets, of untranslatable flavour:--
Who shuns true friends flies fortune in the concrete: Would he see what he aims at? let him ask his heels.
It filled me with a breath of old German peace.
From this I learnt that Ottilia and Janet corresponded. Upon what topics? to what degree of intimacy?
Janet now confessed to me that their intimacy had never known reserve.
The princess had divined her attachment for Harry Richmond when their acquaintance was commenced in the island, and knew at the present moment that I had travelled round to the recognition of Janet"s worth.
Thus encouraged by the princess"s changeless friendship, I wrote to her, leaving little to be guessed of my state of mind, withholding nothing of the circ.u.mstances surrounding me. Imagination dealt me all my sharpest misery, and now that Ottilia resumed her place there, I became infinitely peacefuller, and stronger to subdue my hungry nature. It caused me no pang, strangely though it read in my sight when written, to send warm greetings and respects to the prince her husband.
Is it any waste of time to write of love? The trials of life are in it, but in a narrow ring and a fierier. You may learn to know yourself through love, as you do after years of life, whether you are fit to lift them that are about you, or whether you are but a cheat, and a load on the backs of your fellows. The impure perishes, the inefficient languishes, the moderate comes to its autumn of decay--these are of the kinds which aim at satisfaction to die of it soon or late. The love that survives has strangled craving; it lives because it lives to nourish and succour like the heavens.
But to strangle craving is indeed to go through a death before you reach your immortality.
But again, to write of a love perverted by all the elements contributing to foolishness, and foredoomed to chastis.e.m.e.nt, would be a graceless business. Janet and I went through our trial, she, you may believe, the braver under the most to bear.
I was taken by Temple down to the ship--smelling East of London, for the double purpose of trying to convince Captain Welsh of the extravagance of a piece of chivalry he was about to commit, and of seeing a lady with a history, who had recently come under his guardianship. Temple thought I should know her, but he made a mystery of it until the moment of our introduction arrived, not being certain of her ident.i.ty, and not wishing to have me disappointed. It appeared that Captain Welsh questioned his men closely after he had won his case, and he arrived at the conclusion that two or three of them had been guilty of false swearing in his interests. He did not dismiss them, for, as he said, it was twice a bad thing to turn sinners loose: it was to shove them out of the direct road of amendment, and it was a wrong to the population. He insisted, however, on paying the legal costs and an indemnity for the collision at sea; and Temple was in great distress about it, he having originally suggested the suspicion of his men to Captain Welsh. "I wanted to put him on his guard against those rascals," Temple said, "and I suppose,"
he sighed, "I wanted the old captain to think me enormously clever all round." He shook himself, and a.s.sumed a bearish aspect, significant of disgust and recklessness. "The captain "ll be ruined, Richie; and he"s not young, you know, to go on sailing his barque Priscilla for ever. If he pays, why, I ought to pay, and then you ought to pay, for I shouldn"t have shown off before him alone, and then the wind that fetched you ought to pay. Toss common sense overboard, there"s no end to your fine-drawings; that"s why it"s always safest to swear by the Judge."
We rolled down to the masts among the chimneys on the top of an omnibus.
The driver was eloquent on cricket-matches. Now, cricket, he said, was fine manly sport; it might kill a man, but it never meant mischief: foreigners themselves had a bit of an idea that it was the best game in the world, though it was a nice joke to see a foreigner playing at it!
None of them could stand to be bowled at. Hadn"t stomachs for it; they"d have to train for soldiers first. On one occasion he had seen a Frenchman looking on at a match. "Ball was. .h.i.t a shooter twixt the slips: off starts Frenchman, catches it, heaves it up, like his head, half-way to wicket, and all the field set to bawling at him, and sending him, we knew where. He tripped off: "You no comp.r.o.ng politeness in dis country." Ha! ha!"
To prove the aforesaid Frenchman wrong, we nodded to the driver"s laughter at his exquisite imitation.
He informed us that he had backed the Surrey Eleven last year, owing to the report of a gentleman-bowler, who had done things in the way of tumbling wickets to tickle the ears of cricketers. Gentlemen-batters were common: gentlemen-bowlers were quite another dish. Saddlebank was the gentleman"s name.
"Old Nandrew Saddle?" Temple called to me, and we smiled at the supposition of Saddlebank"s fame, neither of us, from what we had known of his bowling, doubting that he deserved it.
"Acquainted with him, gentlemen?" the driver inquired, touching his hat.
"Well, and I ask why don"t more gentlemen take to cricket? "stead of horses all round the year! Now, there"s my notion of happiness,"
said the man condemned to inactivity, in the perpetual act of motion; "cricket in cricket season! It comprises--count: lots o" running; and that"s good: just enough o" taking it easy; that"s good: a appet.i.te for your dinner, and your ale or your Port, as may be the case; good, number three. Add on a tired pipe after dark, and a sound sleep to follow, and you say good morning to the doctor and the parson; for you"re in health body and soul, and ne"er a parson "ll make a better Christian of ye, that I"ll swear."
As if anxious not to pervert us, he concluded: "That"s what I think, gentlemen."
Temple and I talked of the ancient raptures of a first of May cricketing-day on a sunny green meadow, with an ocean of a day before us, and well-braced spirits for the match. I had the vision of a matronly, but not much altered Janet, mounted on horseback, to witness the performance of some favourite Eleven of youngsters with her connoisseur"s eye; and then the model of an English lady, wife, and mother, waving adieu to the field and cantering home to entertain her husband"s guests. Her husband!
Temple was aware of my grief, but saw no remedy. I knew that in his heart he thought me justly punished, though he loved me.
We had a long sitting with Captain Welsh, whom I found immoveable, as I expected I should. His men, he said, had confessed their sin similarly to the crab in a hole, with one claw out, as the way of sinners was. He blamed himself mainly. "Where you have accidents, Mr. Richmond, you have faults; and where you have faults aboard a ship you may trace a line to the captain. I should have treated my ship"s crew like my conscience, and gone through them nightly. As it is, sir, here comes round one of your accidents to tell me I have lived blinded by conceit. That is my affliction, my young friend. The payment of the money is no more so than to restore money held in trust."
Temple and I argued the case with him, as of old on our voyage, on board the barque Priscilla, quite unavailingly.
"Is a verdict built on lies one that my Maker approves of?" said he. "If I keep possession of that money, my young friends, will it clothe me?
Ay, with stings! Will it feed me? Ay, with poison. And they that should be having it shiver and want!"
He was emphatic, as he would not have been, save to read us an example, owing to our contention with him. "The money is Satan in my very hands!"
When he had dismissed the subject he never returned to it.