Wordlessly Desmond followed her, his face so blank of expression that all his thoughts showed clear. A whole crew followed us discreetly, for Desmond and Cleo"s antipathy was legendary. How it had started none remembered, although some said they had once been lovers. If so, it was before I knew them. Others said Desmond hated Cleo for her success in the sculpture compet.i.tions, and some of the more sharp-tongued gossips said that this envy explained Desmond"s new, morbid interest in the world below-sour grapes, you know. But Desmond had always been interested in things no one else cared about-rediscovering little scientific truths and the like-and to me it was clear that his fascination was simply the result of his temperament, and of what his telescope had newly revealed to him. No, his and Cleo"s was a more fundamental hatred, a clash of contrary natures.
Now Desmond stared at Cleo"s new statue. It is undeniable that Cleo is a superb artist, especially in facial expressions, those utterly complex projections of unique emotional states; and this work displayed her usual brilliance in that most difficult medium. It was a solo piece: a red-haired young woman looked back over one shoulder with an expression of intense vulnerability and confusion, pierced by a sharp melancholy. It was exquisite.
The sight of this sculpture snapped some final restraint in Desmond Kean; I saw it happen. His eyes filled with pity and disgust; his lip curled, and he said loudly, "How did you do it, Cleo? What did you do to her in your little bubble world to get that expression out of her?"
Now, this was a question one simply didn"t ask. Each artist"s arcology was his or her own sovereign ground, a physical projection of the artist"s creative unconscious, an entirely private cosmos. What one did to one"s material there was one"s own business.
But the truth was no one had forgotten the unfortunate Arthur Magister, who had exhibited increasingly peculiar and morbid statues over a period of years, ending with one of a maiden who had had on her face such an expression that no one could bear to look at it. Though the rule of privacy was maintained, there were of course questions muttered; but no one would ever have found out the answers, if Arthur had not blown up himself and his arcology, revealing in the wreckage, among other things, a number of unpleasantly dismembered ectogenes.
So it was a sensitive issue; and when Desmond asked Cleo his brazen question, with its dark implication, she blanched, then reddened with anger. Disdainfully (though I sensed she was afraid, too) she refused to reply. Desmond stared fiercely at us all; were he an ectogene, I would have stopped him at just that instant.
"Little G.o.ds," he snarled, and left the room.
That would cost him, in reputation if not in actual sanctions. But the rest of us forgot his distemper, relieved that we could now begin the exhibit"s opening reception in earnest. Down at the drink tables champagne corks were already bringing down a fresh shower of jacaranda blooms.
It was just a few hours later, when the reception was a riotous party, that I heard the news, pa.s.sed from group to group instantly, that someone had broken the locks on the tableaux (this was supposed to be impossible) and turned their force fields off, letting most of the statues free. And it was while we rushed to the far end of the greenhouse-gallery, around the great curve of the perimeter of the penthouse, that I heard that Desmond Kean had been seen, leaving the gallery with Cleo"s red-headed ectogene.
Utter scandal. This would cost Desmond more than money; they would exile him to some tedious sector of the city, to scrub walls with robots or teach children or the like: they would make him pay in time. And Cleo! I groaned; he would never live to see the end of her wrath.
Well, a friend can only do so much, but while the rest were rounding up and pacifying the disoriented ectogenes (which included, alas, my two dancers, who were huddled in each other"s arms) I went in search of Desmond, to warn him that he had been seen. I knew his haunts well, having shared most of them, and I hurried to them through the uncrowded, vaguely Parisian boulevards of the penthouse"s northern quarter.
My first try was the broken planetaria near the baths; I opened the door with the key we had quietly reproduced years before. An indiscretion!-for Desmond and the young ectogene were making love on the dais in the middle of the chamber, Desmond on his back, the woman straddling him, arced as if all the energy of the great spire were flowing up into her... he was breaking all the taboos this night. Immediately I shut the door, but given the situation saw fit to pound loudly on it. "Desmond! It"s Roarick! They saw you with the girl, you"ve got to leave!"
Silence. What to do in such a situation? I had no precedent. After a good thirty seconds had pa.s.sed I opened the door again. No Desmond, no girl.
I, however, was one of those who with Desmond had first discovered the other exit from the planetaria, and I hurried to the central ball of optical fibers which even he could not fix, and pulled up the trap door beside it. Down the stairs and along the pa.s.sageway, into one of the penthouse"s other infrastructures I ran.
I will not detail my long search, nor my desperate and ludicrous attempts to evade rival search parties. Despite my knowledge of Desmond"s ways and my anxious thoroughness, I did not find him until I thought of the place that should have occurred to me first. I returned to the northeast corner of the viewing terrace, right there outside the gla.s.s wall of the greenhouse-gallery, where (as it was now dusk) if the artists inside could have seen through their own reflections, they would have looked right at him.
He and the redhead were standing next to Desmond"s telescope, their elbows on the railing as they looked over the edge side by side. Desmond had his duffel bag at his feet. Something in their stance kept me from emerging from the shadows. They looked as though they had just finished the most casual and intimate of conversations-a talk about trivial, inessential things, the kind of talk lovers have together after years of companionship. Such calmness, such resignation... I could only look, at what seemed to me then an unbreakable, eternal tableau.
Desmond sighed and turned to look at her. He took a red curl of her hair between his fingers, watched the gold in it gleam in a band across the middle of the curl. "There are three kinds of red hair," he said sadly. "Red black, red brown, and red gold. And the greatest of these is...."
"Black," said the girl.
"Gold," said Desmond. He fingered the curl....
The woman pointed. "What"s all that down there?"
Dusky world below, long since in night: vast dark Africa, the foliage like black fur, sparking with the sooty flares of a thousand bonfires, little p.r.i.c.ks of light like yellow stars. "That"s the world," Desmond said, voice tightened to a burr. "I suppose you don"t know a thing about it. Around those fires down there are people. They are slaves, they live lives even worse than yours, almost."
But his words didn"t appear to touch the woman. She turned away, and lifted an empty gla.s.s left on the railing. On her face was an expression so... lost-a sudden echo of her expression as statue-that I shivered in the cold wind. She didn"t have the slightest idea what was going on.
"d.a.m.n," she said. "I wish I"d remembered to bring another drink."
A conversation from another world, resumed here. I saw Desmond Kean"s face then, and I know that I did right to interrupt at that moment. "Desmond!" I rushed forward and grasped his arm. "There"s no time, you really must get to one of our private rooms and hide! You don"t want to find out what sort of sentence they might hand down for this sort of thing!"
A long moment: I shudder to think of the tableau we three made. The world is a cruel sculptor.
"All right," Desmond said at last. "Here, Roarick, take her and get her out of here." He bent over to fumble in his bag. "They"ll put her down after all this if they catch her."
"But-but where should I go?" I stammered.
"You know this city as well as I! Try the gallery"s service elevator, and get on the underfloor-you know," he insisted, and yet he was about to give me further directions when the far greenhouse door burst open and a whole mob poured out. We were forced to run for it; I took the woman by the hand and sprinted for the closer greenhouse door. The last I saw of Desmond Kean, he was climbing over the railing. My G.o.d, My G.o.d, I thought, I thought, he"s going to kill himself- he"s going to kill himself-but then I saw the purposefully rectangular package strapped to his back.
Escape From Kathmandu
I.
Usually I"m not much interested in other people"s mail. I mean when you get right down to it, even my own mail doesn"t do that much for me. Most of it"s junk mail or bills, and even the real stuff is, like, official news from my sister-in-law, xeroxed for the whole clan, or at best an occasional letter from a climbing buddy that reads like a submission to the Alpine Journal for the Illiterate Alpine Journal for the Illiterate. Taking the trouble to read some stranger"s version of this kind of stuff? You must be kidding.
But there was something about the dead mail at the Hotel Star in Kathmandu that drew me. Several times each day I would escape the dust and noise of Alice"s Second City, cross the sunny paved courtyard of the Star, enter the lobby and get my key from one of the zoned-out Hindu clerks-nice guys all-and turn up the uneven stairs to go to my room. And there at the bottom of the stairs was a big wooden letter rack nailed to the wall, absolutely stuffed stuffed with mail. There must have been two hundred letters and postcards stuck up there-thick packets, blue airmail pages, dog-eared postcards from Thailand or Peru, ordinary envelopes covered with complex addresses and purple postal marks-all of them bent over the wooden retainer bars of the rack, all of them gray with dust. Above the rack a cloth print of Ganesh stared down with his sad elephant gaze, as if he represented all the correspondents who had mailed these letters, whose messages were never going to reach their destinations. It was dead mail at its deadest. with mail. There must have been two hundred letters and postcards stuck up there-thick packets, blue airmail pages, dog-eared postcards from Thailand or Peru, ordinary envelopes covered with complex addresses and purple postal marks-all of them bent over the wooden retainer bars of the rack, all of them gray with dust. Above the rack a cloth print of Ganesh stared down with his sad elephant gaze, as if he represented all the correspondents who had mailed these letters, whose messages were never going to reach their destinations. It was dead mail at its deadest.
And after a while it got to me. I became curious. Ten times a day I pa.s.sed this sad sight, which never changed-no letters taken away, no new ones added. Such a lot of wasted effort! Once upon a time these names had taken off for Nepal, a long way away no matter where they were from. And back home some relative or friend or lover had taken the time to sit down and write a letter, which to me is like dropping a brick on your foot as far as entertainment is concerned. Heroic, really. "Dear George Fredericks!" they cried. "Where are you, how are you? Your sister-in-law had her baby, and I"m going back to school. When will you be home?" Signed, Faithful Friend, Thinking of You. But George had left for the Himal, or had checked into another hotel and never been to the Star, or was already off to Thailand, Peru, you name it; and the heartfelt effort to reach him was wasted.
One day I came into the hotel a little wasted myself, and noticed this letter to George Fredericks. Just glancing through them all, you know, out of curiosity. My name is George, also-George Fergusson. And this letter to George was the thickest letter-sized envelope there, all dusty and bent permanently across the middle. "George Fredericks-Hotel Star-Thamel Neighborhood-Kathmandu-NEPAL." It had a trio of Nepali stamps on it-the King, Cho Oyo, the King again-and the postmark date was illegible, as always.
Slowly, reluctantly, I shoved the letter back into the rack. I tried to satisfy my curiosity by reading a postcard from Koh Samui: "h.e.l.lo! Do you remember me? I had to leave in December when I ran out of money. I"ll be back next year. h.e.l.lo to Franz and Badim Badur-Michel."
No, no. I put the card back and hoisted myself upstairs. Postcards are all alike. Do you remember me? Do you remember me? Exactly. But that letter to George, now. About half-an-inch thick! Maybe six or eight ounces-some sort of epic, for sure. And apparently written in Nepal, which naturally made it more interesting to me. I"d spent most of the previous several years in Nepal, you see, climbing and guiding treks and hanging out; and the rest of the world was beginning to seem pretty unreal. These days I felt the same sort of admiration for the ingenuity of the writers of Exactly. But that letter to George, now. About half-an-inch thick! Maybe six or eight ounces-some sort of epic, for sure. And apparently written in Nepal, which naturally made it more interesting to me. I"d spent most of the previous several years in Nepal, you see, climbing and guiding treks and hanging out; and the rest of the world was beginning to seem pretty unreal. These days I felt the same sort of admiration for the ingenuity of the writers of The International Herald Tribune The International Herald Tribune that I used to feel for the writers of that I used to feel for the writers of The National Enquirer The National Enquirer. "Jeez," I"d think as I scanned a Tribbie Tribbie in front of a Thamel bookstore, and read of strange wars, unlikely summits, bizarre hijackings. "How do they think these things up?" in front of a Thamel bookstore, and read of strange wars, unlikely summits, bizarre hijackings. "How do they think these things up?"
But an epic from Nepal, now. That was reality. And addressed to a "George F." Maybe they had misspelled the last name, eh? And anyway, it was clear by the way the letter was doubled over, and the envelope falling apart, that it had been stuck there for years. A dead loss to the world, if someone didn"t save it and read it. All that agony of emotions, of brain cells, of finger muscles, all wasted wasted. It was a d.a.m.n shame.
So I took it.
II.
My room, one of the nicest in all Thamel, was on the fourth floor of the Star. The view was eastward, toward the tall bat-filled trees of the King"s palace, overlooking the jumble of Thamel shops. A lot of big evergreens dotted the confusion of buildings; in fact, from my height it looked like a city of trees. In the distance I could see the green hills that contained the Kathmandu Valley, and before the clouds formed in the mornings I could even see some white spikes of the Himal to the north.
The room itself was simple: a bed and a chair, under the light of a single bare bulb hanging from the ceiling. But what else do you really need? It"s true that the bed was lumpy; but with my foam pad from my climbing gear laid over it to level it out, it was fine. And I had my own bathroom. It"s true the seatless toilet leaked pretty badly, but since the shower poured directly onto the floor and leaked also, it didn"t matter. It was also true that the shower came in two parts, a waist-high faucet and a showerhead near the ceiling, and the showerhead didn"t work, so that to take a shower I had to sit on the floor under the faucet. But that was okay-it was all okay-because that shower was hot hot. The water heater was right there in the room hanging over the toilet, and the water that came from it was so hot that when I took a shower I actually had to turn on the cold water too. That in itself made it one of the finest bathrooms in Thamel.
Anyway, this room and bath had been my castle for about a month, while I waited for my next trekkers" group from Want To Take You Higher Ltd. to arrive. When I entered it with the lifted letter in hand I had to kick my way through clothes, climbing gear, sleeping bag, food, books, maps, Tribbies Tribbies-sweep a pile of such stuff off the chair-and clear a s.p.a.ce for the chair by the windowsill. Then I sat down, and tried to open the bent old envelope without actually ripping it.
No way. It wasn"t a Nepali envelope, and there was some real glue on the flap. I did what I could, but the CIA wouldn"t have been proud of me.
Out it came. Eight sheets of lined paper, folded twice like most letters, and then bent double by the rack. Writing on both sides. The handwriting was miniaturized and neurotically regular, as easy to read as a paperback. The first page was dated June 2, 1985. So much for my guess concerning its age, but I would have sworn the envelope looked four or five years old. That"s Kathmandu dust for you. A sentence near the beginning was underlined heavily: "You must not tell ANYBODY about this!!!" Whoah, heavy! I glanced out the window, even. A letter with some secrets in it! How great! I tilted the chair back, flattened the pages, and began to read.
June 2nd, 1985 Dear Freds- I know, it"s a miracle to get even a postcard from me, much less a letter like this one"s going to be. But an amazing thing has happened to me and you"re the only friend I can trust to keep it to himself. You must not tell ANYBODY about this!!! You must not tell ANYBODY about this!!! Okay? I know you won"t-ever since we were roommates in the dorm you"ve been the one I can talk to about anything, in confidence. And I"m glad I"ve got a friend like you, because I"ve found I really have to tell this to somebody, or go crazy. Okay? I know you won"t-ever since we were roommates in the dorm you"ve been the one I can talk to about anything, in confidence. And I"m glad I"ve got a friend like you, because I"ve found I really have to tell this to somebody, or go crazy.
As you may or may not remember, I got my Master"s in Zoology at U.C. Davis soon after you left, and I put in more years than I care to recall on a Ph.D. there before I got disgusted and quit. I wasn"t going to have anything more to do with any of that, but last fall I got a letter from a friend I had shared an office with, a Sarah Hornsby. She was going to be part of a zoological/botanical expedition to the Himalayas, a camp modeled on the Cronin expedition, where a broad range of specialists set up near treeline, in as pure a wilderness as they can conveniently get to. They wanted me along because of my "extensive experience in Nepal," meaning they wanted me to be sirdar, and my degree didn"t have a thing to do with it. That was fine by me. I took the job and went hacking away at the bureaucratic underbrush in Kathmandu. You would have done it better, but I did okay. Central Immigration, Ministry of Tourism, Forests and Parks, RNAC, the whole horrible routine, which clearly was designed by someone who had read too much Kafka. But eventually it got done and I took off in the early spring with four animal behaviorists, three botanists, and a ton of supplies, and flew north. We were joined at the airstrip by 22 local porters and a real sirdar, and we started trekking.
I"m not going to tell you exactly where we went. Not because of you; it"s just too dangerous to commit it to print. But we were up near the top of one of the watersheds, near the crest of the Himalayas and the border with Tibet. You know how those valleys end: tributaries keep getting higher and higher, and finally there"s a last set of box canyon-type valleys fingering up into the highest peaks. We set our base camp where three of these dead-end valleys met, and members of the group could head upstream or down depending on their project. There was a trail to the camp, and a bridge over the river near it, but the three upper valleys were wilderness, and it was tough to get through the forest up into them. It was what these folks wanted, however-untouched wilderness, almost.
When the camp was set the porters left, and there the eight of us were. My old friend Sarah Hornsby was the ornithologist-she"s quite good at it, and I spent some time working with her. But she had a boyfriend along, the mammalogist (no, not that, Freds), Phil Adrakian. I didn"t like him much, from the start. He was the expedition leader, and absolutely Mr. Animal Behavior-but he sure had a tough time finding any mammals up there. Then Valerie Budge was the entomologist-no problem finding subjects for her, eh? (Yes, she did bug me. Another expert.) And Armaat Ray was the herpetologist, though he ended up helping Phil a lot with the night blinds. The botanists were named Kitty, Dominique, and John; they spent a lot of time to themselves, in a large tent full of plant samplings.
So-camp life with a zoological expedition. I don"t suppose you"ve ever experienced it. Compared to a climbing expedition it isn"t that exciting, I"ll tell you. On this one I spent the first week or two crossing the bridge and establishing the best routes through the forest into the three high valleys; after that I helped Sarah with her project, mostly. But the whole time I entertained myself watching this crew-being an animal behaviorist for the animal behaviorists, so to speak.
What interests me, having once given it a try and decided it wasn"t worth it, is why others carry on. Following animals around, then explaining every little thing you see, and then arguing intensely with everyone else about the explanations-for a career? career? Why on earth would anyone do it? Why on earth would anyone do it?
I talked about it with Sarah, one day when we were up the middle valley looking for beehives. I told her I had formed a cla.s.sification system.
She laughed. "Taxonomy! You can"t escape your training." And she asked me to tell her about it.
First, I said, there were the people who had a genuine and powerful fascination with animals. She was that way herself, I said; when she saw a bird flying, there was a look on her face... it was like she was seeing a miracle.
She wasn"t so sure she approved of that; you have to be scientifically detached, you know. But she admitted the type certainly existed.
Then, I said, there were the stalkers. These people liked to crawl around in the bush tailing other creatures, like kids playing a game. I went on to explain why I thought this was such a powerful urge; it seemed to me that the life it led to was very similar to the lives led by our primitive ancestors, for a million long years. Living in camps, stalking animals in the woods: to get back to that style of life is a powerfully satisfying feeling.
Sarah agreed, and pointed out that it was also true that nowadays when you got sick of camp life you could go out and sit in a hot bath drinking brandy and listening to Beethoven, as she put it.
"That"s right!" I said. "And even in camp there"s quite a night life, you"ve all got your Dostoevski and your arguments over E. O. Wilson... it"s the best of both worlds. Yeah, I think most of you are stalkers on some level."
"But you always say, "you people,"" Sarah pointed out to me. "Why are you outside it, Nathan? Why did you quit?"
And here it got serious; for a few years we had been on the same path, and now we weren"t, because I had left it. I thought carefully about how to explain myself. "Maybe it"s because of type three, the theorists. Because we must remember that animal behavior is a Very Respectable Academic Field! It has to have its intellectual justification, you can"t just go into the academic senate and say, "Distinguished colleagues, we do it because we like the way birds fly, and it"s fun to crawl in the bushes!""
Sarah laughed at that. "It"s true."
And I mentioned ecology and the balance of nature, population biology and the preservation of species, evolution theory and how life became what it is, sociobiology and the underlying animal causes for social behavior... But she objected, pointing out that those were real concerns.
"Sociobiology?" I asked. She winced. I admitted, then, that there were indeed some excellent angles for justifying the study of animals, but I claimed that for some people these became the most important part of the field. As I said, "For most of the people in our department, the theories became more important than the animals. What they observed in the field was just more data for their theory! What interested them was on the page or at the conference, and a lot of them only do field work because you have to prove you can."
"Oh, Nathan," she said. "You sound cynical, but cynics are just idealists who have been disappointed. I remember that about you-you"re such an idealist!"
I know, Freds-you will be agreeing with her: Nathan Howe, idealist. And maybe I am. That"s what I told her: "Maybe I am. But jeez, the atmosphere in the department made me sick. Theorists backstabbing each other over their pet ideas, and sounding just as scientific as they could, when it isn"t really scientific at all! You can"t test these theories by designing an experiment and looking for reproducibility, and you can"t isolate your factors or vary them, or use controls-it"s just observation and untestable hypothesis, over and over! And yet they acted like such solid scientists, math models and all, like chemists or something. It"s just scientism."
Sarah just shook her head at me. "You"re too idealistic, Nathan. You want things perfect. But it isn"t so simple. If you want to study animals, you have to make compromises. As for your cla.s.sification system, you should write it up for the Sociobiological Review Sociobiological Review! But it"s just a theory, remember. If you forget that, you fall into the trap yourself."
She had a point, and besides we caught sight of some bees and had to hurry to follow them upstream. So the conversation ended. But during the following evenings in the tent, when Valerie Budge was explaining to us how human society behaved pretty much like ants-or when Sarah"s boyfriend Adrakian, frustrated by his lack of sightings, went off on long a.n.a.lytical jags like he was the hottest theorist since Robert Trivers-she would give me a look and a smile, and I knew I had made my point. Actually, though he talked a big line, I don"t think Adrakian was all that good; his publications wouldn"t exactly give a porter backstrain, if you know what I mean. I couldn"t figure out what Sarah saw in him.
One day soon after that, Sarah and I returned to the middle high valley to hunt again for beehives. It was a cloudless morning, a cla.s.sic Himalayan forest climb: cross the bridge, hike among the boulders in the streambed, ascending from pool to pool; then up through damp trees and underbrush, over lumpy lawns of moss. Then atop the wall of the lower valley, and onto the floor of the upper valley, much clearer and sunnier up there in a big rhododendron forest. The rhododendron blooms still flared on every branch, and with the flowers" pink intensity, and the long cones of sunlight shafting down through the leaves to illuminate rough black bark, orange fungi, bright green ferns-it was like hiking through a dream. And three thousand feet above us soared a snowy horseshoe ring of peaks. The Himalayas-you know.
So we were in good spirits as we hiked up this high valley, following the streambed. And we were in luck, too. Above one small turn and lift the stream widened into a long narrow pool; on the south face above it was a cliff of striated yellowish granite, streaked with big horizontal cracks. And spilling down from these cracks were beehives. Parts of the cliff seemed to pulsate blackly, clouds of bees drifted in front of it, and above the quiet sound of the stream I could hear the mellow buzz of the bees going about their work. Excited, Sarah and I sat on a rock in the sun, got out our binoculars, and started watching for bird life. Goraks upvalley on the snow, a lammergeier sailing over the peaks, finches beeping around as always-and then I saw it-a flick of yellow, just bigger than the biggest hummingbird. A warbler, bobbing on a twig that hung before the hive cliff. Down it flew, to a fallen piece of hive wax; peck peck peck; wax into bird. A honey warbler. I nudged Sarah and pointed it out, but she had already seen it. We were still for a long time, watching.
Edward Cronin, leader of a previous expedition of this kind to the Himalayas, did one of the first extensive studies of the honey warbler, and I knew that Sarah wanted to check his observations and continue the work. Honey warblers are unusual birds, in that they manage to live off the excess wax of the honeycombs, with the help of some bacteria in their gastro-intestinal systems. It"s a digestive feat hardly any other creature on earth has managed, and it"s obviously a good move for the bird, as it means they have a very large food source that nothing else is interested in. This makes them very worthy of study, though they hadn"t gotten a whole lot of it up to that point-something Sarah hoped to change.
When the warbler, quick and yellow, flew out of sight, Sarah stirred at last-took a deep breath, leaned over and hugged me. Kissed me on the cheek. "Thanks for getting me here, Nathan."
I was uncomfortable. The boyfriend, you know-and Sarah was so much finer a person than he was... And besides, I was remembering, back when we shared that office, she had come in one night all upset because the boyfriend of the time had declared for someone else, and what with one thing and another-well, I don"t want to talk about it. But we had been good friends good friends. And I still felt a lot of that. So to me it wasn"t just a peck on the cheek, if you know what I mean. Anyway, I"m sure I got all awkward and formal in my usual way.
In any case, we were pretty pleased at our discovery, and we returned to the honey cliff every day after that for a week. It was a really nice time. Then Sarah wanted to continue some studies she had started of the goraks, and so I hiked on up to Honey Cliff on my own a few times.
It was on one of those days by myself that it happened. The warbler didn"t show up, and I continued upstream to see if I could find the source. Clouds were rolling up from the valley below and it looked like it would rain later, but it was still sunny up where I was. I reached the source of the stream-a spring-fed pool at the bottom of a talus slope-and stood watching it pour down into the world. One of those quiet Himalayan moments, where the world seems like an immense chapel.
Then a movement across the pool caught my eye, there in the shadow of two gnarled oak trees. I froze, but I was right out in the open for anyone to see. There under one of the oaks, in shadow darker for the sunlight, a pair of eyes watched me. They were about my height off the ground. I thought it might be a bear, and was mentally reviewing the trees behind me for climbability, when it moved again-it blinked. And then I saw that the eyes had whites visible around the iris. A villager, out hunting? I didn"t think so. My heart began to hammer away inside me, and I couldn"t help swallowing. Surely that was some sort of face face there in the shadows? A bearded face? there in the shadows? A bearded face?
Of course I had an idea what I might be trading glances with. The yeti, the mountain man, the elusive creature of the snows. The Abominable Snowman Abominable Snowman, for G.o.d"s sake! My heart"s never pounded faster. What to do? The whites of its eyes... baboons have white eyelids that they use to make threats, and if you look at them directly they see the white of your eyes, and believe you are threatening them; on the off-chance that this creature had a similar code, I tilted my head down and looked at him indirectly. I swear it appeared to nod back at me.
Then another blink, only the eyes didn"t return. The bearded face and the shape below it were gone. I started breathing again, listened as hard as I could, but never heard anything except for the chuckle of the stream.
After a minute or two I crossed the stream and took a look at the ground under the oak. It was mossy, and there were areas of moss that had been stepped on by something at least as heavy as me; but no clear tracks, of course. And nothing more than that, in any direction.
I hiked back down to camp in a daze; I hardly saw a thing, and jumped at every little sound. You can imagine how I felt-a sighting like that...!
And that very night, while I was trying to quietly eat my stew and not reveal that anything had happened, the group"s conversation veered onto the topic of the yeti. I almost dropped my fork. It was Adrakian again-he was frustrated at the fact that despite all of the spoor visible in the area, he had only actually seen some squirrels and a distant monkey or two. Of course it would have helped if he"d spent the night in the night blinds more often. Anyway, he wanted to bring up something, to be the center of attention and take the stage as The Expert. "You know these high valleys are exactly the zone the yeti live in," he announced matter-of-factly.
That"s when the fork almost left me. "It"s almost certain they exist, of course," Adrakian went on, with a funny smile.
"Oh, Philip," Sarah said. She said that a lot to him these days, which didn"t bother me at all.
"It"s true." Then he went into the whole bit, which of course all of us knew: the tracks in the snow that Eric Shipton photographed, George Schaller"s support for the idea, the prints Cronin"s party found, the many other sightings... "There are thousands of square miles of impenetrable mountain wilderness here, as we now know firsthand."
Of course I didn"t need any convincing. And the others were perfectly willing to concede the notion. "Wouldn"t that be something if we found one!" Valerie said. "Got some good photos-"
"Or found a body," John said. Botanists think in terms of stationary subjects.
Phil nodded slowly. "Or if we captured a live one..."
"We"d be famous," Valerie said.
Theorists. They might even get their names latinized and made part of the new species" name. Gorilla montani adrakianias-budgeon Gorilla montani adrakianias-budgeon.
I couldn"t help myself; I had to speak up. "If we found good evidence of a yeti it would be our duty to get rid of it and forget about it," I said, perhaps a bit too loudly.
They all stared at me. "Whatever for?" Valerie said.
"For the sake of the yeti, obviously," I said. "As animal behaviorists you"re presumably concerned about the welfare of the animals you study, right? And the ecospheres they live in? But if the existence of the yeti were confirmed, it would be disastrous for both. There would be an invasion of expeditions, tourists, poachers-yetis in zoos, in primate center cages, in laboratories under the knife, stuffed in museums-" I was getting upset. "I mean what"s the real value of the yeti for us, anyway?" They only stared at me: value? "Their value value is the fact that they"re unknown, they"re beyond science. They"re the part of the wilderness we can"t touch." is the fact that they"re unknown, they"re beyond science. They"re the part of the wilderness we can"t touch."
"I can see Nathan"s point," Sarah remarked in the ensuing silence, with a look at me that made me lose my train of thought. Her agreement meant an awful lot more than I would have expected...
The others were shaking their heads. "A nice sentiment," Valerie said. "But really, hardly any of them would be affected by study. Think what they"d add to our knowledge of primate evolution!"
"Finding one would be a contribution to science," Phil said, glaring at Sarah. And he really believed that, too, I have to give him that.
Armaat said slyly, "It wouldn"t do any harm to our chances for tenure, either."
"There is that," Phil admitted. "But the real point is, you have to abide by what"s true. If we found a yeti we"d be obliged to say so, because it was so-no matter how we felt about it. Otherwise you get into suppressing data, altering data, all that kind of thing."
I shook my head. "There are values that are more important than scientific integrity."
And the argument went on from there, mostly repeating points. "You"re an idealist," Phil said to me at one point. "You can"t do do zoology without disturbing some subject animals to a certain extent." zoology without disturbing some subject animals to a certain extent."