"When the hat stays in, go in; when it comes out, beat it."
Lorelei saw that he was quite drunk.
"I just came from the theater," he explained, "but it was dark.
Has the show failed, dearie?" He tried to kiss her, but she turned her face away. "Come! Must have my little kiss," he insisted; then as she rose and moved away, leaving him swaying in his tracks, he began gravely to unroll an odd, thin package that resembled a tennis-racket. Removing a soiled white wrapping, then an inner layer of oiled paper, he exposed the sad remains of what had been an elaborate bouquet of double English violets fringed with gardenias. He stared at the flowers in some bewilderment.
"Must have sat on "em," he opined at last; then he cried brightly: "Ha! Pressed flowers! I"m full of old-fashioned sentiment." After studying Lorelei"s unsmiling face his tone altered. "Oh, I know! I slipped, but it couldn"t be helped. Nature insisted, and I yielded gracefully, but no harm done, none whatever. This isn"t a defeat, my dear; it"s a victory. I licked the demon rum and proved myself a man of iron. I subjugated the cohorts of General Benjamin Booze, then I signed a treaty of peace, and there was no bad blood on either side." After an uncomfortable pause, during which he vainly waited for her to speak, he explained more fully: "My dear, nothing is absolute! Life is a series of compromises. Have a heart. Would you rob the distiller of his livelihood? Think of the struggling young brewer with a family. Could you take the bread from the mouths of his little ones? The president of a bottling- works may be a Christian; he may have a sick wife. Remember the boys that work in the hop-fields and the joyous peasant girls of France. Moderation is the thing. Live and let live."
Lorelei nodded. "Exactly! We shall live as we choose, only, of course, we can"t live together after this." Then her disgust burst its control, and she demanded, bitterly, "Haven"t you any strength whatever? Haven"t you any balance, Bob?"
He grinned at her cheerfully. "I should say I had. I walked a fence on the way home just to prove it; and I scarcely wabbled.
Balance! Strength! Why, you ought to see Jim. They had to CARRY him."
"Jim? Was--Jim with you?"
"In spirit, yes; in body--only for a time. For a brief while we went gaily, hand in hand, then Jim lagged. He"s a nice boy, but weak; he falters beneath a load; and, as for pool, why, I"ve slept on pool-tables, so naturally I know the angles better than he. Ha!
that"s a funny line, isn"t it? I know the angles of pool-tables because I"ve slept on "em, see? Don"t hurry; I"ll wait for you.
Even an "act" like mine needs applause."
But Lorelei was in no laughing mood. She questioned Bob searchingly and soon learned of Jim"s visits, of the flask, of the pool games. When she understood it all her eyes were glowing, but she found nothing to say. At last she got Bob to bed, then lay down beside him and stared into the darkness through many wakeful hours.
In the morning he was not only contrite, but badly frightened, yet when he undertook to make his peace he found her unexpectedly mild.
"If you"re sorry, that"s all I ask," she said. "I changed my mind during the night."
"Never again!" he promised, feelingly. "I thought I had cured myself."
Lorelei smiled at him faintly. "Cured! How long have you been a drinker?"
"Oh, nearly always."
"When were you first drunk?"
"I was eighteen, I think."
"You"ve been undergoing a bodily change for ten years. During all that time your brain-cells have been changing their structure, and they"ll never be healthy or normal until they"ve been made over.
You can"t accomplish that in a few weeks."
"Say, you don"t mean I"m going to stay thirsty until my egg-shaped dome becomes round again?"
"Well, yes."
"Why, that might take years!"
"It took ten years to work the damage--it will probably take ten years to repair it."
Bob was aghast. "Good heavens! In ten years I"ll be too old to drink--I"d tremble so that I"d spill it. But where did you get all this M. D. dope?"
"I"ve been reading. I"ve been talking to a doctor, too. You see, I wanted to help."
"Let"s change doctors. Ten years! It can"t be done."
"I"m afraid you"re right. There"s no such thing as reformation. A born criminal never reforms; only those who go wrong from weakness or from bad influences ever make good."
"Drinking isn"t a crime," Bob declared, angrily, "any more than freckles. It"s just a form of diversion."
Lorelei shook her head. "If you"re a born alcoholic you"ll probably die a drunkard. I"m hoping that you didn"t inherit the taste."
"Well, whether it was left to me or whether I bought it, I can"t go dry for ten years."
"Then our bargain is ended."
He looked up sharply. "Oh no, it isn"t!"
"Yes."
He extended a shaking hand, and his voice was supplicating as he said: "I can"t get along without you, kid. You"re a part of me-- the vital part. I"d go to pieces quick if you quit now."
"When we made our agreement I meant to live up to every bit of it," Lorelei told him, gently, "but we"re going to try again, for this was Jim"s fault."
"Jim? Jim was sorry for me. He tried to cheer--"
Lorelei"s smile was bitter. "Jim was never sorry for anybody except himself. My family hate you just as your family hate me, and they"d like to separate us."
"Say, that"s pretty rotten!" Bob exclaimed. "If he weren"t your brother I"d--"
Lorelei laughed mirthlessly. "Go ahead! I wish you would. It might clear the atmosphere."
"Then I will." After a moment he continued, "I suppose you feel you must go on supporting them?"
"Of course."
"Just as you feel you must support me. Is it entirely duty in my case?" Seeing her hesitate, he insisted, "Isn"t there any love at all?"
"I"m afraid not, Bob."
The man pondered silently. "I suppose if I were the right sort,"
he said, at length, with some difficulty, "I"d let you go under these circ.u.mstances. Well, I"m not the right sort; I"m not big or n.o.ble. I"m just an ordinary, medium-sized man, and I"m going to keep you. However, I"m through side-stepping; I"ve tried to outrun the Barleycorn Brothers, but it"s no use, so I"m going to turn and face them. If they lick me I"ll go under. But if I go under I"ll take you with me. I won"t give you up. I won"t!"
"I sha"n"t let you pull me down," she told him, soberly.
"Then you"ll have to bear me up. When a man"s drowning he grabs and holds on. That"s me! There"s nothing fine about me, understand? I"m human and selfish. I"d be happy in h.e.l.l with you."
"You"re not fair."
"I don"t pretend to be. This isn"t a bridge game; this is life.
I"ll cheat, I"ll hold out, I"ll deal from the bottom, if I can"t win in any other way. Good G.o.d! Don"t you understand that you"re the only thing I ever loved, the only thing I ever wanted and couldn"t get? I"ve never had but half of you; don"t expect me to give that up." He rose, jammed his hat upon his head as if to escape from the room, then turned and crushed his wife to him with a fierce cruelty of possession. Lorelei could feel him shaking as he covered her face with kisses, but nothing within her stirred even faintly in answer to his pa.s.sion.