Once Alma, as a rule supersensitive to her mother"s slightest unrest, floated up for the moment out of her young sleep, but she was very drowsy and very tired and dream-tides were almost carrying her back, as she said:
"Mama, are you all right?"
Simulating sleep, Mrs. Samstag lay tense until her daughter"s breathing resumed its light cadence.
Then at four o"clock, the kind of nervousness that Mrs. Samstag had learned to fear, began to roll over her in waves, locking her throat and curling her toes and her fingers, and her tongue up dry against the roof of her mouth.
She must concentrate now--must steer her mind away from the craving!
Now then: West End Avenue. Louis liked the apartments there. Luxurious.
Quiet. Residential. Circa.s.sian walnut or mahogany dining room? Alma should decide. A baby-grand piano. Later to be Alma"s engagement gift from, "Mama and--Papa." No, "Mama and Louis." Better so.
How her neck and her shoulder-blade, and now her elbow, were flaming with the pain! She cried a little, far back in her throat with the small hissing noise of a steam-radiator, and tried a poor futile scheme for easing her head in the crotch of her elbow.
Now then: She must knit Louis some neckties. The silk-sweater-st.i.tch would do. Married in a traveling-suit. One of those smart dark-blue twills like Mrs. Gronauer Junior"s. Top-coat--sable. Louis" hair thinning. Tonic. Oh G.o.d, let me sleep. Please, G.o.d. The wheeze rising in her closed throat. That little threatening desire that must not shape itself! It darted with the hither and thither of a bee b.u.mbling against a garden wall. No. No. Ugh! The vast chills of nervousness. The flaming, the craving chills of desire!
Just this last giving-in. This once. To be rested and fresh for him tomorrow. Then never again. The little beaded handbag. Oh G.o.d, help me.
That burning ache to rest and to uncurl of nervousness. All the thousand, thousand little pores of her body, screaming each one, to be placated. They hurt the entire surface of her. That great storm at sea in her head; the crackle of lightning down that arm--
Let me see--Circa.s.sian walnut--baby-grand--the pores demanding, crying--shrieking--
It was then that Carrie Samstag, even in her lovely pink night-dress, a crone with pain, and the cables out dreadfully in her neck, began by infinitesimal processes to swing herself gently to the side of the bed, unrelaxed inch by unrelaxed inch, softly and with the cunning born of travail.
It was actually a matter of fifteen minutes, that breathless swing toward the floor, the mattress rising after her with scarcely a whisper of its stuffings and her two bare feet landing patly into the pale blue room-slippers, there beside the bed.
Then her bag, the beaded one on the end of the divan. The slow taut feeling for it and the floor that creaked twice, starting the sweat out over her.
It was finally after more tortuous saving of floor creaks and the interminable opening and closing of a door that Carrie Samstag, the beaded bag in her hand, found herself face to face with herself in the mirror of the bathroom medicine chest.
She was shuddering with one of the hot chills, the needle and little gla.s.s piston out of the hand-bag and with a dry little insuck of breath, pinching up little areas of flesh from her arm, bent on a good firm perch, as it were.
There were undeniable pock-marks on Mrs. Samstag"s right forearm.
Invariably it sickened her to see them. Little graves. Oh, oh, little graves. For Alma. Herself. And now Louis. Just once. Just one more little grave--
And Alma, answering her somewhere down in her heart-beats: "No, mama, no, mama. No. No. No."
But all the little pores gaping. Mouths! The pinching up of the skin.
Here, this little clean and white area.
"No, mama. No, mama. No. No. No."
"Just once, darling?" Oh--oh--graves for Alma and Louis. No. No. No.
Somehow, some way, with all the little mouths still parched and gaping and the clean and quite white area unblemished, Mrs. Samstag found her way back to bed. She was in a drench of sweat when she got there and the conflagration of neuralgia curiously enough, was now roaring in her ears so that it seemed to her she could hear her pain.
Her daughter lay asleep, with her face to the wall, her flowing hair spread in a fan against the pillow and her body curled up cozily. The remaining hours of the night, in a kind of waking faint she could never find the words to describe, Mrs. Samstag, with that dreadful dew of her sweat constantly out over her, lay with her twisted lips to the faint perfume of that fan of Alma"s flowing hair her toes curling in and out.
Out and in. Toward morning she slept. Actually, sweetly and deeply as if she could never have done with deep draughts of it.
She awoke to the brief patch of sunlight that smiled into their apartment for about eight minutes of each forenoon.
Alma was at the pretty ch.o.r.e of lifting the trays from a hamper of roses. She places a shower of them on her mother"s coverlet with a kiss, a deeper and dearer one somehow, this morning.
There was a card and Mrs. Samstag read it and laughed:
Good morning, Carrie.
Louis.
They seemed to her, poor dear, these roses, to be pink with the glory of the coming of the dawn.
On the spur of the moment and because the same precipitate decisions that determined Louis Latz"s successes in Wall Street determined him here, they were married the following Thursday in Greenwich, Connecticut, without even allowing Carrie time for the blue twill traveling suit. She wore her brown velvet instead, looking quite modish, and a sable wrap, gift of the groom, lending genuine magnificence.
Alma was there, of course, in a beautiful fox scarf, also gift of the groom, and locked in a white kind of tensity that made her seem more than ever like a little white flower to Leo Friedlander, the sole other attendant, and who during the ceremony yearned at her with his gaze. But her eyes were squeezed tight against his, as if to forbid herself the consciousness that life seemed suddenly so richly sweet to her--oh, so richly sweet!
There was a time during the first months of the married life of Louis and Carrie Latz, when it seemed to Alma, who in the sanct.i.ty of her lovely little ivory bedroom all appointed in rose-enamel toilet trifles, could be prayerful with the peace of it, that the old Carrie, who could come pale and terrible out of her drugged nights, belonged to some grimacing and chimeric past. A dead past that had buried its dead and its hatchet.
There had been a month at Hot Springs in the wintergreen heart of Virginia, and whatever Louis may have felt in his heart, of his right to the privacy of these honeymoon days, was carefully belied on his lips, and at Alma"s depriving him now and then of his wife"s company, packing her off to rest when he wanted a climb with her up a mountain slope or a drive over piny roads, he could still smile and pinch her cheek.
"You"re stingy to me with my wife, Alma," he said to her upon one of these provocations. "I don"t believe she"s got a daughter at all, but a little policeman instead."
And Alma smiled back, out of the agony of her constant consciousness that she was insinuating her presence upon him, and resolutely, so that her fear for him should always subordinate her fear of him, she bit down her sensitiveness in proportion to the rising tide of his growing, but still politely held in check, bewilderment.
One day, these first weeks of their marriage, because she saw the dreaded signal of the muddy pools under her mother"s eyes and the little quivering nerve beneath the temple, she shut him out of her presence for a day and a night, and when he came fuming up every few minutes from the hotel veranda, miserable and fretting, met him at the closed door of her mother"s darkened room and was adamant.
"It won"t hurt if I tiptoe in and sit with her," he pleaded.
"No, Louis. No one knows how to get her through these spells like I do.
The least excitement will only prolong her pain."
He trotted off then down the hotel corridor with a strut to his resentment that was bantam and just a little fighty.
That night as Alma lay beside her mother, fighting sleep and watching, Carrie rolled her eyes sidewise with the plea of a stricken dog in them.
"Alma," she whispered, "for G.o.d"s sake. Just this once. To tide me over.
One shot--darling. Alma, if you love me?"
Later, there was a struggle between them that hardly bears relating. A lamp was overturned. But toward morning, when Carrie lay exhausted, but at rest in her daughter"s arms, she kept muttering in her sleep:
"Thank you, baby. You saved me. Never leave me, Alma.
Never--never--never. You saved me Alma."
And then the miracle of those next months. The return to New York. The happily busy weeks of furnishing and the unlimited gratifications of the well-filled purse. The selection of the limousine with the special body that was fearfully and wonderfully made in mulberry upholstery with mother-of-pearl caparisons. The fourteen-room apartment on West End Avenue, with four baths, drawing-room of pink brocaded walls and Carrie"s Roman bathroom that was precisely as large as her old hotel sitting room, with two full length wall-mirrors, a dressing table canopied in white lace over white satin and the marble bath itself, two steps down and with the rubber curtains that swished after.
There were evenings when Carrie, who loved the tyranny of things with what must have been a survival within her of the bazaar instinct, would fall asleep almost directly after dinner her head back against her husband"s shoulder, roundly tired out after a day all cluttered up with matching the blue upholstery of their bedroom with taffeta bed hangings.
Latz liked her so, with her fragrantly coiffured head, scarcely gray, back against his shoulder and with his newspapers--Wall Street journals and the comic weeklies which he liked to read--would sit an entire evening thus, moving only when his joints rebelled, and his pipe smoke carefully directed away from her face.