I just don"t care much whether I do or not." With which Methuen began tuning the radio by his bed, ignoring the interns.
Exactly twelve hours later, at 10 A.M., Ira Methuen"s room in the hospital was found to be vacant. A search of the hospital failed to locate him. The only clue to his disappearance was the fact that his radio had been disemboweled. Tubes, wires, and condensers lay in untidy heaps on t e floor.
The New Haven police cars received instructions to look for a tall, thin man with gray hair and goatee, probably armed with death rays, disintegrators, and all the other advanced weapons of fact and fiction.
For hours they scoured the city with screaming sirens. They finally located the menacing madman, sitting placidly on a park bench three blocks from the hospital and reading a newspaper. Far from resisting, he grinned at them and looked at his watch. "Three hours and forty-eight minutes. Not bad, boys, not bad, considering how carefully I hid myself."
One of the cops pounced on a bulge in Methuen"s pocket. The bulge was made by another wire contraption. Methuen shrugged. "My hyperbolic solenoid.
Gives you a conical magnetic field, and enables you to manipulate ferrous objects at a distance. I picked the lock of the door to the elevators with it."
When Bruce Inglehart arrived at the hospital about four, he was told Methuen was asleep. That was amended to the statement that Methuen was getting up, and could see a visitor in a few minutes. He found Methuen in a dressing gown.
Methuen said: "h.e.l.lo, Bruce. They had me wrapped up in a wet sheet, like a mummy. It"s swell for naps; relaxes you. I told "em they could do it whenever they liked. I think they were annoyed about my getting out."
Inglehart was slightly embarra.s.sed.
Methuen said: "Don"t worry; I"m not mad at you. I realize that nothing matters, including resentments. And I"ve had a most amusing time here.
Just watch them fizz the next time I escape."
"But don"t you care about your future?" said Inglehart. "They"ll transfer you to a padded cell at Middletown--" Methuen waved a hand.
"That doesn"t bother me. I"ll have fun there, too."
"But how about Johnny Black, and Dalrymple"s endowment?"
"I don"t give a d.a.m.n what happens to them."
Here the orderly stuck his head in the door briefly to check up on this unpredictable patient. The hospital, being short-handed, was unable to keep a continuous watch on him.
Methuen continued: "Not that I don"t like Johnny. But when you get a real sense of proportion, like mine, you realize that humanity is nothing but a sort of skin disease on a ball of dirt, and that no effort beyond subsistence, shelter, and casual amus.e.m.e.nt is worth while. The State of Connecticut is willing to provide the first two for me, so I shall devote myself to the third. What"s that you have there?"
Inglehart thought, "They"re right; he"s become a childishly irresponsible scientific genius." Keeping his back to the door, the reporter brought out his family heirloom: a big silver pocket flask dating back to the fabulous prohibition period. His aunt Martha had left it to him, and he himself expected to will it to a museum.
"Apricot brandy," he murmured. Johnny had tipped him off to Methuen"s tastes.
"Now, Bruce, that"s something sensible. Why didn"t you bring it out sooner, instead of making futile appeals to my sense of duty?"
The flask was empty. Ira Methuen sprawled in his chair. Now and then he pa.s.sed a hand across his forehead. He said: "I can"t believe it. I can"t believe that I felt that way half an hour ago. O Lord, what have I done?"
"Plenty," said Inglehart.
Methuen was not acting at all drunk. He was full of sober remorse.
"I remember everything--those inventions that popped out of my mind, everything. But I didn"t care. How did you know alcohol would counteract the Methuen injection?"
"Johnny figured it out. He looked up its effects, and discovered that in ma.s.sive doses it coagulates the proteins in the nerve cells. He guessed it would lower their conductivity to counteract the increased conductivity through the gaps between them that your treatment causes."
"So," said Methuen, "when I"m sober I"m drunk, and when I"m drunk I"m sober. But what"ll we do about the endowment--my new department and the laboratory and everything?"
"I don"t know. Dalrymple"s leaving tonight; he had to stay over a day on account of some trustee business. And they won"t let you out for a while yet, even when they know about the alcohol counter-treatment.
Better think of something quick, because the visiting period is pretty near up.
Methuen thought. He said: "I remember how all those inventions work, though I couldn"t possibly invent any more of them unless I went back to the other condition." He shuddered. "There"s the soft-speaker, for instance "What"s that?"
"It"s like a loud-speaker, only it doesn"t speak loudly. It throws a supersonic beam, modulated by the human voice to give the effect of audible sound-frequencies when it hits the human ear. Since you can throw a supersonic beam almost as accurately as you can throw a light beam, you can turn the soft-speaker on a person, who will then hear a still small voice in his ear apparently coming from nowhere. I tried it on Dugan one day. It worked. Could you do anything with that?"
"I don"t know. Maybe."
"I hope you can. This is terrible. I thought I was perfectly sane and rational. Maybe I was--Maybe nothing is important. But I don"t feel that way now, and I don"t want to feel that way again--" The omnipresent ivy, of which Yale is so proud, affords splendid handholds for climbing. Bruce Inglehart, keeping an eye peeled for campus cops, swarmed up the big tower at the corner of Bingham Hall. Below, in the dark, Johnny waited.
Presently the end of a clothesline came dangling down. Johnny inserted the hook in the end of the rope ladder into the loop in the end of the line.
Inglehart hauled the ladder up and secured it, wishing that he and Johnny could change bodies for a while. That climb up the ivy had scared him and winded him badly. But he could climb ivy and Johnny couldn"t.
The ladder creaked under Johnny"s five hundred pounds. A few minutes later it slid slowly, jerkily up the wall, like a giant centipede.
Then Inglehart, Johnny, ladder, and all were on top of the tower.
Inglehart got out the soft-speaker and trained the telescopic sight on the window of Dalrymple"s room in the Taft, across the intersection of College and Chapel Streets. He found the yellow rectangle of light.
He could see into about half the room. His heart skipped a few beats until a stocky figure moved into his field of vision. Dalrymple had not yet left. But he was packing a couple of suitcases.
Inglehart slipped the transmitter clip around his neck, so that the transmitter nestled against his larynx. The next time Dalrymple appeared, Inglehart focused the crosshairs on the steel man"s head. He spoke: "Hanscom Dalrymple!" He saw the man stop suddenly. He repeated: "Hanscom Dalrymple!"
"Huh?" said Dalrymple. "Who the h.e.l.l are you? Where the h.e.l.l are you?"
Inglehart could not hear him, of course, but he could guess.
Inglehart said, in solemn tones: "I am your conscience."
By now Dalrymple"s agitation was evident even at that distance.
Inglehart continued: "Who squeezed out all the common stockholders of Hephaestus Steel in that phony reorganization?" Pause. "You did, Hanscom Dalrymple!
"Who bribed a United States senator to swing the vote for a higher steel tariff, with fifty thousand dollars and a promise of fifty thousand more, which was never paid?" Pause. "You did, Hanscom Dalrymple!
"Who promised Wendell Cook the money for a new biophysics building, and then let his greed get the better of him and backed out on the thin excuse that the man who was to have headed the new department had had a nervous breakdown?" Pause, while Inglehart reflected that "nervous breakdown" was merely a nice way of saying "gone nuts."
"You did, Hanscom Dalrymple!
"Do you know what"ll happen to you if you don"t atone, Dalrymple?
You"ll be reincarnated as a spider, and probably caught by a wasp and used as live fodder for her larvee. How will you like that, heh-heh?
"What can you do to atone? Don"t be a sap. Call up Cook. Tell him you"ve changed your mind, and are renewing your offer!" Pause. "Well what are you waiting for? Tell him you"re not only renewing it, but doubling it!" Pause.
"Tell him--" But at this point Dalrymple moved swiftly to the telephone. Inglehart said, "Ah, that"s better, Dalrymple," and shut off the machine.
Johnny asked: "How did you know awr zose sings about him?"
"i got his belief in reincarnation out of his obit down at the shop.
And one of our rewrite men who used to work in Washington says everybody down there knows about the other things. Only you can"t print a thing like that unless you have evidence to back it up."
They lowered the rope ladder and reversed the process by which they had come up. They gathered up their stuff and started for the Phelps mansion.
But as they rounded the comer of Bingham they almost ran into a familiar storklike figure. Methuen was just setting up another contraption at the corner of Welch.
"h.e.l.lo," he said.
Man and bear gaped at him. Inglehart asked: "Did you escape again?"
"Uh-huh. When I sobered up and got my point of view back. It was easy, even though they"d taken my radio away. I invented a hypnotizer, using a light bulb and a rheostat made of wire from my mattress, and hypnotized the orderly into giving me his uniform and opening the doors for me. My, my, that was amusing."
"What are you doing no,v?" Inglehart became aware that Johnny"s black pelt had melted off into the darkness.
"This? Oh, I dropped around home and knocked together an improved soft-speaker. This one"ll work through masonry walls. I"m going to put all the undergraduates to sleep and tell "em they"re monkeys. When they wake up, it will be most amusing to see them running around on all fours and scratching and climbing the chandeliers. They"re practically monkeys to begin with, so it shouldn"t be difficult."
"But you can"t, professor! Johnny and I just went to a lot of trouble getting Dalrymple to renew his offer. You don"t want to let us down, o you?
"What you and Johnny do doesn"t matter to me in the slightest. Nothing matters. I"m going to have my fun. And don"t try to interfere, Bruce."
Methuen pointed another gla.s.s rod at Inglehart"s middle. "You"re a nice young fellow, and it would be too bad if I had to let you have three hours" acc.u.mulation of sun-ray energy all at once."
"But this afternoon you said--"
"I know what I said this afternoon. I was drunk and back in my old state of mind, full of responsibility and conscientiousness and such bunk. I"ll never touch the stuff again if it has that effect on me. Only a man who has received the Methuen treatment can appreciate the futility of all human effort."
Methuen shrank back into the shadows as a couple of undergraduates pa.s.sed.
Then he resumed work on his contraption, using one hand and keeping Inglehart covered with the other. Inglehart, not knowing what else to do, asked him questions about the machine. Methuen responded with a string of technical jargon. Inglehart wondered desperately what to do.
He was not an outstandingly brave young man, especially in the face of a gun or its equivalent. Methuen"s bony hand never wavered. He made the adjustments on his machine mostly by feel.
"Now," he said, "that ought to be about right. This contains a tonic metronome that will send them a note of frequency of 349 cycles a second, with 68.4 pulses of sound a minute. This, for various technical reasons, has the maximum hypnotic effect. From here I can rake the colleges along College Street--" He made a final adjustment.
"This will be the most amusing joke yet. And the cream of it is that, since Connecticut is determined to consider me insane, they can"t do anything to me for it! Here goes, Bruce--Phew, has somebody started a still here, or what? I"ve been smelling and tasting alcohol for the last five minutes--ouch!"
The gla.s.s rod gave one dazzling flash, and then Johnny"s hairy black body catapulted out of the darkness. Down went Ira Methuen, all the wind knocked out of him.
"Quick, Bruce!" barked Johnny. "Pick up zat needre sprayer I dropped.
Unscrew ze container on ze bottom. Don"t spirr it. Zen come here and pour it down his sroat!"
This was done, with Johnny holding Methuen"s jaws apart with his claws, like Sampson slaying the lion, only conversely.
They waited a few minutes for the alcohol to take effect, listening for sounds that they had been discovered. But the colleges were silent save for the occasional tick of a typewriter.
Johnny explained: "I ran home and got ze needre sprayer from his room.
Zen I got Webb, ze research a.s.sistant in biophysics, to ret me in ze raboratory for ze arcohor. Zen I try to sneak up and squirt a spray in his mouse whire he talks. I get some in, but I don"t get ze sprayer adjusted right, and ze spray hit him before it breaks up, and stings him. I don"t have fingers you know. So we have to use what ze books cawr brute force."
Methuen began to show signs of normalcy. As without his gla.s.s rod he was just a harmless old professor, Johnny let him up. His words tumbled out: "I"m so glad you did, Johnny--you saved my reputation, maybe my life. Those fatheads at the hospital wouldn"t believe I had to be kept full of alcohol, so, of course, I sobered up and went crazy again--maybe they"ll believe now. Come on; let"s get back there quickly. If they haven"t discovered my absence, they might be willing to keep this last escape quiet. When they let me out, I"ll work on a permanent cure for the Methuen treatment. I"ll find it, if I don"t die of stomach ulcers from all the alcohol I"ll have to drink."
Johnny waddled up Temple Street to his home, feeling rather smug about his ability as a fixer. Maybe Methuen, sober, was right about the futility of it all. But if such a philosophy led to the upsetting of Johnny"s pleasant existence, Johnny preferred Methuen drunk.
He was glad Methuen would soon be well and coming home. Methuen was the only man he had any sentimental regard for. But as long as Methuen was shut up, Johnny was going to take advantage of that fact. When he reached the Phelps mansion, instead of going directly in, he thrust a foreleg around behind the hedge next to the wall. It came out with a huge slab of chewing tobacco. Johnny bit off about half the slab, thrust the rest back in its cache, and went in, drooling happily a little at each step. Why not First published: 1941
NIGHTFALL
by Isaac Asimov
If the stars should appear one night in a thousand years, how would men believe and adore, and preserve for many generations the remembrance of the city of G.o.d!--Emerson
ATON 77, DIRECTOR OF SARO UNIVERSITY, THRUST OUT A BELLIGERENT lower lip and glared at the young newspaperman in a hot fury.
Theremon 76 took that fury in his stride. In his earlier days, when his now widely syndicated column was only a mad idea in a cub reporter"s mind, he had specialized in "impossible" interviews. It had cost him bruises, black eyes, and broken bones; but it had given him an ample supply of coolness and self-confidence.
So he lowered the outthrust hand that had been so pointedly ignored and calmly waited for the aged director to get over the worst. Astronomers were queer ducks, anyway, and if Aton"s actions of the last two months meant anything, this same Aton was the queer-duckiest of the lot.
Aton 77 found his voice, and though it trembled with restrained emotion, the careful, somewhat pedantic, phraseology, for which the famous astronomer was noted, did not abandon him.
"Sir," he said, "you display an infernal gall in coming to me with that impudent proposition of yours."
The husky telephotographer of the Observatory, Beenay 5, thrust a tongue"s tip across dry lips and interposed nervously, "Now, sir, after all--" The director turned to him and lifted a white eyebrow. "Do not interfere, Beenay. I will credit you with good intentions in bringing this man here; but I will tolerate no insubordination now."
Theremon decided it was time to take a part. "Director Aton, if you"ll let me finish what I started saying I think--"
"I don"t believe, young man," retorted Aton, "that anything you could say now would count much as compared with your daily columns of these last two months. You have led a vast newspaper campaign against the efforts of myself and my colleagues to organize the world against the menace which it is now too late to avert. You have done your best with your highly personal attacks to make the staff of this Observatory objects of ridicule."
The director lifted the copy of the Saro City Chronicle on the table and shook it at Theremon furiously. "Even a person of your well-known impudence should have hesitated before coming to me with a request that he be allowed to cover today"s events for his paper. Of all newsmen, you!"
Aton dashed the newspaper to the floor, strode to the window and clasped his arms behind his back.
"You may leave," he snapped over his shoulder. He stared moodily out at the skyline where Gamma, the brightest of the planet"s six suns, was setting.