Rendel pulled down the lid of the table, drawing a sort of long breath as he did so, like one who has cleared the big fence immediately in front of him, and is ready for the next. Sir William"s breath was coming and going quickly.
"I"m afraid you don"t look very fit for chess, Sir William," he said kindly, struck with his father-in-law"s look of haggard anxiety and illness.
"No," Sir William said feebly, "not to-day, I"m afraid."
"I"m sorry to see you like this," Rendel said. "Let me help you upstairs. What have you been doing with yourself since I left you? You don"t look nearly so well as when you came down."
"I feel a little faint," Sir William said. "It would be better for me to go and rest now, perhaps." And leaning on Rendel"s arm, and followed solicitously by Rachel, he went upstairs.
CHAPTER XV
The night pa.s.sed slowly and restlessly for Sir William Gore, although he slept from sheer exhaustion, and even when he was not sleeping was in a state of semi-coma, without any clear perception of what had happened.
But in his dreams he lived through one quarter of an hour of the day before, over and over and over again, always with the same result, always with the same sense of some unexpected, horrible, shameful catastrophe, that was to lead to his utter humiliation. That was the impression that still remained when at last the morning came, and he finally awoke to the life of another day. Over and over again he went over the situation as he lay there, Pateley"s words ringing in his ears, his looks present before him. Again he felt the sensation of absolute sickness at his heart that had gripped him at the moment he had realised that the map had been photographed, pa.s.sing as much out of his own power as though he had given it to a man in the street. Does any one really acknowledge in his inmost soul that he has on a given occasion done "wrong," without an immeasurable qualifying of that word, without a covert resentment at the way other people may label his action? There is but one person in the world who even approximates to knowing the history of any given deed. The very fact of s.n.a.t.c.hing it from its context puts it into the wrong proportion, the fact of contemplating it as though it were something deliberate, separate, complete in itself, apart from all that has led up to it, apart from the complication and pressure of circ.u.mstance. Sir William went over and over again in his mind all that had happened the day before, trying to realise under what aspect his actions would appear to others--over and over again, until everything became blurred and he hardly knew under what aspect they appeared to himself. He felt helplessly indignant with Fate, with Chance, that had with such dire results made him the plaything of a pa.s.sing impulse. Then with the necessity of finding an object for his anger, his thoughts turned first to Rendel, who had primarily put him in the position of gaining the knowledge he had used to such disastrous effect, and then to Pateley, who had taken it from him.
It is unpleasant enough for a child, at a time of life generally familiar with humiliation and chastis.e.m.e.nt, to see the moment nearing when his guilt will be discovered: but it is horrible for a man who is approaching old age, who is dignified and respected, suddenly to find himself in the position of having something to conceal, of being actually afraid of facing the judgment and incurring the censure of a younger man. And at that moment Gore felt as if he almost hated the man whose hand could hurl such a thunderbolt. Then his thoughts turned to Pateley, to the probable result of his operations in the City. In the other greater anxiety which he himself had suddenly imported into his life, that first care, which yet was important enough, of the "Equator,"
had almost sunk out of sight. Would the mine turn out to be a gold mine after all? What would Pateley be able to do? Would he be able to make enough to cover his liabilities? and his head swam as he tried to remember what these might amount to.
In the meantime Rendel, in a very different frame of mind from that of his father-in-law, or, indeed, from that of his own of the night before, filled with a buoyant thrill of expectation, with the sense that something was going to happen, that everything might be going to happen, was looking out into life as one who looks from a watch tower waiting on fortune and circ.u.mstances, waiting confident and well-equipped without a misgiving. The day was big with fate: a day on which new developments might continue for himself, the thrill of excitement of the night before, the sense of being in the foreground, of being actually hurried along in the front between the two giants who were leading the way. The dining-room was ablaze with sunshine as he came into it, and in the morning light sat Rachel, looking up at him with a smile when he came into the room.
"What an excellent world it is, truly!" said Rendel, as he came across the room.
"I am glad it is to your liking," she answered.
"You look very well this morning," said Rendel, looking at her, "which means very pretty."
"I don"t feel so especially pretty," said Rachel, with something between a smile and a sigh.
"Don"t you? Don"t have any illusions about your appearance," said Rendel. "Don"t suppose yourself to be plain, please."
"I am not so sure," said Rachel, as she began pouring out the tea.
"What is the matter with you?" said Rendel. "What fault do you find with the world, and your appearance?"
"I am perturbed about my father," she said, her voice telling of the very real anxiety that lay behind the words. "I don"t think he is as well as he was yesterday."
"Don"t you?" said Rendel, more gravely. "I am very sorry. What is the matter?"
"I can"t think," Rachel answered. "He may have done too much yesterday afternoon."
"He certainly looked terribly tired," said Rendel.
"Terribly," said Rachel, "but I can"t imagine why. He had been so absolutely quiet all the afternoon."
"Well, you take care of him to-day," said Rendel, unable to eliminate the cheerful confidence from his voice.
"I shall indeed," said Rachel.
"Oh, he"ll come all right again, never fear," said Rendel. "You mustn"t take too gloomy a view."
"You certainly seem inclined to take a cheerful one this morning," said Rachel, half convinced in spite of herself that all was well.
"Well, I do," said Rendel. "I must say that in spite of the prevalent opinion to the contrary, I feel inclined this morning to say that the scheme of the universe is entirely right; it is just to my liking. The sunshine, and my breakfast, and my wife----"
"I am glad I am included," she said.
"And the day to live through. What can a man wish for more?"
"It sounds as though you had everything you could possibly want, certainly," said Rachel, smiling at him.
"I don"t know," said Rendel, reflecting, "if it is that quite. The real happiness is to want everything you can possibly get. That is the best thing of all."
"And not so difficult, I should think," said Rachel.
"I am not sure," said Rendel. "I am not sure that it is quite an easy thing to have an ardent hold on life. Some people keep letting it down with a flop. But I feel as if I could hold it tight this morning at any rate. I do not believe there is a creature in the wide world that I would change places with at this moment," he went on, the force of his ardent hope and purpose breaking down his usual reserve.
"You are very enthusiastic to-day, Frank," she said.
"Well, one can"t do much without enthusiasm," said Rendel, continuing his breakfast with a satisfied air, "but with it one can move the world."
"Is that what you are going to do?" said Rachel.
"Yes," said Rendel nodding.
"Frank, I wonder if you will be a great man?"
"Can you doubt it?" said Rendel.
"Supposing," she said, "some day you were a sort of Lord Stamfordham."
"That is rather a far cry," he replied. "By the way, I wonder where the papers are this morning? Why are they so late?"
"They will come directly," Rachel said. "It is a very good thing they"re late, you can eat your breakfast in peace for once without knowing what has happened."
"That is not the proper spirit," said Rendel smiling, "for the wife of a future great man."
"The only thing is," said Rachel, "that if you did become a great man, I don"t think I should be the sort of wife for you. I am very stupid about politics, don"t you think so? I don"t understand things properly."
"I think you are exactly the sort of wife I want," said Rendel, "and that is enough for me. That is the only thing necessary for you to understand. I don"t believe you do understand it really."
"Then are you quite sure," she said, half laughing and half in earnest, "that you don"t like politics better than you do me?"
"Absolutely certain," said Rendel, with a slight change of tone that told his pa.s.sionate conviction. "I wish you could grasp that in comparison with you, nothing matters to me."
"Nothing?" she repeated.