"Dear Elizabeth, let me help you decide where to put your things." Meredith reached for Elizabeth"s elbow and led her out the door. "Mr. Wily, join us outside, please. I believe my brother has a bit of business to take care of, and I would love to show Miss Elizabeth more of our lovely place."
As she pa.s.sed, her eyes pleaded with her brother; then her gaze landed on Fiona. "I didn"t know," she whispered.
Elizabeth ignored the scene unfolding around her and offered Tucker a smile before disappearing outside. "What a lovely place you have here, Merry," echoed through the open door as their footsteps receded. "I had no idea Alaska could be so beautiful."
"Tucker, say something. Didn"t you just make the same promise to me?"
He let out a long breath and dropped into the nearest chair, scrubbing his face with his palms as he studied the floor. An eternity later, he looked into her eyes. "Yes," he said slowly, "but I promised her first."
"You promised her first?" The words emerged, but her feelings remained numb, stuck somewhere between disbelief and disgust. "First?"
Fiona"s nails dug into her palms, and she tightened her fingers into fists. If only she were a man. Then she could slug Tucker and be done with it.
No, she decided as she forced herself to breathe again. She would never be done with this.
Ever.
"Fiona, please say something."
Tucker"s pleading look left Fiona cold. If her feet weren"t rooted to the floor, she might have run. Instead, she stood still and watched the room spin.
"I love you, Fiona, but I have to honor the promise I made." He rose and took a step toward her. "I thought she didn"t want me anymore. I thought-no, I was certain I had been released from my obligation to marry her."
Fiona found her voice and her anger. "But now you"ve decided you haven"t been?"
"It"s obvious I am not free to choose you." His anguished whisper did not move her.
"Then you and I have nothing further to discuss."
Without sparing Tucker Smith so much as a glance, Fiona calmly packed what she could carry and walked out into the Alaskan sunshine. Three steps from the cabin door, she went numb altogether, a merciful respite from the feelings formerly battling for release.
A quick glance back revealed Tucker standing in the doorway. "Fiona, please," he said.
She stopped short and whirled around. "Please what? Please stay?"
A stricken look crossed his face. "I can"t ask that of you."
"No," she said as she tightened her grip on her bag, "you can"t, can you?" Another moment and she might have run back to him, so Fiona turned away.
Just over the rise, she spied Mr. Wily and called to him. He nodded and loped over to relieve her of some of her luggage.
"You"ll be fine, miss," he said, and Fiona noted his face showed neither surprise nor sympathy.
"I will, won"t I?" she said to his retreating back.
"What"s going on here?" Ian called. "It looks as if you"re leaving."
Fiona met Ian on the way to the river and kissed her brother and nephew good-bye. "It"s time for me to go."
He seemed to be at a loss for words. Fiona decided to help him with an explanation.
"It seems as though there"s one too many women here, big brother," she said. "You really ought to go up and get to know Tucker"s fiancee. She"s quite lovely."
"Tucker"s what?" He shook his head. "I thought you and he, well...surely you misunderstood. That was in the past."
"Perhaps Tucker misunderstood, because it seems as though he is still affianced to Elizabeth."
Mr. Wily approached, and Fiona handed him the rest of her bags. She waited until he disappeared before continuing her conversation with Ian.
"Now, I hate to keep Mr. Wily waiting, Ian, but I do want to talk about one more thing. Da will not be happy about my leaving so soon."
He shook his head. "Fiona, I"m more worried about what you"re unhappy about. Please just come back to the house, and let"s talk about this. There must be an explanation for whatever you think you"ve seen."
"I know what I saw." She looked past him to the sky, now a brilliant blue. "You"re not going to try and stop me, are you, Ian?"
Ian entwined his fingers with hers, and she glanced back at him balancing the sleeping baby on his opposite shoulder. "Let one of us go with you, Fiona. It"s not safe for a woman to travel alone."
"Thank you, but Mr. Wily will see me to Goose Chase. Doc Killbone told me he"d be sure I got to Oregon in time for school if that was what I wanted to do." Fiona looked her brother in the eyes and tried to hold her tears at bay. "I"ll help the doctor at the clinic until he can secure pa.s.sage for me."
Ian looked worried. "Braden and I will come into Goose Chase to see you off. Would that be all right?"
Fiona kissed the top of the baby"s head and then did the same on her brother"s cheek. "That would be fine, Ian, but it"s not necessary."
"I didn"t ask if it was necessary." Douglas raised his head and then cuddled against Ian"s neck, eyes half closed. "Besides," Ian said softly, "you"ll need the rest of your things. If the weather"s nice, we"ll bring Douglas and the wives and make it a real family send-off."
"All right. I"ll take a room at the boardinghouse next door to the doctor"s office. It"s safe and clean, and the rooms aren"t expensive."
"Yes, I know the place." He seemed to be studying her or perhaps trying to think of something to say.
Unable to remain under her brother"s scrutiny, Fiona stepped away and glanced over at the river where Wily stood waiting. "Tell Merry I love her. I don"t hold this against her," she said. "And tell her I would like it very much if she supported her brother in his upcoming marriage but never mentioned anything to me of the details."
Ian considered the request before saying, "I think you ought to tell her yourself."
"I will," she said slowly, "but not today. I just can"t."
"Fair enough," Ian said. "What should I tell Tucker?"
"Tucker who?"
Chapter 11.
The trip downriver to Goose Chase seemed to happen in a fog. As was his habit, Mr. Wily said only a few words. He did occasionally nod or shake his head, leaving Fiona to wonder whether he was offering an opinion on the day"s events or thinking of something else altogether.
When they reached Goose Chase, she watched Mr. Wily scurry past with her bags. "Where are you going?" she called.
"Boardinghouse," was his curt response.
"Of course."
She followed in a numb state and allowed herself to be led to a small suite on the front corner of the rooming house by the elderly proprietor. As soon as the woman left, Fiona crossed the compact parlor to the bedroom and shut the door behind her. Exhaustion sifted through her like heavy sand, and she lay back on the narrow bed.
"What happened, Lord? I was so happy. Was that just this afternoon?" Tears welled, but she closed her eyes against them. "Or was it a lifetime ago?"
Fiona gave herself over to sleep so deep that she had difficulty awakening. Was it a nap or a night"s worth of slumber? The sun shining high in the sky gave no clue, nor did the tiredness in her bones.
This time of year, the sun dipped below the horizon for minutes, not hours, and even then darkness never quite came. To think she might have considered living the rest of her life under such conditions.
Sighing, Fiona let her eyes droop once more. She tried to pray, but much as she wanted to, she could not get beyond the question of why G.o.d allowed her happiness to be so short lived. Da would remind her that happiness is never guaranteed, but for the moment, she didn"t care to hear it.
"To be truthful, I never did care to hear it," she said with a chuckle. "Oh, Da, what will I be telling you about this escapade of mine?"
A knock at the door startled her, and she sat bolt upright, her head swimming. "Yes?" she managed as she smoothed her hair.
"You"ve got a visitor, miss," the proprietor said.
Fiona"s heart leaped. Tucker had come for her. She climbed to her feet. "Tell Mr. Smith I"ll be right down."
"No, miss," she said. "It"s the doctor to see you down in the parlor. Doc Killbone, that is."
Fiona swallowed her disappointment then walked to the bowl and pitcher. "Tell him I"ll be down directly, please."
The image that met Fiona across the basin was a stranger. She quickly averted her gaze and poured water into the basin. Her face washed and hair combed and neatly tucked into a braid, she descended the stairs to meet the town doctor.
"Forgive me for making you wait, Dr. Killbone," she said as she shook his hand.
"Nonsense, dear." The doctor studied her much the same as Ian had only yesterday. Or was it the day before? "When Mr. Wily delivered your brother"s note, I must say I was surprised. I had to come and see for myself that you"d actually decided to take me up on my offer to see to your safe pa.s.sage to medical school. That is why you"re here, isn"t it?"
She nodded her head. "Yes, absolutely. Did you say my brother sent you a note?"
"Yes, indeed." The doctor patted his front pocket. "Short and sweet it was. Asked me to see to your safety and to send word if he didn"t make it to town before you left."
"But how?" She shook her head. "How did Ian send a note?"
"Oh, it weren"t Ian. Braden"s the one who sent the note." He smiled. "I can see you"re confused. It seems as though Mr. Wily ran into Braden on the way out with the woman from Texas. I guess your brother figured you"d be heading for the hills when he found out who Wily was carrying upstream."
"So Braden knew?" Her eyes narrowed. "And you know. Who else knows about my humiliation?"
"There, there, now," the doctor said. "Goose Chase is a small town, I"ll give you that, but we"re private people. We don"t cotton to disparaging words being said about our own."
"Our own," she repeated. "Funny how I didn"t feel like I belonged until I had to make the choice to stay or go. I certainly don"t pretend to understand what the Lord"s planning now."
Doc Killbone crossed his arms over his chest. "Oh, I don"t know, Miss Rafferty. Perhaps the Lord is merely guiding you away in order to prepare you for your return." He paused. "Now tell me, Fiona Rafferty, are you certain you want to take those folks at the college up on their offer to educate you in medicine?"
Was she? "Sure as I can be right now," she answered honestly.
Again he studied her. Then he slowly began to nod. "Fair enough. In that case, I believe I can recommend a suitable escort and a ship heading south."
"Escort?" Fiona shook her head. "I came here alone, and I can certainly go home the same way."
"Dear, if I recall, the reverend and his wife sent you forth from Skagway under the supervision of Mrs. Minter"s brother, the ship"s captain." His brows shot up. "I rarely forget these things."
"Yes, that"s true," she said. "It seems so long ago I nearly forgot."
"Time pa.s.ses quickly, I"ve found, when we are most happy. I warrant you will blink and find medical college has ended." He smiled. "Rarely do I find someone so well suited to the trade. Now don"t forget your promise to come back here and help me someday."
"I won"t forget," she said, "but I wonder if I might ask one favor from you."
He gave her a sideways glance. "What"s that, dear?"
"Might you write my da? He"s going to be awful upset when he finds out what I"ve done. I wonder if you might tell him what you"ve told me about my apt.i.tude for the healing arts."
Dr. Killbone considered her words. At last, he nodded. "Of course, I"d be happy to do that. Why, if I had a daughter, I would be proud if she turned out like you."
She almost cried. Instead, she focused her attention on listening to the doctor as he told her about the trip she would be making. "It"ll be another ten days before she sails, but-"
"Ten days?" Fiona rose and began to pace. "Forgive me, Dr. Killbone, but I expected I would be leaving much sooner."
"I"m sorry," he said, "but that"s the best I could do."
At the kind doctor"s distraught expression, Fiona forced a smile. "Yes, well, then I will just have to make the best of it, won"t I?"
"Are you sure?"
Ten days spent in the same town with Tucker Smith and his fiancee? No, she"d never make the best of that. Never. "Of course," she said.
"Then let me tell you about the trip. It"s a mite confusing, but I"ll write it all down if you think that"ll help."
"Yes, please," she said.
The doctor removed a slip of paper from his pocket and began to draw on it. By the time he finished, Fiona had more questions than tears.
The biggest question of all, the one she dared not ask anyone but the Lord, was about Tucker. She uttered it later that night as she once again lay on the narrow bed, waiting for sleep to overtake her.
"Lord, why did You let me fall in love with him?"
"Lord, why didn"t you stop me from loving her?" Tucker scrubbed his face with his hands, then sat back to lean against the hard rocks where he had once toiled happily. "Why didn"t you just stop me? Why?"
The words echoed in the small chamber and wrapped around his broken heart. Never would he forget Fiona Rafferty.
Yet his honor forbade him from allowing these feelings free rein. He must keep his word. To do any less would put him in the same category as his father.