Rationalization, he accused himself. Of course, you"re rationalizing.
You want another hundred years as badly as you ever did. You want a chance at immortality. But you can"t have it and you trade eternal life for a sunset seen across a lake and it is well you can. It is a blessing that you can.
The senator made a rasping sound within his throat.
Behind him the telephone came to sudden life and he swung around. It chirred at him again. Feet pattered down the hall and the senator called out: "I"ll get it, Otto."
He lifted the receiver. "New York calling," said the operator.
"Senator Leonard, please."
"This is Leonard." Another voice broke in. "Senator, this is Gibbs."
"Yes," said the senator. "The executioner."
"I called you," said Gibbs, "to talk about the election."
"What election?"
"The one here in North America. The one you"re running in.
Remember?"
"I am an old man," said the senator, "and I"m about to die. I"m not interested in elections."
Gibbs practically chattered. "But you have to be. What"s the matter with you, senator? You have to do something. Make some speeches, make a statement, come home and stump the country. The party can"t do it all alone. You have to do some of it yourself."
"I will do something," declared the senator. "Yes, I think that finally I"ll do something."
He hung up and walked to the writing desk, snapped on the light. He got paper out of a drawer and took a pen out of his pocket.
The telephone went insane and he paid it no attention. It rang on and on and finally Otto came and answered.
"New York calling, sir," he said.
The senator shook his head and he heard Otto talking softly and the phone did not ring again.
The senator wrote: To Whom It May Concern: Then crossed it out.
He wrote: A Statement to the World: And crossed it out.
He wrote: A Statement by Senator Homer Leonard: He crossed that out, too.
He wrote: Five centuries ago the people of the world gave into the hands of a few trusted men and women the gift of continued life in the hope and belief that they would work to advance the day when longer life spans might be made possible for the entire population.
From time to time, life continuation has been granted additional men and women, always with the implied understanding that the gift was made under the same conditions--that the persons so favored should work against the day when each inhabitant of the entire world might enter upon a heritage of near-eternity.
Through the years some of us have carried that trust forward and have lived with it and cherished it and bent every effort toward its fulfillment.
Some of us have not.
Upon due consideration and searching examination of my own status in this regard I have at length decided that I no longer can accept further extension of the gift.
Human dignity requires that I be able to meet my fellow man upon the street or in the byways of the world without flinching from him. This I could not do should I continue to accept a gift to which I have no claim and which is denied to other men.
The senator signed his name, neatly, carefully, without the usual flourish.
"There," he said, speaking aloud in the silence of the night-filled room, "that will hold them for a while."
Feet padded and he turned around.
"It"s long past your usual bedtime, sir," said Otto.
The senator rose clumsily and his aching bones protested. Old, he thought.
Growing old again. And it would be so easy to start over, to regain his youth and live another lifetime. Just the nod of someone"s head, just a single pen stroke and he would be young again.
"This statement, Otto," he said. "Please give it to the press."
"Yes, sir," said Otto. He took the paper, held it gingerly.
"Tonight," said the senator.
"Tonight, sir? It is rather late."
"Nevertheless, I want to issue it tonight."
"It must be important, sir."
"It"s my resignation," said the senator.
"Your resignation! From the senate, sir!"
"No," said the senator. "From life."
Mr. Michaelson: As a churchman, I cannot think otherwise than that the proposal now before you gentlemen const.i.tutes a perversion of G.o.d"s law. It is not within the province of man to say a man may live beyond his allotted time.
Chairman Leonard: I might ask you this: How is one to know when a man"s allotted time has come to an end? Medicine has prolonged the lives of many persons. Would you call a physician a perverter of G.o.d"s law?
Mr. Michaelson: It has become apparent through the testimony given here that the eventual aim of continuing research is immortality.
Surely you can see that physical immortality does not square with the Christian concept.
I tell you this, sir: You can"t fool G.o.d and get away with it.
From the Records of a hearing before the science subcommittee of the public policy committee of the World House of Representatives.
Chess is a game of logic.
But likewise a game of ethics.
You do not shout and you do not whistle, nor bang the pieces on the board, nor twiddle your thumbs, nor move a piece then take it back again. When you"re beaten, you admit it. You do not force your opponent to carry on the game to absurd lengths. You resign and start another game if there is time to play one. Otherwise, you just resign and you do it with all the good grace possible. You do not knock all the pieces to the floor in anger. You do not get up abruptly and stalk out of the room. You do not reach across the board and punch your opponent in the nose.
When you play chess you are, or you are supposed to be, a gentleman.
The senator lay wide-awake, staring at the ceiling.
You do not reach across the board and punch your opponent in the nose.
You do not knock the pieces to the floor.
But this isn"t chess, he told himself, arguing with himself. This isn"t chess; this is life and death. A dying thing is not a gentleman.
It does not curl up quietly and die of the hurt inflicted. It backs into a corner and it fights, it lashes back and does all the hurt it can.
And I am hurt. I am hurt to death.
And I have lashed back. I have lashed back, most horribly.
They"ll not be able to walk down the street again, not ever again, those gentlemen who pa.s.sed the sentence on me. For they have no more claim to continued life than I and the people now will know it. And the people will see to it that they do not get it.
I will die, but when I go down I"ll pull the others with me. They"ll know I pulled them down, down with me into the pit of death. That"s the sweetest part of all--they"ll know who pulled them down and they won"t be able to say a word about it. They can"t even contradict the n.o.ble things I said.
Someone in the corner said, some voice from some other time and place: You"re no gentleman, senator. You fight a dirty fight.
Sure I do, said the senator. They fought dirty first. And politics always was a dirty game.
Remember all that fine talk you dished out to Lee the other day?
That was the other day, snapped the senator.
You"ll never be able to look a chessman in the face again, said the voice in the corner.
I"ll be able to look my fellow men in the face, however, said the senator.
Will you? asked the voice.
And that, of course, was the question. Would he?
I don"t care, the senator cried desperately. I don"t care what happens.
They played a lousy trick on me. They can"t get away with it. I"ll fix their clocks for them. I"ll-Sure, you will, said the voice, mocking.
Go away, shrieked the senator. Go away and leave me. Let me be alone.
You are alone, said the thing in the comer. You are more alone than any man has ever been before.
Chairman Leonard: You represent an insurance company, do you not, Mr. Markely? A big insurance company.
Mr. Markely: That is correct.
Chairman Leonard: And every tine a person dies, it costs your company money?
Mr. Markely: Well, you might put it that way if you wished, although it is scarcely the case-Chairman Leonard: You do have to pay out benefits on deaths, don"t you?
Mr. Markely: Why, yes, of course we do.
Chairman Leonard: Then I can"t understand your opposition to life continuation. If there were fewer deaths, you"d have to pay fewer benefits.
Mr.Markely: All very true, sir. But if people had reason to believe they would live virtually forever, they"d buy no life insurance.
Chairman Leonard: Oh, I see. So that"s the way it is.
From the Records of a hearing before the science subcommittee of the public policy committee of the World House of Representatives.
The senator awoke. He had not been dreaming, but it was almost as if he had awakened from a bad dream--or awakened to a bad dream-and he struggled to go back to sleep again, to gain the Nirvana of unawareness, to shut out the harsh reality of existence, to dodge the shame of knowing who and what he was.
But there was someone stirring in the room, and someone spoke to him and he sat upright in bed, stung to wakefulness by the happiness and something else that was almost worship which the voice held.
"It"s wonderful, sir," said Otto. "There have been phone calls all night long. And the telegrams and radiograms still are stacking up."
The senator rubbed his eyes with pudgy fists.
"Phone calls, Otto? People sore at me?"
"Some of them were, sir. Terribly angry, sir. But not too many of them.
Most of them were happy and wanted to tell you what a great thing you"d done. But I told them you were tired and I could not waken you."
"Great thing?" said the senator. "What great thing have I done?"
"Why, sir, giving up life continuation. One man said to tell you it was the greatest example of moral courage the world had ever known. He said all the common people would bless you for it. Those were his very words. He was very solemn, sir."
The senator swung his feet to the floor, sat on the edge of the bed, scratching at his ribs.
It was strange, he told himself, how a thing would turn out sometimes.
A heel at bedtime and a hero in the morning.
"Don"t you see, sir," said Otto, "you have made yourself one of the common people, one of the short-lived people. No one has ever done a thing like that before."
"I was one of the common people," said the senator, "Long before I wrote that statement. And I didn"t make myself one of them. I was forced to become one of them, much against my will."
But Otto, in his excitement, didn"t seem to hear.
He rattled on: "The newspapers are full of it, sir. It"s the biggest news in years. The political writers are chuckling over it. They"re calling it the smartest political move that was ever pulled. They say that before you made the announcement you didn"t have a chance of being re-elected senator and now, they say, you can be elected president if you just say the word."
The senator sighed. "Otto," he said, "please hand me my pants. It is cold in here."