Then I knew that I was really a murderer.
My fingers are beginning to get horribly numb, and I"m afraid I shan"t be able to write much longer. I must be quick about it, if I want to finish this confession.
After that came my retribution. I have been punished for it, and punished terribly.
As soon as they all heard Lemarchant was dead--a severe relapse, I called it--they set to work to carry him out and lay him somewhere. Then for the first time the idea flashed across my mind that they couldn"t possibly bury him. The ice was too deep everywhere, and underneath it lay the solid rock of the bare granite islands. There was no snow even, for the wind swept it away as it fell, and we couldn"t so much as decently cover him. There was nothing for it but to lay him out upon the icy surface.
So we carried the stark frozen body, with its hideous staring eyes wide open, out by the jutting point of rock behind the hut, and there we placed it, dressed and upright. We stood it up against the point exactly as if it were alive, and by-and-by the snow came and froze it to the rock; and there it stands to this moment, glaring for ever fiercely upon me.
Whenever I went in or out of the hut, for three long months, that hideous thing stood there staring me in the face with mute indignation.
At night, when I tried to sleep, the murdered man stood there still in the darkness beside me. O G.o.d! I dared not say a word to anybody: but I trembled every time I pa.s.sed it, and I knew what it was to be a murderer.
In May, the sun came back again, but still no open water for our one boat. In June, we had the long day, but no open water. The captain began to get impatient and despondent, as you will read in the log: he was afraid now we might never get a chance of making the mouth of the Lena.
By-and-by, the scurvy came (I have no time now for details, my hands are so cramped with cold), and then we began to run short of provisions.
Soon I had them all down upon my hands, and presently we had to place Paterson"s corpse beside Lemarchant"s on the little headland. Then they sank, one after another--sank of cold and hunger, as you will read in the log--till I alone, who wanted least to live, was the last left living.
I was left alone with those nine corpses propped up awfully against the naked rock, and one of the nine the man I had murdered.
May Heaven forgive me for that terrible crime; and for pity"s sake, whoever you may be, keep it from Dora--keep it from Dora!
My brother"s address is in my pocket-book.
The fever and remorse alone have given me strength to hold the pen. My hands are quite numbed now. I can write no longer.
There the ma.n.u.script ended. Heaven knows what effect it may have upon all of you, who read it quietly at home in your own easy-chairs in England; but we of the search party, who took those almost illegible sheets of shaky writing from the cold fingers of the one solitary corpse within the frozen cabin on the Liakov Islands--we read them through with such a mingled thrill of awe and horror and sympathy and pity as no one can fully understand who has not been upon an Arctic expedition. And when we gathered our sad burdens up to take them off for burial at home, the corpse to which we gave the most reverent attention was certainly that of the self-accused murderer.
_HARRY"S INHERITANCE._
I.
Colonel Sir Thomas Woolrych, K.C.B. (retired list), was a soldier of the old school, much attached to pipe-clay and purchase, and with a low opinion of compet.i.tive examinations, the first six books of Euclid, the local military centres, the territorial t.i.tles of regiments, the latest regulation pattern in half-dress b.u.t.tons, and most other confounded new-fangled radical fal-lal and trumpery in general. Sir Thomas believed as firmly in the wisdom of our ancestors as he distrusted the wisdom of our nearest descendants, now just attaining to years of maturity and indiscretion. Especially had he a marked dislike for this nasty modern shopkeeping habit of leaving all your loose money lying idly at your banker"s, and paying everybody with a dirty little bit of crumpled paper, instead of pulling out a handful of gold, magnificently, from your trousers pocket, and flinging the sovereigns boldly down before you upon the counter like an officer and a gentleman. Why should you let one of those bloated, overfed, lazy banker-fellows grow rich out of borrowing your money from you for nothing, without so much as a thank-you, and lending it out again to some other poor devil of a tradesman (probably in difficulties) at seven per cent. on short discount? No, no; that was not the way Sir Thomas Woolrych had been accustomed to live when he was an ensign (sub-lieutenant they positively call it nowadays) at Ahmednuggur, in the North-West Provinces. In those days, my dear sir, a man drew his monthly screw by pay-warrant, took the rupees in solid cash, locked them up carefully in the desk in his bungalow, helped himself liberally to them while they lasted, and gave IOU"s for any little trifle of cards or horses he might happen to have let himself in for meanwhile with his brother-officers. IOU"s are of course a gentlemanly and recognized form of monetary engagement, but for bankers" cheques Sir Thomas positively felt little less than contempt and loathing.
Nevertheless, in his comfortable villa in the park at Cheltenham (called Futteypoor Lodge, after that famous engagement during the Mutiny which gave the Colonel his regiment and his K.C.B.-ship) he stood one evening looking curiously at his big devonport, and muttered to himself with more than one most military oath, "Hanged if I don"t think I shall positively be compelled to patronize these banker-fellows after all.
Somebody must have been helping himself again to some of my sovereigns."
Sir Thomas was not by nature a suspicious man--he was too frank and open-hearted himself to think ill easily of others--but he couldn"t avoid feeling certain that somebody had been tampering unjustifiably with the contents of his devonport. He counted the rows of sovereigns over once more, very carefully; then he checked the number taken out by the entry in his pocket-book; and then he leaned back in his chair with a puzzled look, took a meditative puff or two at the stump of his cigar, and blew out the smoke, in a long curl that left a sort of pout upon his heavily moustached lip as soon as he had finished. Not a doubt in the world about it--somebody must have helped himself again to a dozen sovereigns.
It was a hateful thing to put a watch upon your servants and dependents, but Sir Thomas felt he must really do it. He reckoned up the long rows a third time with military precision, entered the particulars once more most accurately in his pocket-book, sighed a deep sigh of regret at the distasteful occupation, and locked up the devonport at last with the air of a man who resigns himself unwillingly to a most unpleasant duty. Then he threw away the f.a.g-end of the smoked-out cigar, and went up slowly to dress for dinner.
Sir Thomas"s household consisted entirely of himself and his nephew Harry, for he had never been married, and he regarded all womankind alike from afar off, with a quaint, respectful, old-world chivalry; but he made a point of dressing scrupulously every day for dinner, even when alone, as a decorous formality due to himself, his servants, society, the military profession, and the _convenances_ in general. If he and his nephew dined together they dressed for one another; if they dined separately they dressed all the same, for the sake of the inst.i.tution.
When a man once consents to eat his evening meal in a blue tie and a morning cutaway, there"s no drawing a line until you finally find him an advanced republican and an accomplice of those dreadful War Office people who are bent upon allowing the service to go to the devil. If Colonel Sir Thomas Woolrych, K.C.B., had for a single night been guilty of such abominable laxity, the whole fabric of society would have tottered to its base, and G.o.ds and footmen would have felt instinctively that it was all up with the British const.i.tution.
"Harry," Sir Thomas said, as soon they sat down to dinner together, "are you going out anywhere this evening, my boy?"
Harry looked up a little surlily, and answered after a moment"s hesitation, "Why, yes, uncle, I thought--I thought of going round and having a game of billiards with Tom Whitmarsh."
Sir Thomas cleared his throat, and hemmed dubiously. "In that case," he said at last, after a short pause, "I think I"ll go down to the club myself and have a rubber. Wilkins, the carriage at half-past nine. I"m sorry, Harry, you"re going out this evening."
"Why so, uncle? It"s only just round to the Whitmarshes", you know."
Sir Thomas shut one eye and glanced with the other at the light through his gla.s.s of sherry, held up between finger and thumb critically and suspiciously. "A man may disapprove _in toto_ of the present system of compet.i.tive examinations for the army," he said slowly; "for my part, I certainly do, and I make no secret of it; admitting a lot of butchers and bakers and candlestick makers plump into the highest ranks of the service: no tone, no character, no position, no gentlemanly feeling; a great mistake--a great mistake; I told them so at the time. I said to them, "Gentlemen, you are simply ruining the service." But they took no notice of me; and what"s the consequence? Compet.i.tive examination has been the ruin of the service, exactly as I told them. Began with that; then abolition of purchase; then local centres; then that abominable strap with the slip buckle--there, there, Harry, upon my soul, my boy, I can"t bear to think of it. But a man may be opposed, as I said, to the whole present system of compet.i.tive examination, and yet, while that system still unfortunately continues to exist (that is to say, until a European War convinces all sensible people of the confounded folly of it), he may feel that his own young men, who are reading up for a direct commission, ought to be trying their hardest to get as much of this nonsensical humbug into their heads as possible during the time just before their own examinations. Now, Harry, I"m afraid you"re not reading quite as hard as you ought to be doing. The crammer"s all very well in his way, of course, but depend upon it, the crammer by himself won"t get you through it. What"s needed is private study."
Harry turned his handsome dark eyes upon his uncle--a very dark, almost gipsy-looking face altogether, Harry"s--and answered deprecatingly, "Well, sir, and don"t I go in for private study? Didn"t I read up _Samson Agonistes_ all by myself right through yesterday?"
"I don"t know what Samson Something-or-other is," the old gentleman replied testily. "What the d.i.c.kens has Samson Something-or-other got to do with the preparation of a military man, I should like to know, sir?"
"It"s the English Literature book for the exam., you know," Harry answered, with a quiet smile. "We"ve got to get it up, you see, with all the allusions and what-you-may-call-its, for direct commission. It"s a sort of a play, I think I should call it, by John Milton."
"Oh, it"s the English Literature, is it?" the old Colonel went on, somewhat mollified. "In my time, Harry, we weren"t expected to know anything about English literature. The Articles of War, and the Officer"s Companion, By Authority, that was the kind of literature we used to be examined in. But nowadays they expect a soldier to be read up in Samson Something-or-other, do they really? Well, well, let them have their fad, let them have their fad, poor creatures. Still, Harry, I"m very much afraid you"re wasting your time, and your money also. If I thought you only went to the Whitmarshes" to see Miss Milly, now, I shouldn"t mind so much about it. Miss Milly is a very charming, sweet young creature, certainly--extremely pretty, too, extremely pretty--I don"t deny it. You"re young yet to go making yourself agreeable, my boy, to a pretty girl like that; you ought to wait for that sort of thing till you"ve got your majority, or at least, your company--a young man reading for direct commission has no business to go stuffing his head cram full with love and nonsense. No, no; he should leave it all free for fortification, and the general instructions, and Samson Something-or-other, if soldiers can"t be made nowadays without English literature. But still, I don"t so much object to that, I say--a sweet girl, certainly, Miss Milly--what I do object to is your knocking about so much at billiard-rooms, and so forth, with that young fellow Whitmarsh. Not a very nice young fellow, or a good companion for you either, Harry. I"m afraid, I"m afraid, my boy, he makes you spend a great deal too much money."
"I"ve never yet had to ask you to increase my allowance, sir," the young man answered haughtily, with a curious glance sideways at his uncle.
"Wilkins," Sir Thomas put in, with a nod to the butler, "go down and bring up a bottle of the old Madeira. Harry, my boy, don"t let us discuss questions of this sort before the servants. My boy, I"ve never kept you short of money in any way, I hope; and if I ever do, I trust you"ll tell me of it, tell me of it immediately."
Harry"s dark cheeks burned bright for a moment, but he answered never a single word, and went on eating his dinner silently, with a very hang-dog look indeed upon his handsome features.
II.
At half-past nine Sir Thomas drove down to the club, and, when he reached the door, dismissed the coachman. "I shall walk back, Morton,"
he said. "I shan"t want you again this evening. Don"t let them sit up for me. I mayn"t be home till two in the morning."
But as soon as the coachman had had full time to get back again in perfect safety, Sir Thomas walked straight down the club steps once more, and up the Promenade, and all the way to Futteypoor Lodge. When he got there, he opened the door silently with his latch-key, shut it again without the slightest noise, and walked on tip-toe into the library. It was an awkward sort of thing to do, certainly, but Sir Thomas was convinced in his own mind that he ought to do it. He wheeled an easy chair into the recess by the window, in front of which the curtains were drawn, arranged the folds so that he could see easily into the room by the slit between them, and sat down patiently to explore this mystery to the very bottom.
Sir Thomas was extremely loth in his own mind to suspect anybody; and yet it was quite clear that some one or other must have taken the missing sovereigns. Twice over money had been extracted. It couldn"t have been cook, of that he felt certain; nor Wilkins either. Very respectable woman, cook--very respectable butler, Wilkins. Not Morton; oh dear no, quite impossible, certainly not Morton. Not the housemaid, or the boy: obviously neither; well-conducted young people, every one of them. But who the d.i.c.kens could it be then? for certainly somebody had taken the money. The good old Colonel felt in his heart that for the sake of everybody"s peace of mind it was his bounden duty to discover the real culprit before saying a single word to anybody about it.
There was something very ridiculous, of course, not to say undignified and absurd, in the idea of an elderly field officer, late in Her Majesty"s service, sitting thus for hour after hour stealthily behind his own curtains, in the dark, as if he were a thief or a burglar, waiting to see whether anybody came to open his devonport. Sir Thomas grew decidedly wearied as he watched and waited, and but for his strong sense of the duty imposed upon him of tracking the guilty person, he would once or twice in the course of the evening have given up the quest from sheer disgust and annoyance at the absurdity of the position. But no; he must find out who had done it: so there he sat, as motionless as a cat watching a mouse-hole, with his eye turned always in the direction of the devonport, through the slight slit between the folded curtains.
Ten o"clock struck upon the clock on the mantelpiece--half-past ten--eleven. Sir Thomas stretched his legs, yawned, and muttered audibly, "Confounded slow, really." Half-past eleven. Sir Thomas went over noiselessly to the side table, where the decanters were standing, and helped himself to a brandy and seltzer, squeezing down the cork of the bottle carefully with his thumb, to prevent its popping, till all the gas had escaped piecemeal. Then he crept back, still noiselessly, feeling more like a convicted thief himself than a Knight Commander of the Most Honourable Order of the Bath, and wondering when the deuce this pilfering lock-breaker was going to begin his nightly depredations. Not till after Harry came back most likely. The thief, whoever he or she was, would probably be afraid to venture into the library while there was still a chance of Harry returning unexpectedly and disturbing the whole procedure. But when once Harry had gone to bed, they would all have heard from Morton that Sir Thomas was going to be out late, and the thief would then doubtless seize so good an opportunity of helping himself unperceived to the counted sovereigns.
About half past eleven, there was a sound of steps upon the garden-walk, and Harry"s voice could be heard audibly through the half-open window.
The colonel caught the very words against his will. Harry was talking with Tom Whitmarsh, who had walked round to see him home; his voice was a little thick, as if with wine, and he seemed terribly excited (to judge by his accent) about something or other that had just happened.
"Good night, Tom," the young man was saying, with an outward show of carelessness barely concealing a great deal of underlying irritation.
"I"ll pay you up what I lost to-morrow or the next day. You shall have your money, don"t be afraid about it."
"Oh, it"s all right," Tom Whitmarsh"s voice answered in an off-hand fashion. "Pay me whenever you like, you know, Woolrych. It doesn"t matter to me when you pay me, this year or next year, so long as I get it sooner or later."
Sir Thomas listened with a sinking heart. "Play," he thought to himself.
"Play, play, play, already! It was his father"s curse, poor fellow, and I hope it won"t be Harry"s. It"s some comfort to think, anyhow, that it"s only billiards."