I wouldn"t want her to see anything like that. How"d she happen to come here, Pete?"
"Drifted in on the last gasp of a busted-up Navy helicopter."
"Yeah, but why?"
"Search me. Get your head out of that gift-horse"s mouth."
He went into the washroom, smiling and glad that he still could. He undressed and put his neatly folded clothes down on a bench. There were a soap-wrapper and an empty tooth-paste tube lying near the wall.
He picked them up and put them in the catchall, took the mop that leaned against the part.i.tion and mopped the floor where Sonny had splashed after shaving.
Someone had to keep things straight. He might have worried if it were anyone else but Sonny. But Sonny wasn"t cracking up. Sonny always had been like that. Look there. Left his razor out again.
Pete started his shower, meticulously adjusting the valves until the pressure and temperature exactly suited him. He did nothing carelessly these days. There was so much to feel, and taste, and see now. The impact of water on his skin, the smell of soap, the consciousness of light and heat, the very pressure of standing on the soles of his feet ... he wondered vaguely how the slow increase of radioactivity in the air, as the nitrogen trans.m.u.ted to Carbon Fourteen, would affect him if he kept carefully healthy in every way. What happens first?
Blindness? Headaches?
Perhaps a loss of appet.i.te or slow fatigue?
Why not look it up?
On the other hand, why bother? Only a very small percentage of the men would die of radioactive poisoning. There were too many other things that killed more quickly, which was probably just as well. That razor, for example. It lay gleaming in a sunbeam, curved and clean in the yellow light. Sonny"s father and grandfather had used it, or so he said, and it was his pride and joy.
Pete turned his back on it, and soaped under his arms, concentrating on the tiny kisses of bursting bubbles. In the midst of a recurrence of disgust at himself for thinking so often of death, a staggering truth struck him. He did not think of such things because he was morbid, after all! It was the very familiarity of things that brought death-thoughts. It was either "I shall never do this again" or "This is one of the last times I shall do this." You might devote yourself completely to doing things in different ways, he thought madly. You might crawl across the floor this time, and next time walk across on your hands. You might skip dinner tonight, and have a snack at two in the morning instead, and eat gra.s.s for breakfast.
But you had to breathe. Your heart had to beat. You"d sweat and you"d shiver, the same as always. You couldn"t get away from that. When those things happened, they would remind you. Your heart wouldn"t beat out its wunklunk, wunklunk any more. It would go one-less, one-less, until it yelled and yammered in your ears and you had to make it stop.
Terrific polish on that razor.
And your breath would go on, same as before. You could sidle through this door, back through the next one and the one after, and figure out a totally new way to go through the one after that, but your breath would keep on sliding in and out of your nostrils like a razor going through whiskers, making a sound like a razor being stropped.
Sonny came in. Pete soaped his hair. Sonny picked up the razor and stood looking at it. Pete watched him, soap ran into his eyes, he swore, and Sonny jumped.
"What are you looking at, Sonny? Didn"t you ever see it before?"
"Oh, sure. Sure. I just was--" He shut the razor, opened it, flashed light from its blade, shut it again. "I"m tired of using this, Pete.
I"m going to get rid of it. Want it?"
Want it? In his foot-locker, maybe. Under his pillow. "Thanks, no Sonny.
Couldn"t use it."
"I like safety razors," Sonny mumbled. "Electrics, even better. What are we going to do with it?"
"Throw it in the--no." Pete pictured the razor turning end over end in the air, half open, gleaming in the maw of the catchall. "Throw it out the--" No. Curving out into the long gra.s.s. He might want it. He might crawl around in the moonlight looking for it. He might find it.
"I guess maybe I"ll break it up."
"No," Pete said. "The pieces--" Sharp little pieces. Hollow-ground fragments. "I"ll think of something. Wait"ll I get dressed."
He washed briskly, toweled, while Sonny stood looking at the razor. It was a blade now, and if it were broken it would be shards and glittering splinters, still razor sharp. If it were ground dull with an emery wheel, somebody could find it and put another edge on it because it was so obviously a razor, a fine steel razor, one that would slice so "I know. The laboratory. We"ll get rid of it," Pete said confidently.
He stepped into his clothes, and together they went to the laboratory wing.
It was very quiet there. Their voices echoed.
"One of the ovens," said Pete, reaching for the razor.
"Bake-ovens? You"re crazy!"
Pete chuckled. "You don"t know this place, do you? Like everything else on the base, there was a lot more went on here than most people knew about.
They kept calling it the bakeshop. Well, it was research headquarters for new high-nutrient flours. But there"s lots else here. We tested utensils and designed vegetable-peelers and all sorts of things like that. There"s an electric furnace in there that--" He pushed open a door.
They crossed a long, quiet, cluttered room to the thermal equipment.
"We can do everything here from annealing gla.s.s, through glazing ceramics, to finding the melting point of frying pans." He clicked a switch tentatively.
A pilot light glowed. He swung open a small, heavy door and set the razor inside. "Kiss it goodbye. In twenty minutes it"ll be a puddle."
"I want to see that," said Sonny. "Can I look around until it"s cooked?"
"Why not?"
They walked through the laboratories. Beautifully equipped they were, and too quiet. Once they pa.s.sed a major who was bent over a complex electronic hook-up on one of the benches. He was watching a little amber light flicker, and he did not return their salute. They tiptoed past him, feeling awed at his absorption, envying it. They saw the models of the automatic kneaders, the vitaminizers, the remote signal thermostats and timers and controls.
"What"s in there?"
"I dunno. I"m over the edge of my territory. I don"t think there"s anybody left for this section. They were mostly mechanical and electronic theoreticians. Hey!"
Sonny followed the pointing hand. "What?"
"That wall-section. It"s loose, or--well, what do you know!"
He pushed at the section of wall which was very slightly out of line.
There was a dark s.p.a.ce beyond.
"What"s in there?"
"Nothing, or some semi-private hush-hush job. These guys used to get away with murder."
Sonny said, with an uncharacteristic flash of irony, "Isn"t that the Army theoretician"s business?"
Cautiously they peered in, then entered.
"Wh--hey! The door!"
It swung swiftly and quietly shut. The soft click of the latch was accompanied by a blaze of light.
The room was small and windowless. It contained machinery--a "trickle" charger, a bank of storage batteries, an electric-powered dynamo, two small self-starting gas-driven light plants and a diesel complete with sealed compressed-air starting cylinders. In the corner was a relay rack with its panel-bolts spot-welded. Protruding from it was a red-topped lever.
They looked at the equipment wordlessly for a time and then Sonny said, "Somebody wanted to make awful sure he had power for something."
"Now, I wonder what--" Pete walked over to the relay rack. He looked at the lever without touching it. It was wired up; behind the handle, on the wire, was a folded tag. He opened it cautiously. "To be used only on specific orders of the Commanding Officer."
"Give it a yank and see what happens."
Something clicked behind them. They whirled. "What was that?"
"Seemed to come from that rig beside the door."
They approached it cautiously. There was a spring-loaded solenoid attached to a bar which was hinged to drop across the inside of the secret door, where it would fit into steel gudgeons on the panel. It clicked again.
"A Geiger counter," said Pete disgustedly.
"Now why," mused Sonny, "would they design a door to stay locked unless the general radioactivity went beyond a certain point? That"s what it is. See the relays? And the overload switch there? And this?"
"It has a manual lock, too," Pete pointed out. The counter clicked again.
"Let"s get out of here. I got one of those things built into my head these days."
The door opened easily. They went out, closing it behind them. The keyhole was cleverly concealed in the crack between two boards.
They were silent as they made their way back to the QM labs. The small thrill of violation was gone.
Back at the furnace, Pete glanced at the temperature dial, then kicked the latch control. The pilot winked out, and then the door swung open.
They blinked and started back from the raging heat within. They bent and peered.
The razor was gone. A pool of brilliance lay on the floor of the compartment.
"Ain"t much left. Most of it oxidized away," Pete grunted.
They stood together for a time with their faces lit by the small shimmering ruin. Later, as they walked back to the barracks, Sonny broke his long silence with a sigh. "I"m glad we did that, Pete. I"m awful glad we did that."
At a quarter to eight they were waiting before the combination console in the barracks. All hands except Pete and Sonny and a wiry-haired, thick-set corporal named Bonze had elected to see the show on the big screen in the mess-hall. The reception was better there, of course, but, as Bonze put it, "You don"t get close enough in a big place like that."
"I hope she"s the same"," said Sonny, half to himself.
Why should she be? thought Pete morosely as he turned on the set and watched the screen begin to glow. There were many more of the golden speckles that had killed reception for the past two weeks ... Why should anything be the same, ever again?
He fought a sudden temptation to kick the set to pieces. It, and Starr Anthim, were part of something that was dead. The country was dead, a once real country--prosperous, sprawling, laughing, grabbing, growing, and changing, mostly healthy, leprous in spots with poverty and injustice, but systemically healthy enough to overcome any ill. He wondered how the murderers would like it. They were welcome to it, now. Nowhere to go. No one to fight. That was true for every soul on earth now.
"You hope she"s the same," he muttered.
"The show, I mean," said Sonny mildly. "I"d like to just sit here and have it like--like--" Oh, thought Pete mistily. Oh--that. Somewhere to go, that"s what it is, for a few minutes ... "I know," he said, all the harshness gone from his voice.
Noise receded from the audio as the carrier swept in. The light on the screen swirled and steadied into a diamond pattern. Pete adjusted the focus, chromic balance and intensity. "Turn out the lights, Bonze.
I don"t want to see anything but Starr Anthim."
It was the same, at first. Starr Anthim had never used the usual fanfares, fade-ins, color and clamor of her contemporaries. A black screen, then click! a blaze of gold. It was all there, in focus; tremendously intense, it did not change. Rather, the eye changed to take it in. She never moved for seconds after she came on; she was there, a portrait, a still face and a white throat. Her eyes were open and sleeping. Her face was alive and still.
Then, in the eyes which seemed green but were blue flecked with gold, an awareness seemed to gather, and they came awake. Only then was it noticeable that her lips were parted. Something in the eyes made the lips be seen, though nothing moved yet. Not until she bent her head slowly, so that some of the gold flecks seemed captured in the golden brows. The eyes were not, then, looking out at an audience. They were looking at me, and at me, and at ME.
"h.e.l.lo--you," she said. She was a dream, with a kid sister"s slightly irregular teeth.
Bonze shuddered. The cot on which he lay began to squeak rapidly.
Sonny shifted in annoyance. Pete reached out in the dark and caught the leg of the cot. The squeaking subsided.
"May I sing a song?" Starr asked. There was music, very faint. "It"s an old one, and one of the best. It"s an easy song, a deep song, one that comes from the part of men and women that is mankind--the part that has in it no greed, no hate, no fear. This song is about joyousness and strength.
It"s--my favorite. Is it yours?"
The music swelled. Pete recognized the first two notes of the introduction and swore quietly. This was wrong. This song was not for--this song was part of Sonny sat raptly. Bonze lay still.
Starr Anthim began to sing. Her voice was deep and powerful, but soft, with the merest touch of vibrato at the ends of the phrases. The song flowed from her, without noticeable effort, seeming to come from her face, her long hair, her wide-set eyes. Her voice, like her face, was shadowed and clean, round, blue and green but mostly gold.
When you gave me your heart, you gave me the world, You gave me the night and the day, And thunder, and roses, and sweet green gra.s.s, The sea, and soft wet clay.
I drank the dawn from a golden cup, From a silver one, the dark, The steed I rode was the wild west wind, My song was the brook and the lark.
The music spiraled, caroled, slid into a somber cry of muted hungry sixths and ninths; rose, blared, and cut, leaving her voice full and alone: With thunder I smote the evil of earth, With roses I won the right, With the sea I washed, and with clay I built, And the world was a place of light!
The last note left a face perfectly composed again, and there was no movement in it; it was sleeping and vital while the music curved off and away to the places where music rests when it is not heard.
Starr smiled.
"It"s so easy," she said. "So simple. All that is fresh and clean and strong about mankind is in that song, and I think that"s all that need concern us about mankind." She leaned forward. "Don"t you see?"
The smile faded and was replaced with a gentle wonder. A tiny furrow appeared between her brows; she drew back quickly. "I can"t seem to talk to you tonight," she said, her voice small. "You hate something."
Hate was shaped like a monstrous mushroom. Hate was the random speckling of a video plate. "
"What has happened to us," said Starr abruptly, impersonally, "is simple too. It doesn"t matter who did it--do you understand that? It doesn"t matter. We were attacked. We were struck from the east and from the west.
Most of the bombs were atomic--there were blast-bombs and there were dust-bombs. We were hit by about five hundred and thirty bombs altogether, and it has killed us."
She waited.
Sonny"s fist smacked into his palm. Bonze lay with his eyes open, open, quiet. Pete"s jaws hurt.
"We have more bombs than both of them put together. We have them. We are not going to use them. Wait!" She raised her hands suddenly, as if she could see into each man"s face. They sank back, tense.
"So saturated is the atmosphere with Carbon Fourteen that all of us in this hemisphere are going to die. Don"t be afraid to say it. Don"t be afraid to think it. It is a truth, and it must be faced. As the trans.m.u.tation effect spreads from the ruins of our cities, the air will become increasingly radioactive, and then we must die. In months, in a year or so, the effect will be strong overseas. Most of the people there will die too. None will escape completely. A worse thing will come to them than anything they have given us, because there will be a wave of horror and madness which is impossible to us. We are merely going to die. They will live and burn and sicken, and the children that will be born to them--" She shook her head, and her lower lip grew full. She visibly pulled herself together.