He stirred at last, just as she was on the point of turning from him, stretched out a groping hand that found and drew her to his side. But still he did not look at her or so much as raise his head.
He spoke after a moment in a choked voice that seemed to be wrung from him by sheer physical torture. "Avery, don"t--don"t tempt me.
I--daren"t!"
The anguish of the words went through her, banishing all thought of anything else. Very suddenly she knew that he was fighting a desperate battle for her sake, that he was striving with all the strength that was in him to set her happiness before his own. And something that was greater than pity entered into her with the knowledge, something so great as to be all-possessing, compelling her to instant action.
She slipped her arm about his bent shoulders with a gesture of infinite tenderness. "Piers--dear boy, what is it?" she said softly. "Is there some trouble in your past--something you can"t bear to speak of?
Remember, I am not a girl, I may understand--some things--better than you think."
She felt his hold upon her tighten almost convulsively, but for a while he made no answer.
Then at length slowly he raised his head and looked at her. "Do you--really--think the past matters?" he said.
She met his eyes with their misery and their longing, and a tremor of uncertainty went through her.
"Tell me, Avery!" he insisted. "If you felt yourself able to get away from old burdens, and if--if there was no earthly reason why they should hamper your future--" He broke off, and again his arm tightened. "It"s d.a.m.nable that they should!" he muttered savagely.
"My dear, I don"t know how to answer you," she said. "Are--you afraid to be open with me? Do you think I shouldn"t understand?"
His eyes fell abruptly. "I am quite sure," he said, "that it would be easier for me to give you up." And with that he suddenly set her free and stood up before her straight and stiff. "Let me see you home!" he said.
They faced one another in the dimness, and Avery marked afresh the weariness of his face. He looked like a man who had come through many days and nights of suffering.
He glanced up as she did not speak. "Shall we go?" he said.
But Avery stood hesitating, asking herself if this could indeed be the end, if the impulse that had drawn her thither had been after all a mistaken one, or if even yet it might not carry her further than she had ever thought to go.
He turned towards the conservatory door by which she had entered, and quietly opened it. A soft wind blew through to her, laden with the scent of the wet earth and a thousand opening buds. It seemed to carry the promise of eternal hope on unseen wings straight to her heart.
Slowly she followed him across the room, reached him, pa.s.sed through into the scented darkness. A few steps more and she would have been in the open air, but she was uncertain of the way. The place was too dim for her to see it. She paused for him to guide her.
The door closed behind her; she heard it softly swing on its hinges, and then came his light footfall close to her.
"Straight on!" he said, and his voice sounded oddly cold and constrained.
"There are three steps at the end. Be careful how you go! Perhaps you would rather wait while I fetch a light."
His tone hurt her subtly, wounding her more deeply than she had realized that he had it in his power to wound.
She moved forward blindly with a strangled sensation at her throat and a rush of hot tears in her eyes. She had never dreamed that Piers--the warm-hearted, the eager--had it in him to treat her so.
The instinct to escape awoke within her. She quickened her steps and reached the further door. Before her lay the open night, immense and quiet and very dark. She pressed forward, hoping he would not follow, longing only for solitude and silence.
But in her agitation she forgot his warning, forgot to tread warily, and missed her footing on the steps. She slipped with a sharp exclamation and went down, catching vainly at the door-post to save herself.
Piers exclaimed also, and sprang forward. His arms were about her before she reached the ground. He lifted her bodily ere she could recover her balance; and suddenly she knew that with the touch of her the fire of his pa.s.sion had burst into scorching flame--knew herself powerless--a woman in the hold of her captor.
For he held her so fast that she gasped for breath, and with her head pressed back against his shoulder, he kissed her on the lips, fiercely, violently, hungrily--kissed her eyes, her hair, and again her lips, sealing them closely with his own, making protest impossible. Neither could she resist him, for he held her gathered up against his heart, bearing her whole weight with a strength that mocked her weakness, compelling her to lie at his mercy while the wild storm of his pa.s.sion swept on its way.
She was as one caught in the molten stream of a volcano, and carried by the fiery current that seethed all about her, consuming her with its heat.
Once when his lips left hers she tried to whisper his name, to call him back from his madness; but her voice was gone. She could only gasp and gasp till with an odd, half-savage laugh he silenced her again with those burning kisses that made her feel that he had stormed his way to the last and inner sanctuary of her soul, depriving her even of the right to dispute his overwhelming possession.
Later it seemed to her that she must have been near to fainting, for though she knew that he bore her inwards from the open door she could not so much as raise a hand in protest. She was utterly spent and almost beyond caring, so complete had been his conquest. When he set her on her feet she tottered, clinging to him nervelessly for support.
He kept his arm about her, but his hold was no longer insistent. She was aware of his pa.s.sion still; it seemed to play around her like a lambent flame; but the first fierce flare was past. He spoke to her at last in a voice that was low but not without the arrogance of the conqueror.
"Are you very angry with me, I wonder?"
She did not answer him, for still she could not.
He went on, a vein of recklessness running through his speech. "It won"t make any difference if you are. Do you understand? I"ve tried to let you go, but I can"t. I must have you or die."
He paused a moment, and it seemed as if the tornado of his pa.s.sion were sweeping back again; but, curiously, he checked it.
"That"s how it is with me, Avery," he said. "The fates have played a ghastly joke on me, but you are mine in spite of it. You came to tell me so; didn"t you?"
Was there a note of pleading in his voice? She fancied so; but still she could not speak in answer. She leaned against him with every pulse throbbing. She dared not turn her face to his.
"Are you afraid of me, Avery?" he said, and this time surely she heard a faint echo of that boyish humour that had first won her. "Because it"s all right, dear," he told her softly. "I"ve got myself in hand now. You know, I couldn"t hold you in my arms just then and not--not kiss you. You don"t hate me for it, do you? You--understand?"
Yes, she understood. Yet she felt as if he had raised a barrier between them which nothing could ever take away. She tried to ignore it, but could not. The glaring fact that he had not cared how much or how little she had desired those savage kisses of his had begun already to torment her, and she knew that she would carry the scorching memory of those moments with her for the rest of her life.
She drew herself slowly from him. "I am going now," she said.
He put out a hand that trembled and laid it on her shoulder. "If I will let you go, Avery!" he said, and she was again aware of the leaping of the flame that had scarcely died down but a moment before.
She straightened herself and resolutely faced him. "I am going, Piers," she said.
His hand tightened sharply. He caught his breath for a few tense seconds.
Then very slowly his hold relaxed; his hand fell. "You will let me see you back," he said, and she knew by his voice that he was putting strong force upon himself.
She turned. "No. I will go alone."
He did not move. "Please, Avery!" he said.
Her heart gave a quick throb at the low-spoken words. She paused almost involuntarily, realizing with a great rush of thankfulness that he would not stir a step to follow unless she gave him leave.
For an instant she stood irresolute. Then: "Come if you wish!" she said.
She heard him move, and herself pa.s.sed on, descending the steps into the dewy garden with again that odd feeling of unreality, almost as if she walked in a dream.
He came behind her, silent as a shadow, and not till she deliberately waited for him did he overtake and walk beside her.
No words pa.s.sed between them as they went. They seemed to move through a world of shadows,--a spell-bound, waiting world. And gradually, as if a soothing hand had been laid upon her, Avery felt the wild tumult at her heart subside. She remembered that he had refrained himself almost at her first word, and slowly her confidence came back. He had appealed to her to understand, and she could not let his appeal go wholly unanswered.
As they pa.s.sed at length through the gate that led into the Vicarage lane, she spoke. "Piers, I am not angry."
"Aren"t you?" he said, and by the eager relief of his voice she knew that her silence had been hard to bear.