"There is no way."
"You"ve got to try, buddy, you"ve got to try. n.o.body can handle this. I couldn"t live like this for one day, and you"ve done it for seven years!"
"No. It wasn"t this bad most of that time. It"s just lately, the last few months, it"s accelerated."
"A few months," Bobby said wonderingly.
"h.e.l.l, if we don"t give your brother the slip soon and get back to the office and step off this merry-go-round in the next few minutes, I swear to G.o.d I"m going to crack. Frank, I need order, order and stability, familiarity. I need to know that what I do today will determine where I am and who I am and what I have to show for it tomorrow. Nice orderly progression, Frank, cause and effect, logic and reason." Darkness.
Fireflies.
Velocity.
"HOW LONG?".
"Twenty-seven... almost twenty-eight minutes."
"Where the h.e.l.l are they?"
"Julie," Clint said, "I think you ought to sit down. You"re shaking like a leaf, your color"s not good."
"I"m all right." Lee Chen handed her a gla.s.s of Scotch. "Have a drink."
"No."
"It might help," Clint said.
She grabbed the gla.s.s from Lee, drained it in a couple of long swallows, and shoved it back into his hand.
"I"ll get you another," he said.
"Thanks." From the sofa, Jackie Jaxx said, "Listen, is anyone going to sue me over this?" Julie no longer sort of liked the hypnotist. She loathed as much as she had loathed him when they had first met in Vegas and taken on his case. She wanted to go kick his head in. Though she knew the urge to kick him was irrational, he really had not been the cause of Bobby"s disappearance, but she wanted to kick him anyway. That was the impulsive side of her, the quick-to-anger side of which she was not proud.
she couldn"t always control it, because it was part of her genetic makeup or, as Bobby suspected, a predilection to violent response that had begun to form in her on the day, in her childhood, when a drug-crazed sociopath had brutally killed her mother. Either way, she knew Bobby was sometimes dismayed by that dark side of her, much as he loved everything else she made a bargain with both Bobby and G.o.d: Listen, Bobby wherever you are-and you listen, too, G.o.d-if this just...
well, if I can just have my Bobby back with me, I won"t be that way any more, I won"t want to kick in Jackie"s head or anyone else"s head, either, I"ll turn over a new leaf I will, just let Bobby come back to me safe and sound THEY WERE on a beach again, but this one had white that was slightly phosph.o.r.escent in the early darkness.
Sand disappeared into a medium-thick fog in both directions. No rain was falling, and the air was not as warm as it had been at Punaluu.
Bobby shivered in the chill, moist air.
"Where are we?"
"I"m not sure," Frank said, "but I think we"re probably on the Monterey Peninsula somewhere." A car pa.s.sed on a highway a hundred yards behind them.
"That"s probably Seventeen-Mile Drive. You know it? The road from Carmel through Pebble Beach-"
"I know it."
"I love the peninsula, Big Sur to the south," Frank said.
"It"s another one of the places I was happy... for a while." Their voices were strangely m.u.f.fled by the mist. Bobby liked the solid ground beneath his feet, and the thought that he was not only on his own planet but in his own country and in his own state; but he would have preferred a place with more concrete details, where fog did not obscure the landscape. The white blindness of fog was another form of chaos, and he had had more than enough disorder to last him for the rest of his life.
Frank said, "Oh, and by the way, back there in Hawaii a minute ago, you were worried about giving Candy the slip, but you don"t need to be concerned. We lost him several stops ago in Kyoto, or maybe on the slopes of Mount Fuji."
"For G.o.d"s sake, if we don"t have to worry about leading him back to the office, let"s go home."
"Bobby, I don"t have-"
"Any control. Yeah, I know, I heard, it"s no big secret. But I"ll tell you something-you"ve got control on some level, way down deep in the subconscious, more control than you think you have."
"No. I "Yes. Because you came back to that crater for me," Bobby said. "You told me you hate the place, that it"s more frightening than anywhere you"ve ever been, but you came back and got me. You didn"t leave me there with the bed railing."
"Pure chance that I came back."
"I don"t think so." Darkness.
Fireflies.
Velocity.
THEY MADE the soft, pretty bing-bong signal come out of the wall, because that was how they told all the people in Home it was just ten minutes before supper was going to be eaten.
Derek was already out the door by the time Thomas got up from his chair.
Derek liked food. Everyone liked food of course. But Derek liked food enough for three people.
Thomas got to the doorway, and Derek was already down the hall, walking fast in that funny way he did, almost to the Dining Room. Thomas looked back at the window.
Night was at the window.
He didn"t like seeing night at the window, which was why he usually kept the drapes closed after the light went out in the world. But after he got himself ready for supper, he tried to find the Bad Thing out there, and it helped a little to see the night when he was trying to send a mind-string to it.
The Bad Thing was still so far away it couldn"t be felt.
he wanted to try once more before going to eat food and be Sociable. He reached out through the window, up into the dark, spinning the mind-string toward where the Bad Thing used to be-and it was back. He felt it right away, knew it was him, too, and he remembered the green toad eating the beautiful yellow flutterby, and he pulled back into his room faster than a toad tongue could snap out and catch him.
He didn"t know if he should be happy or scared that it was back. When it was gone away, Thomas was happy, because maybe it was going to be gone away a long time, but he didn"t know exactly where it was.
He was also a little scared because when it was gone away, he was ok.
But it was back.
He waited in the doorway a while.
Then he went to eat food. There was roast chicken. There was frenched fries. There was carrots and peas. There was cold slaw. There was Homemade bread, and people said there was going to be some chocolate cake and ice cream for dessert though the people that said it was dumb people, so he couldn"t be sure. It all looked good, and it smelled good, it even tasted good. But Thomas kept thinking about how flutterby might"ve tasted to the toad, and he couldn"t eat much of anything.
BOUNCING like two b.a.l.l.s in tandem, they traveled to an empty lot in Las Vegas, where a cool desert wind spun a tumbleweed past them and where Frank said he had once lived in a house that was now demolished; moving to that cabin at the top of a snowy mountain meadow, where they had first teleported after leaving the office; to the graveyard in Santa Barbara; to the top of an Aztec ziggurat in the lush Mexican jungles, where the humid night air was full of buzzing mosquitoes and the cries of unknown beasts, and where Bobby almost fell down the terraced side of the pyramidal structure before he realized how high they were and how precariously perched; to the offices of Dakota & Dakota They were popping around so quickly, remaining in each place such a brief time-in fact, briefer with each stop-that for a moment he stood in a corner of his own office, blinking stupidly, before he realized where he was and what he had to do. He tore his hand away from Frank, and he said, "Stop it now, stop here." But Frank vanished even as Bobby spoke.
Julie was all over him an instant later, hugging him so tightly that she hurt his ribs. He hugged her, too, and kissed her a long time before coming up for air. Her hair smelled clean, and her skin smelled sweeter than he remembered. Her eyes were brighter than memory allowed, and more beautiful.
Though by nature he was not much of a toucher, Clint put a hand on Bobby"s shoulder.
"G.o.d, it"s good to see you, good to have you back." There was even a catch in his voice.
"Had us worried there for a while." Lee Chen handed him a gla.s.s of Scotch on the rocks.
"Don"t do that again, okay?"
"Don"t plan to," Bobby said.
No longer the smooth and self-a.s.sured performer, Jackie Jaxx had had enough for one night.
"Listen, Bobby, I"m sure that whatever you have to tell us is fascinating, and you"re bound to come back with a lot of wonderful anecdotes, wherever you went, but I for one don"t want to hear about it."
"wonderful anecdotes?" Bobby said.
Jackie shook his head.
"Don"t want to hear ""em. Sorry.
my fault, not yours. I like show biz "cause it"s a narrow you know? A thing little slice of the real world, but exciting "cause it"s all bright colors and loud music. You don"t have to think in show biz, you can just be. I just want to be, you know Perform, hang out, have fun. I got opinions, sure, colorful loud opinions about everything, s...o...b..z opinions, but I don"t know a d.a.m.n thing, and I don"t want to know a d.a.m.n thing. I sure as h.e.l.l don"t want to know about what happened here tonight, "cause it"s the kind of thing that turns your upside down, makes you curious, makes you think, and pretty soon you"re no longer happy with all the things that made you happy before." He raised both hands, as if to stall an argument, and said, "I"m outta here," and a moment later he was.
At first, as he told the others what had happened to them, Bobby walked slowly around the room, marveling at ordinary items, finding wonder in the mundane, relishing the solace of things. He put his hand on Julie"s desk, and it seemed to him that nothing in the world was more wondrous than the Formica-all those molecules of man-made chemicals lined up in perfect, stable order. The framed prints of Disney characters, the inexpensive furniture, the half-empty bottle of Scotch, the flourishing pathos plant on a stand by the windows-all of those things were suddenly precious to him He had been traveling only thirty-nine minutes. He took almost as long to tell them a condensed version. He had popped out of the office at 4:47 and returned at 5:26, but he"d had enough traveling-via teleportation or otherwise-to last him the rest of his life.
On the sofa, with Julie and Clint and Lee gathered around Bobby said, "I want to stay right here in California. I do need to see Paris. Don"t need London. Not any more. I want to stay where I have my favorite chair, sleep every night in a bed that"s familiar-"
"d.a.m.n right you will," Julie interjected.
-drive my little yellow Samurai, open a medicine cab where the Anacin and toothpaste and mouthwash and sty pencil and Bactine and Band-Aids are exactly where they ought to be.
By 6:15 Frank had not reappeared. During Bobby"s account of his adventures, no one mentioned Frank"s second disappearance or wondered aloud when he would return. But all of them kept glancing at the chair from which he had vanished initially and at the corner of the room from which he had dematerialized the second time.
"How long do we wait here for him?" Julie finally asked.
"I don"t know," Bobby said.
"But I have a feeling... a real bad feeling... that maybe Frank"s not going to regain control of himself this time, that he"s just going to keep popping from one place to another, faster and faster, until sooner or later he"s unable to put himself back together again."
WHEN HE came straight from j.a.pan into the kitchen of his mother"s house, Candy was seething with anger and when he saw the cats on the table, where he ate his meals his anger grew into a full-blown rage. Violet was sitting in a chair at the table; her ever-silent sister was in another chair beside her, hanging on her. Cats lay under their chairs all around their feet, and five of the biggest were on the table, eating bits of ham that Violet fed them.
"What"re you doing?" he demanded.
Without a word Violet did not acknowledge him with a glance. Her gaze was locked with that of a dark gray mong that was sitting as erect as a statue of an Egyptian temple priestess patiently nibbling at a few small bits of meat offered on a pale palm.
"I"m talking to you," he said sharply, but she did not respond.
He was sick of her silences, weary to death of her infinite strangeness.
If not for the promise that he had made to mother, he would have torn Violet open right there and fed on her. Too many years had pa.s.sed since he had tasted the ambrosia in his sainted mother"s veins, and he had often thought that the blood in Violet and Verbina was, in a way, the same blood that had flowed in Roselle. He wondered-and some times dreamed-of how his sisters" blood might feel upon his tongue, how it might taste.
Looming over her, staring down as she continued to commune with the gray cat, he said, "This is where I eat, d.a.m.n you!" Violet still said nothing, and Candy struck her hand, knocking the remaining bits of ham helter-skelter. He swept the plate of ham off the table, as well, and took tremendous satisfaction in the sound of it shattering on the floor.
The five cats on the table were not the least startled by his fury, and the greater number on the floor remained unfazed by the ping and clatter of china fragments.
At last Violet turned her head, tilted it back, and looked up at Candy.
Simultaneously with their mistress, the cats on the table turned their heads to look haughtily at him, too, as if they wished him to understand what a singular honor they were bestowing upon him simply by granting him their attention.
That same att.i.tude was apparent in the disdain in Violet"s eyes and in the faint smirk that curled the edges of her ripe mouth. More than once he had found her direct gaze withering, and he had turned away from her, rattled and confused. Certain that he was her superior in every way, he was perplexed by her unfailing ability to defeat him or force him into a hasty retreat with just a look.
But this time would be different. He had never been as furious as he was at that moment, not even seven years ago when he had found his mother"s b.l.o.o.d.y, sundered body and had learned the ax had been wielded by Frank. He was angrier now because that old rage had never subsided; it had fed on itself all these years, and on the humiliation of repeatedly failing to get his hands on Frank when the opportunities to do so arose. Now it was a midnight-black bile that coursed in his veins and bathed the muscles of his heart and nourished the cells of his brain where visions of vengeance were sp.a.w.ned in profusion.
Refusing to be cowed by her stare, he seized her thin arm and jerked her violently to her feet.
Verbina made a soft, woeful sound upon her separation from her sister, as if they were Siamese twins, for G.o.d"s sake, as if tissue had been torn, bones split.
Shoving his face close to Violet"s, he sprayed her with spittle as he spoke: "Our mother had one cat, just one, she liked things clean and neat, she wouldn"t approve of this mess, this stinking brood of yours."
"Who cares," Violet said in a tone of voice that was at once disinterested and mocking.
"She"s dead." Grabbing her by both arms, he lifted her off her feet.
The chair behind her fell over as he swung her away from it. He slammed her up against the pantry door so hard that the sound was like an explosion, rattling the loose kitchen windows and some dirty silverware on a nearby Counter. He had the satisfaction of seeing her face contort with pain and her eyes roll back in her head as she nearly pa.s.sed out from the blow. If he had smashed her against the door any harder, her spine might have cracked. He dug his fingers cruelly into the pale flesh of her upper arms, pulled her away from the door, and slammed her into it again, though not as hard as before, just making the point that it might have been as hard, that it could be as hard the next time if she displeased him.
Her head had fallen forward, for she was teetering on the edge of consciousness. Effortlessly, he held her against the door, with her feet eight inches off the floor, as if she weigh nothing at all, thereby forcing her to consider his incredible strength. He waited for her to come around.
She was having difficulty getting her breath, and when at last she stopped gasping and raised her head to face him, he expected to see a different Violet. He had never struck her before. A fateful line had been crossed, one over which he never expected to trespa.s.s. With his promise to his mother in which he had kept his sisters safe from the often dangerous world out side, provided them with food, kept them warm in cold weather and cool in the heat, dry when it rained, but year by year he had performed his brotherly duties with growing frustration, appalled by their increasingly shameless and mysterious behavior. Now he realized that disciplining them was a natural part of protecting them; up in Heaven, his mother had probably despaired over his never realizing the need for discipline. Thanks to his rage, he had stumbled upon enlightenment.
It felt good to hurt Violet a little, just enough to bring her to her senses and to prevent her from spiraling fur-their into the dense and animal sensuality to which she had surrendered herself. He knew he was right to punish her. He waited eagerly for her to lift her head and face him, for he knew that they had entered a new relationship and that the awareness of the profound changes would be evident in her eyes.
At last, breathing somewhat normally, she raised her head and met Candy"s gaze. To his surprise, none of his own enlightenment had been visited upon his sister. Her white-blond hair had fallen across her face, and she stared through it, like a jungle animal peering through its wind-tossed mane. In her icy blue eyes, he perceived something stranger and more primitive than anything he had seen there before. A gleeful wildness. Indefinable hungers. Need. Though she had been hurt when he had thrown her against the pantry door, a smile played on her full lips again. She opened her mouth, and he felt her hot breath against his face as she said, "You"re strong. Even the cats like the feel of your strong hands on me ... and so does Verbina." He became aware of her long bare legs. The flimsiness of her panties. The way her red T-shirt had pulled up to expose her flat belly. The swell of her full b.r.e.a.s.t.s, which seemed even fuller than they were because of the leanness of the rest of her. The sharp outlines of her nipples against the material of the shirt. The smoothness of her skin. Her smell.
Revulsion burst through him like pus from a secret inner abscess, and he let go of her. Turning, he saw that the cats were looking at him.
Worse, they were still lying where they had been when he had pulled Violet from her chair, as if they had not been frightened by his outrage even briefly. He knew their equanimity meant that Violet had not been frightened, either, and that her erotic response to his fury-and her mocking smile-was not in the least feigned.
Verbina was slumped in her chair, her head bowed, for she was no more able to look at him directly now than she had ever been. But she was grinning, and her left hand was between her legs, her long fingers tracing lazy circles on the thing material of her panties, under which lay the dark cleft of her s.e.x. He needed no more proof that some of Violet"s sick desire had communicated itself to Verbina, and he turned away from her too.
He tried to leave the room quickly, but without looking as if he was fleeing from them.
In his scented bedroom, safely among his mother"s belongings, Candy locked the door. He was not sure why he felt safer with the lock engaged, though he was certain it was not because he feared his sisters.
There was nothing about them to fear. They were to be pitied.
For a while he sat in Roselle"s rocker, remembering the times, as a child, when he"d curled in her lap and contentedly sucked blood from a self-inflicted wound in her thumb or in the meaty part of her palm.
Once, she had made a half-inch incision in one of her b.r.e.a.s.t.s and took him to her bosom while he drank her blood from the same place where other mothers gave, and other children received, milk of maternity.