He took his hand from her shoulder.
"Then I am afraid he will go away, and that you will never see him again."
Faith checked her sobbing. She sat with her hands clasped in her lap, staring before her with haggard eyes.
With every pa.s.sing moment now it came home to her afresh how much she had lost, how much she had thrown away in her wilfulness and blindness.
She had been jealous of Peg, and now that Peg was dead, it would not help her at all. Forrester had done with her. She had seen it in his eyes last night, heard it in his voice.
Mr. Shawyer came back from the window and looked down at her very kindly.
"Surely it is worth sacrificing a little pride to win a great happiness," he said.
He waited a moment, but she did not speak, and he went away and left her.
A great many people seemed to come to the house. The door-bell was always ringing, and strange men were shut up in the study with Forrester, asking questions and making notes.
It was about Peg, Faith knew--Peg, who had died to save the Beggar Man"s life, Peg whom she would never see again.
Later, driven by an irresistible impulse and her own terrible loneliness, she went up to Peg"s empty bedroom and stood in the doorway.
Its gaudiness no longer offended her, though the bright sunlight flooded the room and shone glaringly on the brilliant green cushions and horrible wall-paper.
Peg"s Oriental slippers stood at the foot of the bed and her gay dressing-gown hung limply across a chair.
It seemed impossible that Peg would never come back any more.
She had always been so alive! Oh, it could not be really true that she was dead.
A half-finished pink-backed novelette lay on the bed where Peg had flung it down unfinished last night when she went out, and Faith took it up with reverent fingers.
She opened it at the page Peg had been reading, and of which she had turned down the corner, and her eyes fell on the words:
"But the beautiful girl had died with a smile on her rosy red lips. She had given her life for love, and for love"s dear sake, and was content...."
Faith shivered. Peg had died the death she would have chosen, had the choice been given to her, she knew, and yet....
"If I could only see her again!" The thought rushed through Faith"s heart with pa.s.sionate longing.
Peg had been such a true friend. A thousand little memories came crowding back to her as she stood there in the rainbow room which Peg had so adored.
Just to see her for a moment, just to say she was sorry, to ask her pardon, to thank her for all she had done.
But it was too late. The most pa.s.sionate prayer in all the world can never put back the hand of time even for one second.
The day dragged away, and the house quieted down. It was like a tomb, Faith thought, as she wandered restlessly about through the empty rooms.
She felt as if she would go mad in her loneliness. She would have given her soul for someone in whom she could confide.
The maids came to try and coax her to eat, but she shook her head.
"I can"t. Oh, please leave me alone!"
Later in the evening she crept downstairs and stood outside her husband"s closed door. He was alone there she knew! She wondered what he was thinking--if his thoughts were of Peg--and suddenly Mr. Shawyer"s words came back to her.
"Surely it is worth sacrificing a little pride to win a great happiness."
Was it still hers to win? She had no real hope, but her feet unconsciously moved a little nearer to that shut door.
Twice, three times, she raised her hand to knock, and let it fall again to her side.
She had no courage. She feared him as she had never feared anyone in her life, and yet ... once he had been all that was good and kind! Her aching mind recalled the first days of their acquaintance, his gentleness and generosity, and with a fresh spurt of courage she lifted her hand and tapped timidly on the door.
"Come in!" It was her husband"s voice, but now again her courage failed her, and she stood shaking from head to foot, incapable of action.
She heard his step across the room, and then the door opened and he stood looking at her.
"You! What do you want?" His voice was not unkind, in spite of the bluntness of the words, and in desperation she raised her eyes.
"I want to speak to you."
There was a little silence. She could read refusal in his face, but after a moment he opened the door wide, and stood aside for her to enter, closing it again after her.
"Well?" He went back to the table at which he had been writing, and looked at her across it with hard eyes.
He was so ill, so worn! Faith stood looking at him in dumb pain, and he asked again impatiently:
"What do you want?"
"I want you to forgive me."
She was not conscious of having spoken the words, and was terrified when she heard them echo through the silent room. She felt as if she must fall. She put her hand on a chair back to steady herself, not daring to raise her eyes.
Then the Beggar Man gave a dry little laugh.
"Why?" he asked.
"Why?--why?" She echoed the word stammeringly, and he went on ruthlessly:
"Because you are afraid of being left? Is that it? You need not be.
Digby will marry you as soon as I have set you free. I have not hurt him--yet! I have told him that I am waiting to see first how he treats you."
"I don"t want him!" The words were a heartbroken cry. "Oh, I never, never did want him."
There were lines of pain in the Beggar Man"s face as he looked at her.
His lips moved twice before he could frame any words.
"Who or what do you want then?" he asked hoa.r.s.ely.