"But--won"t I _ever_ know?"
Mrs. Sheridan shrugged her broad shoulders and frowned slightly.
"That I can"t say, my dear," she said, gently. "Some day I may be released from my bond, and then I"ll be glad to tell you everything."
"Perhaps Wolf will tell me he"s nothing to me, now!" the girl continued, with childish temper.
"Wolf--and all of us--think that there"s n.o.body like you," the older woman said, tenderly. But Norma did not brighten. She went in a businesslike way to the stove, and glanced at the various bowls and saucepans in which dinner was baking and boiling, then sliced some stale bread neatly, put the shaved crusts in a special jar, and began to toast the slices with a charming precision.
"Change your mind and stay with us, Aunt Kate?" she said, lifelessly.
"No, dear, I"m going!" And Aunt Kate really did bundle herself into coat and rubber overshoes and woolly scarf again. "November"s coming in with a storm," she predicted, glancing out at the darkness, where the wind was rushing and howling drearily.
Norma did not answer. No mere rushing of clouds and whirl of dry and colourless leaves could match the storm of disappointment that was beginning to rage in her own heart.
Yet she felt a pang of repentance, when cheerful Aunt Kate had tramped off in the dark, to Rose"s house, which was five blocks away, and perhaps afterward to the desolate Barrys", and wished that she had put her arms about the big square shoulders, and her cheek against her aunt"s cheek, and said that she was sorry to be unreasonable.
Rushing to another extreme of unreason, she decided that she and Wolf must go see Rose to-night--and perhaps the Barrys, too--and cheer and solace them all. And Norma indulged in a little dream of herself nursing and cooking in the Barrys" six little cluttered rooms, and earning golden opinions from all the group. There was money, too; she had not used all of October"s allowance, and to-morrow would find another big check at the bank.
Wolf interrupted by coming in so tired he could hardly move. He ate his dinner, yawned amiably in the kitchen while she cleared it away, and was so sound asleep at nine o"clock that Norma"s bedside light and the rustling of the pages of her book, three feet away from his face, had no more effect upon him than if the three feet had been three hundred.
And then the bitter mood came back to her again; the bored, restless, impatient feeling that her life was a stupid affair. And deep in her heart the sense of hurt and humiliation grew and spread; the thought that she was not of the charmed circle of the Melroses, not secretly and romantically akin to them, she was merely the casual object of the old lady"s fantastic sense of obligation. Aunt Kate, who had never said what was untrue--who, Norma and her children firmly believed, could not say what was untrue--had taken away, once and for all, the veil of mystery and romance that had wrapped Norma for three exciting years.
For Leslie, and Katrina, and Mary Bishop, perhaps, travel and the thrill of foreign sh.o.r.es or European courts. But for Wolf Sheridan"s wife, this small, orderly, charming house on the edge of the New Jersey woods, and the laundry to think of every Monday, and the two-days" ordering to remember every Sat.u.r.day, as long as the world went round!
For a few days Norma really suffered in spirit, then the natural healthy current of her life reestablished itself, and she philosophically determined to make the best of the matter. If she was not Aunt Annie"s daughter and Leslie"s cousin, she was at least their friend. They--even unsuspecting of any strange relationship--had always been kind to her.
And Aunt Marianna and Aunt Alice had been definitely affectionate, to say nothing of Chris!
So one day, when she happened to be shopping in the winter briskness of the packed and brilliant Avenue, she telephoned Leslie at about the luncheon hour. Leslie when last they met had said that she would confidently expect Norma to run out and lunch with her some day--any day.
"Who is it?" Leslie"s voice asked, irritably, when at last the telephone connection was established. "Oh, _Norma_! Oh----? What is it?"
"Just wondering how you all were, and what the family news is," Norma said, with an uncomfortable inclination to falter.
"I don"t _hear_ you!" Leslie protested, impatiently. The insignificant inquiry did not seem to gain much by repet.i.tion, and Norma"s cheeks burned in shame when Leslie followed it by a blank little pause.
"Oh--everyone"s fine. The baby wasn"t well, but she"s all right now."
Another slight pause, then Norma said:
"She must be adorable--I"d like to see her."
"She"s not here now," Leslie answered, quickly.
"I"ve been shopping," Norma said. "Any chance that you could come down town and lunch with me?"
"No, I really couldn"t, to-day!" Leslie answered, lightly and promptly.
A moment later Norma said good-bye. She walked away from the telephone booth with her face burning, and her heart beating quickly with anger and resentment.
"Sn.o.b--sn.o.b--sn.o.b!" she said to herself, furiously, of Leslie. And of herself she presently added honestly, "And I wasn"t much better, for I don"t really like her any more than she does me!" And she stopped for flowers, and a little box of pastry, and went out to delight her Aunt Kate"s heart with an unexpected visit.
But a sting remained, and Norma brooded over the injustice of life, as she went about her little house in the wintry sunlight, and listened to Wolf, and made much of Rose and the new baby girl. By Thanksgiving it seemed to her that she had only dreamed of "Ada" and of Newport, and that the Norma of the wonderful frocks and the wonderful dreams had been only a dream herself.
CHAPTER XXVIII
And then suddenly she was delighted to have a friendly little note from Alice, asking her to come to luncheon on a certain December Friday, as there was "a tiny bit of business" that she would like to discuss; Chris was away, she would be alone. Norma accepted with no more than ordinary politeness, and showed neither Wolf nor his mother any elation, but she felt a deep satisfaction in the renewed relationship.
On the appointed Friday, at one o"clock, she mounted the familiar steps of the Christopher Liggetts" house, and greeted the butler with a delighted sense of returning to her own. Alice was in the front room, before a wood fire; she greeted Norma with her old smile, and with an outstretched hand, but Norma was shocked to see how drawn and strangely aged the smile was, and how thin the hand!
The room had its old scent of violets, and its old ordered beauty and richness, but Norma was vaguely conscious, for the first time, of some new invalid quality of fussiness, of a pretty and superfluous cluttering that had not been characteristic of Alice"s belongings a year ago.
Alice, too, wore newly a certain stamp of frailty, her always pure high forehead had a faint transparency and shine that Norma did not remember, and the increasing acc.u.mulation of pillows and little bookcases and handsome stands about her suggested that her horizon was closing in, that her world was diminishing to this room, and this room alone.
The strange nurse who smilingly and noiselessly slipped away as Norma came in, was another vaguely disquieting hint of helplessness, but Norma knew better than to make any comment upon her impressions, and merely asked the usual casual questions, as she sat down near the couch.
"How are you, Aunt Alice? But you look splendidly!"
"I"m so _well_," said Alice, emphatically, with a sort of solemn thankfulness, "that I don"t know myself! Whether it was saving myself the strain of moving to Newport last summer, or what, I don"t know. But I haven"t been so well for _years_!"
Norma"s heart contracted with sudden pity. Alice had never employed these gallant falsehoods before. She had always been quite obviously happy and busy and even enviable, in her limited sphere. The girl chatted away with her naturally enough while the luncheon table was arranged between them and the fire, but she noticed that two nurses shifted the invalid into an upright position before the meal, and that Alice"s face was white with exhaustion as she began to sip her bouillon.
They were alone, an hour later, playing with little boxed ices, when Alice suddenly revealed the object of the meeting. Norma had asked for Chris, who was, it appeared, absent on some matter of business for a few days, and it was in connection with the introduction of his name that Alice spoke.
"Chris--that reminds me! I wanted to speak to you about something, Norma; I"ve wanted to for months, really. It"s not really important, because of course you never would mention it any more than I would, and yet it"s just as well to have this sort of thing straightened out!
Chris told me"--said Alice, looking straight at Norma, who had grown a trifle pale, and was watching her fixedly--"Chris told me that some months before you were married, he told you of some--some ridiculous suspicions we had--it seems absurd now!--about Annie."
So that was it! Norma could breathe again.
"Yes--we talked about it one morning walking home from church," she admitted.
"I don"t know whether you know now," Alice said, quickly, flushing nervously, "that there wasn"t one shred of foundation for that--that crazy suspicion of mine! But I give you my word--and my mother told me!--that it wasn"t so. I don"t know how I ever came to think of it, or why I thought Mama admitted it. But I"ve realized," said Alice, nervously, "that it was a terrible injustice to Annie, and as soon as Chris told me that you knew it--and of course he had _no business_ to let it get any further!--I wanted to set it straight. Poor Annie; she would be perfectly frantic if she knew how calmly I was saddling her with a--a terrible past!" said Alice, laughing. "But I have always been too sensitive where the people I love are concerned, and I blundered into this--this outrageous----"
"My aunt had told me that it was not so," Norma said, coolly and superbly interrupting the somewhat incoherent story. "If I ever really believed it----!" she added, scornfully.
For her heart was hot with rage, and the first impulse was to vent it upon this nearest of the supercilious Melroses. This was all Alice had wanted then, in sending that little overture of friendship: to tell the little n.o.body that she was nothing to the great family, after all, to prevent her from ever boasting even an illicit relationship! It was for a formal snub, a definite casting-off, that Norma had been brought all the way from the little green-and-white house in New Jersey! Her eyes grew very bright, and her lips very firm, as she and Alice finished the topic, and she told herself that she would never, never enter the house of Liggett again!
Alice, this load off her mind, and the family honour secure, became much more friendly, and she and Norma were talking animatedly when Leslie and Annie came unexpectedly in. They had been to a debutante luncheon, and were going to a debutante tea, and meanwhile wanted a few minutes with dear Alice, and the latest news of Mrs. Melrose, who was in Florida.
Aunt and niece were magnificently furred and jewelled, magnificently unaware of the existence of little Mrs. Sheridan of East Orange. Norma knew in a second that the social ripples had closed over her head; she was of no further possible significance in the life of either. Leslie was pretty, bored, ill-tempered; Annie her usual stunning and radiantly satisfied self. The conversation speedily left Norma stranded, the chatter of engagements, of scandals, of new names, was all strange to her, and she sat through some ten minutes of it uncomfortably, longing to go, and not quite knowing how to start. She said to herself that she was done with the Melroses; never--never--never again would even their most fervently extended favour win from her so much as a civil acknowledgment!
There was a step in the hall, and a voice that drove the blood from Norma"s face, and made her heart begin the old frantic fluttering and thumping. Before she could attempt to collect her thoughts, the door opened, and Chris came in. He came straight to Alice, and kissed her, holding her hand as he greeted Annie and Leslie. Then he came across the hearthrug, and Norma got to her feet, and felt that his hand was as cold as hers, and that the room was rocking about her.
"h.e.l.lo, Norma!" he said, quietly. "I didn"t expect to find you here!"
"You haven"t seen her since she was married, Chris," Alice said, and Chris agreed with a pleasant "That"s so!"