aWhat do you intend to do, Richard?a aScour the d.a.m.ned county for Sabrina, my lord. Good day, sir,a he said to Trevor, and strode from the library.
Trevor looked after the marquess. aYou didnat tell me that Sabrina was to wed that man.a aShe hadnat as yet accepted him.a aI see,a Trevor said. He began slowly and precisely to turn the gold fob on his waistcoat. aSuch a brute of a fellow he is. Surely he is too large, too demanding, to wed a child like Sabrina.a aHe is a man. Go back and nurse your chill, Trevor, I wish to think.a A slight sneer crossed Trevoras face. aI believe, my lord, that my chill has been sufficiently attended to. I shall speak with my poor Elizabeth now.a The earlas voice halted him at the door. aI would suggest, nephew, that your so-called reason for Sabrinaas running away not reach the marquessas ears. He is not an understanding man and he would kill you with his bare hands. If you have ever exercised caution in your life, now is the time.a aIave been very cautious since Iave come here to England.a Trevor then shuddered delicately. aDid you say he would kill me with his bare hands? He does have very large hands, doesnat he?a He left the library, his footstep soft as his breath.
14.
aNo, tell me, Phillip, what happened next? Stop teasing me. Tell me.a aVery well. Without so much as flinching or batting an eyelid, Nell ordered him to drop his trousers. Then she marched him in front of her back to camp, naked as the day he was born, and said to the colonel, aThe lout tried to rape me, sir. I trust that you will see him hanged.a She handed the colonel the pistol and pulled the papers the fellow had stolen from her bodice. aIf attacking a defenseless woman isnat enough cause, sir,a she said, aI trust these doc.u.ments detailing the English strategy will settle the matter.a The colonel looked at Nell, then at the naked fellow, and dropped his monocle.a aOh, goodness, that really didnat happen, did it?a aYes, indeed. After that, the colonel gave Nell the rank of corporal. To this day, she marches with the men and is always referred to as Corporal Nell.a Suddenly the laughter fell from her face, leaving it blank. Then fear took over. aHe tried to rape her but she managed to save herself. She did it, Phillip. I wasnat strong enough. I tried, but I couldnat.a He started to take her in his arms, to comfort her, to tell her that he would never let anyone hurt her again. But he knew it wouldnat be the right thing to do. He didnat question why he was so certain, he just accepted that he was. He looked down at his fingernails. aYou know, Sabrina, you donat have to be at a manas mercy.a She raised her face. aWhat do you mean?a aI mean that I can teach you how to fight. If ever again in the future a man tries to hurt you, youall know how to defend yourself. Youall know how to hurt the man.a aThatas truly possible? Youare not just saying that so that I wonat weep about it anymore?a aNo. When youare well again, Iall give you your first lesson.a Her eyes were shining. aI could kill him if he ever tried to rape me again. I could kill him.a aYes, but think if you didnat kill him, if, instead, you caused him exquisite agony. Then every time he looked at you he would be reminded of the G.o.d-awful pain you inflicted on him. Wouldnat that be a far better punishment than just simple death?a aYes,a she said slowly, her voice more intense than any voice head ever heard. aYes, I want to do it.a And then, she said to herself, aIall go home.a aI heard from another military friend of mind that Corporal Nell quit the army last year. Sheas now the madam of a very fancy bordello in Brussels.a aHow could she do that? She knew what men were like, what they do to women if theyare but given the chance.a aI hear that she and all the other ladies are becoming quite rich off the men. Donat feel sorry for them, Sabrina. Can you imagine any man ever trying to take advantage of a girl who worked for Corporal Nell?a aWell, maybe no, but I still donat like it. I donat think I could ever do something like that.a aNo,a he said, and that was all he said.
He leaned forward then, smiling, and lightly patted her cheek. Instead of drawing back, she said, aYouave had so many adventures, seen so many exciting places. Of course you could have been killed, but still, you werenat, and now you have wonderful memories for the rest of your life.a aTheyare by no means all wonderful, Sabrina. Too many men, brave and loyal men like your father, died and are still dying. Thatas why all wars should be p.r.o.nounced illegal by every government of the world. Can you begin to imagine a world that had no more fighting?a She thought of all the books shead read about the great military leaders in history. She said slowly, smiling just a bit now. aThere wouldnat be as many books written if there werenat wars. Then there wouldnat be any more heroes.a aOh yes, there would. A man doesnat have to kill people to be a hero.a Again, he remembered Scotland; the experience, he knew, had changed the fundamental way he looked at life, and at death.
aPerhaps, but still, youare here and youare real and youave had some adventures that were wonderful. Iave done nothing but ride, attend boring parties, learn how to manage serva"a Her voice disappeared. She looked down at her toes, wiggling beneath the covers.
He said smoothly, aHow very enterprising of you, Sabrina, to be an accomplished horsewoman in London, particularly in Fleet Street.a She had no idea what Fleet Street was. aI would ride in Hyde Park. No one took anything amiss.a aThere is excellent racing there, isnat that true? All along Rotten Row, so many people riding as fast as the wind.a aOh yes, I loved it. Thatas how I became such a good horsewoman.a He just looked at her, shaking his head at himself, not her. If a lady dared to race in Hyde Park, shead be ostracized, but fast. He said then, smiling, aDo you know that Wellington is famed for his strategic retreats?a aNo, but what does that have to do with anything?a aNothing in particular.a He rose. aItas just that right this moment, Iam retreating because I hope to return to win a final victory.a aIt looks to me as if you canat get out of my room fast enough. Have I perhaps routed you?a He stopped at the door. aIam off to get you a bathtub. I think youare strong enough to have a proper bath. What do you say?a She picked up the thick braid that hung lifeless and dull over her shoulder.
aYes, weall wash your hair too. Now, what do you say?a She looked ready to dance. aOh yes, Phillip. I should like that very much. Iam beginning to feel crawly.a aDonat insult me. Iave kept you quite clean.a She paled. She looked away, her lips clamped together.
He cursed under his breath, but she heard it and stared at him. aForgive me, but if I hadnat taken care of you, then I fear you would be a lovely angel in heaven.a aIam sorry, Phillip, truly I am. Itas just that itas so very difficult. Youave been very good to me and you donat even know me.a Head know her better if she just told him who she really was. He nodded and left the bedchamber.
When he returned, two large buckets filled with hot water slung over his arms, Sabrina was sitting up in bed, staring at him as if he were bringing her Christmas presents. He laughed.
aNo, donat leap out of bed just yet. Iave got to fetch the tub.a Three minutes later, steam was rising out of the copper tub. aDo you have soap?a aI wish you wouldnat doubt my scavenging skills.a He lifted a bar of soap and smelled it. aItas jasmine. No, just stay there another moment. We need more water. Youave lots of hair.a After head filled the tub, he turned and paused a moment, watching her unbraid her hair. aWho owns this hunting box?a aWhy, itas Cha"a She looked like she wanted to bite off her own tongue. She began pulling the tangles from her hair, not looking at him now. aOf course I donat know. I told you, Phillip. I live in London. I only visit Yorkshire rarely.a He slapped his palm to his forehead. aHow could I be so stupid as to forget that?a He grinned, ignoring the killing look in those incredible eyes of hers, and pulled back the covers. aCome, Sabrina, your bath awaits.a She tucked the dressing gown tightly about her and swung her feet over the side of the bed. He held out his arms, but she ignored him. She stood up and almost immediately fell against him. aOh, my, I canat believe Iam so weak. These were perfectly st.u.r.dy legs; just a week ago, they ran and jumped and danced in the drawing room. Why arenat they working as they should? Itas very unsatisfactory.a He just supported her, then kissed the top of her head.
She didnat notice. aIf you would please just help me to the tub, Phillip, Iall be all right then. You can leave.a aLetas see just how much of your request I can give you.a He picked her up in his arms and carried her to the bathtub. Very slowly, he eased her down at the side of the tub. She looked up at him then, her eyes clear, and said firmly, aThank you. Iall be fine now. You can leave now, Phillip.a aIave no intention of nursing you back to health only to have you drown in a bathtub. Be quiet and hold still.a He held her up with one arm and began to unknot the sash at her waist.
She was trying to keep her balance and slap his hands away at the same time. aPlease, donat. I can see to myself, truly I can.a He knew she was embarra.s.sed. Being unconscious while he cared for her was one thing, but being wide awake, knowing that he was looking at her, well, that was quite another. He sighed deeply. He set her firmly against the side of the tub. aVery well. Iall go see to our dinner. Call me if you get into trouble.a She grasped the edge of the tub, not even trying to move until he was gone. She heard his boots on the stairs. She got the sash unknotted. She shrugged out of the dressing gown. Then she looked at that tub. The rim seemed higher than it had just a moment before. She tried very hard. The third time she very nearly managed to pull herself over the edge of the tub. She gritted her teeth and concentrated all her energies on climbing over the side. It seemed higher than a mountain. Her fingers suddenly slipped on the edge of the tub, and she yelled as she fell backward onto the floor. She was stunned for a moment, then very cold, the wood hard and icy beneath her back. She had to get up, she had to. She could do it. She wasnat helpless. Very well, shead lie here quietly, but just for another moment or two.
She heard him coming but she didnat have the strength to even pull the dressing gown over her. Then two strong arms clasped her about the waist and raised her to her feet.
She wished she were unconscious. She even closed her eyes tightly, praying for oblivion. Naturally oblivion wasnat anywhere near.
aItas all right, Sabrina,a Phillip said, and lifted her into the tub.
The blessed hot water swirled up about her chin as he released her. She didnat look at him, she couldnat. She also knew she was being silly, but she couldnat help it. To the best of her memory, Phillip was the first person to ever see her without her clothes on, at least since she reached ten years and didnat need her nanny anymore.
He said easily as he rolled up his sleeves, aIall wash your hair. Can you wash the rest of you?a She had to think about that. aIall try, but I still donat like this.a aTaking young virgins is not one of my pastimes of choice. Calm yourself and lie still. If you donat have the energy for the rest of you, Iall get to it.a He didnat wait for her to perhaps curse him, which she didnat do well, not having had sufficient models in her young sheltered life. He washed her hair, complaining endlessly a. . . youave got too much hair. Look at all the bald men, youave got enough to cover every bald head in an entire village. There, about done. Now, Iam going to wash the rest of you, then weall rinse everything at once.a She didnat try to fight him. No, she just tried to make herself into a small ball, but even that didnat work. When he soaped the sponge and washed her belly, she yelped. He ignored her, efficiently washing the rest of her even while she squirmed about. Actually, he was enjoying himself. Laughter was better than l.u.s.t. She was an experience in contortions, not in seduction.
aClose your eyes, Iam going to wash your face.a Her mouth was opening to curse him, very probably, when the soapy sponge rubbed her face. She sputtered and cursed him then. He laughed at the indignant expression in her eyes, the only part of her face that wasnat white with suds.
aHold your breath, under you go.a He pushed her head into the bathwater. She came up, sputtering for breath.
aYou did that on purpose. Youare trying to make me mad so I wonat be embarra.s.sed. Well, itas working, but I want you to know that I realize that youare manipulating me and I donat knowa"a He pushed her head under again.
aNow weave got your hair to deal with.a When all the soap was finally rinsed from her hair, he wound a towel about her head. He thought briefly about how he could save her further embarra.s.sment, but saw that she was exhausted. If he hadnat come quickly to her, she would have slipped down into the water and drowned in the tub.
He picked her up and eased her down in front of the fire, holding her while he toweled her dry. She hung on to him, knowing she had no choice, not really caring now in any case. She just wanted to collapse onto the warm carpet and sleep until spring. But then something very strange happened. One moment she just wanted to sink into herself. The next moment she felt an awareness of him deep within her. Shead never felt anything like this in her entire eighteen years. She was naked and he wasnat, yet he wasnat doing anything hurtful to her. He was strong. His hands were large and steady as he moved the towel over her. He turned her slightly to dry the front of her. Oddly, she wasnat embarra.s.sed. She stared up at him, into those beautiful eyes of his. It wasnat embarra.s.sment that made her shudder when that towel traveled over her belly.
15.
Phillip felt her shuddering, trying to pull away from him, and cursed to himself. Head frightened her. aItas going to be all right. Iam nearly done drying you. Just hold still, Sabrina.a aIam trying,a she said, but then she looked up at him, met his eyes, and knew that if he didnat let her go very quickly she was going to embarra.s.s him and kiss him until she was breathless. Oh, dear, surely she wasnat supposed to ever feel like that. It was because she was still ill, because she was still weak, because she trusted him, at least in this. In what?
Phillip felt a ton of l.u.s.t bearing down on him. No, no, he wasnat about to take advantage of her. Here she was shuddering from fear, from cold, froma"he didnat know what, and he wanted to mount her. He was a b.a.s.t.a.r.d. Without looking at her again, he bundled her up in the dressing gown and carried her to a chair next to the fire.
aItas time for your servant to carry out another duty. Behold your new maid.a He turned away from her before she could reply and pulled the blankets and sheets from the bed.
Sabrina watched him work. He looked nice, despite his wrinkled shirt that was open a goodly way down his chest, a chest that had dark hair on it. She looked into the fireplace. This was better. He wasnat here to make her think stupid things, to make her body feel stupid things. Still, she wondered about those strange feelings low in her belly when head touched her, stupid feelings for all that, feelings a woman didnat need, particularly this woman. She pictured Trevor in her mindas eye. Now, the revulsion shead felt for him, that was what was appropriate to feel. That was safe because it was revolting. Shead just never imagined. Well, now she knew. She shook her head, bemused, and raised her head when he came back to brush her wet hair.
Sabrina slept through the afternoon and awoke near sunset. She lay quietly for some minutes, sniffing in the faint lavender scent of the clean sheets and the faint jasmine scent from her bath. She raised her hand to her hair, carefully arranged about her head. It was dry, all of it, and soft. No more oily braid. Head complained constantly for five minutes, the length of time it took him to get all the tangles out of her wet hair. In fact, she grinned, then laughed. That made her cough.
The cough brought her struggling up to her elbows to catch her breath. She wasnat surprised at all to hear Phillipas booted footsteps on the stairs.
aDrink this, Sabrina. Itas got honey in it. Iave kept it warm for you, just in case. It will soothe your throat. Slowly now. Thatas right.a It was strong hot tea. The honey in it made it slide down her throat.
She lay back against the pillow and gave him a brooding look. aI think that girl must have been mad.a Phillip placed the teacup on the night table and sat on the bed beside her. In an unconscious gesture, he smoothed a lock of auburn hair from her forehead.
aWhat girl? Any girl I know?a aThe girl you were once engaged to, the girl you mentioned when you were trying to pry me open yesterday, and her name slipped out of your mouth, and then I had you.a aActually, she wasnat mad, but perhaps she is now. Who knows? One can only pray.a aWhat was she?a aShe wasnat honorable. Do you understand that?a aAll I know is that if I made a promise to someone, I would stick to it unless someone was torturing me too much for me to bear.a aYes, thatas exactly how I feel about honor.a aYou donat still pine for her, do you, Phillip?a aPine? What a foolish word. No, I rarely even think about her now. Itas just that sheas in London so I still see her and remember. Perhaps the memories are good to have. They keep perspective. They discourage acting before thinking things through thoroughly. Just why do you think her mad?a aItas obvious. With you about, Phillip, she would have been able to make so many economies. She would hardly have required more than one servant.a aI am rather a good servant, arenat I? Throughout my life Iave done bits and pieces of things, but never so much in so little an amount of time. Actually, truth be told, Iam relieved that I was able to make food that we could digest. I have only one major failure.a aOh no, surely not. Even the flat bread that you didnat mean to be flat was still all right. Come, what is this major failure? Come, tell me. Iam sure I can talk you out of it.a aYou donat trust me. Iave done everything I can think of, used every argument that came to mind, but it does no good. You donat trust me. Iave told you stories that have spanned my twenty-six years, but the recounting left you unmoved. You still donat trust me. You havenat told me anything that would enable me to help you. Now, you are a good liar. With a few more years, you should be nearly as good as I am. But lies arenat what are needed here.a Shead made one stupid remark about that Elaine person and just look where it had gotten her. A sermon about trust. Well, curse it and curse him. She smoothed the green coverlet over her lap and stared at the bedposts.
Shead closed down again. Well, d.a.m.n. He felt a surge of anger and savored it. aYou must know,a he said now, his voice turning hard, athat the servants who care for this house will be able to return any day now. The weather has warmed and the snow is melting. If Iam to help you return safely to your familya"wherever they may livea"you will have to make a clean breast of it. Was Diablo your horse, Sabrina? Did you grandfather shoot him?a Her head snapped around so fast, he nearly laughed. But he didnat, just gave her that hard-eyed stare. aHow do you know about Diablo? I was only ten years old. My sister took him without my knowing of it and crammed him over a fence.a The memory swamped her. She felt her throat closing. It had been eight years ago.
aWhat happened?a aHe broke his leg on the landing. He had to be put down. How did you know about Diablo?a aYou were delirious in your fever. You cried out about him.a He read the fear on her face and he wanted to shake her. aDid I speak of anything else?a aTrevor.a aYes, Trevor,a she repeated and turned away from him.
Phillip wanted to shake her but he couldnat. When she was well enough to shake but good, it would be too late. He rose and looked down at her. aIf you donat tell me the truth, if you donat arm me with the facts I need to protect you, then you reduce me to nothing. Listen to me. No matter what happened, I can help you, if youall but tell me the truth.a aWhat happened to me has nothing to do with you, Phillip. Iam nearly well. By tomorrow morning I should be completely fit. It you would take me to Borhamwood, to the posting house, you need never see me again.a aI canat do that, Sabrina, and you must know that I canat. Youare a young lady. Youare eighteen years old. I canat a.s.sist you to escape from your family and put you on a common stage to London. You cannot begin to imagine the sort of man you could meet on that stage. No, I would never do that. Forget it, and tell me the truth.a He would bend, but he wouldnat break. Head drawn the line across the path. She didnat look at him, just shook her head. After he left her to go to the kitchen to make their dinner, she thought long and hard about her plan. It hadnat been fair to involve him even in that. No, she couldnat very well expect an honorable man to put her on a stage bound for London.
Phillip appeared thoughtful during the evening. He didnat say much, but she knew he was aware of her, aware of how many bites of his stew shead eaten, how many mouthfuls of bread shead chewed. She knew he was worried about her. For a moment she felt uncertain. Then she thought about the hideous chaos that would await her at Monmouth Abbey were she to allow him to take her back there. It was all she could do not to shudder.
aYou told me you were visiting friends here in Yorkshire,a she said, hating the interminable silence, for it wasnat a comfortable silence, a companionable silence.
aYes, thatas what I told you.a aWho is this friend?a He was looking down at his filthy Hessians. He said without looking up, aUndoubtedly heas a friend of yoursa"Sir Charles Askbridge.a Charlie. She had to keep calm, act all sorts of ignorant and indifferent. She smiled. aMayhap that name is a bit familiar to me.a He didnat pretend boredom now. aAs you well know, Sabrina, Charlesas Yorkshire home is called Moreland. Even though the directions he provided me led me into Eppingham Forest and thus to find you, I would wager that Moreland isnat too far distant from here.a Moreland was no more than seven miles distant. Charlie loved to hunt in the forest since head been a boy. And he knew Phillip. How very close Phillip had been to his destination. She shrugged and pretended to study her fingernails.
aI imagine that you quite like Charles. Everyone does. What do you think of his younger sister, Margaret? Sheas not much older than you are.a Margaret was twenty, just between Sabrina and Elizabeth. She shook her head and stared at him with a vacant expression. He was angry, but he held it in very well. She was impressed. aYou were riding by yourself. Isnat that unusual for a viscount?a aI left my incredible retinue of servants in Leeds. I struck out on my own, feeling brave and ready for adventure. Instead look what I got myself into. Would you like the rest of my traveling details? Of course you would. I imagine you are aware of the rounds of Christmas parties held outside of London at this time of year. Even though you look blank as a schoolboyas slate, I know that you do. Donat get me wrong. Youare an excellent actress. Itas just that Iave come to know you very well. In any case, Charles invited me to Moreland and gave me directions that led me to this isolated place. I had sent my valet ahead. I had this romantic notion about becoming one with nature. What rot. So you see, Sabrina, it is probable that both Charles and your family are now out looking for us.a He added, his voice so serious she again nearly spilled her innards, aIt canat be longer than a day now, two at the most before they find us.a She knew that he was right, but held her tongue. At last she had an idea. She yawned and stretched. aYour delicious dinner has lulled my stomach and now my head. I think Iad like to sleep now.a She yawned again and snuggled down under the covers.
aThank the good Lord I was never burdened with a sister.a He looked heavenward, then back down at her. His eyes were bleak. aThereas a world waiting outside this room, Sabrina. I would that you think about that.a He leaned over and patted her on the cheek. aGood night. Sleep well.a She wanted to thank him, but she couldnat, not now. aGood night, Phillip.a She closed her eyes and turned her head away.
Phillip blew out the candle and walked from her room to a bedchamber down the hall. Since she no longer needed his constant attention during the night, he had begun the previous night to sleep in another room, in a lumpy bed that was marginally more comfortable than the cramped chair in Sabrinaas room.
Sabrina lay quietly in the darkened room reviewing her plan. With the snow melting, her grandfathera"no matter what he thought of her nowa"would have an army of men out searching for her. Even if her grandfather believed her dead, he would search. She couldnat begin to envision the b.l.o.o.d.y battleground at Monmouth Abbey if she were found and returned to him. He was too old and frail for that. She knew that there would be no way to keep the truth from hima"Elizabethas betrayal of her and Trevoras attempted rapea"it would all come out. She wouldnat bring such bitter disillusion to her grandfather. She wouldnat destroy all his plans and hopes. She wondered if Trevor truly would try to kill him if she returned. She didnat know. She couldnat afford to find out.
She could never go home. No, she wouldnat cry. It wouldnat help, it would solve naught. She thought of her plan. It was simple and straightforward. So who cared if she was still a bit weak? Not all that weak, surely, not too weak to walk just a bit and ride just a bit. No, she could do that.
She slipped quietly from her bed, lit the candle on the night table, and padded on bare feet to the small desk near the fireplace. She found a pen and several sc.r.a.ps of paper and quickly wrote the lines shead silently rehea.r.s.ed for the past two hours. She felt sadness when she closed her note, a. . . please forgive me, Phillip, but I cannot stay here any longer. I thank you for saving my life. Now I must take care of myself.a Her fingers paused, and then she quickly added, aIall never forget you. Sabrina.a She decided shead write to her grandfather once she reached London.
She found her clothes and cloak, rumpled but dry, hanging in the armoire. She tugged off the manas dressing gown and pulled on her dress. She felt strong and certain of herself. This time she would succeed. She picked up the three pounds that Phillip had laid in a neat stack atop the table, and slipped them into the pocket of her cloak. She pulled the three blankets from the bed to wrap around herself once she was on her way.
Her boots didnat make any sound as she walked as quietly as she could down the front stairs, both hands on the railing. She still felt strong, still felt sure of herself and what she was going to do. By the time she reached the outside kitchen door, she was ready to run all the way to Borhamwood. It felt incredible to be well again, to be strong again, and competent.
The door latch clicked back with a loud grating sound that made her turn quickly and look back into the house. No, it hadnat been loud enough to awaken Phillip. She quickly stepped outside and pulled the door closed behind her.
She paused a moment in the cold moonless night and leaned for just a moment against an elm tree. The bark was rough beneath her cheek. The wood was sweet and cold. She thought of Phillip, of his gentleness and kindness to her. Shead known him for only a short time and yet head become a part of her life. Not just a part, head been in the center, taking such excellent care of her, always being there when shead needed him. She shook her head. She couldnat think about him now. She pushed away from the elm tree and found to her astonishment that her vaunted strength wasnat quite as strong as shead believed. It was absurd. Her strength would come back. She had to stop questioning herself. She had to stop whining. She forced her feet to move to the stable.
16.
She unlatched the stable door and stepped into the dim interior. A beautiful mare craned her neck about and neighed softly.
aHush, Tasha.a She moved quickly to the bay mareas head, rubbing her ears, whispering nonsense in her ears. aThatas right, just be quiet and get to know me. Arenat you ever a beauty. I can see why Phillip adores you, and he surely does.a When Tasha seemed calm and accepting of her, Sabrina started to reach for a saddle. Her arm was shaking. She cursed, not really toe-curling curses because she didnat know any, but they made her feel better. She simply didnat have the strength to haul a saddle onto Tashaas back. She slipped the bridle off a hook near Tashaas stall and tugged the mareas head down to slip it on.
An empty box was lying in the corner of the stable. It was heavier than it looked. d.a.m.nable sickness. She felt sweat on her forehead and under her arms by the time shead hauled the wretched wooden box close enough to Tasha so she could climb up on it and pull herself onto Tashaas back.
Odd how Tashaas back looked higher than it had just a moment before. The mareas ears were twitching. aNo, itas all right, Tasha. Please hold still. I donat weigh as much as Phillip. Youall see, it will be fun to carry me about. Youall barely know Iam even here.a It took her three attempts to get herself facedown over Tashaas broad back. She lay there, her feet dangling, rather like a heavy sack of grain, until her breathing slowed and calmed. Finally, she had enough strength to haul herself upright.
She leaned forward and grasped the reins in her hands. Shead made it. She click-clicked. Tasha didnat move. She dug her heels lightly into the mareas sides and flicked the reins again.
Tasha still didnat move.
What was she doing wrong? Shead ridden since shead managed to stand up and grab a horseas stirrup. What was wrong here? She leaned over Tashaas neck and said directly into her ear, aPlease, Tasha, we need to leave now. Itas not far weare going, just to Borhamwood, but I do want us to get there. Please.a aIam sorry, Sabrina. Tasha only lets me ride her. If youad only bothered to ask me, I would have told you that and saved you countless wasted minutes.a She whipped about at the sound of Phillipas amused voice. He was leaning against the stable door, his arms folded across his chest. He didnat look particularly angry, but she knew he was. She wasnat certain how she knew, but she did. Well, if shead been Phillip, she supposed shead be pretty mad herself.
aI was so quiet. Couldnat you be a nightmare that I just conjured up to frighten myself? You really shouldnat be here, Phillip. Youare not even wearing a coat. You could become ill. Why donat you go back to the house and Iall just be on my way?a He didnat move, just smiled at her, the coldest smile shead ever seen. aYou of all people should realize what a light sleeper I am. You coughed and I was there beside you. You didnat breathe evenly and I was there beside you. It saved my life several occasions on the Peninsula. Now, perhaps, it has saved yours also.a aNo, it hasnat. Listen to me, Phillip. I canat remain here. You said yourself that they were looking for us. I canat let them find me.a aLet who find you, Sabrina?a She just waved her hand at him. aIf Tasha wonat let me ride her, then Iall just walk to Borhamwood. Iam a great walker. Iave walked all my life. I can do it. You canat help me, Phillip, believe me on this. No one can do anything. I have to leave. Itas the only chance I have. I wonat tell you who I am. It would gain neither of us anything. Iam protecting you in this and protecting my family. Now, I do thank you for taking care of me but I have to leave. I must.a She slid off Tashaas back. When her feet touched the ground, she felt the d.a.m.nable weakness. .h.i.t her like a stone on the head. She held to Tashaas mane until she was stronger. She prayed that Phillip merely believed her to be saying good-bye to his horse. Finally she felt steady. She looked over at Phillip. He hadnat moved, was just looking at her, saying nothing. Perhaps he was seeing reason now. On the other hand, he was a man, and in her eighteen yearsa experience, it wasnat often that a male saw the same reason that a female saw. But Phillip was an exceptional man. Just perhaps he was ready to let her go.
Although the thought of trudging through Eppingham Forest in the middle of the night nearly made her hair stand on end, Sabrina was determined. She could do it. She stiffened her back, threw her head back, and marched up to him. aYou see, I am just fine. Good-bye, Phillip.a The problem was that he didnat move from in front of the stable door. Then, suddenly, he straightened. She was staring up at a man who was much taller than shead imagined. He was big. Strange how he hadnat seemed this big before. He was larger than Trevor, tougher, stronger. No, she wouldnat be frightened. This was Phillip. He would never hurt her, never.
aPlease move,a she said to the middle b.u.t.ton of his wrinkled white shirt.
He straightened, taller now than just the moment before. aCome back to bed, Sabrina. I donat want you to make yourself ill again.a aNo,a she said, never looking away from that middle b.u.t.ton. aPlease move, Phillip.a Then she did look up at him. aListen to me, you donat know me. Iam nothing to you, not your sister, not your cousin, nothing. Believe me that you donat want to be involved with me. You wouldnat be at all happy were I to tell you all these things you wanted to know. Just let me go. Youave done your good deed. But now itas over. Let me go. Iall never tell a soul I met you. Youall never have to see me again.a aThatas the most pitiful logic Iave ever heard. On the other hand, I havenat spent all this much time with a woman, so that must be it. Well, I have, but the time pa.s.sed with other activities, not all this pleading and begging and ridiculous attempts at changing my mind, which I wonat change. You think Iad let you go in the middle of the night into the forest? Do you think me a complete blockhead? Come, Sabrina, itas back to bed for you.a Still, he made no move to touch her. Her face was pale, her beautiful hair tangled now around her face. aDo you care so little for your life as to attempt a midnight walk with no protection? There are probably wolves out there. In fact, I know there are. Iave heard them howling.a aThereas a well-marked path. I will keep to it. Iall be warm enough with the three blankets.a Her face was paler now than just a moment before. He had to bring this to an end.
aYouare not going anywhere, Sabrina.a He held out his hand. aCome here to me.a She was shaking her head. He knew she was very probably as cold as he was. And he was ready to let his teeth chatter. He hadnat even taken the time to throw on his coat. He wished he had it now so he could wrap her up in it.
aIave made up my mind, Phillip.a aWould you please remove Tashaas bridle?a She wanted to drop in a heap right where she was and he wanted her to remove the d.a.m.ned mareas bridle? Without a word, she turned away and walked to Tasha. She unfastened the bridle and slipped it from Tashaas head. She tugged on the mareas mane and walked her back into the stall.
aYou know,a he said as he slowly approached her, aI should have hidden your clothes. It never occurred to me that you would even consider pulling such a stupid stunt as this.a She ignored him and pulled her cloak more closely about her face. aIam leaving. Move aside, I wonat tell you again.a She felt his fingers tighten about her arms. Slowly, he pulled her closer until she was leaning against him. Even in the cold stable, he was warm. If she hadnat wanted to kill him she would have burrowed into that warmth, into him.
aYou have no say whatsoever about my actions, and I wonat be bullied. Let me go.a aIam cold and Iam getting irritated, Sabrina. Either of these conditions should alarm you.a She lowered her head and bit into the back of his right hand.
He stiffened and released her. She got no farther than the stable door, tugging on the handle. His hand was above her head, pressing palm flat against the door. aYou listen to me now, you little witch. Oh, what the devil, no more of this.a He grabbed her about the waist, wrapped the three blankets about her, and tossed her over his shoulder. When she reared up, he slapped her bottom. aHold still, d.a.m.n you. Iam cold. Iam vastly annoyed with you. Just lie still.a He slapped her bottom again.
She hit his back, but she knew she wasnat hurting him, just annoying him all the more. Then her strength was gone. She could do nothing more than just lie like a sack of flour, her face b.u.mping up and down on his back. She felt tears sting her eyes.
Once in her bedchamber, Phillip eased her down to her feet and held her tightly against him for a moment.
aPlease, Phillip,a she whispered against his white shirt. aYou donat understand. You must let me go. Iall hurt you if I remain with you.a aHow the h.e.l.l would you hurt me?a She was silent as a stone.
aHah, no answer for that.a She felt the warmth of his breath touching her forehead. aI wonat allow you to kill yourself. You know your chances of making it safely to Borhamwood are slim at best. I canat take you to London, even if I just happened to know where you belong, even if you trusted me enough to tell me your auntas name, which youave refused to do. No, such an act would be outrageous folly, and little better than kidnapping.a He shook her slightly so that she looked up at him. aI wonat be hurt. Iall stand by you, that is a promise.a He had absolutely no idea what his promise might entail, but he didnat care. He meant his words. aJust tell me the truth. Who are you?a Her lips were a thin closed line. He became suddenly brisk, aware that she was trembling. aCan you undress yourself?a aYes.a She sounded utterly defeated. He hated it but had no idea what to do about it. He waited for her to straighten, to move away from him, but she didnat. She just leaned against him, her arms hanging limply at her sides.
aThis is becoming a very long night. Iall help you. Donat move.a She wanted to move, she really did, but she knew she just couldnat. If she tried, shead fall on her face. That would be too much humiliation to bear. She felt him working at the b.u.t.tons on the front of her gown.
Phillip pulled the gown over her head, scooped her up in his arms, and sat her down on the edge of the bed. He reached quickly for the dressing gown that shead left on the floor in her hurry to escape. As he tossed her gown aside, he saw blood on it. He felt an instant panic.
aMy G.o.d, what have you done to yourself?a He whipped about to look at her. She was staring down at herself, frozen.
aLie down and let me look at you. However did you hurt youra"a aNo!a Before his astonished eyes, she grabbed a blanket and clutched it to herself.
Appalled, he could only stare at her, holding the gown in his hands, looking from it to her. aBut youare bleeding, youave hurt yourself, youavea"a He understood then. He shut his mouth. She was still cowering away from him. Irritation washed over him. aFor G.o.das sake, donat be a ninny. I thank heaven that this is whatas wrong. Itas perfectly natural. Itas next to nothing.a She quite simply wanted to die. She looked at him, saw the relief on his manas face, and screamed, aGet out.a He stood there feeling helpless now, feeling out of his depth. She was embarra.s.sed. He supposed he understood it. She was staring at him, the pulse pounding in her neck. Her bare neck. She must be freezing. He had to do something. aPut the dressing gown on. Iall go get you some cloths.a She looked like she wanted to both murder him and sink below the floor. Then she seemed to just give up, to collapse in on herself. He wanted to tell her not to be ridiculous, but she was only eighteen years old. Well, d.a.m.n.
He returned to the bedchamber some minutes later and silently handed her strips of white cotton, carefully ripped strips head torn off a manas shirt. aDo you want some hot water so you can wash?a She nodded mutely, her head still down. aSabrina,a he said, but then as she just shook her head, he shut his mouth.
aThank you. Please go now.a Her voice sounded as flattened as she looked. After head placed a pitcher of warm water on the washstand and a bar of the jasmine soap beside it, he said, aPromise youall call me if you have need of something more.a Again she nodded, and not knowing what else he could do to help her, he turned and left her room.
Sabrina didnat fall asleep for a long while. Shead just lain there all night feeling impotent and helpless. If Phillip had told her he felt the same way, she wouldnat have believed him. No, he had all the power. Head certainly done what head pleased with her, even forcing her back here. What was worse was that she knew she wouldnat have managed to get through Eppingham Forest to Borhamwood. She probably would have died or been attacked by wolves. All she had left was a dreadful sense of the inevitable. She wrapped her arms about her stomach to ease her cramps and finally fell into an exhausted sleep.
Phillip took in her pale lifeless face the next morning, the dark smudges under her eyes. He set her breakfast tray on the table beside her and helped her to sit up. aIave brought you some good strong tea, toast and jam. It should make you feel more the thing.a She didnat look at him, just nodded.
aI have many ch.o.r.es to perform and will see you later.a He left her to herself for two hours. After head bathed and shaved, he returned to her bedchamber and lightly tapped on the door.
She looked bad, tired and ready to fold her tent and slink away. aYou canat sleep?a Stupid question, but he had to say something. He walked over to her and sat on the side of the bed. He touched his hand to her cheek and said without thinking it through, aPerhaps a hot bath would make you feel better.a As soon as the words were out of his mouth he realized he was an idiot. aIam sorry. Iam a man. I donat have a wife. This sort of thing simply hasnat come my way before. Listen, let me give you some laudanum. Thereas a bit left. You need to rest. All right?a aYes, all right,a she said, and he wanted to take her in his arms at that moment and tell hera"what?
Phillip shook the few remaining drops of laudanum into a gla.s.s of water and handed it to her. She downed the entire gla.s.s of water without taking a breath. She leaned back against her pillow, closed her eyes, and waited for oblivion.
Phillip moved quietly about the bedchamber, straightening the disorder from the night before. He bent down and added several more logs to the sputtering fire, then turned slightly and looked toward the bed from the corner of his eye. To his dismay, Sabrina lay wide-eyed, staring blankly ahead of her.
He pulled the large chair closer to the fireplace and walked to her bed. aYouare exhausted. Youave got to rest. Trust me now.a She didnat fight him when he lifted her into his arms, blankets and all, and carried her to the chair. He eased himself down, and drew her close against his chest. She gazed up at him for one long moment and closed her eyes. A small sigh escaped her and she turned her face inward against his shoulder.
Phillip laced his fingers under her back to hold her steady, leaning his head back against the chair top. It was some time before he felt her ease, before he heard her breathing even into sleep.
One moment Phillip was sleeping, the next he was alert, his eyes fastened to the half-open door. He heard soft boot steps on the stairs. He was on the point of dumping Sabrina onto the floor and flinging himself toward the door when a very familiar face appeared.
It was Charles Askbridge.
17.