194.2 – Aboard a Carriage
Likely because it is rare for Xue Qilin to a.s.sume such a serious and sincere att.i.tude, Qi Qiqi was momentarily taken aback. Then, she turned her head slowly and stared at Xue Qilin with wide open eyes.
“Tell me, I must know.”
“Do you really want to hear…?”
Qi Qiqi hesitated. She should be deciding whether to tell her or not. In response, Xue Qilin nodded firmly and said the two words “I do”.
Qi Qiqi was silent for a long while, either deliberating on the wording, or still hesitating. Finally, she sighed.
“Okay, I"ll tell you. Anyway, what happened to Qing"er is not a secret.”
It"s not a secret, it"s just difficult to speak about — Qi Qiqi"s expression conveys this sentiment.
“When Qing"er was born, her mother died because of a dystocia. I heard that the main reason was that she was unable to have a smooth delivery, which caused Madam Gong to collapse… Consequently, the birth of her younger brother, who was still in the belly, was delayed because of this, and he ended up with a sickly body.
Did such a thing happen? A bitterness suddenly flooded Xue Qilin"s nose.
In light of Little Qing"s character, she must feel responsible for it.
— is this really Little Qing"s fault? Xue Qilin thinks that it is not, it definitely is not.
However, people are often unreasonable.
Xue Qilin can treat this matter so neutrally because she is an outsider. If she was in Gong Yue"s position, she would perhaps only be able to face Gong Tianqing with an ambivalent att.i.tude of love and hatred, and maybe would even have taken her anger out on her.
Ignorance does not equal innocence, and helplessness does not equal blamelessness.
Because of this —
“Gong Yue thinks that it"s Little Qing"s fault?”
Xue Qilin asked dispiritedly.
As a result, Qi Qiqi shook her head.
“I"m not sure, but I think it is the case.”
A sad smile appeared on Qi Qiqi"s face. It is a kind of kindness known as “pity”.
“The first time I saw Qing"er, she was covered with bruises. She was obviously beaten. Furthermore, I witnessed –”
Suddenly, there was the sound of bones cracking.
Qi Qiqi clenched her fists, clenched them tightly unconsciously, her crystal nails about to sink into the flesh of her palms. Consequently, Xue Qilin extended her hands gently and wrapped the girl"s fist firmly, silent.
Was the warmth from the la.s.s"s palms transmitted? Probably yes.
Qi Qiqi loosened her grip gradually. She smiled weakly at Xue Qilin, and then continued, “Gong Yue hit Little Qing in front of me, he hit her very hard. At that time, Little Qing was very thin, even thinner than a refugee. She must not have eaten well. When I saw that punch, I was immediately afraid, afraid that this weak la.s.s would die like this… however –”
Qi Qiqi lowered her head, and her long eyelashes trembled imperceptibly.
“… smiled, yet Qing"er smiled, giving off the impression that she "is happy to be hit"… Qilin, can you imagine? That smile…”
Xue Qilin thought — it must have been a smile full of warmth, because only this kind of smile can be worthy of the word “happy”.
However — something must be wrong…
Otherwise, who could blossom into a happy smile while in pain?
Unhappiness and happiness are two sides of the same coin. Although they are closely related, but they are diametrically opposite.
Just as light can be found in the dark, but dark cannot be turned into light, so can people measure happiness in unhappiness, but they can never feel happiness in unhappiness.
Only if you mistake dark for light, can unhappiness become happiness.
“At that time, I thought that I couldn"t let her go on like this, that I had to take her away from Gong Yue. There"s a problem, I think there"s a problem… I asked her to come with me. At first, she didn"t agree and asked me why. However, when I said that she could help more people if she went with me, she agreed without hesitation. At that moment, I finally understood that the was not Gong Yue, but Qing"er…”
After listening to Qi Qiqi, Xue Qilin suddenly recalled Gong Tianqing"s figure always running around.
Gong Tianqing, who was always busy, seemed to have a distorted tendency — sacrificing herself for others.
“I didn"t understand, not until later.” Qi Qiqi"s gaze is filled with sorrow, “What she craved was to be "needed".”
— being needed.
Xue Qilin finally understood why Gong Tianqing always readily agreed to other people"s requests and tried her best, without considering whether she could do it, nor whether it would affect her life and rights.
The reason why she helped others was purely due to her desire of “being needed”, so as to reflect her value, rather than out of goodwill.
Um, it"s a twisted thing.
There is something wrong with Gong Tianqing. It is the first time Xue Qilin became aware of this. At the same time, the fog that covers Gong Tianqing was slightly dispersed, making the other party"s appearance reflected in her eyes clearer.
The distance between the two seems to have narrowed by a little.
However, that may not be enough. It needs to be shorter.
“Since I didn"t know what to do with Qing"er, I could only keep her by my side as much as possible and watch over her, so as not to let her act recklessly.”
Qi Qiqi looked at Xue Qilin with a help-seeking gaze. Her voice contained the shade of weeping.
“What I fear is not that she will be abused when she returns to the Gong Clan, but her twisted tendency of self-sacrifice. Because I know that she can… for the words — "I need you".”
This is the reason why Qi Qiqi is so worried, why she so frantically looked for Gong Tianqing"s whereabouts before.
Because she can forgo life.
Because Gong Tianqing can sacrifice himself for only — “I need you”.
… what, isn"t Little Qing [3] a bigger fool than Little Qing[4]? Xue Qilin is in a complicated mood.
But she knows what she should do — no, it"s what she"s eager to do right now. The emotions coiling the depths of her heart have already given her the answer.
The delicate face, which looks like it can start weeping at any moment, is right in front of her eyes.
Xue Qilin hugged Qi Qiqi gently and let her head rest on her chest. Qi Qi is soft and warm, yet she can"t stop shivering.
She must feel very uneasy.
“Little Seven, don"t worry.”
“I will bring Little Qing back.”
Qi Qiqi, with tears in her eyes, raised her head and looked at the la.s.s with a wavering expression, as if to ask — “really?”.
This is the first time Xue Qilin has seen Qi Qiqi look so fragile, as if she"ll break from a touch.
Her heart ached.
At this time, there is only one thought in Xue Qilin"s mind — you cannot make her cry.
Xue Qilin wiped the tears from Qi Qiqi"s eyes, and then releases her hands, which were wound around the other party"s waist.
“Humph humph, of course I will!”
The la.s.s deliberately used an insufferably arrogant tone, stunning Qiqi. The latter, as if a kitten that just woke up, didn"t respond for a while.
After snapping out of it, Qi Qiqi left Xue Qilin"s warm bosom, not knowing whether to laugh or cry.
“Really, just when I thought you were a little reliable, you had to adopt such an appearance… what do I do with you?”
Qi Qiqi looked at Xue Qilin askance, vexed.
Feeling embarra.s.sed by the act of intimacy, her cheeks turned faintly red, which makes her look rather cute.
“Be at ease!” Xue Qilin patted her chest complacently, “I always keep my word!”
“Really?”
Her promise only evoked suspicion in Qi Qiqi.
Despite this, Xue Qilin nodded heavily.
“– because I"m a selfish person!”
A voice full of spirit rode the wind far away.
But who knows if it will succeed in reaching Gong Tianqing"s ears.
[3] – Gong Tianqing
[4] – Luo Qing