"I guess I"m just nervous about facing him." Tara twisted her fingers together. "I"m not sure I"ll even know how to act."
"He"s scared, too," Lindsey said. "Just talk to him and see what happens. Is that fair enough?"
Tara nodded slowly. "I guess so. I can"t hide from this forever. But can I just stay here for another day? I need to get myself ready for this."
"Oh, honey, of course you can. You can stay here as long as you want to."
"No, I think I"ll go home day after tomorrow. If you"ll ask Emilio to drive me, I"ll be ready by then."
For Cole, this was one of the worst periods in his life. The giant hangover he nursed only added to his misery. The first day at Sean"s, he could hardly look at either his brother or his partner.
"What I don"t understand," Sean told him, "is how you thought this kind of marriage could work in the first place. It"s the most ridiculous setup I"ve ever seen, and I told you so. It caused all kinds of complications and look what happened."
How could he explain it when he still didn"t understand it himself? Somehow, he"d been stupid enough to think he and Tara could just transfer their working relationship from the office to the house. He certainly hadn"t planned on falling in love with her.
"Just so you know," Sean told him, "I"m hiding the liquor."
"Don"t worry," Cole muttered. "I don"t think I"ll ever drink again."
After that, Sean kept him busy every minute, never letting him out of his sight. They worked out in the health club on the top floor and swam in the pool. They drove to Brackenridge Park and jogged until Cole"s legs threatened to collapse with the strain. When his muscles wouldn"t respond any more, he lay on the bench in the steam room trying to sweat away the remnants of his disgust with himself.
Thank G.o.d, Jake was minding the store because business was the last thing he was thinking about. He called his partner several times a day to check on Tara, knowing Lindsey had taken her to the ranch. He was desperate to see how she was.
"Mind your own business," Jake told him. "You"ll get a report when there"s something to tell."
Anguish and misery were Cole"s constant companions. At night, he lay in the bed in Sean"s guest room, sleep eluding him, thinking of Tara and how she had changed his life. Unbidden, images came to his mind of her and Molly. Looking at them, at the obvious bond between them, no one would have doubted she was Tara"s biological child.
He saw himself standing on the outside, locked out by his own anger and withdrawal, and his heart ached worse than his body did. His entire world had turned gray, and he had no one to blame but himself for washing away all the color she had brought into his life.
By the middle of the following week, he was able to concentrate enough to do some work from the apartment. Jake brought him project files and reports, as well as his laptop and cell phone. And by Friday, he felt ready to face his problems.
"I think I"m ready to enter the world of the living again," he told Sean, "but I"m not sure I know how to face Tara. Jesus, what do I do next? Look at me, the man who can do anything and I don"t know how to fix my life."
"Everyone makes mistake," Sean pointed out, "but I think you"ve used up all the ones you"re allowed. Come on. Let"s. .h.i.t the gym then we"ll talk."
After their morning workout, while Sean was still in the shower, Cole fixed a late breakfast for the two of them, the one meal he was good at.
"Is this a bribe or what?" Sean walked into the kitchen, pulling on a T-shirt. "What are you softening me up for?"
"Sit down. I need a plan, and you need to help me." He had to find a way to get Tara to at least listen to him. "I love my wife-G.o.d, have I ever even called her that? And I"ve screwed up to the max. I don"t deserve a second chance, but you have to help me get one."
Sean just looked at him, waiting.
"You have to help me figure out what to do," Cole insisted. "I just can"t think straight."
They ate in silence, Cole wrapped in misery, Sean watching him. When they finished, Cole cleaned up in the kitchen and Sean went out on the balcony and called Jake.
"Tara"s much better," Jake told him in answer to his question. "Not great but she"ll survive.
What"s up?"
"He"s ready, and he wants me to help him figure out how to do this."
"Tell the truth," Jake said and hung up.
In the kitchen, Sean refilled his coffee mug and studied his brother. "All right. I think I have a plan, but there"s a catch. You have to tell Tara about Maggie and Molly."
"I can"t." Cole"s voice was agonized. "She"ll never want anything to do with me after that."
"Cole, you"ve built this thing up in your mind until it"s far bigger than it needs to be. If you really want a relationship with Tara, you have to be honest. You have to tell her what the real problem with Molly is. Otherwise, you can forget about any second chance."
Cole was silent for so long Sean wondered if he"d turned to stone.
"All right," he said at last. "Now, tell me how I"m going to get my wife back."
"Okay," Sean poured himself more coffee. "Here"s the plan."
And he told Cole in great detail what he was going to do and how he was going to do it.
Tara was glad to be home, even if the house was filled with painful memories that kept prodding at her. She felt, if not refreshed by her stay at the ranch, at least released from the grip of emotional disaster. Regardless of the circ.u.mstances, she and Cole had taken a leap into intimacy. Somewhere in all this mess were real feelings propelling both of them. If they could just negotiate the obstacle course, maybe they could examine how they really felt about each other.
She wasn"t sure how she would ever sleep in her bed again without thinking about that night. She still had so many unresolved conflicts. Loving Cole was not enough if he didn"t love her back. Despite what Lindsey said, she needed him to tell her that himself. She would listen to whatever he had to say then decide what to do next.
She went to her room early, emotionally and physically spent from the previous days. She forced herself to crawl into her bed and, with an effort, banished the Thanksgiving night images from her mind. Unbelievably, she fell into a deep, dreamless sleep and didn"t wake until the sun was bright and she heard Molly calling from her crib.
Taking advantage of the beautiful day, Tara decided to walk Molly in the stroller. The weather was gorgeous if you were celebrating the holidays. She wasn"t doing much of that, but she could at least enjoy the cool, crisp, sunshine-washed weather.
She remembered to take her cell phone in case Cole called, mindful of what happened the time she"d forgotten it. She actually heard from Jake first.
"Where are you?" he demanded. "I"m cooling my heels on your front steps."
"I"m taking a walk with Molly." She frowned at the phone. "What are you doing at my house?"
"I"ll tell you when you get here. How far away are you?"
"Just a few blocks. I"ll be right there."
He was standing by the door when she got there, looking at his watch with impatience.
He plucked Molly from her stroller and hugged her, planting a kiss on her cheek. "How"s my beautiful girl today? Do you know we"re hoping for one just like you? Do you think that"s possible?"
"Jake." Tara tried to conceal her impatience. "Are you going to tell me what this is all about?"
"Inside the house. Then we"ll talk."
She put Molly in her highchair with a cookie and turned to Jake. "All right, what"s going on?" she demanded.
"Go pack a bag for Molly," he ordered. "She"s coming to the ranch to stay until tomorrow.
Don"t argue. Luisa"s more excited about this than Lindsey. And where"s the car seat?"
"What? Not until you tell me what"s going on. Have you heard from Cole?"
"More than I ever want to." He blew out a breath. "Tara, you are a wonderful woman and a special friend, but just this once, will you shut up and do as you"re told? Where"s the car seat?"
"In my car in the garage," she said, dazed.
"I"ll get it. Go pack her things."
Realizing she would get no more answers, she handed Molly to Jake and went up to the nursery to gather some of the little girl"s things. When she got back downstairs, Jake was standing in the kitchen still holding Molly, a huge gift-wrapped box sitting on the table.
He pointed to it. "This is from Lindsey. You"re not supposed to open it until after I leave.
She said it"s not what she wanted, but I only had time to take her into Cibolo this morning so she had to settle for what she could find in town. And no questions, remember?" he said, as he saw her open her mouth.
"All right. Molly hasn"t had lunch yet. I was just going to feed her."
"No problem," Jake grinned. "Luisa is delighted to feed anybody she can."
"Okay." She stared at him. "Are you going to tell me what this is about now?"
"You have a date tonight, Mrs. Ca.s.sidy. With your husband. He"ll be here at seven, and all you have to do is be ready and waiting." He picked up Molly to take her with him. "Cut him a little slack, will you? Hold onto the thought that he"s madly in love with you and shaking in his shoes about seeing you. Okay?"
"But..."
"Just call us in the morning and let us know if you"ve shot him to death and where we should come to pick up the pieces."
"Wait, I..."
"No more questions." Jake gave her a swift peck on the cheek, shifted Molly in his arms and was gone.
Tara closed the front door and leaned against it, forcing herself to breathe. Cole was coming to the house. He was coming to see her. She was filled both with dread and antic.i.p.ation.
When she opened the package from Lindsey, she didn"t know whether to laugh or cry.
Inside were bottles of bath salts and bath oil, a gold and pearl clip for her hair and a long, silk gown in pale yellow. Cut temptingly low both front and back, the material was sensuous and luxuriant, and she knew it would cling to every curve of her body.
Lindsey had enclosed a note with the gown that said, "Knock him dead, Tara. And you can"t wear anything under this. It shows every line. If you decide to throw him out, at least, let him see what he"ll be missing."
She dropped into one of the kitchen chairs, holding the silk gown and allowed herself one more crying jag. Then she took the box and went upstairs.
Chapter Eleven.
A long bath was a luxury Tara didn"t indulge in much these days, so it was heaven just to sit in the scented water and close her mind to everything. Her muscles were loose and relaxed when she finally climbed out and turned on the shower to wash her hair. A brand new bottle of scented lotion stood on the vanity. Despite everything, her body tingled at the thought of seeing Cole again, and she felt wanton as she slowly ma.s.saged the lotion into every inch of her skin.
Then she dried her hair, brushing it until it shone, and pulled it back with the clip Lindsey had sent. Carefully, she sprayed perfume on every one of her pulse points, even dusting some across her triangle of curls. She took extra pains with her makeup, redoing it twice because her hands shook so much.
She was nervous, afraid and aroused. A deadly combination. What if they couldn"t stand the sight of each other? What if she wanted him, and he turned away from her? What if that terrible night was an impossible obstacle to climb? Deliberately she banished her morbid thoughts and went back to dressing.
When she slipped on the silk gown, she nearly took it off again. She hadn"t put on any lingerie, as Lindsey had instructed and she looked more naked with the gown on than off. She fastened her wedding earrings in place and took a last look at herself. Well, she"d come out firing on all guns.
She had no idea how long he would stay. She didn"t know if she should prepare food or if he wanted to go out or what. She"d just have to play it by ear.
In the living room, she noticed that logs and kindling were set in the fireplace. She a.s.sumed Emilio must have taken care of that the day he"d brought her home. She had just lit the fire when the doorbell rang. She looked at the mantel clock. Seven on the dot. Trembling like a teenager on a first date, she took a deep breath to steady herself and opened the door.
Cole was elegantly dressed in a gray suit, striped dress shirt and dark tie. Her heart skipped at the sight of him, but she didn"t know if it was desire or nervous antic.i.p.ation of what they might say to each other. His face was so full of tension it accentuated the hard planes and angles. His arms were loaded with packages, and he looked scared to death. He started to say something then looked at her, and his jaw dropped.
"My G.o.d, you"re gorgeous. Why haven"t I told you that before?" He just stood there, gaping at her.
She was fl.u.s.tered by the compliment. "Thank you." Looking over his shoulder, she saw his car in the driveway. "Why didn"t you park in the garage?" she asked, curious.
"I needed to be sure you wanted me to come in," he told her. "I didn"t know if you"d just slam the door in my face."
"Of course not." She trembled. "Please come in. It"s cold out here."
He plucked a huge florist box off the pile in his arms. "I have some flowers here that I think need water."
"Some flowers?" she said, incredulous at what she saw as she lifted the cover. Four dozen perfect roses, pink, white, red and yellow glistened against the nest of soft green paper. She touched the petals gently, caressing their velvety softness and inhaling their rich fragrance. She felt as if she were standing in a flower garden.
"Are they all right?" he asked, sounding anxious. "I had no idea what your favorite color is so I took them all."
"Cole, they"re beautiful." She was overwhelmed. "You"re right. They should be in water.
Come into the kitchen while I get a vase. Then we"ll bring them into the living room with us."
Cole followed her and put his other packages on the kitchen table while she arranged the roses. "I gave the maitre d" at Le Reve enough money to retire on if he"d squeeze in a reservation for us. I had no idea how tonight would turn out, but I wanted to have a nice place to take you if everything was okay. And if you wanted to go, that is."
"Why don"t we just wait and see what happens?" she said.
He held up a long, thin shopping bag. "I brought some of the Merlot you order when we go out." He pulled out a second bottle and grinned like a small boy offering an apple to the teacher. "And some champagne for later, just in case. I"ve sworn off the hard stuff, for sure. It only gets me into deep trouble. Shall I get out the wine gla.s.ses?"
"Yes. If you would." She was afraid her hands were trembling too much to handle them.
He put the rest of his packages on the table. "I"ll leave these other things here for the moment."
"Why don"t you take the wine and the gla.s.ses into the living room while I fix the flowers?
I lit the fire, and it"s very comfortable in there."