Now as Monsieur Canard had more game to throw away than many have to eat, which yet have their own preserves, and thus more meat was sent to him by way of present than he and all his people could eat, so had he also daily many parasites, so that it seemed as if he kept open house.
And once on a time there visited him the king"s Master of the Ceremonies and other high personages, for whom he prepared a princely collation, as knowing well whom he needed to keep as his friends, namely, those that were ever about the king or stood well with him: and to shew them his great goodwill and give them every pleasure, he begged that I would, to honour him and to please the high personages present, let them hear a German song sung to the lute. This I did willingly, being in the mood (for commonly musicians be whimsical people), and so busied myself to play my best, and did so please the company that the Master of the Ceremonies said "twas great pity I could not speak French: for so could he commend me greatly to the king and queen. But my master, that feared lest I might be taken from his service, answered him, I was of n.o.ble birth and thought not to sojourn long in France, and so could hardly be used as a common musician. Thereupon the Master of the Ceremonies said he had never in his life found united in one person such rare beauty, so fine a voice, and such admirable skill upon the lute: and presently, said he, a comedy was to be played before the king at the Louvre: and could he but have my services, he hoped to get great honour thereby. This Monsieur Canard did interpret to me: and I answered, if they would but tell me what person I was to represent and what manner of songs I was to sing, I could learn both tune and words by heart and sing them to my lute, even if they were in the French tongue: for perhaps my understanding might be as good as that of a schoolboy such as they commonly use for such parts, though these must first learn both words and actions by heart.
So when the Master of the Ceremonies saw me so willing, he would have me promise to come to him next day in the Louvre to try if I was fit for the part: and at the time appointed I was there. The tunes of the songs I had to sing I could play at once perfectly upon the lute; for I had the notes before me: and thereafter I received the French words, to learn them by heart and likewise to p.r.o.nounce them, all which were interpreted for me in German, that I might use the actions fitted to the songs. All this was easy enough to me, and I was ready before any could have expected it, and that so perfectly (as Monsieur Canard declared) that ninety-nine out of a hundred that heard me sing would have sworn I was a born Frenchman. And when we came together for the first rehearsal, I did behave myself so plaintively with my songs, tunes, and actions that all believed I had often played the part of Orpheus, which I must then represent, and shew myself vexed for the loss of my Eurydice. And in all my life I have never had so pleasant a day as that on which our comedy was played. Monsieur Canard gave me somewhat to make my voice clearer: but when he tried to improve my beauty with oleum talci and to powder my curly hair that shone so black he found he did but spoil all. So now was I crowned with a wreath of laurel and clad in an antique sea-green robe in which all could see my neck, the upper part of my breast, my arms above the elbow and my knees, all bare and naked. About it was wrapped a flesh-coloured cloak of taffety that was more like a flag than a cloak: and in this attire I languished over my Eurydice, called on Venus for help in a pretty song, and at last led off my bride: in all which action I did play my part excellently, and gazed upon my love with sighs and speaking eyes. But when I had lost my Eurydice, then did I put on a dress of black throughout, made like the other, from out of which my white skin shone like snow. In this did I lament my lost wife, and did conjure up the case so piteously that in the midst of my sad tunes and melodies the tears would burst forth and my weeping choked the pa.s.sage of my song: yet did I play my part right well till I came before Pluto and Proserpina in h.e.l.l. To them I represented in a most moving song their own love that they bore to each other, and begged them to judge thereby with what great grief I and my Eurydice must have parted, and prayed with the most piteous actions (and all the time I sang to my lute) they would give her leave to return to me: and when they had said me "Yes,"
I took my leave with a joyful song to them, and was clever enough so to change my face, my actions, and my voice to a joyful tune that all that saw me were astonished. But when I again lost my Eurydice all unexpectedly I did fancy to myself the greatest danger wherein a man could find himself, and thereupon became so pale as if I would faint away: for inasmuch as I was then alone upon the stage and all spectators looked on me, I played my part the more carefully and got therefrom the praise of having acted the best. Thereafter I set me on a rock and began to deplore the loss of my bride with piteous words and a most mournful melody, and to summon all creatures to weep with me: upon that, all manner of wild beasts and tame, mountains, trees, and the like flocked round me, so that in truth it seemed as if "twere all so done in unnatural fas.h.i.+on by enchantment. Nor did I make any mistake at all till the end: but then when I had renounced the company of all women, had been murdered by the Bacchantes and cast into the water (which had been so prepared that one could see only my head, for the rest of my body was beneath the stage in perfect safety), where the dragon was to devour me, and the fellow that was inside the dragon to work it could not see my head and so did let the dragon"s head wag about close to mine, this seemed to me so laughable that I could not choose but make a wry face, which the ladies that looked hard upon me failed not to perceive.
From this comedy I earned, besides the high praise that all gave me, not only an excellent reward, but I got me yet another nickname, for thenceforth the French would call me naught but "Beau Alman." And as "twas then carnival-time, many such plays and ballets were represented, in all which I was employed: but at last I found I was envied by others because I mightily attracted the spectators, and in especial the women, to turn their eyes on me: so I made an end of it, and that particularly because I received much offence on one occasion, when, as I fought with Achelous for Dejanira, as Hercules, and almost naked, I was so grossly treated as is not usual in a stage-play.
By this means I became known to many high personages, and it seemed as if fortune would again s.h.i.+ne upon me: for "twas even offered me to enter the king"s service, of which many a great Jack hath not the chance: yet I refused: but much time I spent with ladies of quality that would have me sing and play to them, for both my person and my playing pleased them. Nor will I deny that I gave myself up to the temptations of the Frenchwomen, that entertained me secretly and rewarded me with many gifts for my services, till in the end I was wearied of so vile and shameful a trade, and determined so to play the fool no longer.
NOTE.--The fourth and fifth chapters of the original edition are devoted to a prolix and tedious account of an adventure--if adventure it may be called--of the kind hinted at in the last sentence of the third chapter. It is absolutely without connection with Simplicissimus"s career as an actor in the war; has no interest as a picture of manners; and finally, can be read much better in Bandello, from whose much livelier story (vol. iv., novel 25, of the complete editions) it is copied. It is therefore omitted here.
_Chap. iv._; HOW SIMPLICISSIMUS DEPARTED SECRETLY AND HOW HE BELIEVED HE HAD THE NEAPOLITAN DISEASE
By this my occupation I gathered together so many gratifications both in money and in things of worth that I was troubled for their safety, and I wondered no longer that women do betake themselves to the stews and do make a trade of this same beastly and lewd pursuit; since it is so profitable. But now I did begin to take this matter to heart, not indeed for any fear of G.o.d or p.r.i.c.k of conscience, but because I dreaded that I might be caught in some such trick and paid according to my deserts. So now I planned to come back to Germany, and that the more so because the commandant at Lippstadt had written to me he had caught certain merchants of Cologne, whom he would not let go out of his hands till my goods were first delivered to him: item, that he still kept for me the ensigncy he had promised, and would expect me to take it up before the spring: for if I came not then he must bestow it upon another. And with his letter my wife sent me one also full of all loving a.s.surances of her hope to have me back. (Had she but known how I had lived she had surely sent me a greeting of another sort.)
Now could I well conceive "twould be hard to have my conge from Monsieur Canard, and so did I determine to depart secretly so soon as I could find opportunity: which (to my great misfortune) I found. For as I met on a time certain officers of the Duke of Weimar"s army, I gave them to understand I was an ensign of the regiment of colonel S(aint) A(ndre) and had been a long time in Paris on mine own affairs, yet now was resolved to return to my regiment, and so begged they would take me as their travelling-companion on their journey back. So they told me the day of their departure and were right willing to take me with them: thereupon I bought me a nag and made my provision for the journey as secretly as I could, got together my money (which was in all some 500 doubloons, all which I had earned from those shameless women), and without asking leave of Monsieur Canard went off with them; yet did I write to him, and did date the letter from Maestricht; so as he might think I was gone to Cologne: in this I took leave of him, with the excuse that I could stay no longer when my business at home required my presence.
But two nights out from Paris "twas with me as with one that hath the erysipelas, and my head did so ache that next morning I could not rise: and that in a poor village where I could have no doctor and, what was worse, none to wait upon me: for the officers rode on their way next morning and left me there, sick to death, as one that concerned them not: yet did they commend me and my horse to the host at their departure and left a message for the mayor of the place that he should have respect to me as an officer that served the king. So there I lay for a couple of days and knew naught of myself, but babbled like a fool. Then they fetched the priest to me: but he could get nothing reasonable from me: and since he saw he could not heal my soul he thought on means to help my body as far as might be, to which end he had me bled and a sudorific given me, and had me put into a warm bed to sweat. This served me so well that the same night I did know where I was and whence I had come and that I was sick. Next morning came the said priest to me again and found me desperate: for not only had my money all been stolen, but I did believe I had (saving your presence) the French disease: for I had deserved this more than my pistoles, and I was spotted over my whole body like a leopard: nor could I either walk or stand, or sit or lie: and now was my patience at an end: for though I could not well believe "twas G.o.d had given me the gold I had lost, yet was I now so reckless that I saw "twas the devil had stolen it from me! Yea, and I behaved as if I were quite desperate, so that the good priest had much ado to comfort me, seeing that the shoe pinched me in two places.
"My friend," says he, "behave yourself like a reasonable man, even if ye cannot embrace your cross like a good Christian. What do ye? Will ye with your money also lose your life and, what is more, your hopes of eternal salvation?" So I answered I cared not for the money; if I could but be rid of this accursed sickness or were at least in a place where I could be cured. "Ye must have patience," answered the priest, "as must the poor children of whom there lie in this place over fifty sick of this disease." So when I heard that children also were sick of it, I was straightway cheered, for I could not well suppose that such would catch that filthy disease: so I reached for my valise to see what might still be there: but save my linen there was naught there but a casket with a lady"s portrait, set round with rubies, that one at Paris had presented to me. The portrait I took out and gave the rest to the priest with the request he would turn it into money in the next town, so that I might have somewhat to live upon. Of which the end was that I got scarce the third part of its worth, and since that lasted not long my nag must go too: all which barely kept me till the pock-holes began to dry and I to get better.
_Chap. v._: HOW SIMPLICISSIMUS PONDERED ON HIS PAST LIFE, AND HOW WITH THE WATER UP TO HIS MOUTH HE LEARNED TO SWIM
Wherewithal a man sinneth, therewith is he wont to be punished. This smallpox did so handle me that thenceforward I needed not to fear the women. I got such holes in my face that I looked like a barn-floor whereon they have threshed peas: yea, I became so foul of aspect that my fine curls in which so many women had been tangled were shamed of me and left their home: in place of which I got others that were so like a hog"s bristles that I must needs wear a wig, and even as outwardly no beauty remained to me, so also my sweet voice departed--for I had had my throat full of sores. Mine eyes, that heretofore none ever found to lack the fire of love enough to kindle any heart, were now as red and watery as those of any old wife of eighty years that hath the spleen.
And above all I was in a foreign land, knew neither dog nor man that would treat me fairly, was ignorant of their language, and had no money left.
So now I first began to reflect, and to lament the n.o.ble opportunities which had aforetime been granted to me for the furthering of my fortunes, which yet I had so wantonly let go by. I looked back and marked how my extraordinary luck in war and my treasure-trove had been naught but a cause and preparation for my ill fortune, which had never been able to cast me so far down had it not by a false countenance first raised me so high. Yea, I found that the good things that had happened to me, and which I had accounted truly good, had been truly bad, and had brought me to the depth of misery. Now was there no longer a hermit to deal so faithfully with me, no Colonel Ramsay to rescue me in my need, no priest to give me good advice; and, in a word, no one man that would do me a good turn: but when my money was gone I was told to be off and find a place elsewhere, and might, like the prodigal son, be glad to herd with the swine. So now first I bethought me of that priest"s good advice, that counselled I should employ my youth and my wealth for study: but "twas too late to shut the stable-door now that the horse was stolen. O swift and miserable change! Four weeks ago I was a fellow to move princes to wonder, to charm women, and that made the people believe me a masterpiece of nature, yea an angel, but now so wretched that the very dogs did bark at me. I bethought me a thousand times what I must do: for the host turned me from the door so soon as I could pay no more. Gladly would I have enlisted, but no recruiting officer would take me as a soldier, for I looked like a scarecrow: work could I not, for I was still too weak, and besides used to no handicraft. Nothing did comfort me more than that "twas now summer coming, and I could at a pinch lodge behind any hedge, for none would suffer me in any house. I had my fine apparel still, that I had had made for my journey, besides a valise full of costly linen that none would buy from me as fearing I might saddle him also with the disease.
This I set on my shoulder, my sword in my hand and the road under my feet, which led me to a little town that even possessed an apothecary"s shop. Into this I went, and bade him make me an ointment to do away the pock-marks on my face, and because I had no money I gave him a fine soft s.h.i.+rt; for he was not so nice as the other fools that would take no clothes of me. For, I thought, if thou art but rid of these vile spots, "twill soon better thy case for thee.
Yea, and I took the more heart because the apothecary a.s.sured me that in a week one would see little except the deep scars that the sores had eaten in my face. "Twas market-day there, and there too was a tooth-drawer that earned much money, in return for which he was always ready with his ribald jests for the crowd. "O fool," says I to myself, "why dost thou not also set up such a trade? Beest thou so long with Monsieur Canard, and hast not learned enough to deceive a simple peasant and get thy victuals? Then must thou be a poor creature indeed."
_Chap. vi._: HOW HE BECAME A VAGABOND QUACK AND A CHEAT
Now at that time was I as hungry as a hunter: for my belly was not to be appeased; and yet I had naught in my poke save a single golden ring with a diamond that was worth some twenty crowns. This I sold for twelve: and because I could plainly see these would last but for a time if I could earn nothing besides, I determined to turn doctor. So I bought me the materials for an electuary and made it up: likewise out of herbs, roots, b.u.t.ter, and aromatic oils a green salve for all wounds, wherewith one might have cured a galled horse: also out of calamine, gravel, crab"s-eyes, emery, and pumice-stone a powder to make the teeth white: furthermore a blue tincture out of lye, copper, sal ammoniac and camphor, to cure scurvy, toothache, and eye-ache. Likewise I got me a number of little boxes of tin and wood to put my wares in; and to make a reputable show I had me a bill composed and printed in French, on which could be read for what purpose each of these remedies was fitted. And in three days I was ended with my task, and had scarce spent three crowns on my drugs and gallipots when I left the town. So I packed all up and determined to walk from one village to another as far as Alsace and to dispose of my wares on the way, and thereafter, if opportunity offered, to get to the Rhine at Stra.s.sburg to betake myself with the traders to Cologne, and from there to make my way to my wife.
Which design was good, but the plan failed altogether.
Now the first time I took my stand before a church with my wares and offered them my gain was small indeed, for I was far too shamefaced, and neither would my talk nor my bragging patter run well: and from that I saw at once I must go another way to work if I would gain money.
So I went with my trumpery into the inn, and at dinner I learned from the host that in the afternoon all manner of folk would come together under the lime-tree before his house. And there he said I might sell something, if only my wares were good: but there were so many rogues in the land that people were mightily chary of their money unless they had real proof before their eyes that the medicine was truly good.
So when I found where the shoe pinched I got me a half-winegla.s.s full of strong Stra.s.sburg Branntwein, and caught a kind of toad called Reling or Mohmlein, that in spring and summer sits in dirty pools and croaks, gold colour or nearly salmon colour with black spots on its belly, most hateful to see. Such an one I put in a winegla.s.s with water and set it by my wares on a table under the lime-tree. And when the people began to gather together and stood round me, some thought I would, with the tongs that I had borrowed from the hostess, pull out teeth. But I began thus: "My masters and goot frients (for I could still speak but little French), I be no tooths-cracker, only I haf goot watter for ze eye, zat make all ze running go way from ze red eye."
"Yea," says one, "that can one see by thine own eyes, that be like to two will-o"-the-wisps." "And zat is true," says I, "but if I had not ze watter sure I were quite blint: besides, I sell not ze watter. Ze elegtuary and ze powder for ze white tooths and ze wound-salve, zese will I sell, but ze watter I gif avay mit dem! For I be no quack nor no cheater: I do sell mine elegtuary: and when I haf tried it, if it blease you not you needs not to puy it."
So I bade one of them that stood by to choose any one of my boxes of electuary, out of which I made a pill as large as a pea, and put it into my Branntwein, which the people took for water, and there pounded it up and then picked up the toad with the tongs out of the water-gla.s.s and said, "See, my goot frients, if this fenomous worm do drink mine elegtuary wizout dying, so is ze ting no goot, and zenn puy it not."
With that I put the poor toad, that had been born in water and could bear no other element or liquor, into the Branntwein, and held it covered in with a paper so that he could not leap out: which began to struggle and to wriggle, yea, to do worse than if I had thrown him upon red-hot coals, for the Branntwein was much too strong for him: and after a short time he died and stretched out his four legs. At that the peasants opened their mouths and their purses too when they saw so plain a proof with their own eyes: for now they believed there could be no better electuary on earth than mine, and I had enough to do to wrap up the stuff in the printed papers and take money for it.
For some of them did buy three, four, five, six times so much, that they might at need be provided with so sure an antidote against poison: yea, they bought also for their friends and kinsfolk that dwelt in other places, so that from this foolery (though "twas no market-day) I gained by the evening ten crowns, and still kept more than the half of my wares. The same night I betook myself to another village, as fearing lest some peasant should be so curious as to put a toad in water to try the virtue of my electuary, and if it should fail my back should suffer for it.
But to shew the excellence of my antidote in another way, I made me, of meal, saffron, and galls, a yellow a.r.s.enic, and of meal and vitriol a sublimate of mercury; and when I would show the effect of it I had ready two like gla.s.ses of fresh water on the table, whereof one was pretty strongly mixed with aqua fortis: into this I stirred a little of my electuary and dropped in as much of my two poisons as was needed: then was one water, that had no electuary (but also no aqua fortis) in it, as black as ink, while the other, by reason of the aqua fortis, remained as it was. "Aha," said they all, "see, that is truly a marvellous electuary for so little money!" And then when I poured both together again the whole was clear once more: at that the good peasants dragged out their purses and bought of me: which not only helped my hungry belly, but also I could take horse again, earned much money on the way, and so came safely to the German border.
And so, my dear country-folks, put not your faith in quacks: or ye will be deceived by them, since they seek not your health but your wealth.
_Chap. vii._: HOW THE DOCTOR WAS FITTED WITH A MUSQUET UNDER CAPTAIN CURMUDGEON
Now as I pa.s.sed through Lorraine, my wares gave out, and because I must avoid garrison-towns I had no chance to get more: so must I devise another plan till I could make electuary again. So I bought me two measures of Branntwein and coloured it with saffron, and sold it in half-ounce gla.s.ses to the people as a gold water of great price, good against fever, and so my two measures brought me in thirty gulden. But my little gla.s.ses running short, and I hearing of a gla.s.s-maker that dwelt in the county of Fleckenstein, I betook myself thither to equip myself afresh, but seeking for by-paths was by chance caught by a picket from Philippsburg that was quartered in the castle of Wagelnburg, and so lost all that I had wrung out of the people by my cheats on the journey; and because the peasant that went with me to shew the way told the fellows I was a doctor, as a doctor I must w.i.l.l.y-nilly be taken to Philippsburg. There was I examined and spared not to say who I was in truth; which they believed not, but would make more of me than I could well be: for I should and must remain a doctor.
Then must I swear I belonged to the Emperor"s dragoons in Soest and declare on my oath all that had happened to me from then to now and what I now intended. "But," said they, "the Emperor had need of soldiers as much at Philippsburg as at Soest: and so would they give me entertainment, till I had good opportunity to come to my regiment: but if this plan was not to my taste, I might content myself to remain in prison and be treated as a doctor till I should be released; for as a doctor I had been taken."
So I came down from a horse to a donkey, and must become a musqueteer against my will: which vexed me mightily, for want was master there, and the rations terrible small: I say not to no purpose "terrible" for I was terrified every morning when I received mine: for I knew I must make that suffice for the whole day which I could have made away with at a meal without trouble. And to tell truth "tis a poor creature, a musqueteer, that must so pa.s.s his life in a garrison, and make dry bread suffice him--yea, and not half enough of that: for he is naught else than a prisoner that prolongs his miserable life with the bread and water of tribulation: nay, a prisoner hath the better lot, for he needs neither to watch, nor to go the rounds, nor stand sentry, but lies at rest and has as much hope as any such poor garrison-soldier in time at length to get out of his prison. "Tis true there were some that bettered their condition, and that in divers ways, but none that pleased me and seemed to me a reputable way to gain my food. For some in this miserable plight took to themselves wives (yea, the most vile women at need) for no other cause than to be kept by the said women"s work, either with sewing, was.h.i.+ng and spinning, or with selling of old clothes and higgling, or even with stealing: there was a she-ensign among the women that drew her pay as a corporal: another was a midwife, and so earned many a good meal for herself and her husband: another could starch and wash: others laundered for the unmarried soldiers and officers s.h.i.+rts, stockings, sleeping-breeches and I know not what else, from which they had each her special name. Others did sell tobacco and provide pipes for the fellows that had need of them: others dealt in Branntwein: another was a seamstress, and could do all manner of embroidery and cut patterns to earn money: another gained a livelihood from the fields only; in winter she gathered snails, in spring salad-herbs, in summer she took birds"-nests, and in autumn she would gather fruit of all kinds: a few carried wood for sale like a.s.ses, and others traded with this and that. Yet to gain my support in such a way was not for me: for I had a wife already. Other fellows did gain a livelihood by play, for at that they were better than sharpers and could get their simple comrades" money from them with false dice: but such a profession I loathed. Others toiled like beasts of burden at the ramparts; but for that I was too lazy: and some knew and could practise a trade, but I, poor creature, had learned none such: "tis true if any had had need of a musician I could have filled the place well, but that land of hunger was content with drums and fifes. Some stood sentry for others and night and day came never off duty, but I would sooner starve than so torment my body: some got them booty by expeditions: but I was not even trusted to go outside the gates: others could go a-mousing better than any cat, but such a trade I hated worse than the plague. In a word, wherever I turned, I could hit on no way to fill my belly. Yet what vexed me most of all was this, that I must needs endure all manner of gibes when my comrades said, "What, thou a doctor, and hast no art but to starve?"
At length did hunger force me to inveigle a few fine carp out of the town ditch up to me on the wall: but as soon as the colonel was ware of it I must ride the torture-horse for it, and was forbidden on pain of death to exercise that art further. At the last others" misfortune proved my good luck. For having cured a few patients of jaundice and two of fever (all which must have had a particular belief in me), it was allowed me to go out of the fortress on the pretence of collecting roots and herbs for my medicines: instead of which I did set snares for hares and had the luck to catch two the first night: these I brought to the colonel, and so got not only a thaler as a present, but also leave to go out and catch hares whensoever I was not on duty. Now because the country was waste and no man there to catch the beasts, which had therefore mightily multiplied, there came grist to my mill again, insomuch that it seemed as if it rained hares, or as if I could charm them into my snares. So when the officers saw they could trust me I was allowed to go out on plundering parties: and there I began again my life as at Soest, save that I might no longer lead and command such parties as heretofore in Westphalia; for for that "twas needful to know all highways and byways and to be well acquainted with the Rhine stream.
_Chap. viii._: HOW SIMPLICISSIMUS ENDURED A CHEERLESS BATH IN THE RHINE
Yet must I tell you of a couple of adventures before I say how I was again freed from my musquet, and one in truth of great danger to life and limb, the other only of danger to the soul, wherein I did obstinately persist: for I will conceal my vices no more than my virtues, in order that not only may my story be complete, but also that the untravelled reader may learn what strange blades there be in this world.
As I said at the end of the last chapter, I might now go out with foraging-parties, which in garrison towns is not granted to every loose customer, but only to good soldiers. So once on a time nineteen of us together went up to the Rhine to lie in wait for a s.h.i.+p of Basel that was given out to carry secretly officers and goods of the Duke of Weimar"s army. So above Ottenheim we got us a fis.h.i.+ng-boat wherein to cross over and post ourselves on an eyot that lay handy to compel all s.h.i.+ps that drew near to come to land, to which end ten of us were safely ferried over by the fisherman. But when one of us that could at other times row well was fetching over the remaining nine, of whom I was one, the skiff suddenly capsized and in a twinkling we lay together in the Rhine. I cared not much for the others, but thought of myself.
But though I strained to the utmost and used all the arts of a good swimmer, yet the stream played with me as with a ball, tossing me about, sometimes over, sometimes under. I fought so manfully that I often came up to get breath: but had it been colder, I had never been able to hold out so long and to escape with my life. Often did I try to win to the bank, but the eddies hindered me, tossing me from one side to another: and though "twas but a short time before I came opposite Goldscheur, it seemed to me so long that I despaired of my life. But when I had pa.s.sed that village and had made sure I must pa.s.s under the Stra.s.sburg Rhine-bridge dead or alive, I was ware of a great tree whose branches stretched into the river not far from me. To this the stream flowed straight and strong: for which cause I put forth all the strength I had left to get to the tree, wherein I was most lucky, so that by the help both of the water and my own pains I found myself astride upon the biggest branch, which at first I had taken for a tree: which same was yet so beaten by waves and whirlpools that it kept bobbing up and down without ceasing, and so shook up my belly that I wellnigh spewed up lungs and liver. Hardly could I keep my hold, for all things danced strangely before my eyes. And fain would I have slipped into the water again, yet found I was not man enough to endure even the hundredth part of such labour as I had so far accomplished. So must I stick there and hope for an uncertain deliverance, which G.o.d must send me if I was to get off alive. But in this respect my conscience gave me but cold comfort, bidding me remember that I had so wantonly rejected such gracious help a year or two before; yet did I hope for the best, and began to pray as piously as I had been reared in a cloister, determining to live more cleanly in future; yea, and made divers vows. Thus did I renounce the soldier"s life and forswore plundering for ever, did throw my cartridge-box and knapsack from me, and naught would suffice me but to become a hermit again and do penance for my sins, and be thankful to G.o.d"s mercy for my hoped-for deliverance till the end of my days, and when I had spent two or three hours upon the branch between hope and fear there came down the Rhine that very s.h.i.+p for which I was to help lie in wait. So I lifted up my voice piteously and screamed for help in the name of G.o.d and the last Judgment, and because they must needs pa.s.s close to me, and therefore the more clearly see my wretched plight, all in the s.h.i.+p were moved to pity, so that they put to land to devise how best to help me. And because, by reason of the many eddies that were all round me (being caused by the roots and branches of the tree), it was not possible to swim out to me without risk of life nor to come to me with any vessel, small or great, my helping needed much thought: and how I fared in mind meanwhile is easy to guess. At last they sent two fellows into the river above me with a boat, that let a rope float down to me and kept one end of it themselves. The other end I with great trouble did secure, and bound it round my body as well as I could, so that I was drawn up by it into the boat like a fish on a line and so brought into the s.h.i.+p.
So now when I had in this fas.h.i.+on escaped death, I had done well to fall on my knees on the bank and thank G.o.d"s goodness for my deliverance, and moreover then begin to amend my life as I had vowed and promised in my deadly need. But far from it. For when they asked me who I was and how I had come into this peril I began so to lie to the people that it might have made the heavens turn black: for I thought, if thou sayst thou wast minded to help plunder them, they will cast thee into the Rhine again. So I gave myself out for a banished organist, and said that as I would to Stra.s.sburg to seek a place as schoolmaster or the like on the upper Rhine, a party had captured me and stripped me and thrown me into the Rhine, which brought me to that same tree. And as I contrived to trick out these my lies finely, and also strengthened them with oaths, I was believed, and all kindness shewn me in the matter of food and drink to refresh me, of which I had great need indeed.
At the custom-house at Stra.s.sburg most did land, and I with them, giving them all thanks; and among them I was ware of a young merchant whose face and gait and actions gave me to understand that I had seen him before: yet could I not remember where, but perceived by his speech that "twas that very same cornet that had once made me prisoner: and now could I not conceive how from so fine a young soldier he had been turned into a merchant, specially since he was a gentleman born. Yea, my curiosity to know if my eyes and ears deceived me or not urged me to go to him and say, "Monsieur Schonstein, is it you or not?" to which he answered, "I am no Herr von Schonstein but a simple trader." "And I too," says I, "was never a huntsman of Soest but an organist, or rather a land-tramping beggar." And "O brother!" he answered, "what the devil trade art thou of? whither art thou bound?" "Brother," said I, "if thou beest chosen by heaven to help preserve my life, as hath now happened for the second time, then "tis certain that my destiny requires that I should not be far from thee."
Then did we embrace as two true friends, that had aforetime promised to love one another to the death. I must to his quarters and tell him all that had befallen me since I had left Lippstadt for Cologne to fetch my treasure, nor did I conceal from him how I had intended to lay wait for their s.h.i.+p with a party, and how we had fared therein. And he on his part confided to me how he had been sent by the Hessian General Staff to Duke Bernhard of Weimar on business of the greatest import concerning the conduct of the war: to bring reports and to confer with him on future plans and campaigns, all which he had accomplished and was now on his way back in the disguise of a merchant, as I could see.
By the way also he told me that my bride at his departure was expecting child-bed, and had been well entreated by her parents and kinsfolk, and furthermore that the colonel still kept the ensigncy for me. Yet he jested at me by reason of my pock-marked face, and would have it that neither my wife nor the other women of Lippstadt would take me for the Huntsman. So we agreed I should lodge with him and on this opportunity return to Lippstadt which was what I most desired. And because I had naught but rags upon me he lent me some trifle in money, wherewith I equipped myself like to an apprentice-lad.
But as "tis said, "What will be, must be," that I now found true: for as we sailed down the river and the s.h.i.+p was examined at Rheinhausen, the Philippsburgers knew me again, seized me and carried me off to Philippsburg, where I had to play the musqueteer as before: all which angered my friend the cornet as much as myself: for now must we separate: and he could not much take my part, for he had enough to do to get through himself.